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-   -   Right now I want to drink and... (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/202178-right-now-i-want-drink.html)

SomeoneSomwhere 06-01-2010 10:11 AM

Right now I want to drink and...
 
I don't care about my life. As in suicidal. Early this morning (3 AM) I found out my Uncle died, he was kind of like a Dad to me since my own...wasn't arond

Then I wake up this morning and find out

Ryan officially ended it. Through FB. Changed his status to single. Deleted me off his friends. Didn't even call me. Didn't even email me. Didn't even send a text. He's been putting me through so much **** but I thought at the end of it all we'd get back together because he said he just needed space...

Now he ended it and he was really the only thing that mattered to me, getting back with him.

I want to call my shrink kind of but it's not really an emergency as badly as I want to do something to myself I won't.

suki44883 06-01-2010 10:16 AM

No man is worth harming yourself. Please call your pdoc and tell them how you are feeling. :grouphug:

chanel1125 06-01-2010 10:23 AM

Sorry you're feeling this way, I had a bf break up with me like that, (on facebook) no call no text no nothing. Loser.

anyways dear no man is ever worth hurting yourself over and i also suggest you call your pdoc to talk.
are you sober??

xox

Saphie 06-01-2010 10:41 AM

This is an emergency, call someone. A doctor, your shrink, a friend or other family members. The AA hotline, the Red Cross hotline. Doesn't matter, you need to speak to someone.
Right now you are hurting so much, it's impossible to put everything in perspective.
In proportion I'm sure the loss of your uncle is having more of an impact than a man.
If he can't be there for you now when you need someone, would you really want to be with such a person.
If nothing else stay on SR, go to the chat room. Anything but being alone.
My thoughts are with you.
:ghug3

Fandy 06-01-2010 10:47 AM

SS, ask yourself what kind of a *man* ends your relationship on FACEBOOK????

A weasel little skunk-striped COWARD....You are so hurt, I can understand....But you are worth so much more than he could ever give you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and he hasn't shown you either of those things. Pick your head up and be proud of yourself that you can rise above his bull$$%^....cut HIM out of your life...let him wonder.

any man who cannot speak to you face to face isn't worth your time & energy.....(I would slap him upside the head with his laptop for you if i could).....

Kmber2010 06-01-2010 12:36 PM

SS.....please make that call to your doctor. This is an emergency.

I have you in my thoughts.

smacked 06-01-2010 12:40 PM

I know this is cliche but, its true.

"No man is worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry"

Please call someone.

least 06-01-2010 01:33 PM

I agree with all the above. This guy isn't worth the time of day for the lousy way he 'ended' it.:( Please do call someone, talk to someone. Above all else, don't drink. Drinking will only make things worse, I know.:(

We're here for you. :ghug3

Anna 06-01-2010 01:53 PM

I hope you talk to your dr.

You will be able to get through this and find sobriety for yourself.

Dee74 06-01-2010 01:59 PM

I'm sorry for your loss, and for your pain SS.

Pls do call your therapist if you think at all that you need to.

And I totally agree that no other person is ever worth self harming yourself over - whether by drinking or whatever.

Sometimes life is not very much fun at all...but you have a lot of friends here - keep plugged into SR, ok? :)

D

Kjell 06-01-2010 02:07 PM

With only reading your subject (Right now I want to drink and... )

Don't drink. It's not worth it. If you're an alcoholic...nothing is worth drinking over.

betterlate 06-01-2010 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by least (Post 2613198)
Drinking will only make things worse, I know.:(

Least is right to the nth degree there. I had some traumatic stuff happening pretty soon after I stopped drinking (day 37 now). I really wanted to drink, but what I did instead was walk around with my fists clenched (the clenched fist part is not really recommended) saying over and over to myself "drinking will not help, drinking will not help". The traumatic stuff passed over the next few days and I still had my sobriety. Whatever you gotta do, whoever you gotta call, do it and hold on.

Keep posting here, it really helps us to help you!

SomeoneSomwhere 06-01-2010 04:00 PM

Been drinking.
I couldnít not. I know it wonít help but I couldnít not drink.
Hurting so much right now. Canít put it into words. Not going to do anything rash. Just donít know what to do. Talking about it hurts too much. I need Ryan right now but he wants nothing to with me. Or my brother but heís gone too.
As immature and stupid as this will soundÖwhy me? Not such a terrible person, just donít understand why all this sh** keeps happening

Iíve just been crying like all day. Iím not a crier but I canít help it. I havenít eaten. Not hungry. I justÖtrying to survive. My Mom and step dad are both worried. They wanted to let me be alone so Julianne is sleeping in their room. Its nice of them I guess

Everything just hurts right no not sure what to do who to turn to or how to be oaky now

Dee74 06-01-2010 04:25 PM

SS

I really didn't know why me either. For years.

When I finally forced myself to look, I found a lot of the 'why me' was cos I turned to drink way too much. It creates its own problems, and makes you look at yourself and the world in really weird and screwed up ways

I know you're in pain and sad and feeling bad - but drinking's not a solution, SS.

Phone your therapist....get some professional advice and help.

And pls think again about going in for treatment.
I really think not drinking is the way to a better life for you....deal with that and then you can start to deal with everything else.

D

least 06-01-2010 04:39 PM

^^^^ What he said... :grouphug:

SomeoneSomwhere 06-01-2010 04:39 PM

So my Joel died because I drank too much? Haha no offense, I know drinking DOESNíT HELP but my brother wasnít killed in Iraq because I drink. And my Uncle died because he had a stroke. No cos of my drinking.
And RyanÖwell my alcoholism may have contributed to that but it was mostly himÖI know drinking only makes me hurt more and only makes the bad things worse but the **** Iíve been through isnít really because of my drinking, unless God is punishing meÖin which case I wish I didnít pi** him off so much.
*MAY TRIGGER FROM HERE ON PLEASE DONíT READ IF YOU DONíT THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THIS*

****
***
**
*

Iíve been chugging the bottle I have here now. Honestly right now I donít care if I live or die. Iím hurting so much. I called my shrink but she wasnít there they were gonna connect me with the doctor on call but I said never mind. Things are bad.

Dee74 06-01-2010 04:44 PM

I'm sorry you're hurting SS.

Drinking didn't make those things happen - but it can't make them unhappen either.

You deserve better than you're giving yourself.

I think the best thing for you to do would be to call the doctor on call, but thats your choice, SS.

Whatever you do - take it easy, OK?.
D

LovesToTravel 06-01-2010 07:54 PM

Many of us here on SR have been through terrible things.....not unlike yourself. Drinking isn't going to solve your problems...just create more. Please seeks some help as soon as possible.

Kmber2010 06-01-2010 09:34 PM

SS, I am so sorry you are in this bad place right now. I hope you are able to talk to your doctor but only you can make that choice. You deserve so much better and the support is all around you but you have to stop looking at life through the liquor bottle to see the greatness that life has.

I am thinking of you SS. I believe in you.

Huggs - Kim

Recovery1983 06-02-2010 01:14 AM

Hey Someone, I'm sorry to hear about your losses. I'm not going to lie but if I were in your position, I'd probably use too. I did a tour in Iraq and while I was out drinking here in the states, I found out of people I knew that I had died during duty. It is hard to cope with those things. At that time, I was already drinking so it just gave me more reasons to keep drinking.

When it comes to relationships, I want to be that tough guy but deep down, I get very emotional. All my relationships always end up bad and yeah, it really hurts. People will tell me to get over it or go do this or do that but they just dont know. A lot has happened to you over a short period of time and you do need time to grieve. In fact, you deserve it. Like everyone else has said above, drinking wont help. Drinking wont bring back your uncle or your brother. Drinking wont bring back your ex boyfriend. Drinking might make you do regrettable things. Drinking will only numb the pain temporarily and the pain will come back twice as hard when the effects wear off. Point is that drinking wont do you any good, however. I might be condemned for saying this but maybe drinking is okay for you right now.

In the end, drinking will not be the answer and it will only make things worse. I dont know you but I dont think any less of you for drinking right now because like I said, it would probably be what I would do. None of us can know exactly what you are going through but I am sorry that you are feeling pain. I'm still new to this sobriety thing too but I would suggest you to talk with your therapist or maybe even your friends or parents. Whatever you do, I do hope the best for you.

Starburst 06-02-2010 01:35 AM

So sorry for you loss, please rather speak to someone, GOD doesnt punish people, HE has compassion for you. Drinking is just a bad thing to do, when you get sober all the pain will still be there, rather work your way through it, suicide will not do it either. People who break up on FB are not worth it. Please just take care of you, you need time to process all that has happened and time to heal. (((HUGS)))

Grace2 06-02-2010 05:58 AM

Please listen to what we are all saying. Your life is precious and people do care about you. Look at all the friends you have made here. Please go and see your Doctor.Keep writing your feelings on here too. My thoughts are with you. xx

SomeoneSomwhere 06-02-2010 09:43 AM

Thank you. You guys are all amazing and your words really do help.

That being said I have a confession.

Last night was really bad.
Made up some ******** lie to get out the house, I was so wasted that I donít really know how my parents didnít notice. Donít even really remembering driving but I know it was bad. Ended up on the WRONG SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY somehowÖgoing in the opposite directionÖ pretty much almost died. (My GPS told me to go that wayÖ) Rear ended someone but luckily we were going slow enough that his car was fineÖ
Pulled over on the side of the road by a bridgeÖsat there bawling my eyes out for like 20 minutes. Some guy pulled over to see if I was okay. Wanted to call the cops. Talked him out of it. I ended up going home with him. And stuff happened.
Awesome.
So Iím going to rehab. As soon as I see my shrink Iím going to tell her I want in.

Desert2trees 06-02-2010 09:58 AM

Wow Somewhere.... so glad you didn't get hurt, or hurt anyone else when you wrecked. Even happier you decided to get help. Must've been a really smart guy you spent time with, sounds like he may have helped you get some perspective.... not to minimize that your accident could have been much worse and I know that must have been motivating too.

Grief can cause us to spin out of control really bad... I know: lost my hubby 2 yrs ago to a motorcycle accident which led me eventually to recovery - after the time I spent drinking and using drugs to numb it all.... and had relationships and awful breakups since, which, of course, only made my escaping worse.

Hope to see you around here, and look forward to you sharing all the great things recovery is doing in your life soon. hug

Kmber2010 06-02-2010 10:19 AM

SS.....you need help and going into rehab and contacting your dr. is what you really need.

I wish you the best and glad you are here and no one got hurt last night. When are drinking not only endangers us but the lives of others.....well somebody has to do something.

All the best.

smacked 06-02-2010 10:26 AM

Glad you'll be getting help, and staying off the streets for awhile.

Recovery1983 06-02-2010 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeoneSomwhere (Post 2614004)
Thank you. You guys are all amazing and your words really do help.

That being said I have a confession.

Last night was really bad.
Made up some ******** lie to get out the house, I was so wasted that I donít really know how my parents didnít notice. Donít even really remembering driving but I know it was bad. Ended up on the WRONG SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY somehowÖgoing in the opposite directionÖ pretty much almost died. (My GPS told me to go that wayÖ) Rear ended someone but luckily we were going slow enough that his car was fineÖ
Pulled over on the side of the road by a bridgeÖsat there bawling my eyes out for like 20 minutes. Some guy pulled over to see if I was okay. Wanted to call the cops. Talked him out of it. I ended up going home with him. And stuff happened.
Awesome.
So Iím going to rehab. As soon as I see my shrink Iím going to tell her I want in.

Yeah you should probably stay away from the alcohol. By the grace of your higher power, you avoided what could have been a huge accident. Sh*t could have really hit the fan for you. What if you collided into oncoming traffic and someone go injured or even worse, someone got killed. That would automatically be manslaughter or murder. Like I mentioned in my last post, drinking will bring actions that you will regret.

From what I interpreted, you said you went home with this random guy and stuff happened. I'm pretty sure that was something you did not plan and had you been sober, you probably would have never done that. That kind of stuff is dangerous. Dont try to do this alone and get some help. You are literally on the verge of doing something that might have consequences that will affect the rest of your life. Be careful please!!!

Dee74 06-02-2010 03:43 PM

I'm very glad to hear from you SS.

You already know how dumb the things you did when you were drunk last night were, so I think it's awesome you're looking at treatment again.

I'm glad you're still here to tell the tale :)
D

SomeoneSomwhere 06-02-2010 05:27 PM

IDK I hurt so much likeÖwordsÖthere arenít any.
I just wish I could talk to himÖhear his voiceÖget some kind ofÖany kind of explanation

I need him. =( I donít want to be alone. I donít know where to go from here. My future was with him. Now I donít even know if I want a future.
I talked to my Mom about rehab Iím going to go my Step Dad is really pissed my Mom is a little less harsh. They did take away my right to borrow the car which is very much understandable.

Anyways Iím scared of rehab but whatever at this point it canít get any worse. Iím at rock bottom

But I hurt =( I need him now more than ever. I have everyone here and I have amazing friends and a supportive family but my heart just wants him =(.


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