Putting my neck on the line again LOL....

SS? the guy broke up with you...on Facebook.

Sure I dunno the guy, I may be wrong, I certainly don't want to argue - but I think you deserve better - I just hope you see that one day.

Right now though, I think rehab is the very best thing you can do for yourself.

D

hey SS
rehab is good. not sure how much you know about it, but i have done it. and it's nothing but good. not one single negative thing came out of it- actually i met some awesome friends there, that i stay in touch with (although it's all anonymous- we still traded emails....some of us).
My friend-
take a deep breath, or a few, and relax your body and mind. Take a break from all this BS. YOU deserve it. Like D, I dont know you or your situation, but i do know that you have a good spirit from your posts- you are just struggling. Get help from the detox- it will be awesome for you. Will be thinking about you.
Best wishes and Love
Dub

Thank you guys. Seriously you’re all amazing. Like you have no idea how much people’s words here mean to me. It means so much to know that a board of people who don’t know me care. And yeah he broke up with me on FB it’s pretty messed up and I deserve better but it’s the whole abandonment issues thing again…that’s why this is so hard but whatever.

I guess we will see how rehab goes. I think it’s going to be good in the long run. It can’t get any worse right now.

Anway I'm sober right now...puking your guts out with nothing in your stomach but alcohol and bile (EWW I KNOW) is kind of a wake up call. Anyway I will post here and let you guys know before I go. God bless you guys though seriously. Thank you all so much.

Well SS- I have to respond to this one. I am on day 2 -working on 3- and I have been puking water every morning for the last 3 days (not to mention previous times). Its time to stop my friend. People I love (many here) have told me that, puking water isn't much fun, actually its quite crazy (I can say that- I will probably do it tomorrow...). However! I do know from rehab that this only goes away, and quickly, if you quit. So I am still pulling for you my Friend. You hang in- and don't let outside influences take over your mind. Your mind is YOURS. Live YOUR life, and take care of yourself.
Still thinking about you-
Best
Dub

SS, i'm glad you are getting help....alcohol and reactive depression is a dangerous combination...Rehab will help you heal and focus on the most important person which is yourself. Your sense of happiness WILL return and you will then realize that you are worth so more than this weasel=coward could ever give you.

like staying sober, each day will get better and it will hurt a little less.

BTW, puking blood is a lot scarier than puking bile......(sorry for the graphics)...please consider what could happen be4 you start the car....yeah, imagine the worst and call someone to drive you....if you harm someone because you drive drunk, the pain you'll feel and cause to others will stay with you.

Hon, you will get out of rehab what you put into it. When I did it, I threw myself into it because I didn't ever want to have to go through that whole nightmare ever again. And I haven't had to. Some were there just going through the motions to please either a judge, a wife, parents, etc. They just wanted it to be over so they could go home. I loved it so much, I wanted to stay! LOL!

me too Suki- I didnt want to leave- wish i could live there for a while (with my guitars) and take it easy.
SS- we all obviously are concerned about you, and me for one even though I dont know you have a love for you, and know your situation. Do the right thing.
Have a smooth, peaceful night- and just relax, thats what i am going to do. Think about the ocean waves, and the beauty of the sky on a nice day- then smile!! Things will go good when you get your mind on getting sober.
Later my Friend
Dub

Should I tell you the story about my friend who was hit while on a motorcycle by a drunk driver going the wrong way on the expressway? He lost an arm and a leg because the drunk driver dragged him for over a mile. You are lucky you didn't hurt anyone!

Just a couple of things. You're incredibly young. You say that Ryan guy was your future, but you're only 21! I'm 25 and 21 seems like a very distant memory to me right now. You don't know sh1t when you're 21 despite what you might think. I don't think anyone of any age ever really knows as much as they think and it's important to be aware of that.

Secondly, that was absolutely idiotic as hell drinking and driving...down the wrong side of the road. Then hooking up with some randomer at the side of the street? Jeeze, I don't want to be judgmental but you make it hard. You're lucky you didn't hurt someone and lucky you didn't get hurt yourself.

Lastly, I don't think it's a good idea to be all "We'll see how rehab goes". You need to WANT to quit for it to be of any use to you. From the sounds of it you aren't anywhere near that stage. I know times are tough, but all you're doing is making times a lot tougher on yourself by drinking. It makes heartbreak ten times worse.

Good luck in the future, and please don't drink and drive again. Do what you want to yourself, but don't cripple/kill some poor innocent because some random guy "broke your heart"

SS.....I am love your follow up posts. You know that rehab is your best option at this point. Take it and use it because your life and others do depend on it.

As far as Ryan goes.....well that is simply age and booze talking. I was married (now that is real commitment) and owned a home and had many years of my life and all that we had created together - GONE when I got divorced. His family, our friends, and everything just poof!

Point of my saying that is......I felt like I couldn't live or breath without him and I had many reasons for feeling that way which were justifiable. Divorce is like death in a sense that we grieve. To make it all the worse, he filed for it when I was at my most vulnerable. I was a full time grad student and had not a pot to **** in without him to be direct.

Guess what? I made it on my own, met another wonderful person who is far more of a man then my ex ever could have been and I got sober!

The dude broke up with you on facebook. That isn't something you should continue drinking for. Once you have been off the sauce a while....your self-esteem will rebuild and you will look at this chapter in your young life and say wow.....I can't believe how great sobriety is and how alcohol made me think things were so bad that I was on the edge over a jerk who dumped me on facebook.

You sooooo deserve better and the fact you get support for each of your posts/threads speaks volumes over how much all of us care about you.

I am so rallying the troops over here for ya girl. You are doing the right thing and I am so proud of you to take control of your life :)

Huggs.

Oh and I forgot to add that when I relapsed in April.....I was alone and felt again much of what you are feeling. I got up without my husband around and got clean. Been sober since and will never return to drinking. I did it for myself and that is what you need to do.

Life goes on and through sobriety.....well man it is amazing.

Go into rehab and enjoy every single moment of it.
I was only there for about 6 days (detox & rehab), but I wish I had stayed the recommended 28 days.
I felt out of place for a couple of days, but once I got to know some people there it was like home from home. At that point better actually, because people there were going through the same thing.
Concentrate on getting sober, nothing else. You'll forget about Ryan in no time, honestly you will. You'll make new friends there, people who have been through the same and some through much worse.
It will help you put things in perspective. Take inventory. I wish I would have done so at your age. Good luck and like I said enjoy.
PS: The food was fantastic :)

Hey Someonesomewhere, how is everything today? Even if you are drinking, just keep posting on here. I keep coming back just to see an update from you to make sure you are okay. If you are drinking, just stay put at home and make sure you dont drive or go out.

Okay so I guess I’m not going to rehab…I’m looking into changing to a therapist who specializes in substance abuse…

Dorchester Substance Abuse Therapist - Substance Abuse Therapist Dorchester, Suffolk County, Massachusetts (MA) - Substance Abuse Counseling Dorchester

That’s who my Mom wants me to go see her words “You’re not an alcoholic, you don’t need rehab and I don’t want you with those people, there are scummy people who go to those programs” I don’t really know if therapy is the answer since it hasn’t been helping me much but IDK. She’s very against it. But I am an adult and could check myself in but she told me I’m being ridiculous and don’t need to do that. And they sort of need me to stick around right now.

Not really sure this is the answer though, therapy is different...and I'm smart enough realize what my problems are but I need more than therapy...IDK

SS.....check yourself in friend. Your mother may be in denial but you need some serious help and if you have been the therapy route before and it hasn't helped you get to the place you want to be then you must take action. Your mom won't be living with the negative consequences of alcoholism - you are and will continue to.

You know what you need to do. I hope you do it before something happens that can't be taken back.

I don't think I can say it any clearer then saying this - screw what she says on this one. She is being ridiculous but you have the control here. Make that call.

Hey somewheresomeone, the people in rehab are not scummy people. I went to rehab last year and although I relapsed after 10 months, I can assure you the people in there are quite the opposite. Yeah, some people in there might be there for court ordered but the staff and most of the people are there to get better. It is no different than the people on here.

If you have any questions about rehab, there are plenty of past posts on here that talk about it and other's experiences of going through it. If you want to hear my personal 30 day inpatient story or just even have questions, dont hesitate to message me.

Rehab or anything else what solve your problems instantly and even after 30 days you still have to do work. What it will do is put you in a safe environment where you can just concentrate on yourself. From the info that I have gathered from your posts, I think it would be wise to go into rehab if that is what you truly want. You are not just suffering from alcoholism but you are also suffering from emotional pain and loss from the uncle and ex boyfriend.

If you go to a counselor, that might only be 1 hour. You will still have the rest of the day for temptations and you'll more than likely just think about the bad things which will tempt you to drink. If you go into the rehab, they constantly have activities and small groups and other programs that keep you busy throughout the day. There are many rehabs out there but I went to The Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs. They are NOT a spa, wine and dine type of rehab. They have a very structured program and you have to be out of bed by 6am kind of deal. They even give you ratings on how well you keep your room clean. As bad as that sounds, you'll realize that it is for the best.

I'm super glad to see you post. I have been at that stage where I'm just a lost person drinking, however. You are also dealing with a loss of a uncle and an ex boyfriend. I cant imagine what you are going through emotionally so I guess i'm worried. Just concentrate today and keep posting. Thank you for posting and letting us know what is going on.

Wow. Wish I could give you a big hug. That sounds like a lot to deal with. Congratulations on loving yourself so much that you are willing to try rehab. That is huge! I have done so many stupid things with men because of alcohol. I have felt like killing myself because a man didn't love me anymore because of alcohol. Your post made me realize that since I eliminated the booze, I have not done one thing that I regret with men. I have found myself in the sense that I have finally decided on a career (I am 35 so it took a while but I did it!). I am able to work on all the other things I would like to work on in therapy because I am not constantly in hangover crisis.

I just know that recovery will help you find yourself as well.

Life gets more manageable when you remove the alcohol. Bad things may still happen. Since I have quit drinking, I have still had huge things to deal with--deaths, death of relationships, heartache, severe depression--but I have been able to get through them and carry on. Things are so much better now.

Best of luck! I am pulling for you.

Ooops...I missed the post where you said that you are not going to rehab. Please do what is best for you. The only one that you can take care of in this moment is yourself. Good that you are switching to an addiction specialist. Do your parents know about ending up on the wrong side of the road and what ensued afterwards?

SS,

I'm sorry your mother doesn't understand. When I was in rehab, there were many professional people, well-educated and intelligent. My program was only 30 days and excellent. The counselors were excellent and I learned so much. It changed my life for the better. Once the alcoholism was addressed, I was better able to work on my other issues.

Being inpatient gave me the breathing room to begin healing. It was the best thing for me. It was a safe place where I had 24 hour guidance and help.

My family didn't understand. Most programs have Family days where your family can attend and learn for themselves what it's all about. They'll learn alcoholism isn't a moral failing. It's a medical condition. And one that can be treated.

Please give it some thought if the counseling isn't enough.

Much love,

Lenina

If i may ask, is your mother aware of the extreme behavior....? like drinking at school, in the morning, drunk driving? your despondency where you don't care about yourself?

you have 10 big red flags, you aren't functioning and you don't seem to be able to pull yourself out with the therapy you've been getting. Is it an insurance coverage issue? maybe you want to tell her everything you have been going through and she will see/understand your needs better to detox and get some 24/7 professional support.

you could ask your current therapist to speak to your parents too. you are asking for help for several weeks?

Well we just have Masshealth, it’s public insurance and while it covers mental health, it is pretty limited in what it covers and I’ve already used some of my allotted mental health coverage in therapy…
My Mom hates my current therapist (I’m apathetic…) , she doesn’t think she’s a good fit. Mostly because it hasn’t been helping, she is always pushing medication and she didn’t think suggesting I go to AA meetings and an outpatient dual diagnosis program was a good idea. My Mom didn’t like any of those ideas…
They do want to help me but my Mom think right now I need to be around my family and my friends, not cut off from everyone. And I agree that they’re not scummy people at all I’ve gone to plenty of meetings and everyone was great…
My Mom has a way about getting her way though, if she really doesn’t think rehab is the answer then that’s probably the way it will be. I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow and I’ll talk to him, see what he thinks…maybe if he agrees that I need rehab (Which I assume he wil…) then she’ll listen…I don’t know.

I don't know what it will take but I hope you find your way before anyone loses their life. The other night was what I would call a miracle and the fact you are alive, no others were injured or killed at your hands and the fact that stranger didn't kill you, should have you kicking and screaming for the help you know you need.

Nothing more can be said from me since this is about you taking a stand.

God bless my friend.

Why is it up to your mom to decide? Your recovery is your responsibility.. please if you're going to continue to self destruct, don't put other innocent lives on the line any further, it's selfish and irresponsible.. which you have every right to be, with your own life.

i don't think that this about "your mother getting her way"...I think it is about you saving yourself. I hope you do that and find a way to think clearly and as it's been said, take responsibility before there is more tragedy. I found what you wrote the other day, horrifying....you made some poor judgment decisions and are LUCKY to be alive.

that being said by many, I'm bowing out and wish you the best for some healing.

I'm wondering about something that Fandy brought up earlier: did you tell your mom the extent of your drinking and what happened the other night? You didn't really answer that. If your mom really knew the extent of the problem, why wouldn't she support you going to treatment?

I hope your new counselor can see the severity of the situation and talk to your mother about it. She doesn't seem to know much about addiction or recovery, even though she has a lot of opinions about it. Wishing you all the best.........:ghug3

Well, for some reason the idea of heavy concentration on rehab for a couple of weeks and a meeting group to keep up with every week sounds like a good idea to me. A new job scene too. You have a lot of bereavement and adjusting to go through. I had a complex bereavement issue and a breakup at the same time back when my alcoholism was in the very early stages. Then another couple of bereavement issues after I had already crossed the line. Then just years of dullness and alcohol. I didn't get into the worst messes in the world, but: what a WASTE. People that know me probably would never guess how difficult things were for me inside, and how much more I added to it with my addiction. But I think I'm lucky I survived it thus far. Either your mother doesn't have all the details or she is just not of the right opinion. This needs to be a big personal project all about you, and if things are as upsetting as you are letting on here, then you should get just as serious about working on these issues constructively. This is not a family Xmas tree, this is your mental well-being; use the resources available to you as well as your own good sense. Things will improve inch by inch.

I had to go to rehab just to stop the world from spinning. You wont regret it. Don't talk yourself out of it. Probably the best idea you have considering yesterday. Good luck and God Bless

SS
Your mom might not understand whats been going on and whats at stake - but you do.
It's not up to your mom - it's up to you - you're an adult.

If you baulk at doing something decisive about your situation now, I'm sorry - but I really fear where you're gonna end up...

D

My guess is that Mom doesn't really know the whole story. And I agree with D...

Not the whole story no. I mean I'm ashamed. I just told her it was really bad. But giving all the little details seems too hard.

Yes my Mother pretty much knows the extent. She knows I was in the hospital after a heavy night of drinking. She suspects drunk driving, while I haven’t told her straight up she knows. She knows I drink during the day..and she knows I drink heavily.
All her and my step dad do is telling me what an idiot I am and they’ve grounded me. They bought a few of those one time use breathalyzers for when they suspect I’ve been drinking. They search my room and bags when I get home after work and they take any chance they get to make some sarcastic comment about my poor decision of using alcohol as a coping mechanism and then my Mom whines that I need to get help but when I bring up the idea of rehab she’s says it a “terrible” idea… so I really really don’t know.
I have an appointment with that therapist tomorrow, I’ll tell him I really think rehab is my best option and hopefully he’ll try and talk my Mom into it. My Step Dad said that he’s not letting be back into the house if I disrespect my Mother by going to rehab… I don’t know why they’re so worried about me going but they are.
I'm going to straight up tell this therapist I want to go into rehab...maybe he can make my mom see I need it