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llastchance8 11-21-2012 04:54 AM

Reason to Quit and Reason for Relapse
 
Just posting some thoughts going in my mind . Most of us decided to quit, for a reason . Be it for Health, Having reached Rock Bottom, for loved ones, for better life, to avoid pain and embarrassment etc ? What if , the very reason for which we decided to quit, still does not materialize ? Could that situation lead to a relapse.? In other , words, do we really need to keep thinking that I quit because of this (......) ? . Should there be a very simple reason to quit which can not become cause of relapse in future ? or there should not be any reason at all ?

Dee74 11-21-2012 04:59 AM

I quit because I could not live my old life one minute more.
I did not want to be the person I'd become another day.

There's no going back from those kinds of reasons, I don't think.

That's why I believe the best motivation is always internal - we need to quit for us.

Nothing us has the staying power in my experience.

D

Xune 11-21-2012 05:22 AM

I quit to save my life and to save the positive things in my life.

If I choose to drink, then I'm choosing to threaten my life and lose all that is dear to me.

That's not an option.

doggonecarl 11-21-2012 05:24 AM

I'm not sure I understand your question, lastchance. Sorry. I don't know if alcoholism can make the alcoholic "forget" the reason they quit, but it can certainly make us minimize the problem or make us rationalize drinking again...no matter how bad it got.

The decision to quit has to be carved in stone. No waivering. While there was probably a reason we all quit, our quitting cannot be contingent on that reason because we all know how our addiction can trick us into thinking the reason wasn't good enough.

I tell myself that my decision to quit was made during a moment of mental clarity. Anything else I tell myself about resuming drinking is the insanity of the disease.

phoebe64 11-21-2012 05:37 AM

Well, when I think very clearly, I cannot come up with any compelling reasons to drink, actually. There is not *good* reason. Sure, some may do it with no addiction, but still, is it benefiting them? Or is it another little indulgence anyone is better off without, like a sweet treat, for example. One could argue the health benefits of red wine, but there are similar benefits one can get so many other healthier ways. One does not need wine to be healthy, though a small drink can be beneficial.

So, really, what is a good reason to drink? Nevermind having a good reason to give it up.

My daughter is still unaware of me being a problem drinker. She knows I try to reduce it to lose weight, or to be healthier. But we do not have fights, and dysfunction(other than laziness) as a result of drinking. So, she sees it as an adult indulgence. At 13, she asks when she is old enough to drink, and i answer her, "You can legally drink at 21, but if you do not like it, I see no good reason to try to like it." She agrees, right now. She hates the smell, and I am honest to the degree that I know it makes me get overweight. That turns her off.

Anyway, no good reason to do it, really.

Lionhearted1 11-21-2012 05:48 AM

i quit because i could not live another day with my hangovers or consequences of my drinking! there will never be a time i forgett that i cant drink i only have to look in the mirror at the scars on my face to realise that its not an option, they will be with me for life just like my alcoholism!!!

soberlicious 11-21-2012 06:15 AM


Originally Posted by llastchance8
or there should not be any reason at all ?

Well there is always a reason. Humans change behaviors because of some level of discomfort, from mild to unbearable. Or they change for some reward, real or perceived. but yes, there is always a reason for making the decision to quit. The reason can simply be the catalyst though, it need not always remain for one to stay free of alcohol or drugs permanently. That can be done no matter what...come what may.


Originally Posted by llastchance8
Should there be a very simple reason to quit which can not become cause of relapse in future ?

Here's the thing...anything, and I mean anything, can be twisted as an excuse for drinking. I set my mind to realize that any thought or suggestion (however slight) of drinking or using drugs is false. It is dismissed. No wondering about it, thinking it over, pondering, etc. It's just dismissed as "no".
Have you ever worked in a group at school or work and there's always that one person that continually comes up with stupid, illogical, unworkable solutions to the task at hand? I look at my Addictive Voice like "that guy". It's ideas are always dumb...always, because it's solution always involves drinking or using. I dismiss with a "yeah, whatever...next?"

nonet4life 11-21-2012 07:35 AM

I quit because my wife was about to leave me and take my young daughter. I had been trying to cut back, and had, over the first 3 years that she was born, but cutting back didnt occlude some occasional binges, coming in at daylight, not knowing where I was. About once a month or so. Cutting back from once or twice a week binges to about 9 or 10 a year. But the wife had enough, and I was confused by my lack of control once I started on my binge. So, my reason for quitting is keeping my family together, my quality of life and health was not enough to make me stop, but losing the title of "daddy" was enough. With 2 and a half years sober, my family has never been better. However my alcoholic "social medicine" was gone, and it has made it near impossible to socialize as I once did, very important in my job, in fact I lost my job due to the drastic change in my personality by becoming sober...and becoming the very shy introvert I once was. It wasnt compatible with my job. I am working on that, slowly getting better. SO...the thing I quit for is still present daily. BUT the reason I drank, one of them, to be more social in job that demands a gregarious and extrovert is still there, and I lost a couple rounds with that battle. I continue to find ways to plug into to that happy, carefree person that alcohol could unleash, but with my sober brain. It is tough! But better than that alcohol-soaked bandaid I wore on my problem for most of my adult life. And if I can find that person, that carefree and more uninhibited person, without the wreckless drunk that that person could become, then that is the person I should have been all along.

PaperDolls 11-21-2012 07:46 AM

I've always believed there are no reasons to relapse .... they're just excuses.

Fernaceman 11-21-2012 07:46 AM

I finally decided that the only reason I can really rely on to quit is my desire to stop living an unmanageable life being powerless over my addiction.

Fernaceman 11-21-2012 08:00 AM


Originally Posted by PaperDolls (Post 3681897)
I've always believed there are no reasons to relapse .... they're just excuses.


Agreed. I also had an interesting conversation about triggers last night. Triggers themselves cannot cause a relapse. They are all external factors, while alcoholic thinking and ultimately the decision to drink is all internal.

eumenides 11-21-2012 08:02 AM


Originally Posted by llastchance8 (Post 3681648)
Should there be a very simple reason to quit which can not become cause of relapse in future ? or there should not be any reason at all ?

I think it depends on which one of "you" is asking this question. Is it the "you" who has the signature line warning about drinking or is it the "you" who used to drink?

You are right, people do quit drinking for different reasons. Some quit so they won't lose what they have and hold dear, a spouse, child custody, a job but might end up losing them just the same for other reasons not related to drinking. Regardless, if the reason you quit drinking is lost, does that necessitate a party? Is it party time because I got laid off due to a recession? Is it party time that my child died (heaven forbid)? Of course not.

Your reason for quitting is like a bridge. It is to get you from point A: a person with bad habits to point B: someone who neither drinks nor seriously considers drinking (reread soberlicious's points). The bridge itself doesn't matter. The bridge can be iron or steel; the bridge can be wood or rope. The bridge can be washed away after you've crossed the path. The bridge does not matter.

It is the destination. It is always the destination.

soberlicious 11-21-2012 08:20 AM


Originally Posted by euminides
Your reason for quitting is like a bridge. It is to get you from point A: a person with bad habits to point B: someone who neither drinks nor seriously considers drinking (reread soberlicious's points). The bridge itself doesn't matter. The bridge can be iron or steel; the bridge can be wood or rope. The bridge can be washed away after you've crossed the path. The bridge does not matter.

very well said.

carvel 11-21-2012 09:24 AM

Reason to quit: I'm an alcoholic.
Reason to relapse: Complacency, short memory, or stupidity to pick up that first drink.

andisa 11-21-2012 10:01 AM

I think finding a reason to quit is merely a place to start. To be regarded merely as a launch pad. It cannot be the foundation on which you build your recovery because life is always changing; likewise, our thinking and reasoning is always changing. Once away from habitual use you'll see things differently and can make more rational choices about your direction, and "reasons" for relapse if that's the way you go. I should put "more" rational in quotes too. The addictive mind is a crazy force. It's a constant learning and growing process, developing beyond its power.
--struggling

Delilah1 11-21-2012 10:04 AM


Originally Posted by Dee74 (Post 3681655)
I quit because I could not live my old life one minute more.
I did not want to be the person I'd become another day.

There's no going back from those kinds of reasons, I don't think.

That's why I believe the best motivation is always internal - we need to quit for us.

Nothing us has the staying power in my experience.

D

As always you are right on the mark Dee! Thanks for your ongoing support, wisdom and for responding to all of us when we need it! I agree with everything you said. That is why I quit. :) :c031:

pmungo 11-21-2012 10:12 AM

yep i defo agree with fernaceman, my dision to quit was defo been powerless over my addition, and the decision to drink is defo internal, is rearly voiced but deep within, my subconscious.

llastchance8 11-21-2012 11:24 AM

Thank you all for wonderful insights and great articulations , simple but profound. Once again thank you all . SR is such wonderful place with really wonderful people around.

nonet4life 11-21-2012 01:36 PM

To Paper Dolls, re: no reasons just excuses. I understand what you are saying. But for me at least, understanding reasons for doing things or why things happen still are very important. So in a way, I feel not that there are no excuses, only reasons For me at least, it is important to understand how I did what I did, why I did these things. BUT!!! BUT, no excuses for anything that is bad. But the reasons you got lost and were flying down the road in the dark with no lights and a bridge out...you should know how you got there, so you can avoid that road again!

hypochondriac 11-21-2012 01:58 PM

What pushed me into quitting was health reasons. When they started clearing up after a few months it became easier to forget that reason, but being sober has helped me see all the BS around drinking. I don't think I really realised how much I depended on it until I quit.

The thing that scares me most in terms of relapse is that I will have one of those 'f**k it, what's the point' moments. Even though I know drinking is pointless and doesn't help anything I still have moments where I value my life so little that I'd rather drink it away. But I would have had to seriously have lapsed on my recovery for that to happen.


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