Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomers to Recovery
Reload this Page >

All About Love is back an in bad shape way more than brainfried this time



Notices

All About Love is back an in bad shape way more than brainfried this time

Old 07-17-2010, 04:06 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
 
All About Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
Unhappy All About Love is back an in bad shape way more than brainfried this time

Well here i am, hunbled an dead enough by my disease to scream out.
i am currently reducing my meth use by 50-100 bux a week, i weigh 39kgs, ive lost my eldest child, my mind an my health this time.
my stomach is raw an not functioning proper, my kidney is shuttin down an i wee blood.
I am going back to KUITPO in the first wek of August an i am going to stay this time no matter what.
i have severe PTSD now an am pretty well confined to my home, i am unable to do lots of the things i was once
i am such a loser an feel so ill.
doc sayd im so close to dying..are you finally ready to live?
All About Love is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 04:31 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
I'm so sorry to hear your troubles Nikky.
Have you got a Dr or counsellors you see regularly now?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 04:50 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,326
Hi and Welcome back!

I hope that you can find some peace in your life, and I'm glad you are here.
Anna is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 05:10 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Laozi Old Man
 
Boleo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by All About Love View Post

...doc sayd im so close to dying..are you finally ready to live?
When is too much of a bad thing good?

When too much suffering leads to change!
Boleo is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 05:30 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
I am so sad to hear this N, but I am glad you are alive. There's definitely a chance here. Please don't give up, but find a way to take action. You have been missed. Hugs - Sarah
Horselover is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 06:59 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Welcome back sweetie. Glad you're back and hoping and praying for peace of mind and good health for you.
least is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 08:19 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
IO Storm
 
IO Storm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Welcome back Nikky...

Don't give up...I'm glad you made it back.
IO Storm is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 10:18 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,411
Oh no, Nikki - I was wondering what was going on with you just the other day.

Please stay here and talk to us - you have a desire to heal from this disease, you haven't given up - or you wouldn't have come back. Hold on to the life you still have left within you - this can be the last time you do this to yourself.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 05:57 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
 
All About Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
Thankyou all for your lovely messages, i appreciate the support, i will be round the place quietly for now.
haha! yea i wont upset the place like i did last time, i have very little tolerance to attention seeking behaviour an ytolls so i do act that way anymore.
just waiting to go to rehab again with Jai my little guy who is near 7 now.
just managed half peice of toast which is very good for me seeing as i ate yesterday, though im tired now, digestion is a drainginng proceas on a ill body so im going to lay down.
@ whoever asked bout psychws etc
Ive always had 2 workers from salvation army involved with me an a psyche until she moved to the city an i was then unable to see her (i freeze in the city centre from the bashing i had occur in broad daylight) got my first app with new one on 28th just before i go into kuitpo.
much love an kind regards
Nik
All About Love is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 06:16 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Rusty Zipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
niks! (miss spunk)

welcome back!

and all good wishes in kuitpo
Rusty Zipper is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 06:25 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Black and Yellow
 
SlvrMag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Hello, I was addicted to Meth for 17 years. I am glad you are here reaching out, life is so much better without that crap in your body.

Question: what is kuitpo?
SlvrMag is offline  
Old 07-17-2010, 06:28 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
 
All About Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
kuitpo is a threpeutic community here in South Oz where i am able to keep my kids with me...i have done it before an been round the traps a long time this is by far not my 1st attempt at recovery
thankyou for your support meth has destroyed my bodsy completely this time round, im too frikkin old mate for this rubbish
All About Love is offline  
Old 07-18-2010, 08:28 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
IO Storm
 
IO Storm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Nikky

Love and prayers
IO Storm is offline  
Old 07-18-2010, 05:09 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
 
All About Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
I am not handling detoxing, my kidney has the 14th infection in 10monrhs an my stomach is producing only bad bacteria an kilkling good bacteria coa of my massive weight loss.
im mental! im smashing stuff on the road just to get relief im so damn angry, hospitals wont admit me even though my GP has specifically said i need it, cos im a useless junkie P>O>SH>
i cant believe im back here at this point beyond worse
wish i'd just die
august is so far off i dunno how ima make it
All About Love is offline  
Old 07-18-2010, 05:11 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Have you got something in writing from your GP, Nikky?
I didn't think an Australian hospital could do that?

Are you still going to NA?
Stay focused - every day is a step closer

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 07-18-2010, 05:16 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,326
Nikki, I am sending lots of prayers for you and your son.
Anna is offline  
Old 07-19-2010, 04:13 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
 
All About Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
yes unforyunately they can have an will continue to do so, like if my kidneys need a transplant at some stage ive been told im way not a priority an could well die before getting it cos of my history.
Doc rang, wrote even rehab faxed a letter but nope wont admit me.
I;m headed to a friends in Port Lincoln in 5-9days time to do the last stretch when i "jump" completely cold turkey so im able to be cared for he is trained in first aid an used to work as a carer...as for NA i work with my sponsor only for reasons im not willing to discuss, adelaides fellowship leaves LOTS AN LOTS to be desired. the steps are not my priority at this point ive stopped nearly, one ? a day is it as im just to unwell to emotionally upset myself morr...she is away at present.
I have a psyche i see once weekly whenim actually able to leave the house, I was rold recently i have one the worst cases of PTSD she'd seen in 15-20years, which blew me away...cause i just keep going ya know, i have to, its my kids who will be effed up like me if i dont jsut keep doing this thing called life.
I see a slvation army drug ciunselor once weekly to fortnightly at the outside.
I have in place masses of that stuff.
i know what needs to be done, it doesnt take much of a geneius lol to work it out, ive attempted out here to deal with the trauma, night mares day terrors etc etc i am unable to, i need the security of a community isolated away from where i am, where i am very very well known & i actually need to complete the cycle tea, far out, i been here before...done full circle back to here just like before.
This time ineed to stay for the duration, have in place supports an plans ready to go an already going in the pipelines befor my entry to kuitpo..like my housing transfer, thats in an approved priority one up to 2years wait, i will have gone close to 10months by time i complete program so then i can push a bit harder too, its imperitive i move, this pklace to small an too much here frompast, all workers actually agree with me on this but its bout being far enough removed that i cant access this crud drug as much as not having to face my pasr in slow motion everybloomin where i go cos thats what its like here an i loathe with passion where i kive, that is completely counter productive to begin with.
do you guys get what im saying\?
I guess hindsight fromlast time in kuitpo is a good thing too, or i would not be being as smart an almost calculated with the planning an actioning of going in there this time.
its draing that side though alone let alone all the physical stuff, truth be known i do the other to combat feeling the physical stuff.
All About Love is offline  
Old 07-19-2010, 04:41 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
coming_clean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
I will pray for you....

You are very strong..
coming_clean is offline  
Old 07-19-2010, 04:44 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jomey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
I'm so glad you are still here with us Nikky...many prayers! Love, Jomey
Jomey is offline  
Old 07-19-2010, 09:14 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Glad you are here and glad you are OK. But honestly what did you expect?
stugotz is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:30 AM.