Newcomer to Recovery
 

Hello Everyone,

My name is Jack. I'm 22 years old and live in the United Kingdom. I've made the decision to cut alcohol out of my life for good because I've had enough of how my drinking hurts the people I love.

I have attended an AA meeting before but where I live they are very hard to get to if you don't drive. I've never reached out to an online community for help but I'm hoping that talking about it to people who experience the same problem will be the first prominent step on the road to recovery.

I started drinking when I was 16 and it's slowly been destroying my life. This weekend was the last straw as I did something I can't forgive myself for, which was getting drunk and cheating on my partner. I have told her about it because I couldn't live with what I've done. I don't even know why it happened. WhenI drink I think that I can do anything and I don't care who gets hurt because of it. I've woken up in the morning thinking to myself, "God, did I actually do that" more times than I care to count.

Drink has been an increasing problem with me since I started, but has rapidly grown over the past two years since my cousin as murdered. I know I can't keep going the way I am and I have to change.

This is my first post and I'm hoping someone out there can relate.

Thanks for your time,
Jack

Hi Jack and Welcome,

I think you are finding that alcoholism is a progressive disease. I'm glad you have decided to stop drinking and live a sober life. We do understand how hard this is. There is a lot of support in our community here, so keep reading and posting.

Thank you for your encouragement. It' so hard to admit it, but I have a problem and have for a while. Hopefully with the help and encouragement I can find here, I will recover.

Glad you posted. I can relate and know that many others here can as well.
Keep reading and posting. That in itself is a powerful tool.
Glad you have decided to deal with your drinking and to get help. Today is the the best day to do so!

Welcome!!

Thank you all for welcoming me. If anyone knows any useful posts that I should take a look at please let me know, and if you have any advice or tools that would help I would be glad to hear it.

Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here!

Welcome... And I can relate.

What stikes me in your post is that you say you want to stop because you had enough of how your drinking hurts others.

When I tried stopping the many times before it was alway because I hurt others. Or others were hurt seeing me.

If others are your reason... Well ... You may need to try again. When it hurts you. This, unfortunately, is a singular thing.

You sound like you have a great attitude! Glad you are here and keep posting. It does a world of good!

Ken

It has hurt me. I've lost the respect of my friends, and my own self-respect. I've been in fights, ended up in hospital and one time nearly a straight-jacket (the only reason I didn't end up in one i because I was already in handcuffs). But to me that was just being young and stupid. I'm not so naive anymore. I can see that none of my friends around me do the things that I do when drunk. They can stop. They can have just one. I can't. That means I have a problem and I am ready to kick it. I will tke it one day at a time, but I have to say, I didn't think talking to others would help. But after reading and for just a couple of hours... I'm already feeling hope like I haven't in years. Thank you all for being here and sharing your stories.

Hi Jack and welcome to SR :) you've found a fantastic source of support here.

This sounds very familiar to me -

I used to do that, too. It made me hate myself. I spent my life either drunk and selfish or full of regret, shame and embarrassment.

I am now free from all that and I'm learning to like myself. Being sober has so many benefits and I'm sure you'll soon be finding them all out.

Wishing you all the best. Stick around - this site is such a great help.

Welcome to SR! SR has helped me save myself.

That hits home. You've summed up how I feel. Was it hard recovering? Did you have trouble admitting your problem? I have been in denial for years. I'm ready to step up and take responsibility now, and learn to like myself again, for who I am, without drink.

You just made the best decision of your life
 

The hardest thing to do is admit you have a problem and you are past that now. This community can and will support you through your transition and this is the place to come to squash your cravings and lean on someone (or a bunch of us).

You have probably heard this before but it bears hearing again......
you are a young man and have 90% of your life ahead of you. A life w/o alcohol will be INFINITELY better than the life of a lifelong drinker.

I know, I have been drinking since I was 16 and I am 54. All those years controlled by the beast were a waste of my youth, young adulthood and into (dare I say it.....) Middle age.

Do yourself a BIG favor and do your best to follow through with sobriety. It wont be easy but it is the most IMPORTANT battle you will ever fight.

Now is the time that you can eliminate the cycle of pain caused by alcoholism. Now you can stop hurting yourself and others around you. Now is the time to eliminate future regret and remorse.

Wish I could to travel back in time to my early 20s with the knowledge I have now.... I'm glad that you have the opportunity right in front of you.

Read the accounts of some of us and keep posting. We are here to help and many of us have lifetimes of experience with alcohol to share.

Best Wishes

Your words really inspire me. I didn't take my problem seriously before but now I do, and hearing other people's stories and experiences just emphasises the fact that I'm not alone, and that itself helps more than I can say. It is going to be the most important battle of my life. That resonates within so righteously. It stops me feeling powerless. It makes me feel like I can fight, and I can win. Thank you.

I didn't admit to myself that I was an alcoholic until I found this board, actually. I was 2 months sober and I stumbled across SR and realised that I was exactly the same as everyone on here. It took me a few weeks until I was ready to totally admit it but once I did I felt liberated... it was very weird. I didn't feel scared or disgusted with it, I just accepted it and made the decision that I would never, ever drink again. I'd sort of made that decision before, but it was when I REALLY made that decision, and told myself that drinking was never going to be an option, ever, that my life changed completely and instead of thinking about alcohol often, I just accepted it wasn't going to be part of my life any more.

Liking yourself again for who you are, without a drink, will probably come naturally after a short while. I've been sober over four months now and I rarely feel depressed or anxious and NEVER get those awful feelings of regret and shame and disgust with myself... it takes time to be comfortable in your own skin without alcohol when you're so reliant on it, but honestly you will find yourself feeling happier with who you are each day.

Never doubt your ability to stay sober - you can do this. All you have to do is not drink. It's simple really :)

I understand. I am choosing to take the option out of my life. It's scary and I don't want to fail, but as long as I stay strong and take each step as it comes, I'll get better and better each day. Thank you for your kind words and for supporting me - and well done for your four months. That is incredible :)

good luck jack, im from uk too

Welcome to the family! :hug: You've come to a great place for support and understanding.:) I gave up drinking over two years ago and don't miss it one bit, am actually happier than I've been in years.:)

I've had a day of feeling terrible for things that I've done, but I've been out and spent some time with one of my family. And I feel better when I think to myself that, today is a victory. One day sober and it wasn't too hard. I walked throug the supermarket, saw the liquor section and looked away. Just because I could. And that means something. I know there may be more difficut times ahead, but right now I am happy to have got through today.

Hi Jack! I'm so happy you found us. I'm impressed that you've made this decision at only 22. I still had 30 years of drinking ahead of me at that age. This will not be you! You'll make things right and lead a life you can enjoy with a clear head - not foggy, numb, and stupid.

Drinking turned me into a person I didn't even recognize. I did so many out-of-character things - some that put my life in danger. It was such a relief to finally be done with it. No more obsessing about where my next drink was coming from, no more wondering what I did or said last night....well, you know. :) Congratulations for making this wise decision. You can do it, Jack!

By Jove, I think he's got it! (rain in Spain, plain, etc).

But seriously, it is very simple, and whether it is easy is up to you. If your vow to never drink again is a solemn serious one, then this can be a pretty quick proposition. Think of this - those feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, and all that stuff that we addicts do, that can all be behind you. The things that sober people have? You can have them too.

I wish you the best, Jack, and keep posting, OK?

I appreciate the words from all of you. I need to ask something and I really hope it doesn't chnge what any of you think of me.

I realised I needed to change because I got drunk recently and cheate on my girlfriend. This is the woman I want to marry, and I haven't loved anyone like I love her. But I made this terrible mistake and I'm not sure what I can do other than to change. She may not forgive me and this may be the end of us, but I'm still going to get better, for me.

Things didn't feel right in the relationship for a while and I know we both felt that way. The truth is, we didn't talk enough. But I'd got the idea in my head that maybe she was falling out of love with me. So when we went out for a birthday and I drank way too much, the thought process went from worry, to anger, to making that decision in a heartbeat. I would never do anything like this sober but that doesn't change the fact that what happened, happened.

Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice on how I can apologise, meaningfully for what I did? Can non-alcoholics understand what happens to us when we drink? I'm not asking for a solution, I only want to know how I can apologise for letting the drink drive me to hurting someone that much.

Thanks again to all of you.

Yikes! That is a tough question, so dependent on you and your SO, on your relationship, on your communication, on your history together.

I have not been where you are right now, but through no great personal quality of my own. I will suggest the following:

1. Take full responsibility for your actions. Include the impact your actions have on others, and the impact your rotten decision has had on her.
2. Beg for forgiveness, and make it contingent on never drinking again. Ever.
3. Vow to never drink again. Ever.
4. Vow to never do such a stupid thing ever again. Ever.
5. Never drink again. Ever.

Whether she decides to stay with you or not, those actions still need to happen. I wish you the best.

Such an interesting question - 'Can non-alcoholics understand what happens to us when we drink?' I don't think they truly can.

I've been on both sides of this thing. When my marriage was breaking up, many years ago, I was convinced my husband didn't love me and was miserable in our relationship. He'd been drinking since he was 15 & was deep into his addiction. Once I had given up on him & left, he seemed astonished. He told me how much he loved me & that I'd misunderstood, etc. Only when I became addicted myself did I understand that he probably hadn't meant any of the hateful things he'd said. My own behavior proved that we can do unbelievable things while under the influence. I had to be a drinker myself, though, to see this. So - I don't know Jack.

I've tried explaining things as best I can. I don't know if she'll ever understand, but I've taken responsibility and all I can do now is see this through. I won't let the devil laugh in my ear any more. I won't give in, because I don't need alcohol to be happy. I only need it if I want to be miserable.

The bit about needing alcohol to be miserable really struck a chord to me, good luck, we can both do this, plus think of all the extra money we will have lol

That's one of the best things to think. Not only does it burn a huge hole in our lives, but a huge hole in our wallets too!

I can't wait to start spending my money on things that aren't going to bring me regrets and doubts - thing that make me happier!

Ive not bought any new cllothes in a ages as any money i had, went on booze, hopefully by christmas ill have all new clothes

The best way to work things out is to work on your own problem with alcohol. It is not possible to work on other problems until the primary problem is faced head on. Your drinking is the issue. Get sober, stay sober and other matters will fall in place. She may or may not have enough love and patience and trust in you when you are on the sobriety road, but without being on that journey of sobriety all you have is a steady progression of worsening problems. It is simply amazing what a couple of months sober has done for me. Stay strong, see a doctor for advice about detox if you think it could be needed.

Wecome! I hope you find this site as helpful as I have. There are many many good people here with experience and words of encouragement. Stick around.