All About Love is back an in bad shape way more than brainfried this time
 

Well here i am, hunbled an dead enough by my disease to scream out.
i am currently reducing my meth use by 50-100 bux a week, i weigh 39kgs, ive lost my eldest child, my mind an my health this time.
my stomach is raw an not functioning proper, my kidney is shuttin down an i wee blood.
I am going back to KUITPO in the first wek of August an i am going to stay this time no matter what.
i have severe PTSD now an am pretty well confined to my home, i am unable to do lots of the things i was once
i am such a loser an feel so ill.
doc sayd im so close to dying..are you finally ready to live?:cries3:

I'm so sorry to hear your troubles Nikky.
Have you got a Dr or counsellors you see regularly now?

D

Hi and Welcome back!

I hope that you can find some peace in your life, and I'm glad you are here.

When is too much of a bad thing good?

When too much suffering leads to change!

I am so sad to hear this N, but I am glad you are alive. There's definitely a chance here. Please don't give up, but find a way to take action. You have been missed. Hugs - Sarah

Welcome back sweetie.:hug: Glad you're back and hoping and praying for peace of mind and good health for you.:)

Welcome back Nikky...

Don't give up...I'm glad you made it back.

Oh no, Nikki - I was wondering what was going on with you just the other day.

Please stay here and talk to us - you have a desire to heal from this disease, you haven't given up - or you wouldn't have come back. Hold on to the life you still have left within you - this can be the last time you do this to yourself.

niks! (miss spunk)

welcome back!

and all good wishes in kuitpo

Hello, I was addicted to Meth for 17 years. I am glad you are here reaching out, life is so much better without that crap in your body.

Question: what is kuitpo?

kuitpo is a threpeutic community here in South Oz where i am able to keep my kids with me...i have done it before an been round the traps a long time this is by far not my 1st attempt at recovery
thankyou for your support meth has destroyed my bodsy completely this time round, im too frikkin old mate for this rubbish:c011:

Nikky :hug:

Love and prayers

I am not handling detoxing, my kidney has the 14th infection in 10monrhs an my stomach is producing only bad bacteria an kilkling good bacteria coa of my massive weight loss.
im mental! im smashing stuff on the road just to get relief im so damn angry, hospitals wont admit me even though my GP has specifically said i need it, cos im a useless junkie P>O>SH>
i cant believe im back here at this point beyond worse
wish i'd just die
august is so far off i dunno how ima make it

Have you got something in writing from your GP, Nikky?
I didn't think an Australian hospital could do that?

Are you still going to NA?
Stay focused - every day is a step closer

D

Nikki, I am sending lots of prayers for you and your son.

yes unforyunately they can have an will continue to do so, like if my kidneys need a transplant at some stage ive been told im way not a priority an could well die before getting it cos of my history.
Doc rang, wrote even rehab faxed a letter but nope wont admit me.
I;m headed to a friends in Port Lincoln in 5-9days time to do the last stretch when i "jump" completely cold turkey so im able to be cared for he is trained in first aid an used to work as a carer...as for NA i work with my sponsor only for reasons im not willing to discuss, adelaides fellowship leaves LOTS AN LOTS to be desired. the steps are not my priority at this point ive stopped nearly, one ? a day is it as im just to unwell to emotionally upset myself morr...she is away at present.
I have a psyche i see once weekly whenim actually able to leave the house, I was rold recently i have one the worst cases of PTSD she'd seen in 15-20years, which blew me away...cause i just keep going ya know, i have to, its my kids who will be effed up like me if i dont jsut keep doing this thing called life.
I see a slvation army drug ciunselor once weekly to fortnightly at the outside.
I have in place masses of that stuff.
i know what needs to be done, it doesnt take much of a geneius lol to work it out, ive attempted out here to deal with the trauma, night mares day terrors etc etc i am unable to, i need the security of a community isolated away from where i am, where i am very very well known & i actually need to complete the cycle tea, far out, i been here before...done full circle back to here just like before.
This time ineed to stay for the duration, have in place supports an plans ready to go an already going in the pipelines befor my entry to kuitpo..like my housing transfer, thats in an approved priority one up to 2years wait, i will have gone close to 10months by time i complete program so then i can push a bit harder too, its imperitive i move, this pklace to small an too much here frompast, all workers actually agree with me on this but its bout being far enough removed that i cant access this crud drug as much as not having to face my pasr in slow motion everybloomin where i go cos thats what its like here an i loathe with passion where i kive, that is completely counter productive to begin with.
do you guys get what im saying\?
I guess hindsight fromlast time in kuitpo is a good thing too, or i would not be being as smart an almost calculated with the planning an actioning of going in there this time.
its draing that side though alone let alone all the physical stuff, truth be known i do the other to combat feeling the physical stuff.

I will pray for you....

You are very strong..

I'm so glad you are still here with us Nikky...many prayers! Love, Jomey

Glad you are here and glad you are OK. But honestly what did you expect?