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Day 20 today Hi all, I have not posted on my own thread for a while,thought I was pretty much done with it. Not. Been keeping kind of a low profile cause I just,well I dont know. Going through a strange phase. I want to drink more than ever ALL THE TIME NOW. I have just been browsing the posts and seeing alot of the same pain over and over and over and ect.... It gets a bit overwhelming. Peolple stop,then use,then stop,then use then.... It just goes on and on. Just feeling kind of empty,alone,depressed. It's hard to try and lift someone up when you feel like your at the bottom of the barrell. Im feeling usless and wonfering if me attempting this is useless in the long run. Yesterday I had decided to just give and by a bottle on the way home from work and a dear friend of mine(who know my situation) sent me this quote. "Bob. Keep in mind that sobriety is not the same as Sanity! One must endeavor to come to "one's mind" even before you can tackle the abstinence/sobriety issue. That's the heart of the 12 steps...to ask God to restore our sanity (not make us sober)! Keep the faith and keep on trucking, my man. I have great faith in you!" It seems every time Im going to give up something like this happens. Amazing. It made me think that the way I have lived for the past 20yrs,drinking the way I did was just totaly insane. And the sane thing to do is not repeat the same "insane" behavior. There are just so many things about sobriety I dont know about. Drinking I know about. Call it a comfort zone I guess. At least I know what to expect. Sober I have no idea from one second to the next. 20 days seems like an eternity. I dont know whats going to happen to personal life. There are so many unknowns Im frightened. No, horrified. And watching others not make it(no disrespect or judgment on them. God knows I know how hard this is) has made it seem even more futile. Sitting here crying now(have not done that in a while(well maybe a ew days,I cant seem to grasp time anymore)) So Im just reaching out cause I dont know what else to do. CRS |
Congratulations on 20 days. Wow. For so long I couldn't imagine not drinking / using anymore. That's what I do! That's who I am. That's who I was. I've tried over and over and over but by now I can see and even say - the party's over. Dammit! It' ok to mourn it - when I let myself think about it, I do. I could go buy some more misery on the time payment plan. When I use, it is so hard starting over, though - if I make it back. And, with just a little time clean you start to feel some of the rewards - just traces but they are there. You begin to feel a sense of something I never even recognized and I think it is called 'happy'. I begin to feel just a touch of what must be peace and maybe serenity. Of course we can't stand it - any feelings freak us out. Maybe we won't allow it. Maybe we sabotage it. Maybe we run like hell and some of us go use again. No one told me the party was over and man I tried making it fun for years. It was 'partying' right? It ceased to be fun so long ago and somehow I never even noticed the change. In fact, it is pretty much pure misery. I didn't even know what 'fun' was. My definition was so twisted and distorted. What I called 'fun' was anything but. Recovery is fun. Recovery is a f*ckin' blast. I hope you are getting involved because if I couldn't have found fun in recovery I don't think I could be doing the deal today. Through fellowship and meetings you find all the fun things going on. Go to them, get involved and watch things transform. It's a long, strange trip and the road keeps getting longer. But that's a good thing. Theresa |
After I posted above, I was just reading back through this post and something you wrote made me think of an acronym I always liked. There are two that I consider favorites... S (son) and my other favorite:O (of a) B (b*tch) E (everything's) R (real) R (real) TheresaE (exciting) L (love) A (affair) T (turns) I (into) O (obvious) N (nightmare) S (sobriety) H (hangs) I (in) P (peril) |
thanks theresa |
bob glad to read your post. hang in there it is going to pay off. dont fall. |
Hi Start my journey today. Sure hope kc is still hanging in there. can't sleep just poured the booze down the drain how do i find an aa meeting here in new orleans? |
Originally Posted by tbear Hi Start my journey today. Sure hope kc is still hanging in there. can't sleep just poured the booze down the drain how do i find an aa meeting here in new orleans? Welcome to SoberRecovery. Here's a meeting locator for your area. http://www.aa-louisiana.org/meetings/gnosun.htm |
thanks dan you may have saved a life. |
Originally Posted by tbear thanks dan you may have saved a life. You asked for help. That's how it works you see. We save ourselves. Good luck today. :wink3: |
goosebumplin' here |
Bob?? Just one thing, DONT FALL!!!!! Joes got a job and everybodys here, cmon man, pick it up a bit!! Love Ya Bro, Roy |
((((((((((crs)))))))))) how are you going crs? |
CRS, Hang on, don't give up. Fight the son uva b#### for all your worth. Your priceless. :kickbutt Bring yourself back up. You know you can do it. We all know. Talia |
Bob?? Hey dude, I am here. I am sobering back up as well. I almost lost the best job that I have ever had due to a misconception due to my Saturday stint. Luckily for me, my boss really believes in me and knows that it was the alcohol. I came within minutes of being fired. Back on the bus my friend. I can hear your disease/addiction, hell call it what you want banging around in you because I was just there and guess what, it turns out the same and sometimes worse. Just Dont Fall!!! Love Ya Man, Roy |
Thanks all, Thanks everyone. I didnt fall. Doesnt mean I didnt want to or didnt come close. I think I just needed a break from the glowing box for a while to do some serious mind,soul searching. I was feeling REALLY alone and lost and just needed to re-group mentally. For me, that meant staying off the computer and just dealing with it. Everyone is different and gets energy in different ways. Im finding I need to get energy in different ways and I'll do whatever it takes to succeed here. Thaks for the post and support. I certainly need it. Roy,Joe,Kck hope you are all well. I we be easing back into the glowing box a litle at a time. For now, Im ok. Thanks Tbear, I hope you are doing ok. Lotta Love CRS |
Yo Bob How ya doin dude? I can understand taking a break but just be careful man. I am sober now and you helped me out when I needed it so well...alright, dammit I miss ya man!! There I said it. Roy :supercool |
Just popped over to give you guys a round of applause.....Keep up the good work.....You are doing SO good...... Hugs coming your way...... |
Thanks Thanks Moose!!!! Hey Bob, did you catch that?? Roy |
Time to open my page again. Been trying to get up the courage to come back and post. I pretty much wrote that nice little thread for my aunt and went out on a two day binge. That's not my style so Im a little confused. Drank all night Sat,Sun day night and all day Monday. My wife is not speaking to me(cant say I blame her) and feeling VERY depressed about all this.I cant believe the withrwawals can coe back so strong only after a couple of days. So,..... Im on day two again, I had almost a month. Pretty depressed at the moment. CRS |
Thanks for coming back Bob. It was my experience too that withdrawal is worse after a period of no booze. That's one of the things that's progressive about alcoholism. Even though we're not feeding it, the disease is still there, growing while at rest. The sober days you had belong to you forever. Day two you say... Beautiful:hug: I'm glad you're back. I missed ya! |
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