Relapse
 

Well 24 days down the drain,
I went and bought me a 12 pack today and drank 10 of them.Wouldnt even say I was pressured or triggered by anything.I was sitting in my recliner watching tv and was looking outside and thought man what a good day to grill out and drink some beer.After a half hour battle in my head I strapped on my shoes and off to the store I went.
I have been thinking about it for a couple days.I keep having the thoughts of "Can I drink like normal people now?"I think I needed this though.i need to prove to myself I can not drink like normal people.Im upset about this but not greatly upset.I feel this is going to be a stepping stone to my sobriety.I am a bit angry I have to start over on my days though.
I am not drinking tomorrow Inam 100% sure of this,it doesn't even sound good.Well there it is my confession so to speak..any advice for me?

Don't drink. Seriously, man.

I knew that I couldn't drink like other people.
I knew but I didn't want it to be true, and some nights I just didnt care.

I think you're an awful lot like me Stubbs - you wanted something that would work instantly on those feelings of unease and discomfort you've been feeling for a while now.

I get that. I didn't want to have to face my demons - but it's the only way ahead.

You've had a lot of suggestions in previous threads about what to do - any one of those approaches is better than drinking - you just have to pick one and try it Stubbs :)

welcome back.
D

You cannot get drunk if you don't pick up the first drink. thsts the only way you can get drunk

For any method to work, you need to really want sobriety more than anything. Early recovery isn't easy, but it is possible, and a sober life is worth the effort.

Are you ready to commit? Have you had your last drink?

Clear the house of alcohol and make that promise to yourself that you want and deserve a sober life. How you achieve it isn't as important as that willingness to start out on your sober journey and leave the past behind you.

Best wishes to you x

I think I needed this though.i need to prove to myself I can not drink like normal people

I understand where you are coming from, I've been there. You will probably be sober today, but are you going to be sober after another 24 day stretch of time?

That was my problem, the further removed I was from my last drunk, the less of a problem alcohol seemed to be. Long stretches of sober time (I once did 5 1/2 years) do not mean that you are "cured." Drink again, and you are quickly back to where you where.

Hi and welcome back and aiming for a sober day at a time. Many of us can identify with you when the shite fairy gets control of our thinking of not drinking. It's part of the insidious baffling disease called alcoholism. After a bunch of AA meetings I learned how to get past this hurtle and has been under control now for many years now by continued attending meetings even when I don't want to. BE WELL

Thanks for the advice guys,
I slept like crap last night,not much of a surprise I guess.Im feeling pretty good today being Father's Day and all.Sobriety is a tricky thing,it's like two Brains playing tug of war all the time.I was quite certain last night I was not drinking today,and guess what has been in my head already today?Yep,BEER!I am going to my inlaws and parents today and Im thinking to myself heck why not just have a couple.
I am not going to do it though.

That's exactly what it feels like. Have you ever read about AVRT? It might interest you as it deals directly with managing that "other part" of you.

What program of recovery are you following ??

All the best.

Bob R

Since you've posted before about anxiety, one thing to keep in mind is that the brain only recovers from PAWS through abstinence. By reintroducing alcohol, you reinforce the changes that your brain has made to cope with the ongoing presence of alcohol... including things like higher levels of stress activation and lower levels of calming hormones.

I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty for your slip! Things happen. But if a reduction in anxiety is one of the things you're going for, it's just important to know that even just one or two does slow your progress.

Stubbs : Did you grill out ? I mean that was the idea . Be cool dude . No regrets. Go easy today. Peace

I can relate. Except my head it's vodka. But we can do this! One minute at a time for now.

Hey Stubbs, been there and done that after 96 days. And not just that, its time and time again whenever I drank I proved to myself I can't drink normally. When I drank, I drank to get drunk. I don't believe your 24 days of Sobriety are down the drain; the day that you drank is the one down the drain. I have to work my Sobriety in order to stay Sober. I can't allow those thoughts that I can handle a drink to enter my mind no matter the scenario. That's the truth, that's the reality. Learn from IT, "IT IS POISON !"

AA worked for me when all else failed.

Don't beat yourself up!
 

Hi Stubbs,

Don't beat yourself up it's counterproductive just pick yourself up and start a new day. You are going to have slips it's what you do about it that counts. Keep yourself busy. Connect with people and friends. This site is awesome and has a lot of great suggestions. Stay strong....

Been there, done that, got day ones coming out my ass, but finally realised, I. CAN. NEVER. DRINK. AGAIN.

Thanks you for the insight,
So just one slip up every so often can prolong paws?How much of an effect you think a slip up like that cost me?Just curious cause Inreally need to get my head straightened out :c004:
I have a doctors appointment in a week and a half and hope to get some help on managing my depression and anxiety.

Hello tricky,
I actually did grill out and ended up having a good day.Just wish I could have enjoyed it as much sober.I have a tuuuuuff time with enjoying things sober right now.I am taking it as I need to learn how to live sober again and enjoy life sober.My brain needs to heal I guess then ill feel happy and hopeful again.

Hello 2gd,
I am not using any program right now to stay sober,I'm winging it.I am pretty sure this is really reducing my chances of staying sober.I need to get more active in my sobriety.

Well day 1 successful..no beers.

Congratulations! It's that simple... not always easy, but it is that simple. Every day do whatever it takes to not pick up a drink. If you pay attention to when it's hardest to avoid that first drink, you will know where you need to adjust your routine. It's definitely easier if you have others who are also working on their sobriety for face to face support.

Good luck!

Can anyone elaborate on what fantail was talking about with relapse prolonging paws?I feel I have paws,I have done some off the wall stuff lately.How much damage can relapse do?I remember reading it somewhere it could bring you back to square one.Im having a hard time believing that though.Well goodnight fellow SR friends I have an early start Ike tmw so off to zzzz land for me:)

This is the best PAWs link I know stubbs

PAWS | Digital Dharma

I'd definitely see your Dr tho - most of us here are just guessing - we have no idea whether this anxiety or depression is PAWs or something else.

D

Hey Stubbs...well, when we fail to plan, we plan to fail. You mentioned you are winging it. I'm guessing that is ...white knuckle willpower? My opinion is, that don't work in the long run. I'm not a member of AA currently...I was in the past. Although I don't think I will be utilizing it again..I'm staying open as I just might need a meeting someday to keep me from drinking. I also made a list of things I can do INSTEAD of drinking..which I keep handy. Any change in behaviour requires you replace it with something. I am also working with a counsellor..and the tools she has provided me with are priceless. I didn't realize that I lacked both coping mechanisms but insights into why I do what I do. Your addiction cycle started to accelerate as soon as your mind started the debate about whether or not you can drink...you were in hot water ..then. I think that's when we need to post for help...when you choose to not discuss those thoughts..the addiction is smiling with glee...
Good for you staying sober today.

For me I had to realize that what I was doing wasn't working. Because I really wasn't doing anything at all.

It was always my ego that kept me from going to meetings and reaching out for help. It was my ego that made me think I wasn't like everyone else.

I know some people don't want to go these meetings and I didn't either, but I had to learn to be more open minded and less judgemental about others and these meetings. They are a start even if I don't agree with everything in them. If I would have had to go to these meetings to get my booze I would have gone, so why don't we go when we don't want the booze?

Knowlegdge is power and I had to realize that it was ME who was the problem, not the alcohol. I alone can choose to stay sober or choose to stay drunk. The choice is mine.

And yes congrats on day 1!

[QUOTE=LadyinBC;4020731 If I would have had to go to these meetings to get my booze I would have gone, so why don't we go when we don't want the booze?.[/QUOTE]

Awesome thought! Where's our ego when we want our poison?

Thanks for link Dee,
It appears a single relapse can pretty much start paws all over from beginning.At least that is what I gathered from that read.Csn anyone that has experienced paws and relapsed share how there relapses affected there paws?

No, you are suffering plain old withdrawals. PAWS is something you might go through after the initial withdrawal and once you are sober for a while.

I don't know what relapses do for PAWS, but the withdrawals get worse, as you seem to have experienced.

Hey Stubs. Some great posts on this thread. Hope you're doing well. What stuck out tome me was you saying you really don't have any structure/program right now. I thinks that by itself is really dangerous. Its all about not picking up that first drink, but everyone doesn't pick up in a different way. Gotta have a go to plan/action to break that habit/behavior/thought pattern. I like Soberlicious's plug for AVRT. Turns the "disease" model on its head and goes after stimulus response with some good CBT reprogramming. Gotta break that pattern... Maybe come up with and action plan, post it here, profess it to the SR community and sign it contract style and see what happens?