i am willing to go to any lengths...
i am willing to go to any lengths...
Dang I'm so tired of this merry go round. I am taking my 1st step right here, right now as I sit in the hair salon!
I feel crappy, my stomachs hurts. I'm thankful I didn't black out at all over the last week. I'm pissed at myself for thinking it was okay to fill my diet coke can up several times with an alcoholic drink last night when I went out. I'm angry at myself for the situations i've put myself in and the things that i've done to compromise my marriage, my values and my soul.
I am done trying to prove to myself that I can control AND enjoy my drinking. When I control it, it sucks & I just want more. When I don't control it, i'm a complete mess!
I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. I AM READY TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO SMASH THIS ADDICTION THAT IS RUINING ME FROM THE THE INSIDE OUT.
I'm sick & tired of this crap! Why do I keep trying to fool myself??? I feel crazy! I just need to stop, get clean & sober and do the right things.
I love this site & you are all so encouraging and much nicer to me than I am to myself. Thank you!
I feel crappy, my stomachs hurts. I'm thankful I didn't black out at all over the last week. I'm pissed at myself for thinking it was okay to fill my diet coke can up several times with an alcoholic drink last night when I went out. I'm angry at myself for the situations i've put myself in and the things that i've done to compromise my marriage, my values and my soul.
I am done trying to prove to myself that I can control AND enjoy my drinking. When I control it, it sucks & I just want more. When I don't control it, i'm a complete mess!
I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. I AM READY TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO SMASH THIS ADDICTION THAT IS RUINING ME FROM THE THE INSIDE OUT.
I'm sick & tired of this crap! Why do I keep trying to fool myself??? I feel crazy! I just need to stop, get clean & sober and do the right things.
I love this site & you are all so encouraging and much nicer to me than I am to myself. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 33
I'm with you jstar, for me it's one step forwards and a few back... every time, totally fed up and mentally exhausted with it. I am devoting all of my spare time to finding every tool in the box to stop this. This is not how life is meant to be...
we will succeed
Cat
we will succeed
Cat
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Did you read the first four chapters too?....It's kind of important...I started with that blank page at the beginning with nothing on it...Because that's what I knew about AA when I got there.
Hi sapling...actually yes. I've been going to 1-2 meetings every day (with the exception of like 3 days) since the beginning of March. I just didn't want to jump in & admit it fully to myself. I've made friends but I haven't let anyone get closer than the general hello & how are you before & after the meetings. I didn't want to made friends & then let anyone down if I screwed up...
I have but I guess I was trying not to see what was in front of me. Going to re-read that too.
it is always a blessing to see someone surrender!!!
heres the part of he BB i love:
So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves,and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover - if he can and will.
Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book." We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you - until then.
heres the part of he BB i love:
So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves,and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover - if he can and will.
Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book." We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you - until then.
I love the Big Book. I regularly go back and read "There is a Solution" and "More About Alcoholism" whenever I feel myself wanting to get back on the merry-go-round. Such wisdom on those pages.
You can do this. Surrender. Acceptance. Willingness. Honesty. They will take you far.
You can do this. Surrender. Acceptance. Willingness. Honesty. They will take you far.
You are ready to go to any lengths to beat this addiction. That is wonderful because that is THE necessary ingredient in any journey to sobriety. Are you ready to make a plan concerning your future use of alcohol? Are you willing to quit drinking? I say this because I believe you can.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
jstar, I know I have posted this many times but I will do it again now as a reminder to me:
I have to commit to AA, not just be involved.
The difference is like a bacon & egg breakfast..... the chicken is INVOLVED and the pig is COMMITTED.
All the best.
Bob R
I have to commit to AA, not just be involved.
The difference is like a bacon & egg breakfast..... the chicken is INVOLVED and the pig is COMMITTED.
All the best.
Bob R
You are ready to go to any lengths to beat this addiction. That is wonderful because that is THE necessary ingredient in any journey to sobriety. Are you ready to make a plan concerning your future use of alcohol? Are you willing to quit drinking? I say this because I believe you can.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
God will meet you wherever you are...surrender and he will find you...
I believe that too now...I wouldn't be alive if I didn't.
Read the Book...Go to meetings...Ask for God's help....Find your sponsor...Work the steps....And you never have to drink again. And you will be happy and at peace....That's a promise....That's in the book too.
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