Thanks to all of you. You remain inspirations. Going to focus on my day today.

Incredible how singular this addiction is, and all-encompassing.

Still struggling and choosing to pick up the bottle. Besides getting through the day the rest of my thoughts are about drinking. The witching hour 6-8 is where I failed again.

Tomorrow is another day I know. I sound like a broken record I know.

You know you can do this Less. A mere few weeks ago you had almost 2 weeks of sobriety and were abstaining amidst heavy drinking and had your AV well in check. What has changed since then? Do you need a different plan perhaps?

Nothing had changed. I just gave in again to the AV. I could name the bulls$t reasons but the fact is that those reasons are caused by my hangovers.

I'm committing to re-reading Rational Recovery in its entirety tomorrow. I know I should do meetings. Is that what you think I might be missing?

Give it a try, you cannot have too many tools on your belt when it comes to alcoholism and having face to face support might be a good booster for you.
You can do it. Please don't give up!!!

Im here for you!

Ok, you've isolated your trigger time. The next step is to plan and do something during that time that makes it impossible for you to drink. I didn't have witching hour, I had witching times. Friday night from the time I got out of work until I went to bed. Saturday after the laundry, cleaning, bills, etc were done. My rewards for putting up with work all week (funny, I actually enjoy work now) and for getting tasks done that were necessary, of course, after I dragged myself out of bed from being hungover from Friday.

Now, on Fridays, I have a preplanned movie to go to. Every week. Saturday nights are spent having dinner with my sponsor and doing Big Book work.

The first few weekends still kind of sucked and I had to ride the urge through. With each time I got past it the sense of empowerment grew. This coming Sunday will be 9 weekends with no alcohol and tomorrow is Day 60. If you told me that would be true on May 26th I would have told you that you were nuts. Having a plan ahead of time is extremely important.

This is key, what can you do between 6 - 8 that will make it utterly impossible to drink? If you want this you need to figure it out and make it a priority.

:hug:

Hey Less- I've been drinking tonight as well but I had a dr. appt. earlier today and was totally honest about my horrible withdrawel syptoms and wanting to get off alcohol. My dr. and I worked out a treatment plan with new meds to help me through. Can you do the same? Or go to treament?

Please keep trying for sobriety, LG, for your son's sake and yours! I second everything Lady Blue said. It's working for me. Plan, plan, plan and it will be harder for your AV to tempt you. Then sobriety becomes a habit and gets a bit easier.

June

Tomorrow is always another day but tomorrow also never comes. Are you drinking thinking that you've always got tomorrow? Because tomorrow is not a guarantee. What we do today shapes our tomorrow. What's going on during your witching hour? Are you doing the same thing but expecting different results? For me, i had to change my behavior during my difficult times. I can't stay engaged in behavior and practices as i did when i was drinking. I had to shake things up. For me, that includes keeping a book on hand for when i need a distraction that i would usually fill by drinking. Sometimes, i come here to get me through a difficult time. You have to do something otherwise, you cravings and habit will lead you dangerously close to drinking.

Live in the present. Don't borrow future time. Have sober options. Don't try to think your way through the rough patches. Have something you enjoy to fall back on when you need it. Take it minute by sober minute when you need to. Come here first. You are only a slave to alcohol when you're drinking. The problem isn't the second or fifth or tenth drink, it's the first one and the path that leads you to it. You've walked that path time and time again and you know where it leads. Time to get off that path and explore new ones.

I hope you don't take this as me harping on you. I've been in your exact same situation. My trouble time used to be an hour before my husband got home. That's when i would break and run to the liquor store. Sometimes, it was that hour after my husband went to bed and before the gas station stopped selling beer. Sometimes, i had to sit on my hands and read here to pass the time. Other times, i had to skiddadle to a meeting. The thing is, i got myself some options and it was easier to make it past the hard times when i had something planned that i could fall back on. Keep trying new things! Eventually, you will find something that works. It might not be the most convenient option but it's a sober one and that's where it counts. One day, you will discover that you've changed your behavior and you thinking and your habits and you'll find the sober path easier and easier to choose. We're here for you, hon.

Don't give up! You only lose if you stop fighting. You CAN do this!!

You have to do it! I hate this early time when it's easier to fail. I feel like I will have so much more to lose when I'm 60 days out. We will get there!

I wasn't suggesting anything in particular. I'm not a meeting/AA person myself, but I wouldn't rule it out at least if you haven't found a plan that works.

I do think structure is important though, whether self imposed or via a very regimented plan. Especially in the beginning we live off the adrenaline/excitement of those first few sober days. Remember the fire in your belly when you were fighting off your av that first week?

But then the newness wears off and we drop our guard. That's when it's most important to have a plan. I truly hope you find it...and you CAN do it.

Today I went 23.5 hours without a drink. I have been on the "tapering" plan all week and it has worked. Last night my goal was 2 drinks and I had 1.75. Tonight my goal was 1 drink and I met that and stopped. Tomorrow = totally done! I am going to the dr to get some meds though, because I have been having symptoms today that I am afraid will lead to DTS after I quit for more than 24 hours. It has not been easy tapering and it's not for everyone. It takes extreme iron will power and lots of prayers! I have had quite a few sleepless nights and today I started getting really dizzy and shaky and headaches, but I am bound and determined to quit for good.

Getting back on the horse today.

Need to check in here before I buy anything tonight - it's another night of alone time.

Thank you guys so much.

Even if Tomorrow does come, you can lose a lot between now and then. I spent 10 years planning to quit "tomorrow". Every night I poured out what was left in the bottle of vodka and every day I gave in and bought another.

That's 10 years I spent in miserable isolation doing damage to my body, mind, soul, and relationships.

For me, I had to tell everyone important in my life what was going on, take a couple days off work, get help from my doctor for withdrawal, and spend the first few days going to AA meetings from 7AM until 9:30PM.

I needed to make a real plan and try to cover all the bases. Just "putting the plug in the jug" was never going to work for me.

Good luck! You can do this if you are willing to make it your top priority, make a plan, and enlist all the help you can.

Come here tonight -someones always on. Make definitive plans do do something besides drinking too - mow the lawn, do the dishes, cook some chili, paint the garage, plant some flowers, etc, etc, etc...

Planning to just "not drink" ended in failure nearly every time for me.

Take steps to nip that recurring trigger in the bud. Instead of being home for that time period, make sure you are involved with something that takes a couple of hours, like a six-mile walk. Then follow that with a large meal, decadent dessert, and three 16oz glasses of water. Your body will be flush with endorphins and about as disinterested in putting more into your stomach as a body can be.

Might work, anyway :)

Not to be harsh but if you read Rational Recovery and are now asking if you should do meetings, I think you missed the point of RR. Maybe commit to reading it slowly with reflection. The key is to develop your big plan and making a promise to yourself that you will abstain and uphold the plan without exceptions. There is a lot of discussion on big plans in the secular connections forum.

Not being harsh, believe me I've read all those discussions.