A few questions from newbie
 

Today is day 5 for me. I feel really good. Not sleeping too well, but feel more rested. I am feeling strong like i can do this for good. I really am trying to wrap my mind around what I need to do to not take another drink of alcohol.

I read in many posts "one day at a time". I am telling myself forever this time. Is this an odd thing to do or a wrong way of looking at it? I never want alcohol to control my life again so I don't want to give it an opportunity to do it tomorrow. Or do people say one day at a time because our moods and cravings can swing so wildly we must be ready to fight whatever comes along that day with whatever means necessary. Or is it easier to get back with the program if you screw up a day to day plan but possibly catastrophic if you screw up a lifelong plan.

Also I am trying to figure out a way to let my friends know when we are out to dinner or over to someone's house I no longer drink. Maybe saying "I am on a diet and if I have one drink I end up drinking way too much and eating too much" if they push I can just say "seriously, I can't have any alcohol". I think everyone would respect that and they can infer what they like.

Sorry if I rambled a bit, I just got done with a long and wbusy 12 hour shift.
Thanks for any help,

That's an AA saying...I guess it depends what program you are getting back too.

How about..."I'm not drinking...It doesn't agree with me."

Thanks sapling, I like the simpler explanation you used.
As far as program, you wonderful people on this site are my program, and I'm still trying to take in as much as possible. I know with your support I can do it.

One day at a time works because at the beginning you feel you have a big hill to climb

If you break it down to "I won't drink today" then it is easier

I used to hate the thought of never having a drink again, doing it that way made the initial struggle conquerable.

I now don't care, because I have eliminated the desire (although I know I must never touch a drink again)

What you tell people depends on how well you know them. Those I can trust, I tell I am alcoholic, and can not drink. They don't offer me.

Others, as Sapling says , tell them, it doesn't agree with you, you are driving, you are on medication, you just don't fancy a drink

Quite the most surprising thing you will encounter is the vast majority of people do not give a hoot if you drink or not, and probably won't even notice that you are not drinking.

Keep it up, you are doing well HRB

Billy

It's hard to admit what you are for a while. You can be ashamed of yourself because of the stigma of being an alcoholic. At least I felt that way. I am now having to recover after another addiction and am 13 days in and feeling great. I finally fell asleep which was one of my fears any time I thought of quitting. I knew it would be a long time before I fell asleep.

My standard line was "I already drank my allotment. I had to quit so that there would be some left over for everyone else." I never ofund anyone who didn't understand what that meant. I was - and still am - proud of conquering alcohol so eventually had no difficulty letting people know. Many who will push you have a problem of their own and will respect you for what you have done. Other's aren't really your friends anyway.

That's cool...Then I would take whichever one works for you....One of the hardest things for me to deal with early on was never drinking again...It was easier for me to wrap my head around the idea of just not drinking today. 10 months later....I just don't have to drink today.

I agree with Billy on this.

I just tell people I don't drink and it is pretty much true, people really don't seem to care or notice.

Good job, keep it up.

Billy, Thanks, I get it it's like building muscle or endurance, every day you get stronger, every day you climb higher. I like that.

Today is over for me, I'm exhausted from a really hard nights work. I need to get to sleep. I look forward to the other responses when I wake up.

Hi

I like to think that I can do something for 24 hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a life time -so I have a programme which is for 24 hours -1 day at a time.

5 years later - 1 day at a time

x

I found sobriety in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I wish you the best in your recovery program.

Bob R

I think we often get carried away at our perception of "not drinking" as a major task. The reality is that it requires no action. Action is only required if we desire to drink. We then have to take action to do this.

This may seem an oversimplification and it is, but it is the reality of the "Physics" involved. I think one of the negatives of most recovery programs is that quitting anything is made an even more daunting task than it really is. AA for instance pitches that it is impossible or nearly so without God and/or a Spiritual awakening. The truth of the matter is that people and yes, "real alcoholics" have been quitting since drink was first discovered.

I am not by any means knocking AA or any other recovery program, just wanting to let you know that the reality is that drinking requires less effort than drinking, our perception just makes it seem otherwise. One certainly has to make a lot of changes and programs and AA are good for many. One just has to find the changes they want to make in life and work towards them.

Today, I choose not to drink. "No thank you" also works.

Great decision to stay stopped.

Glad you are here!

I do not drink. When that voice in my head tries to convince me otherwise, I repeat "I do not drink" (out loud if necessary). I also fully embrace the fact that my life became unmanageable and I am powerless over alcohol. I visualize my favored wine with the skull and cross bones poison insignia on it. I would no more drink poison than fly to the moon. That works really well for me, as well as the support and fellowship I have here at SR. I also attend AA meetings a couple times a week as my work schedule permits and find that keeps me really accountable and that accountability works really well for me. I am committed to not failing. I am fairly goal oriented so tenacity plays into my daily plans. I do not drink. Not today. Not tomorrow. Congratulations on your success. It only gets better!!

"One day at a time" worked for me AND so did "I'm never drinking again." --We tend to think in extremes and either/or scenarios. Recovery has taught me to consider "AND BOTH." Some days, ODAAT was all that made sense and "worked." Other times, I felt like I was ODAAT was giving me an out for tomorrow so I'd switch to "I'm never drinking again." Other times, "never" was too much to handle so it was back to ODAAT. There's no "right" way, imo..... Honesty (with what's best now and what's working) is what works. :)

As for telling friends. At first I just said I'm hangin' it up for a while. When I told them "never again" they'd all seem to try to talk me into "well maybe in a year right?" Those conversations bothered me so, until I got more sure of myself, I went with - "I need to say no for now." Eventually, I told them "never again." And, like I thought, they tried to talk me out of it..... but I was more confident and could handle their objections.

Stoping is the easy part, staying stopped takes work.

Stoping is the easy part, staying stopped takes work.

Just tell them your not drinking anymore, thats what I do. Who cares what people think..

A big part of my sobriety was the huge relief that I never ever had to do the things that addicts do, that I certainly did while drinking. I lied, I was dishonest, I felt guilty, I felt ashamed, I was depressed and anxious, and I didn't like myself very much at all.

When I quit, I quit. I decided that I was done with all that stuff for good, not for a day. I was never going to feel like that again for the simple reason that it was my choice - I made it my choice. This thinking might work for you too.

I've been using that "I'm on a diet" line for months now lol! I really am on a diet and so far lost 30 pounds. My friends don't ask me if I want a drink anymore.

I have to figure there are a lot of people that this doesn't work for...I was in a room full of them this morning. I know it didn't work for me and it wasn't for lack of trying. Don't you think if it was simply a matter of making a choice not to drink....None of us would be here?

Thank you all so much for the feedback so far. I am still trying to wrap my head around things. My mind is still a little foggy, I know this will get better.

I plan on taking time later tonight and responding after some more thoughts about what everyone is saying.

You all are my rock right now. Thank you for your insight and support.

I've seen success with both approaches.

Many people seem to want to see it as an either/or...but my experience is I started off on a one day at a time basis - forever was too immense for my battered psyche to embrace - as it (& I) got stronger I knew I wanted to stay this way...forever :)

there's no right or wrong answer IMO :)

D

Not odd at all...have you heard of AVRT? That recovery method doesn't actually recommend one day at a time. May be worth checking out...google Rational Recovery. There's a little crash course which may help you.

I've changed what I tell people day by day as I get more comfortable with quitting. This is something I've constantly stressed about but so far it turns out no one really cares :) The only people who ask me too many questions are other people who drink way too much and really I should just be honest with them.

Well done on 5 days! x

congrats on 5 days

You, for now have to concentrate on staying sober a day at a time, later you will have to come to live. Your life a day at a time as it says in the Bb. you will neither be fighting it or tempted. you will be in a place of neutrality, as for what to say to people I just say I'm allergic and grow two heads and its not very pleasant, so I don't drink, most people don't care tho. Good luck.keep the faith.

HRB,

If you have not already done so, it helped me to read The Big Book (AA) and I read up on AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique). I'd suggest you research both as well as hanging out here with us at SR.

SR is an amazing support source, but I needed more support than that. Remember, alcoholism is cunning, baffling and very very patient. Best to arm yourself the best way you can when dealing with this. It can sneak up on you, and very often when things are going along really well in your life.

I'd post the links, but I still haven't figured out how to do that. Anyone?

You're doing great HRB ~ keep asking questions.

Big hugs to you :)

Well friends,
I just want to give you an update. Today I went to a movie and then met some friends for dinner. My partner was supportive and had iced tea. I had a diet coke. I told my friends that I was on a diet and no longer drinking alcohol. They did not push too hard. However they did drink.

I have had cravings like crazy from the time I got home. I decided to fight them head on so I went to the store to get food for my next few shifts at work. I looked at the alcohol on the shelves for a while and said “You have no control over me!” I went on shopping and got everything I needed and left what I didn’t (the alcohol). Maybe this was a stupid thing to do at a point where I am feeling a craving, but I wanted to prove something to myself.

Today I understand one day at a time. I actually understand one minute at a time in order that I meet the never again promise I made to myself.

Thank you all for making a difference in my life.

That's awesome HRB...

hi Rock,
I haven't told most of my friends about my abstinence from booze yet. I don't see them much, but I do play poker with some old friends a couple times a month. When I was drinking, I actually developed a stomach ulcer and while it is healed now, I tell my friends that I currently have the ulcer still and that I can't drink on doctor's orders. I said it once and they never offer a beer again. No one actually cares if I drink or not to be honest, but I don't need these people to know that i am an alcoholic.

Awesome, awesome, awesome job, HRB. :c011: