i am willing to go to any lengths... Dang I'm so tired of this merry go round. I am taking my 1st step right here, right now as I sit in the hair salon! I feel crappy, my stomachs hurts. I'm thankful I didn't black out at all over the last week. I'm pissed at myself for thinking it was okay to fill my diet coke can up several times with an alcoholic drink last night when I went out. I'm angry at myself for the situations i've put myself in and the things that i've done to compromise my marriage, my values and my soul. I am done trying to prove to myself that I can control AND enjoy my drinking. When I control it, it sucks & I just want more. When I don't control it, i'm a complete mess! I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. I AM READY TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO SMASH THIS ADDICTION THAT IS RUINING ME FROM THE THE INSIDE OUT. I'm sick & tired of this crap! Why do I keep trying to fool myself??? I feel crazy! I just need to stop, get clean & sober and do the right things. I love this site & you are all so encouraging and much nicer to me than I am to myself. Thank you! |
Been there and done that! |
jstar, have you read AA's "How It Works" ? All the best. Bob R |
I know exactly how you feel jstar...I got to the point I couldn't take it anymore either...Have you been to an AA meeting before? Is that what you are interested in? |
Glad you made it online today to post. Also, sounds like you've become willing to take your first step toward a sober life. Hope to hear more soon! |
I'm with you jstar, for me it's one step forwards and a few back... every time, totally fed up and mentally exhausted with it. I am devoting all of my spare time to finding every tool in the box to stop this. This is not how life is meant to be... we will succeed Cat |
Jstar, I sure remember feeling like that and thinking that it was impossible to get out of this mess. Know for sure that you can do this and we are here to offer support. |
Oh that merry go round and the belief that I could drink and control something totally out of control. You can have a better life without those thoughts. :) |
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
(Post 3468044)
jstar, have you read AA's "How It Works" ? All the best. Bob R |
Did you read the first four chapters too?....It's kind of important...I started with that blank page at the beginning with nothing on it...Because that's what I knew about AA when I got there. |
Originally Posted by Sapling
(Post 3468046)
I know exactly how you feel jstar...I got to the point I couldn't take it anymore either...Have you been to an AA meeting before? Is that what you are interested in? |
Originally Posted by Sapling
(Post 3468151)
Did you read the first four chapters too?....It's kind of important...I started with that blank page at the beginning with nothing on it...Because that's what I knew about AA when I got there. |
it is always a blessing to see someone surrender!!! heres the part of he BB i love: So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves,and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover - if he can and will. Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book." We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you - until then. |
I'm happy for you! :) try reading chapter 11...A Vision For You ;) |
I love the Big Book. I regularly go back and read "There is a Solution" and "More About Alcoholism" whenever I feel myself wanting to get back on the merry-go-round. Such wisdom on those pages. You can do this. Surrender. Acceptance. Willingness. Honesty. They will take you far. :) |
You are ready to go to any lengths to beat this addiction. That is wonderful because that is THE necessary ingredient in any journey to sobriety. Are you ready to make a plan concerning your future use of alcohol? Are you willing to quit drinking? I say this because I believe you can. |
jstar, I know I have posted this many times but I will do it again now as a reminder to me: I have to commit to AA, not just be involved. The difference is like a bacon & egg breakfast..... the chicken is INVOLVED and the pig is COMMITTED. All the best. Bob R |
Originally Posted by freshstart57
(Post 3468181)
You are ready to go to any lengths to beat this addiction. That is wonderful because that is THE necessary ingredient in any journey to sobriety. Are you ready to make a plan concerning your future use of alcohol? Are you willing to quit drinking? I say this because I believe you can. |
Originally Posted by jstar
(Post 3468157)
I have but I guess I was trying not to see what was in front of me. Going to re-read that too. God will meet you wherever you are...surrender and he will find you... I believe that too now...I wouldn't be alive if I didn't. Read the Book...Go to meetings...Ask for God's help....Find your sponsor...Work the steps....And you never have to drink again. And you will be happy and at peace....That's a promise....That's in the book too. |
:) Thank you |
God bless you jstar...I'll be praying for you. |
I know how you feel been there myself its a horrible feeling it over rules your life. |
Hi jstar, I'm not an AAer and I'm not religious, so I can't offer anything in that department. But I would like to say congratulations on choosing sobriety. Just waking up without a hangover and remembering what you did the night before is a pretty good feeling. Good luck to you :) x |
great decision jstar :) D |
Newbee Hi Zee, Thanks for your post. Just joined SR today. I'm not into AA nor God/religion either. I was sober for 22 years but had a "few beers" two years ago thinking I could handle it. I was in control for a while but lost my job last year and plunged back into the deep end. Now I'm on that "stink'in think'in" merry go round. I'll quit for a couple of months then go on a week to 10 day binge of none stop drinking (then go thru 4 days of pure hell drying out). Since unemployed I'm bored but anxious of my situation. What keeps you sober since you don't seem to wrap your life around AA nor God? Thanks, a hopeless drunk who was stupid to pick this poison back up. |
Taking that first step is like letting your breath out. You hadn't even realized you'd been holding it for all those years. What a relief! |
I'm not religious either...But I do pray...What kept you sober for 22 years? |
Just wanted to encourage you Jstar to keep that determination going, to do whatever it takes to free yourself from the bonds of alcohol. Although I'm not spiritual/religious so I cant comment on 12-step stuff as written in the BB. I do know that having a GOD of my understanding is a great concept of AA and has enriched my secular spiritual life ten fold as I work an agnostic/atheist version of the 12-steps as an AA member. |
That's awesome Zencat!! |
Jstar, I could have written your original post myself....many times. I could also relate to you sitting in the salon chair feeling like that....for years, I sat getting my hair done, HUNGOVER, everytime. Sitting there so I could try in vain to keep my internal pain from showing on me externally. It was a chore....because of alcohol. It sounds like you have had enough. Do whatever you need to do to take back the life your deserve. Big hugs Jstar....you can do this! |
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:34 PM. |