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Trying to start again.

Old 04-17-2012, 03:27 AM
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Trying to start again.

Hey everyone,

I am taking Sapling's advice and starting a new thread to introduce myself. I am 35 years old, married to a fantastic man, with no kids but three lovely dogs! I have had a hard year, exactly one year ago today my mother (then 57) was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer. She died three weeks ago. I am an only child and we were everything to each other so to say I'm devastated is an understatement.

I have known for sometime that I drink too much. What starts out as partying and fun in college years and in your twenties begins to turn into something far more sinister as you go past 30 and are staring into the barrel of 40. Of course drinking too much is drinking too much, but I've really started to face the fact that my life is passing me by and I want to quit. I've read posts on this forum for months now but only posted myself recently. I need help from everyone here. As i said in a previous post I am at a critical point in my alcoholism, either I do something now or I will continue to slide deeper. I don't want my grief to be an excuse. There are many things I want to achieve in my life, but right now alcohol has scuppered my ambitions. Thanks for reading.
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:31 AM
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I am right there with you...I need to quit before some serious consequences hit. I am so tired of it all.
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Newatthis34 View Post
As i said in a previous post I am at a critical point in my alcoholism, either I do something now or I will continue to slide deeper.
Welcome...And glad you're here. I can promise you that sliding deeper part will happen...I know. You read enough here to see there are different ways to achieve sobriety. Pick one that suits you and put your life into it. We get a chance at living two lives...Take that chance.
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:40 AM
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Good luck to you! I'm right there with you. I"m so tired of the endless cycle of trying to stop, then going on a binge and this cycle makes me more depressed each time.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:34 AM
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Welcome, Newatthis and L4B!

When they tell us it's a progressive disease, they aren't lying. You're in the right place and talking to the right people.

Stopping can be hard but, once you've stopped, life can be very, very nice.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:44 AM
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Good for you nipping this early, at 34. I waited an additional 20 years to realize alcohol was stunting my life. Like you, it was my mom's death, from cancer in 2007, that changed the tenor of my drinking, that started me down that slope. But make no mistake about it, when I finally admitted I had a problem, I wasn't drinking because of grief...I was drinking because I NEEDED IT.

Welcome, and good luck.
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:15 AM
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You are so wise and so lucky to be thinking of this in your 30's. I am like doggonecarl, and waited until I was much older to get sober. Please believe us when we say the disease is progressive. We alcoholics have many regrets.....But my biggest regret is not paying attention in my 30's to that nagging voice that was surely telling me I had a problem.

This may sound cliche', but a sober life is a beautiful life! Good luck!
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:37 AM
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Another member of the "wish I'd realised sooner" club here.


.
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:54 AM
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Me too, I stopped at 45...when I hear someone younger realizing they have a problem I get so excited for them- knowing the possibilities for them. Do it!
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Old 04-17-2012, 06:02 AM
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Welcome! Glad you are here!
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Old 04-17-2012, 06:56 AM
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You have great insight into your drinking, that's for sure. Good for you. You are absolutely right about the college drinking becoming more "sinister" as you enter your 30's. I was really good at rationalizing my drinking when I was in my 20's, thinking "everybody does it." It became harder and harder to rationalize it when I finished my 30's and entered my 40's. By then, it was no longer "fun" and NOT everybody did it. You are wise to want to do something about it now.

Very glad you are here. This is a great source of support.
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:23 AM
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Welcome Newatthis, L4B and Nextchapter!
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Old 04-17-2012, 09:44 AM
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Thanks to everyone for the kind words. I'm crying right now because so many of you said 'well done for realising this young', I feel so sh*t about myself and am having a hard time taking the compliment. I am going to take all the support I can get though, and after watching my mother battling so hard to stay alive I feel the least I can do to honour her (and myself) is not to kill myself with booze. There is a very small feeling of excitement growing in my head when I consider the future without drink. I want to nurture that. Thanks again everyone!
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Old 04-17-2012, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Newatthis34 View Post
There is a very small feeling of excitement growing in my head when I consider the future without drink. I want to nurture that.
That's called HOPE....Hang on to that.
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Old 04-17-2012, 10:05 AM
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Welcome Newatthis!

I imagine your mother is very, very proud of you right now. I used alcohol to dull my (mainly negative) thoughts, always looking for a better mood, only to find out that I spent the better part of my day feeling anxious and depressed.

I think you'll find that you can handle everything more easily - including grief - once you get sober. I also found that when I cut myself off from the pain, I also cut myself off from joy. It's not worth it.

So glad you're here - you don't have to do this alone!:day6
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Old 04-17-2012, 10:32 AM
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I am sorry about the loss of your mother.

And, yeah, alcohol will rob us of everything if we let it. But, we can change that and it sounds like you're ready. By the way, alcohol definitely erodes self-esteem and that's why you don't feel good about yourself now. I hope you keep reading and posting.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:00 PM
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New,
Sorry for your loss too.
For you, and the others who chimed in to say they need to do "something."


Since you introduced yourself and have made that first step in coming here and starting, I believe you are also asking what is next? If so read on.

I believe it is mandatory to talk with your Doc first, be totally honest with him or her about how much you drink and what you are experiencing as bad side effects. Your doc will be able to take your through a self at home detox, with some support meds, or help you get into a hospital detox for 7 days like I did. The most important thing is to get a doc involved, even an ER doc if you don't have one of your own.

Once you are detoxed then the choices begin and you may even have folks pressure you with their method of recovery. Regardless, your recovery plan, and how you work it will be unique to you whether it works or fails.

I used AA, here on SR, part of a rehab program post detox, counselors, family and friends support, ( I was the only problem drinker in my family/friends group.) which is not the same as business and other acquaintances. I too had to drop 99% of my drinking buddies keeping only one. I wanted to make it my first serious attempt to quit and did, that is why the all out use everything approach. I have only detoxed once, and that is the last time. I made it the first try. ( I am not counting the every morning saying "I gotta quit tomorrow this is killing me" morning before i put scotch ion my first coffee in the morning to start stopping the shakes) as attempts to quit.

I believed and still do that using everything at my disposal was the only way that worked. I dropped all of them except here since then, 19 months ago this Saturday to be exact.

So talk to your Doc and get some counselors and locations of AA or other groups see if you can get in hospital detox and if you have insurance what is and is not covered.

I am also another old timer who didn't come to problem drinking I could not stop until my mid 50's. Before that after my 40's I had no problems with drinking, I did it all the time very well!

So once again welcome, keep posting and sharing with the great folks here, ask questions, and read, read, read.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:23 PM
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Welcome
I lost my mum to the big C two and a bit yrs ago.... that and loosing my job due to redundancy tipped me over the edge with my drinking.
Ended up in hospital with decompensated alcoholic liver disease last august. Im 40.
I didn't realise I had a problem until it was too late... (I also didn't know about this site back then! Thank you SR!)
It doesn't have to be that way for you... there is fantastic support here and you have realised there is a problem. Im sure you will choose the best way to help you along your journey... theres a few people on here that sometimes mention something called AA ha ha! It seems to work. But there are other ways too AVRT etc.... for me, it was a swift kick up the "you're gonna die soon if you carry on" butt! It worked for me! Good luck to you xx
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:36 PM
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Welcome Newatthis! It's wonderful to have you join us. I'm glad Sapling suggested a new thread for you. (Hello L4B - and welcome to you.)

Heartfelt sympathy goes out to you for the loss of your mom. She was so young, it must have been overwhelming to cope with. As you've already stated, grief is not a good excuse to postpone dealing with your alcoholism. (Though understandable.) Feeling those emotions is essential - and then we can heal. I was the worst ever for numbing every feeling that I couldn't handle - and I paid a terrible price for that.

Like the others - I regret not having the sense to do what you're doing. Taking a cold, hard look at your drinking habits at 35 will save you so much misery down the line. I was in my 50's when I finally quit - but not before my life was in ruins.

Keep reading, posting, and sharing your thoughts with us. We care about you.
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Old 04-17-2012, 06:33 PM
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I'm very sorry for your loss. But I am really glad you're here! I too am new. I think it's wonderful that you want to change your life for the better and stop drinking. I'm proud of you that you are willing to try after going through such a difficult thing. That takes a lot of courage. That's when it seems most people find it easier to just go back to drinking. Good for you for wanting a change!
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