Hi and welcome Scarletrose.

No one can tell you that you are an alcoholic, that is a decision that you have to make. However, many things that you said in your post stick out to me and are suggestive of a progressive problem with alcohol. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. You describe many things that have NOT happened to you...YET. Why not try giving up alcohol for a period of time and see what things in your life change.

Keep posting and reading - there is lots of support here.

If you're not sure if you're an alcoholic, try stopping drinking for a set period of time and see how it goes. If you're not an alcoholic, it won't be a problem at all.

If you are not able to stop drinking once you start and you are blacking out frequently, those are signs of alcoholism, but it's up to you to decide whether or not you need to stop drinking. And, keep in mind, that alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it will get worse.

Even if I only have 3-4 drinks and I have blacked out more times than I can count in the last year.

This is a problem.

However, I do not have withdrawal symptoms from alcohol.

Hangovers are just mini withdrawals.

I don't wake up craving it.

No one really craves it until they can't have it.

And I could never imagine hiding bottles from myself or lying about my drinking.

I never hid bottle from myself, I hid them from my wife because I told her I was quitting 100's of times. If you tell someone you will quit drinking to make them happy you might find yourself lying eventually.

For example, there is so much alcohol in my house right now and I don't sit around thinking about it all day.

Most people don't obsess or really think about alcohol if they have it always available.

It's just that when I drink, I drink too much. I guess I am worried because my behavior has been inappropriate lately when I drink. I have been flirting and saying inappropriate things when drunk. I am a wife of 10 years with three young kids. This isn't what I want to be. I don't want to stop drinking, but think maybe I should. Does all of this sound like alcoholic behavior to you guys?

If you are coming to a website looking for help, and you are engaging in behavior you are embarrassed of regularly when you are drinking you probably know the answer.

I wouldn't worry too much about the "alcoholic" label. Focus on the obvious. If something you are doing is causing you problems or emotional distress, wouldn't it be wise to stop doing it?

If you want to get an idea of how dependent on it you are, though, try quitting for three months. If you are, you'll hear that little voice in your head telling you to drink loud and clear in no time.

AS Tuesday first replied. no one can say your an alcoholic you have to decide for yourself. But reading from your question there are some signs that you may have an issue with it. But blacking out after 3-4 drinks is not a good sign. I always blacked out when I drank. Only st the start I wasn't such a bad guy and then this year alone I started to become a bad person while drunk. at the start I was a party go happy person. everything was fine. But like you mentioned where you don't crave a drink in the morning, you don't hide bottles to show your not drinking alot when you are and you don't drink alone. Its progressive and that point did reach me when I believed it would never but I was so drinking so much and whenever I wanted I still didn't see the illness I had. But you alone but decide whether your an alcoholic or not like someone once told me if you can't go somewhere, anywhere, sit down and order a drink and have just 1 and not fret about it for the rest of the day you''re fine. But if it's on your mind all day and you need that drink more after 1 then you may have an issue. Good luck and even if you do have a problem there is a way out, I used to think AA was punishment for my drinking and that I was to suffer because I couldn't drink again without ruining something. Turned out to be a great thing for me. Im only 1 month sober but I have been trying for 3 years now to stay sober and it gets worse and worse as I continue to pretend I could drink. We're here for support even if AA isn't for you :)

If it's causing problems in your life I'd suggest giving it up for a period of time, say three months. Serious problems with alcohol arent' really about what you drink or how often, it's what happens to you when you drink. I was an all day every day drinker and finally gave it up for good almost two years ago. I feel so free not having any dependance on a chemical.:) Try a sober life for a while and see how you like it.


Welcome to the family! :ghug3

You don't have to be an alcoholic to want to give up drinking in order to improve your life and self-esteem. I didn't know if I ws an alcoholic for the first few months I was involved in this website and other recovery programmes, I just knew I wanted to quit and I couldn't.

People who don't have a problem with alcohol wouldn't even think about the alcohol. When you start switching to soda instead of beer or whatever, you'll probably find that a lot of other people do too. It was the biggest surprise of my life to find that not everyone drank a lot. Many people sit on one drink for an hour, or more! Or just drink diet coke. Revelation, I tell you! Keep an eye out for those non-drinkers and plonk yourself near them perhaps.

The thing about alcoholism is that it doesn't skip over you just because you have a healthy lifestyle and good intentions. It's a disease and you don't get to choose whether or not you have it. It is a progressive disease - chances are if you continue drinking it will get worse and over the next few years you'll probably find yourself drinking more when you do drink, even if you don't end up drinking every day, but this last scenario is fairly common.

If you look at your history of drinking, do you drink more now than you did 2, 5, 10 years ago? I started out drinking with my friends when we went out on weekends and didn't give alcohol a second thought during the week and didn't drink at home. Then I moved to the city and started going out after work and so started drinking during the week, which progressed to drinking at home, which progressed to drinking daily, which progressed to drinking to black out daily. This was a progression of 25 years.

Regardless, it doesn't matter if you're an alcoholic or not. You're in the right place if you want support to quit. You'll feel like a million bucks and will soon get to a place where you don't miss it or want it.

Scarlet, someone put it to me this way, if you think you might be an alcoholic, you probably are. The analogy she used was "virgins don't take pregnancy tests."
You sound so much like I was at your age, 9 years ago. Three young children, married. Drinking weekly, not hiding it from anyone. Bad hangovers and blackouts, but I didnt drink in the morning, and I didn't ever drink and drive, or drink at work. I could not have imaged doing any of those things. Those were all "yets". I have done them all now.

Hi, scarletrose.

As others noted, only you can decide. But I will say your description sounds A LOT like me—and yeah, I'm an alcoholic, no question about it.

Regardless, I think Terminally Unique pretty much nailed it. It seems like you have every reason to quit regardless of what label you slap on it. If you find it's no big deal to go without for a few months, then great. But if that's a challenge... well, I think the harder it is to quit, the more we need to quit. At least that's my experience.

Glad you found us. You'll get a lot of info and support here. :)

...

I've had friends ask me the same question and no, I can't answer it either.

My advise to them if they won't abstain is to try "controlled drinking" for 30-90 days depending on their situation. What could it hurt if you're not an alcoholic?

People more educated then me should be consulted before trying something like this though.

Welcome BTW :)

I am an athlete, I didn't start off drinking everyday, I never really chose alcohol over my kids or my wife. But alcohol was so deeply ingrained in my life that the thought of not drinking forever seemed impossible. That being said alcohol continued to get me drunk, because I couldn't always moderate my drinking, once I started drinking. After an embarassing weekend and a bad hangover I would swear I was never going to drink again, but the following week always found me with a bottle in my hand. This went on for well over 15 years. Then I found more time on my hands and more money in my pocket, then that weekly binge turned into a couple times a week.... It progressed. Everytime I thought about quitting I had a football tailgate or a house party, or a holiday celebration or a concert or a beach party. I always had an excuse as to why I couldn't quit now. Looking back I realize this is where my mental obsession with alcohol came in. I needed my alcohol to socialize and be like everyone else and to have fun at these fun events. Well guess what I attend all the events sober now, and the only one who really cared to begin with was me. I'm still fun, and I still enjoy myself, I just don't close down the bar and embarrass myself and feel crappy about it the next week anymore.

Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes, just because you don't drink everyday or in the morning doesn't mean that you don't have a problem with alcohol. That being said many people will never recognize or admit that alcohol causes problems in their lives.

I also found out that the depression that I thought I had for the last 15 years was caused by my drinking. Once I got rid of the booze for a couple of months my depression went away....sort of funny being I thought I was drinking to make me happy.:)

Hi scarletrose! You've had some great responses, & I'm so glad to see you're being open minded about the advice.

When I was in my 30's I still drank the way you describe. Unlike you, I wasn't worried about it & didn't question my habits. Many years down the road, alcohol had almost destroyed me. I was drinking all day, and couldn't see a way out. This won't have to happen to you - you're taking action now. Congratulations for seeing the light.

Scarletrose,

The two questions outlined in the Big Book of AA (Pg. 21 para. 2 & Pg. 34 para. 2) clearly define the difference between the heavy drinker and the REAL alcoholic.
Qu. 1 - Can you control the amount you drink once you start to drink?
Qu. 2 - Can you stop for 1 year under your own resources (ie. No meetings, No Meds, No therapy, No substitution)

If you answer no to both or either of these questions then you are a Real alcoholic.

Its that simple
:uzi2:

As opposed to a fake alcoholic??

I don't think any of us can answer your question. Are some of your behaviors typical of an alcoholic? yes. and could some of those things you said you can't imagine doing happen? yes.

How about you not drink for a period of time. 30 days, 60 days, a year? See how it goes.

lots of great advice here :)
Welcome ScarletRose :)

D

I've yet to meet an adult who said how pleased and proud they were that they had drinking parents.

I too was a blackout drinker...it got me into all sorts of dangerous situations.
As soon as I quit...so did the blackouts and I no longer worried about the events of the drinking period.
A huge plus for me...:) Viola! no more guilt.


Welcome to SR...:wave:

Don't think about if your an alcoholic or not. Its just a word and it does not sovoe anything. From what I red it seem to me you do have a drinking problem. Just by coming to SR you know this too. You have a few options. One is to quit drinking all together. Two is to stop drinking for a while to get your health and life straighten up. While can be a month or a year, whatever seem enough for you to get our life back on track. Or three, don't stop and do what you did before. Or four, control your drinking and stop getting drunk.

Good luck and welcome to SR.