Why Did I Drink?
 

I have never sought professional help, nor do I attend group meetings but I've often heard that it is heathy to truly understand what causes and an alcoholic to drink. I am talking about getting to the real, deep rooted cause.

I've asked this of myself and honestly can not put my finger on it. I had a few of the common culprits such as bad things happen as a kid and a few strained family relationships but honestly none that seem to bother me these days. Closest thing I've got is because I liked the way over-indulging made me feel and maybe I was just "bored" ?? ...but then i must ask "why did I like it and why was I bored?"

I know nobody can answer this for me but I wonder if hearing other people's reasons may help me hone in on my own.

Thanks for any thoughts you may have.

i Drank Because i Loved The Buzz For a Long Time.. Then i Got To The Point i Had To Drink.. i No Longer Loved it Then..

I always used to ask that!

I have had to and continue to do a lot of work on myself by getting help...i always guessed that if it hand been drink it would have been something else...it doesn't necessarily have to be drink or ddrugs or gambling...people have addictive behaviour with relationships, careers, hobbies etc and live perfectly ****** up lives without drinking ever being problem...

On surface it seems to be a mystery why people exhibit this behaviour, it is only scratchingaway the surface and finding out what is really going on when i started to make some headway. One thing i am certain of though and that is i was the last person who could figure out why i did what i did and all the self analysis i did didn't help one bit...considering i was the one living in denial and rationalising my behaviour forso long this is obvious to all except the addict drunk or dry...

For me, the single biggest reason that I drink is basic straightforward loneliness, lack of a girlfriend and lack of female company. I am a straight male of 36 years of age and have never been in a proper relationship with a woman. I had a great upbringing, excellent academic record, good parents and no particular issues in my childhood or teenage years. I didn't grow up in an alcoholic household. My parents drank, but never to excess. So, it's 'cos I'm lonely, basically. I drink because I am in a constant state of pain and longing, quite literally.

I think I am probably in a minority on this one as from reading the threads on here most people are in relationships. Lack of a relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend is not the reason why they drink; in some cases it causes them to lose great relationships, but it's not ultimately why they drink, from my perspective.

At first, I drank because it transformed me. I was a shy kid and the alcohol allowed me to be whoever I wanted and acted in ways I never would while sober. Then I drank to manage negative emotions like anger and depression. I drank because it made me feel more connected to others. I drank because that's what everyone did at parties.

Then, I drank because it was part of my identity. I was the "whiskey drinker" and alcohol was an integral part of my bar-hopping, risk-taking lifestyle. Or so I thought. Then I drank because I knew no other way to function. And that's when the wheels really came off the wagon.

But, to be fair, I know moderate drinkers who espouse the same things and just don't become alcoholics. In the end, I became an alcoholic because I could never moderate my drinking. The progression from heavy drinking to alcoholism, for me, was inevitable. I hope that helps. Really, it's amazing how quickly and insidiously alcohol wound its way into my life.

Hi Happier

I do think it's important to look at underlying reasons and why we started to drink the way we did in the first place - doing that gave me some insight into some life long problems....

but I also know I *became* an alcoholic - so dealing with just the underlying problems would be dealing with only half the problem for me.

In my opinion, and in my experience, both have to be tackled if we want to be sober and happy.

D

Very insightful responses. Thanks so much. I can relate to many of these comments and all got me thinking about things. Yeargr8 was correct.....it is good to get help and insight from others!
Thanks again.

Why Did I Drink?

That’s an easy question.

Because I was Restless irritable and discontent.

Restless: I spent restless nights worrying.

Irritable: I was easily annoyed or exasperated.

Discontent: Feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction in my life.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of long term recovery.

Drinking was never my problem, I was the problem.

Peace and love
TB

I was uncomfortable in my own skin before I picked up my first drink. I was uncomfortable in my own skin when I put it down 30+ years later. Alcohol is what made me feel comfortable 4 to 16 hours each day in between.

Alcohol was my solution for most of that time and did not become my problem till it started making me black-out before it gave me the comfort that I was looking for.

What keeps me sober today is what allows me to be comfortable in my own skin again.
Namely spiritual principles that give me the peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose that I was always looking for.

Because it made me feel good and allowed me to escape everything that was bothering me... temporarily that is. :ring

I drank to medicate depression and anxiety, which of course only made it worse.:(

I drank because I am an alcoholic.

In my opinion, if you want to figure out why you drink. Work the 4th step of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have been working the 4th step for a long long time. By working it I don't mean just read it. You have to live it.

The reason I drank was (you guessed it) I'm an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic because I got hooked.
How did I get hooked? It really doesn't matter.
Bottom line is the thing that matters is why can't we stop.
I found the reasons I couldn't stop in the 4 th step. Resentment and being self centered are a few of the things wrong with me. I can look back at a lot of my old friends that are alkies. I can see the same things in them looking back.
For example, Getting bent out of shape because your neighbor has kooler stuff than you do, or it seems he never has to try very hard to succeed at life makes you say whats the use, Ill just get drunk and forget about it. Poor me.
Yes I really believe the meat and potatoes of AA and understanding why we drink is in the 4th step.
Fred

I drank because I was addicted to the escape that it gave me. While drunk, I did not care about anything and I had an excuse not to care. The escape made me numb so I did not have to feel anything, worry about anything, etc.

That being said, the escape I was getting from alcohol was only temporary and did not make my problems go away. In fact, the alcohol intensified my problems and added more on top of them. I have learned that the best way to escape my problems is to attack them head on, work through them, resolve them, and leave them in the past.

This is an important topic. For me, understanding WHY I drank is an important part of the answer to stopping the drinking. There were hidden factors that I was even unaware of ... feelings I was trying to cover up .... that I have been slowly able to uncover with being sober for periods of time. Recognizing them is like unlocking part of the mystery for me. Facing those feelings, no matter how uncomfortable and bad it feels, has been really important.

I also agree with Dee that the second half of the equation is the 'alcoholism' part. Recognizing that side of my personality -- the thrill seeker, the partier, the person who always just wants to feel a little better -- has been important, too. And there are some genetic pre-dispositions toward alcoholism for me, and that is important for me to remember.

Good topic.

For me, drinking began in my mid-forties, in an attempt to self-medicate physical pain and depression, as well as emotional pain. I was a super control-freak, an absolutely exhausting job, which fell apart completely when my kids hit their teen years.

It was the realization that I was an alcoholic that enabled me to be able to begin to look at the truths and lies in my life.

For me.....my occasional social drinking turned to full blown coping with depression and pain when I had a pregnancy loss at 27. That was the start of it. I wanted to die. I couldn't deal with anything at that point and I never sought counseling....hid my pain and basically was on self-destruct. That was the trigger or start or whatever it can be called. I drank to cope, to live, to forget. With the drinking I also became numb to things and didn't think clearly. I stayed in a mentally abusive marriage, I allowed some negative folks in my life and I became extremely down on myself and felt worthless. Pretty sad egh?

It is good to understand why we drank but as others have said.....to also understand that we are alcoholic. I am learning how to live life and cope with the ups/downs in a positive way but I also understand that I am alcoholic.

There is nothing great or wonderful in my life or any change I can make within or around me that will change the fact that I am an alcoholic. I am in recovery but there is no moderating, controlling or even thinking I can relax with a cool one. This is something I didn't fully understand with my first go a sobriety. Now I get it.

I am a slave to alcohol sadly and all it will take is just 1 drink to bring me right back to the hell I was in. I can't fix the addictive mind but being ever aware and knowing that I can't drink again keeps me sober.

All the best

for me,

i liked the way it made me feel,

and not feel...

the yin and yang of the bottle.

great replys here!

May the FOURTH be with you

[QUOTE for me,

i liked the way it made me feel,

and not feel...
QUOTE]
Excately!

Thanks to all. This has been helpful. I appreciate the time and thought that everyone put into it.

I drank because I hadn't developed the tools to live a mostly happy and complete life.

I basically stagnated, and then the alcohol completed the viscious cycle; fooling me into thinking I was "growing" when in fact I was beginning the slide downward.

Recovery has given me the chance to learn the tools and grow.

This is a very interesting thread for me. I am just starting yet another attempt at sobriety and this thread has got me thinking about why I started drinking.

I have never had a social life and barely drank at all until I was 20 (I am now 33) and I had a couple of awful episodes at family gatherings where I got terribly drunk, probably as drunk as I have ever been since. For whatever reason these incidents which were within a few months of each other in my 21st year, didnt put me off.

Even though I lived at home with my mom I started buying cider on the way home from work once or twice a week, only amounted to 3 or 4 pints each time. There wasnt any reason I can think of for doing it at the time, I wasnt particularly unhappy and no great situational change occured. I still cant explain it.

Anyway, one thing led to another and it became a daily thing to buy the cider, then the amounts each day would increase. By the time I was 25 I moved out and now live on my own. Since then my contact with my mother decreased as visiting her meant I wouldnt drink, as she was becoming concerned. As the years have gone by my life has become centred around alcohol.

I visit my mother once a week- if I am not so hungover it is impossible- I have shut myself off from every other member of my family, I drink literallly all the time I am not at work ( how I kept my job I dont know), even if I wake at 6am I will start drinking, I dont open the curtains in my house anymore, I am seriously overweight, I am a mess...

There are many more examples I could go into to illustrate the way the years have unfolded for me which I wont go in to, but all this started just by simply trying alcohol in the first place.

I started drinking and I got hooked. I think it is that simple.

The question for me was why wouldn't I drink? It was so engrained in my recreation and cultural background and role-models and also it was a bloody great laugh. I used to love it, I really truly did.

BUT it was a love that I realised was far too powerful and unnatural and a love that only an alcoholic will ever feel.

My drinking turned into classic alcoholic drinking and I saw how the park bench was the natural companion of an alcoholic. I didn't mind it when i was drunk but when the booze wore off I wondered whether my best friend was really worth it. I was a ranting, swearing alcoholic chuntering to the sky in a drunken mess. I don't remember none of this (I am reliably informed) but I suddenly realised what I had become and reminded myself of. That street alcoholic who you saw when you were little talking to the sky and shouting and ranting to himself.

Peace

I drink/drank because it made me feel better or different. If I was happy it was a great way to celebrate, If I was sad it was a great way to forget. If I was mad, insecure, lonely, or any other feeling you can imagine it accompanied it well. Until of course I was drunk even then apparently I liked it because given the choice I'd just keep drinking. But then the next day...
When I drink unlike some people I loose the ability to be rationale to make any kind of reasonable choice. I'm never the one to say "okay, time to go home" I'm the one saying oh, come on one more bar, beer, shot etc.
If I had to say the number one reason though, it would be that I'm not very comfortable with myself sober.. and this, I'm going to try and change....

welcome back TheChangingMan :)

D

To tell you the truth, at the end, I did not know why I drank.
I was drunk for so many years, it just took over my mind and body. I am an alcoholic.

I'm also bipolar, and the thing I can put my finger on, is that drinking made me feel like I THOUGHT everyone else felt sober. Alcohol tricks you. I drank heavily for twenty years. You name it I drnak it.

At one point switched from beer to vodka, this is the natural progression of the disease.
Puking in the morning, But still not feeling like I drank too much.
Slowly tapered off over months on beer again. A six pack a week. Sometimes I would vomit the first one, then keep on. Crazy, huh?

With the help of this board and a higher power than me, I've been sober 150 days now.

If I can do it, you can too. Willpower got me nowhere. It was a moment of clarity that I didn't want to be a drunk anymore.
Got sick of hiding bottles, rotating liquor stores, throwing away the empties in different dumpsters. But was I fooling anyone? Yes, myself. Everyone I know knew I was a drunk.

These last 150 days have been glorious. I'm making new friends. Told the old ones I quit.
They stuck by me when I was drinking, and we've only gotten closer.

Just a little about me, hoping you can relate to some of it.
Maybe you could try AA? It's worked for millions.
I've learned what works for me and I'm sticking to it. The thought of a drink now repulses me.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide, on your journey.

At first, I drank because I thought it was normal, sophisticated, and socially "right." I drank because it was fun--a hell of a lot of fun--becuase it turned off the part of me that worried and wanted to control everything, and it let me be the person who was uninhibited and a "rockstar." It let me obtain the attention I craved without suffering through the anxiety I experienced alongside it. I drank because I wanted to try everything and live on the edge; was I going to take huge risks sober? Alcohol helped do the things I was afraid to do.

Later, I drank because it was a habit. I drank because I was lonely. I drank because it made me feel comfortable in social situations when I had lost the ability to feel comfortable sober. I drank because everyone else was drinking. I drank because I was bored. I drank to forget my problems--that I was single, that I felt unsexy, that I was overweight, that I realized all the material advantages of my youth meant nothing, that my family was dysfuctional, that I was broke, that my boss was a bully, that I had health problems as a consequence --directly or indirectly--of alcohol abuse. Or I drank for the hair of the dog.

Later still I drank for no reason at all. And when I drank, it did not solve any of the problems above--it only made them worse. Last, I drank because I was afraid to stop --afraid of what would happen to me, my social life, my entire sense of myself, without alcohol.

Finally I became honest with myself about all this. And that is why I no longer drink.

:Xmasbstar ditto to everything American Girl said.... (you really covered it all for me I think, AG!)

Just had to re-state that one. There are hundreds of reasons why we picked up but, if you're an alcoholic, the reasons really are meaningless. THAT we drank and could not stop once we started and, when we stopped couldn't seem to stay stopped (in spite of wanting to stay stopped) are the issues to be looked at.

I have a good friend who's been in a wheelchair for around 25 years or more. He can study, research, understand and discuss all he wants about the particulars of the accident he was in, why he turned his motorcycle the way he did vs turning another way, what bones were broken, what neural pathways were severed, etc etc etc..... but none of that changes the fact that he's IN a chair NOW and will be for the rest of his life.

THAT he's in the chair and how to deal with it is infinitely more important to how he's going to live his life today and from here on out than WHY. That he has to find a way to drive to work, get into an office, use the bathroom, etc etc is what to deal with today....and the "why's" are irrelevant.


I say this because, IF you're an alcoholic, THAT you are is so much more important than WHY you are - right now. Deal with the problem at hand and then go back all you want and research the why's. Don't sell this illness short....it's a bad mother and it'll take you down big time if it's ignored. "Why" can become an exercise in futility as well as a way to ignore/put-off dealing with the problems at hand right now.

In the AA book (which is not only Bill W's opinion/experience but that of the first 100 recovered AA's who proof-read, modified and contributed to the text) it mentions over and over that self knowledge will do nothing to "fix" alcoholism. Heck, Roland Hazard studied for a full year under Dr Jung (one of the preeminent psychiatrists on the planet at the time - second only to Freud) yet within a week or two of his leaving Dr. Jung with more knowledge and information than any of us is likely able to acquire on our own.......he was drunk again.

So, the REAL reason I drank isn't because I got a raise, or didn't get one, got fired or didn't, got a great girl in my life or didn't, played well on the golf course, or didn't.......etc etc etc..... the deepest reason of all is: I DRANK BECAUSE I'M AN ALCOHOLIC (and didn't even know it at the time).

In AA's BB in 'The Doctor's Opinion' it says that men and women drink essentially because they like the effect caused by alcohol.....and yes, I agree with this, but.........

I'm with Snarf and DayTrader. I never needed to find the deep, underlying cause as to WHY I touched the hot stove and burned my hand; I just needed to realize that as long as I didn't touch the hot stove, I, more than likely, wouldn't burn my hand.....

.....and as for reasons....? ......the becauses......? ......the triggers (gotta love all them new euphamisms, eh).....? Nah, not for me; no excuses needed for my drinking; I was an (active) alcoholic, and that's what alcoholic's do; they drink; not an excuse; just a fact.

Ya know....it's funny, but I've known a number of folks who 'drank over issues' 'drank while going through some stuff in their lives' etc., etc., etc., ......from the outside, all would say that they were alcoholics.....but, when all was said and done, when these folks got help....: therapists, counselors (both secular and spiritual); when they worked on their issues; dealt with them; walked through whatever was going on in their lives; when they reached the other side, well, the alcohol problem was gone (with the issues, I guess, I dunno); they were not, nor were they ever alcoholics, and today folks would call them normal, non-alcoholic drinkers (who drink on occasions, and usually rare ones at that).

On reading this over, I realize that it sounds like Im saying that if person has a reason for their drinking, or they say they do, then I might be saying that person probably isn't an alcoholic.....this is definitely NOT what I'm saying; just what I've observed through my experience on this recovery journey.


(o:
NoelleR