Reason to Quit and Reason for Relapse
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Reason to Quit and Reason for Relapse
Just posting some thoughts going in my mind . Most of us decided to quit, for a reason . Be it for Health, Having reached Rock Bottom, for loved ones, for better life, to avoid pain and embarrassment etc ? What if , the very reason for which we decided to quit, still does not materialize ? Could that situation lead to a relapse.? In other , words, do we really need to keep thinking that I quit because of this (......) ? . Should there be a very simple reason to quit which can not become cause of relapse in future ? or there should not be any reason at all ?
I quit because I could not live my old life one minute more.
I did not want to be the person I'd become another day.
There's no going back from those kinds of reasons, I don't think.
That's why I believe the best motivation is always internal - we need to quit for us.
Nothing us has the staying power in my experience.
D
I did not want to be the person I'd become another day.
There's no going back from those kinds of reasons, I don't think.
That's why I believe the best motivation is always internal - we need to quit for us.
Nothing us has the staying power in my experience.
D
I'm not sure I understand your question, lastchance. Sorry. I don't know if alcoholism can make the alcoholic "forget" the reason they quit, but it can certainly make us minimize the problem or make us rationalize drinking again...no matter how bad it got.
The decision to quit has to be carved in stone. No waivering. While there was probably a reason we all quit, our quitting cannot be contingent on that reason because we all know how our addiction can trick us into thinking the reason wasn't good enough.
I tell myself that my decision to quit was made during a moment of mental clarity. Anything else I tell myself about resuming drinking is the insanity of the disease.
The decision to quit has to be carved in stone. No waivering. While there was probably a reason we all quit, our quitting cannot be contingent on that reason because we all know how our addiction can trick us into thinking the reason wasn't good enough.
I tell myself that my decision to quit was made during a moment of mental clarity. Anything else I tell myself about resuming drinking is the insanity of the disease.
Well, when I think very clearly, I cannot come up with any compelling reasons to drink, actually. There is not *good* reason. Sure, some may do it with no addiction, but still, is it benefiting them? Or is it another little indulgence anyone is better off without, like a sweet treat, for example. One could argue the health benefits of red wine, but there are similar benefits one can get so many other healthier ways. One does not need wine to be healthy, though a small drink can be beneficial.
So, really, what is a good reason to drink? Nevermind having a good reason to give it up.
My daughter is still unaware of me being a problem drinker. She knows I try to reduce it to lose weight, or to be healthier. But we do not have fights, and dysfunction(other than laziness) as a result of drinking. So, she sees it as an adult indulgence. At 13, she asks when she is old enough to drink, and i answer her, "You can legally drink at 21, but if you do not like it, I see no good reason to try to like it." She agrees, right now. She hates the smell, and I am honest to the degree that I know it makes me get overweight. That turns her off.
Anyway, no good reason to do it, really.
So, really, what is a good reason to drink? Nevermind having a good reason to give it up.
My daughter is still unaware of me being a problem drinker. She knows I try to reduce it to lose weight, or to be healthier. But we do not have fights, and dysfunction(other than laziness) as a result of drinking. So, she sees it as an adult indulgence. At 13, she asks when she is old enough to drink, and i answer her, "You can legally drink at 21, but if you do not like it, I see no good reason to try to like it." She agrees, right now. She hates the smell, and I am honest to the degree that I know it makes me get overweight. That turns her off.
Anyway, no good reason to do it, really.
i quit because i could not live another day with my hangovers or consequences of my drinking! there will never be a time i forgett that i cant drink i only have to look in the mirror at the scars on my face to realise that its not an option, they will be with me for life just like my alcoholism!!!
Join Date: Aug 2011
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Originally Posted by llastchance8
or there should not be any reason at all ?
Originally Posted by llastchance8
Should there be a very simple reason to quit which can not become cause of relapse in future ?
Have you ever worked in a group at school or work and there's always that one person that continually comes up with stupid, illogical, unworkable solutions to the task at hand? I look at my Addictive Voice like "that guy". It's ideas are always dumb...always, because it's solution always involves drinking or using. I dismiss with a "yeah, whatever...next?"
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I quit because my wife was about to leave me and take my young daughter. I had been trying to cut back, and had, over the first 3 years that she was born, but cutting back didnt occlude some occasional binges, coming in at daylight, not knowing where I was. About once a month or so. Cutting back from once or twice a week binges to about 9 or 10 a year. But the wife had enough, and I was confused by my lack of control once I started on my binge. So, my reason for quitting is keeping my family together, my quality of life and health was not enough to make me stop, but losing the title of "daddy" was enough. With 2 and a half years sober, my family has never been better. However my alcoholic "social medicine" was gone, and it has made it near impossible to socialize as I once did, very important in my job, in fact I lost my job due to the drastic change in my personality by becoming sober...and becoming the very shy introvert I once was. It wasnt compatible with my job. I am working on that, slowly getting better. SO...the thing I quit for is still present daily. BUT the reason I drank, one of them, to be more social in job that demands a gregarious and extrovert is still there, and I lost a couple rounds with that battle. I continue to find ways to plug into to that happy, carefree person that alcohol could unleash, but with my sober brain. It is tough! But better than that alcohol-soaked bandaid I wore on my problem for most of my adult life. And if I can find that person, that carefree and more uninhibited person, without the wreckless drunk that that person could become, then that is the person I should have been all along.
Last edited by nonet4life; 11-21-2012 at 07:40 AM. Reason: clarification
Agreed. I also had an interesting conversation about triggers last night. Triggers themselves cannot cause a relapse. They are all external factors, while alcoholic thinking and ultimately the decision to drink is all internal.
You are right, people do quit drinking for different reasons. Some quit so they won't lose what they have and hold dear, a spouse, child custody, a job but might end up losing them just the same for other reasons not related to drinking. Regardless, if the reason you quit drinking is lost, does that necessitate a party? Is it party time because I got laid off due to a recession? Is it party time that my child died (heaven forbid)? Of course not.
Your reason for quitting is like a bridge. It is to get you from point A: a person with bad habits to point B: someone who neither drinks nor seriously considers drinking (reread soberlicious's points). The bridge itself doesn't matter. The bridge can be iron or steel; the bridge can be wood or rope. The bridge can be washed away after you've crossed the path. The bridge does not matter.
It is the destination. It is always the destination.
Join Date: Aug 2011
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Originally Posted by euminides
Your reason for quitting is like a bridge. It is to get you from point A: a person with bad habits to point B: someone who neither drinks nor seriously considers drinking (reread soberlicious's points). The bridge itself doesn't matter. The bridge can be iron or steel; the bridge can be wood or rope. The bridge can be washed away after you've crossed the path. The bridge does not matter.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
I think finding a reason to quit is merely a place to start. To be regarded merely as a launch pad. It cannot be the foundation on which you build your recovery because life is always changing; likewise, our thinking and reasoning is always changing. Once away from habitual use you'll see things differently and can make more rational choices about your direction, and "reasons" for relapse if that's the way you go. I should put "more" rational in quotes too. The addictive mind is a crazy force. It's a constant learning and growing process, developing beyond its power.
--struggling
--struggling
I quit because I could not live my old life one minute more.
I did not want to be the person I'd become another day.
There's no going back from those kinds of reasons, I don't think.
That's why I believe the best motivation is always internal - we need to quit for us.
Nothing us has the staying power in my experience.
D
I did not want to be the person I'd become another day.
There's no going back from those kinds of reasons, I don't think.
That's why I believe the best motivation is always internal - we need to quit for us.
Nothing us has the staying power in my experience.
D
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: England, Warwickshire
Posts: 33
yep i defo agree with fernaceman, my dision to quit was defo been powerless over my addition, and the decision to drink is defo internal, is rearly voiced but deep within, my subconscious.
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Posts: 12
To Paper Dolls, re: no reasons just excuses. I understand what you are saying. But for me at least, understanding reasons for doing things or why things happen still are very important. So in a way, I feel not that there are no excuses, only reasons For me at least, it is important to understand how I did what I did, why I did these things. BUT!!! BUT, no excuses for anything that is bad. But the reasons you got lost and were flying down the road in the dark with no lights and a bridge out...you should know how you got there, so you can avoid that road again!
What pushed me into quitting was health reasons. When they started clearing up after a few months it became easier to forget that reason, but being sober has helped me see all the BS around drinking. I don't think I really realised how much I depended on it until I quit.
The thing that scares me most in terms of relapse is that I will have one of those 'f**k it, what's the point' moments. Even though I know drinking is pointless and doesn't help anything I still have moments where I value my life so little that I'd rather drink it away. But I would have had to seriously have lapsed on my recovery for that to happen.
The thing that scares me most in terms of relapse is that I will have one of those 'f**k it, what's the point' moments. Even though I know drinking is pointless and doesn't help anything I still have moments where I value my life so little that I'd rather drink it away. But I would have had to seriously have lapsed on my recovery for that to happen.
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