Trying to start again.
 

Hey everyone,

I am taking Sapling's advice and starting a new thread to introduce myself. I am 35 years old, married to a fantastic man, with no kids but three lovely dogs! I have had a hard year, exactly one year ago today my mother (then 57) was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer. She died three weeks ago. I am an only child and we were everything to each other so to say I'm devastated is an understatement.

I have known for sometime that I drink too much. What starts out as partying and fun in college years and in your twenties begins to turn into something far more sinister as you go past 30 and are staring into the barrel of 40. Of course drinking too much is drinking too much, but I've really started to face the fact that my life is passing me by and I want to quit. I've read posts on this forum for months now but only posted myself recently. I need help from everyone here. As i said in a previous post I am at a critical point in my alcoholism, either I do something now or I will continue to slide deeper. I don't want my grief to be an excuse. There are many things I want to achieve in my life, but right now alcohol has scuppered my ambitions. Thanks for reading.

I am right there with you...I need to quit before some serious consequences hit. I am so tired of it all.

Welcome...And glad you're here. I can promise you that sliding deeper part will happen...I know. You read enough here to see there are different ways to achieve sobriety. Pick one that suits you and put your life into it. We get a chance at living two lives...Take that chance.

Good luck to you! I'm right there with you. I"m so tired of the endless cycle of trying to stop, then going on a binge and this cycle makes me more depressed each time.

Welcome, Newatthis and L4B!

When they tell us it's a progressive disease, they aren't lying. You're in the right place and talking to the right people.

Stopping can be hard but, once you've stopped, life can be very, very nice.

Good for you nipping this early, at 34. I waited an additional 20 years to realize alcohol was stunting my life. Like you, it was my mom's death, from cancer in 2007, that changed the tenor of my drinking, that started me down that slope. But make no mistake about it, when I finally admitted I had a problem, I wasn't drinking because of grief...I was drinking because I NEEDED IT.

Welcome, and good luck.

You are so wise and so lucky to be thinking of this in your 30's. I am like doggonecarl, and waited until I was much older to get sober. Please believe us when we say the disease is progressive. We alcoholics have many regrets.....But my biggest regret is not paying attention in my 30's to that nagging voice that was surely telling me I had a problem.

This may sound cliche', but a sober life is a beautiful life! Good luck!

Another member of the "wish I'd realised sooner" club here.


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Me too, I stopped at 45...when I hear someone younger realizing they have a problem I get so excited for them- knowing the possibilities for them. Do it!

Welcome! Glad you are here!

You have great insight into your drinking, that's for sure. Good for you. You are absolutely right about the college drinking becoming more "sinister" as you enter your 30's. I was really good at rationalizing my drinking when I was in my 20's, thinking "everybody does it." It became harder and harder to rationalize it when I finished my 30's and entered my 40's. By then, it was no longer "fun" and NOT everybody did it. You are wise to want to do something about it now.

Very glad you are here. This is a great source of support. :)

Welcome Newatthis, L4B and Nextchapter!

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. I'm crying right now because so many of you said 'well done for realising this young', I feel so sh*t about myself and am having a hard time taking the compliment. I am going to take all the support I can get though, and after watching my mother battling so hard to stay alive I feel the least I can do to honour her (and myself) is not to kill myself with booze. There is a very small feeling of excitement growing in my head when I consider the future without drink. I want to nurture that. Thanks again everyone!

That's called HOPE....Hang on to that.

Welcome Newatthis!

I imagine your mother is very, very proud of you right now. I used alcohol to dull my (mainly negative) thoughts, always looking for a better mood, only to find out that I spent the better part of my day feeling anxious and depressed.

I think you'll find that you can handle everything more easily - including grief - once you get sober. I also found that when I cut myself off from the pain, I also cut myself off from joy. It's not worth it.

So glad you're here - you don't have to do this alone!:day6

I am sorry about the loss of your mother.

And, yeah, alcohol will rob us of everything if we let it. But, we can change that and it sounds like you're ready. By the way, alcohol definitely erodes self-esteem and that's why you don't feel good about yourself now. I hope you keep reading and posting. :)

New,
Sorry for your loss too.
For you, and the others who chimed in to say they need to do "something."
:welcome

Since you introduced yourself and have made that first step in coming here and starting, I believe you are also asking what is next? If so read on.

I believe it is mandatory to talk with your Doc first, be totally honest with him or her about how much you drink and what you are experiencing as bad side effects. Your doc will be able to take your through a self at home detox, with some support meds, or help you get into a hospital detox for 7 days like I did. The most important thing is to get a doc involved, even an ER doc if you don't have one of your own.

Once you are detoxed then the choices begin and you may even have folks pressure you with their method of recovery. Regardless, your recovery plan, and how you work it will be unique to you whether it works or fails.

I used AA, here on SR, part of a rehab program post detox, counselors, family and friends support, ( I was the only problem drinker in my family/friends group.) which is not the same as business and other acquaintances. I too had to drop 99% of my drinking buddies keeping only one. I wanted to make it my first serious attempt to quit and did, that is why the all out use everything approach. I have only detoxed once, and that is the last time. I made it the first try. ( I am not counting the every morning saying "I gotta quit tomorrow this is killing me" morning before i put scotch ion my first coffee in the morning to start stopping the shakes) as attempts to quit.

I believed and still do that using everything at my disposal was the only way that worked. I dropped all of them except here since then, 19 months ago this Saturday to be exact.

So talk to your Doc and get some counselors and locations of AA or other groups see if you can get in hospital detox and if you have insurance what is and is not covered.

I am also another old timer who didn't come to problem drinking I could not stop until my mid 50's. Before that after my 40's I had no problems with drinking, I did it all the time very well!

So once again welcome, keep posting and sharing with the great folks here, ask questions, and read, read, read.

Welcome :)
I lost my mum to the big C two and a bit yrs ago.... that and loosing my job due to redundancy tipped me over the edge with my drinking.
Ended up in hospital with decompensated alcoholic liver disease last august. Im 40.
I didn't realise I had a problem until it was too late... (I also didn't know about this site back then! Thank you SR!)
It doesn't have to be that way for you... there is fantastic support here and you have realised there is a problem. Im sure you will choose the best way to help you along your journey... theres a few people on here that sometimes mention something called AA ha ha! It seems to work. But there are other ways too AVRT etc.... for me, it was a swift kick up the "you're gonna die soon if you carry on" butt! It worked for me! Good luck to you xx

Welcome Newatthis! It's wonderful to have you join us. I'm glad Sapling suggested a new thread for you. :) (Hello L4B - and welcome to you.)

Heartfelt sympathy goes out to you for the loss of your mom. She was so young, it must have been overwhelming to cope with. As you've already stated, grief is not a good excuse to postpone dealing with your alcoholism. (Though understandable.) Feeling those emotions is essential - and then we can heal. I was the worst ever for numbing every feeling that I couldn't handle - and I paid a terrible price for that.

Like the others - I regret not having the sense to do what you're doing. Taking a cold, hard look at your drinking habits at 35 will save you so much misery down the line. I was in my 50's when I finally quit - but not before my life was in ruins.

Keep reading, posting, and sharing your thoughts with us. We care about you.

I'm very sorry for your loss. But I am really glad you're here! I too am new. I think it's wonderful that you want to change your life for the better and stop drinking. I'm proud of you that you are willing to try after going through such a difficult thing. That takes a lot of courage. That's when it seems most people find it easier to just go back to drinking. Good for you for wanting a change!

tzivia,
I think the loss of my mum is kind of a make or break thing, well for me. I've always had a fear of death but was so narcissistic it was always my own I dreaded. Then this happened and in a way I have been having an existential crisis about life, death, what's it all about etc etc. What I've realised is that drinking my life away is definitely NOT what it's all about. Anyone get what I'm saying?

PS This forum is giving me (unexpectedly) enormous support. So glad I began posting!

Itchy so nice to see you post its been a wee bit. :)

I am glad you took Sampling advice. Whatever it takes your here. xoxo

I don't think you are going to find many people here that don't get that. I wish I got it sooner....But I'm a slow learner...And I paid for that.

I wasted an extra 10 years drinking when I knew I had a problem with it, my thoughts are always about my wasted 32 years drinking , I could have done so much more if I could go back in time. You are in a great position , you know you have a problem , you are young and most importantly you can put an end to the obsession and alcohell madness right now. Do it.

Good morning to everyone.

I am now on Day 8 and feeling really great. The past week has been a mish-mash of different feelings and insights. This time last week I finally admitted I have a problem with alcohol and began posting on here. But even now that I've acknowledged that, still I hear that voice suggesting to me that I could control my drinking if only x,y, or z happened. So strange really when you think about it, how could I even entertain such thoughts when I clearly recognise that I am unable to be a 'normal' drinker? Is this a self-destructive urge or what? Do I hate myself or something that I would allow these ideas to bubble away? I'm scared though that eventually they will win...

I love the advice and the support all the people on here offer each other. I've read things that I could have written myself, so exact were the experiences and emotions described. One thing that I've taken on board in a big way is the notion that sobriety is something I will have to work on. It is not just an automatic effect of not drinking and therefore somehow passive. I must keep it active by constantly acknowledging what I am doing and the reasons I am doing it. It's very early in my recovery but already I am starting to feel like a newer me. I can't say the 'real' me because in all honesty I don't know who the real adult me is I've spent most of my adulthood drinking. But after a terrible year I'm beginning to feel hopeful and liking life. Thanks for all your support.

Reading that last post just totally made my day, so happy for you to have found this gift, keep it up, it just gets better and better!

Listening to Amy Winehouse at the moment, typifies how much addiction subsumes even the most talented people with so much to give the world. Very sad here. RIP Amy xx

Hello to all,

I am mid-way through my second weekend of sobriety and am feeling very emotional. The past 13 days without alcohol have been instructive. I cannot understand how I have done this to myself for so long. For the first time in my life I have had to express my emotions, be they positive or negative, in a context that doesn't involve getting drunk. I've read other people's comments on here saying that it's like a veil has been lifted, I can relate to this.

I was out for a run early the other morning when a wave of grief rose up. I stopped and wailed, a primal cry of devastation. I miss my mother so much but I know I just cannot avoid or opt out of feeling that grief by getting p*ssed. This is progress I know. Life is changed so much for me, I guess I am becoming a different person too.

Thanks.

Newatthis, I'm new too. I came in here a couple of times last fall with the resolve that I would stop drinking. Didn't stick. Then two weeks ago today, I had my last drink and woke up the next morning with something I can only describe as a 'click' moment. I knew that something had to be done. I got up and got dressed and drove myself to an AA meeting. I cried through the whole thing, but knew that I had to stop drinking because I didn't like how I was feeling. The shame of getting plastered 4 times in one week for years had finally taken it's toll. My dear father died last september after a 3 year battle. He had been a weekend drinker and I had watched people getting drunk my whole life. I can finally say that I don't want to continue down that path. Blackouts are really NOT fun. I'm 44. So it took me 25 years to figure this out. Sometimes I get the euphoric memories of the fun I had but I have to bring myself back to reality and think of some of the terrible things that happened while I was under the influence as well. It's the bad things that will help me to never pick up that first drink again. I wish you all the best in your recovery and I hope you keep coming in here to talk and read and listen to the wisdom of all these great people. Danica

Thanks Danica,

You quit the day before I did then. I too get butterflies if I think about drinking again. I mean, after all is said and done it's a choice - either drink, or do not. I have this perverse urge to get drunk to prove to someone (don't ask me who) I can do what I want. I'm working on getting used to the idea that there is nobody I am doing this for except ME, I'm the person who gets hurt if I drink. The mind is a strange thing. I wish you the best too in your sobriety, be strong and we'll watch out for each other on here!