Well...I've gone to 7 AA meetings since Tuesday :) I feel fabulous and have not had a drink for 3 days.

The meetings are neat to hear people's struggles & sucesses. I am going to go back to another meeting this weekend, but I don't know if I am going to be able to say "I'm an alcoholic" because honestly, I don't know if I am. Some people may say that is denial. It may be, but for now I'm going to stop drinking for as many days as I can, and I'm journaling how I feel every day so I can evaluate how things are going. So far, 3 days is not bad at all, although I've gone longer stretches sober (not for any real reason) so I'm just gonna see how it plays out :)
And I think....whether quitting forever or trying to abstain for a while to straighten out, support is the key.
:)

Hey jstar!

I always felt calling myself an alcoholic was problematic because I would be able to talk myself out of the label which might make me vulnerable again. I choose to ask my self....is life better sober?....for me that answer is f big, fat YES!!!! so I don't drink.

Of course I don't do AA and I think one of the cornerstones to their approach is the admission:)

Lafemme...totally see what you are saying. I had to introduce myself 7 times as a 'newcomer' but I just could not say outloud "I'm an alcoholic". Do I have a problem with alcohol? Yes. Do I think I need to cut back or quit drinking for this time in my life? Yes. Do I think that my life, at this time in my life , would benefit from me not drinking? Yes.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. So how about "Hi I'm ....... and I have a desire to stop drinking" I've heard it used before and it makes sense to me.

Ron

This is also exactly the story of my life! I was a fun drunk, the life of the party, (or so I thought). Everyone wanted to hang out with me except my husband. He also can drink whenever he wants and chooses not to. We always had kind of a fairytale relationship, that everyone was envious of, until a few years ago. I started to withdraw into myself.
I never left the house after 5, which meant I never participated in any family activities at night. I would never go anywhere that alcohol wasn't available or I would bring my own in a water bottle, (including my boy's soccer games and chorus concerts). I thought I was so sly. Everyone caught on to my little trick though. I eventually started going to bed at like 6 o'clock at night missing everything. I would be hungover everyday till my next drink and the whole cycle would begin again.
My fairytale relationship started taking a nose dive. My husband would beg to spend just a little time with me watching tv or ANYTHING, but I was too smashed to stay awake. He eventually started to bring up divorce and I was thrown into reality. There was no way I was gonna lose the love of my life!
I am now almost a month sober and never want to go back to that hell!
We are now back in a honeymoon phase and our relationship is stronger than ever!
If you have to ask yourself if you are an alcoholic, you probably already know the answer. Don't let the alcohol demon ruin your life. We are all here for you!

hi all :)

So I had made it for 5 days at the beginning- from April 5th until the 10th. On Sunday the 10th I felt so good that I decided that I was fine...that I didn't need meetings or AA or anything. Then I drank just one little drink to see what would happen. Nothing happened - I had the one & went on with my day. Although you know it just happens like that...then over the next few weeks I kinda just picked it all back up and have been drinking every day...again.

I am not proud of this realization. It acutally makes me pretty angry with myself that this is apparently an "issue" I have. I just don't want to accept it...I'm sure a lot of people have felt that same way.

I went to a meeting this morning, which has helped me get through my day not crying and wanting to feel sorry for myself that I can't control my drinking....and I can't control MYSELF when I'm drinking.

Anyways - that is the update....I guess I have a long road ahead of me....thanks again for all the comments/support!! :)

:smashfrea

What took me years of destroying the people around me to realize, was that I couldn't control my NOT drinking.

Knowing that I couldn't control how much I drank, and therefore couldn't control myself when drinking, was pretty easy to see. The evidence of that was all around me. The tricky part of alcoholism, though, was to see how little control I had over not picking up that first drink.

good to see you back jstar.

Please believe that sober life is far, far more enjoyable than what you're doing now. I think if I'd really understood that I'd have sobered up years ago. Instead I always thought sobriety was punishment for people who couldn't figure out how to drink in moderation. It's just not true.

Hi Jstar,

Welcome back!

It's really hard to accept that we're alcoholics, but it's a crucial part of the recovery process.

I know how you feel about going back to it and being angry. I wish I knew now what I knew then. I wish I realized that all my "cutting down" all my "stopping for a few days" all my "I'll just have one" were just a lame attempt to quit. I really had to change my thinking at the end. After 30 years I finally came to the realization that I just can't drink. Period. It is not in my vocabulary. I quit 95 days ago and have yet to think "I'll just have one and see what happens". I know what will happen. I'd be right back where I left off. And right now I can't afford that since I'm on my own and again just started another job. The last one I lost because of my drinking. Lesson learned and I move on...you learned you can't try just one, you learned you feel angry and miserable. Take that as a lesson and take action against. AA is a good start I'm, glad to hear you went back. Maybe stick around here alittle longer, too! :c011:

welcome back jstar :)

D

Hi jstar,

I missed this thread first time around but it seems like you're focused on the long-term prospects, which can be good but can also be daunting.

Don't know if this will help you but when I quit I never told myself I was done drinking forever. I didn't worry about that, it was just about quitting for "a while" until I could get myself feeling better. And during that "while" I just focused on not drinking each day.

I still haven't said I won't ever drink again, but I don't want to at all and haven't wanted to for a long time. Once I stopped over-thinking all of the big implications and how to manage all of the potential situations, quitting became a lot easier.

Just my experience, hope it can help you.

ANEWAUGUST - I could have written that. Drinking to pass out, hiding bottles etc, that's me! It's my first day of being sober.

it is definitely my enemy....i feel guilty...so i drink more to try to forget everything. living WITHOUT alcohol shouldn't even be a thing to contemplate...at least i'm pretty sure most of the people in my life don't view alcohol like i do - and they don't drink nearly as much as i do either...

I can't believe I posted this almost 1 year ago when i first found SR!

*I am an alcoholic ...I have come to terms with that but have been resistant to change & thought I could keeps my drinking "controlled" ha! Bet you've never thought that before! I was not overreacting with that first post, I was right, I just didn't want to admit it.

*my husband told me almost a year ago he didn't want to be around me drinking, so I became obsessed with hiding it in different places & buying those really small bottles at the liquor store. I thought I could hide it & no one would notice. That is the addiction talking. He is still putting up with me but I can tell the resentment & pain is there in his eyes.

*and I am crazy when I drink. There is no "off switch" anymore. Once I start, I keep going & have had a lot of very scary blackouts over the past few months.

I want the strength to go to any length to get sober. So here I am again. Today 3/17/12 I will have 24 hours sober.

Welcome back!

Welcome back.

Good luck with the journey this time around. You really do deserve to be sober.

You can do this.

Jstar, welcome back!

I became obsessed with hiding my drinking too. I spent so much time planning, hiding, lying, it was ridiculous.

I'm glad you're back and working on stopping drinking.

Congrats on your first 24 hours sober. I don't know how much you drank daily, but i hope you have taken steps to stop safely. try to take it easy until the WD passes. it's a weekend at least. Is your husband aware?

the blackouts are scarey, i've been there.

Welcome back, jstar. I just read the whole thread, and unfortunately (I'm sure like just about everyone else on SR) knew exactly where it was going. I'm really glad to see you back, and "getting it".

I know a fair amount of people will say now the "hard work" starts, but I think if you are truly "ready" and committed, it's not nearly as hard as one might think. Fortunately for me, I went through therapy and dealt with all the s*** a decade ago, so all I had to do was stop drinking, and FOR ME it was pretty easy, and continues to be.

I'm one of those that won't wish you luck, because luck has nothing to do with it, it's all up to you, and you CAN do it, if you really want to.

By the way, as some posters said last year, this thread is GOLD, and like Mark and others have said, it has helped me as well as many others, I'm sure. Thanks jstar.