17 hours sober
 

Just checking in to let everyone know I haven't touched a drop in over 17 hrs. I did, however, take a 1mg xanax last night to help facilitate sleep (They are prescribed but I'm constantly counting them, running short etc.. would love to be rid of them forever as well.
My emotions are all over the place and I'm practically steaming with anxiety but what a great feeling to get up in the morning and not have to choke back any booze. Thanks for all your kind words since I stumbled in here. I doubt I would've been able to even come this short distance if I was totally alone.

Oh, and I also went out (SOBER!) and bought some Milk Thistle, some Vitamin E, and a bottle of liquid b12 complex. Does anyone know of any other natural supplements that might make things a little easier for me or at least help my liver. I don't want to get any blood work until I'm clean for about a month, because I'm scared it will come back horrendous, especially the liver profile

Thanks

First of all congrats on 17 hours sober. Only us alcoholics can fully understand what an achievement it is to go past 8 hours.
You seem to be doing all the right things, try relaxing with a herbal sleepy tea also.
There is one available with milk thistle I believe for detoxing, but I can't remember the name. Sorry.
However I do think (just my opinion :) ) you should see the doctor now and not wait six months. Maybe your liver needs more help then just vitamins, maybe it's levels are normal. Who knows, but isn't it better to find out now?
Keep posting and again, well done.

Yeah, you are probably right about the doctor.. The thing is, my nerves are so fried I barely made it to the store and backwithout having a nervous breakdown.. I'm also scared of the doctor (I know I sound like a 2 year old, worse even). I have never had a positive experience with a health professional. I've been misdiagnosed and treated like garbage more times than I care to remember.
In my favor, my last drinking binge before this past 9 day beer and xanax fiasco, was about 1 year ago.. Yep. 1 whole year of sobriety shot to hell in 9 days.. I got particularly depressed around the holidays, managed to hold out, but eventually went on this bender. What a way to start the New Year.

But, as far as the doctor, you ARE right and I'm scared. Not just about my liver results, but I feel like they'll find some kind of disease or something.

Thanks for reading....I'm suck a basket case right now...

Keep up the good work :)

Good for you Steven.
The first few days were tough on me physically too, especially the first one and I used to have a first one every week.
I wasn't trying to quit but I never started another session when I was feeling sick which was probably a good thing.
I should probably go to the doctor too and get a liver test but my count has never been high anyways.
Good luck.
You are doing great.

Steven, Good for you being sober for 17 hours!

I can relate to your fear of the dr. I have actually had two full-blown panic attacks when I was at a drs appointment.

It helped me to believe that no dr has the power to tell me if I'm going to live or die. I use the dr as a tool to help me maintain my health, but I had to take back some of the power I had given over to doctors. Ultimately, the Universe has a plan for me, and for you.

Good for you steven, just cracked myself and come off a 3 day bender, crashed last night 7,30 sozzled, to wake 1,30am managed to down the last 2 tins o beer, then 6,30am
drove to my work!!! paranoid as sin i was gonna get pulled over by the cops!! crazy.....
luckily for me wasnt, but this is the kinda craziness alcohol puts you through!!
off it today an gonna make a big big effort this time, the funny thing is the first few days
even a week is often not to bad, once i get into the weekend an i see everyone else
out partying,find it really tough to not join in, keep your good work up,its hard for us all.
:wtf2

Could you be suffering from withdrawal? It affects everybody differently.

When I was drinking, my blood pressure was 170/120 with medication, which is pretty bad. I was depressed (suicidal), I was moderately paranoid as every proud alcoholic probably is :) and during detox/brief rehab found out that my liver level were fairly raised.

I wanted to be sober so badly, but that also meant cleaning house when it came to my health.
I am now on anti-depressants and even have moments of joy, which I thought wasn't possible, my blood pressure is 130/70 without medication. My liver levels are down to normal.
I'm still paranoid though :) . 'Just joking'.
It was worth it. If you don't like a certain doctor find another. Maybe you know people that can recommend someone.

And be brutally honest. They can't misdiagnose alcoholism if you admit you are one. Keep an open mind and please get help. Hang in there.

Hi Steven, well done on being sober. It won't feel like this all the time. Easy does it.

It's great to see your progress! You never have to suffer alone now that you've found SR.

I felt very strange too when I first stopped. Sort of like a bear coming out of his cave after hibernating. The sun was so bright - the noises so loud - my nerves were shredded, too. That all went away rather quickly.

I agree with Saphie - facing up to the doctor visit is best. Worrying about what might be discovered will add to your stress. For what it's worth, after 25+ yrs. of heavy drinking, my liver wasn't that bad. My only issue was getting my blood pressure back to normal - plus, I was malnourished (needed B vitamins among other things). Once you get that over with, you'll feel so much better.

Steven35, All,

I came across the following article in researching nutritional support for detox and found it really helpful in terms of not only which supplements to take, but also in what quantities depending on the severity of the drinking (i.e. drinkers' support, recovery and detox): (scroll down until you're about 85% down the page)

[URL="http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/nutritional-programs-for-alcohol-detoxification.html"]

I hope you find it helpful.

I did my detox at home and did not want to taper or get benzodiazepines. I'm petite in height and weight and was having about 1-1.5 bottles of wine a night so not sure where I am in the specturm in terms of being a heavy drinker and how that affected my withdrawls, but I did have them albeit fairly mildly. I credit the supplements along with allowing myself to eat as much healthy food as my body was craving (whole foods ~ fruit, veg, protein, good fats) and drink tons of water/green tea. Then once I hit a plateau, I hit the gym to stimulate endorphins and started to actually feel good! I'm on day 4 and it's the second time around for me in 1 month.

The following is not medical advice but just my own experience. My worst side effect has been the insomnia (ironic since the way I developed a problem was through using it to get to sleep!). Though I don't like pills, I've been taking 1/2 a doxylamine (roughly 6mg of the same ingredient (antihystamine) in Unisom) and it's really helped. I've also been adding larger amounts of olive oil into my diet than I already had as well as drinking tons of lemon water because I read that the two aid in cleansing the liver.

This detox was much easier than the last one and I'm never putting myself through this crap again. I'm so grateful to have found this community AND... make my first post! Good luck! Stay strong!

Welcome Lady Luck. How about starting a thread :)

First of all Steven, good job so far on the 17 hours. For non alcoholics it may not sound like a big deal, but many who have been throuh this can relat to the first few days being hard.

I have to agree with Saphie though, the assistance of a dr. for going through detox is a very good idea, as well as being completely open about the alcohol and as well the xanax. Detoxing alone at home can be very dangerous, and the fear of going to a dr. and talking about your problem is something many can relate to.

But I think your safety and your health are a very good reason for doing it. There is no shame in admitting having a problem and deciding to do something about it- and asking someone who is qualified in a certain area (in this case health issues) for help.

You don't need to wait to get bloodwork done, the more/earlier you know about your current health, the better are your possibilities to make active steps to improve it, and it is also very possible that the outcome is more positive than you fear. And if you do something about your alcohol problem, your liver has also a pretty good chance to recover from possible damage.

It is fear, fear and shame that keep so many peolpe from getting appropriate help. I keeps sick people sick. I have been there for a long time, but it was such a big relief once I could muster the courage to come clean about my alcoholism and get some support.

Knowing for sure is better than fear, because fear is something that paralizes, and finding out for sure makes you able to take action. It is woth it. You can do this, take care and please detox safely.

@dasha: Don't give up. It may be a good idea to stay away from partying on the weekends for some time and plan other activities that don't involve drinking for the weekend, and to spend more time with some friends/people thatyou know that don't drink. At least I had to make these changes in order to stay stober, and I am not missing the drunken partying and the hangover/shame of the next morning. I find that the things I do on weekends sober are way more interesting and fun.

Soon, Saphie, soon!

Thanks for all the support everyone.

I am most definitely going through withdrawal although it's not what I would call severe or life threatening(At leat, I hope not..) I mean, 10 days ago I was at the gym. I was sober from everything except xanax for almost 1 year(and that is by prescription although it IS just a crutch) Eating right.. sleeping so-so.. working out religiously.. Employed, yet still very depressed due to my type2 bipolar disorder, I slogged through each day but didnt drink or use any drugs except xanax, and never recreationally. I thought I had it licked.. I read somewhere that if you can go 3 months without, then you don't have a problem.

Well, I don't know about all that jazz, but 11 months and several days later I had this 9 day relapse of beer, pot, and xanax. I didn't remember taking the xanax. All I know is arounbd 60 .5mg tablets that should be in the jar, aren't

This relapse is particularlly bad for me, because it is on top of a depressive disorder that has not been successfully treated (SSRI drugs are VERY BAD for me). I feel like a failure because a year went down the toilet.. Before that year, I would often binge drink until I was sick and then quit for a month or two just to do it again. I feel like I wasted all those years as well. Thats why I thought I had it beat after over 11 months went by, but then over the holidays, just as I was discussing trying a new bipolar drug with my shrink BANG! I saw a young happy-looking couple putting christmas presents in their trunk and it triggered a depressive episode that felt like a tsunami. I managed to stay sober for the holidays, if for nothing else, than for my mom and dads sake, but it got worse and worse and by Jan. 16th 2010, I was drinking 18 beers a day, who knows how much xanax, whatever percocet I could find (which luckily wasnt much) and about 1/2 ounce of high grade marijuana. Just like "the old days", but even worse. I knew it wouldnt make my depression go away but my alcoholic/junkie mind said "Well if you can't feel anything positive, than why feel anything at all?"

I am running on and on.. so sorry...... When I'm all nervous like this I could type forever.. Anyway.. coming up on 20 hrs sober.. Man will I be glad when I can say 1 week, 1 month, and 1 year again.,..

Oh and by the way.. my blood pressure is almost always normal if I take it at home or at the local pharmacy.. But when it gets taken ina doctors office by a doctor or nurse it is almost always slightly elevated...

Hi Steven

This disease is progressive even if you are abstinant, which is why after a year sober, you were even worse this time around. Whoever wrote that comment about after 3 months, you don't have a problem, didn't know what they were talking about.

I know you suffer from depression and that can make you full of regret but really try to just keep your thoughts in the moment or the day if you can. Right now you have 20 hours sober. That's great and that is all that matters.

I read this today from my OA daily thought book and I thought of it when you mentioned that couple with the Christmas presents.

"My life didn't match life as it was shown in movies, books, on TV. So I thought something was wrong and I had to fix it. That delusion led me to demoralization and despair"

When I am suffering I find myself comparing my life with everyone elses and mine seems so inferior. With me it is not just people on TV but it is people in the real world. I look at them and all their lives seem better. Everyone else has a relationship, everyone else is doing happy family things, everyone else has lots of friends, everyone else has a mobile phone which constantly makes noises while mine is silent.......and on and on the thoughts go.

But it is a delusion. In recovery I can see that. Working the 12 Steps shows me that.

Yes Intention, I didn't think the comment about 3 months held much water either. in fact, most things I read or hear about booze that are written or spoken by people with no alcohol problem are usually false. I just hope that my periods of healthy living work in my favor as far as my current health, future health, and ability to recover and stay recovered.. A few times I thought maybe I should just look at this relapse as a good thing, because it reminded me what hell is

I just hate to think that any good 11 months of protein shakes, clean diet and workouts did for me was 'erased' by a stupid, hellish 9 day mistake.

9 days will not have had a huge effect on your body after a year of sobriety. Stop worrying about it....you are sober now.

I actually think it is a good idea to look at this episode as a good thing. It really has taught you a very big lesson and it really could be the last time now. There is absolutely no doubt in your mind that that you can just have one drink.

that really is good... i have been to a point where i couldn't even go ten hours without a drink... and if i went close to that it was only because it was night time and i was sleeping. may i suggest in addition to lots of tea (hot, if you're steeped in winter like we are here in dayton, ohio!), you keep some type of hard candy around (werther's comes to mind for me :) ) and that may help with the cravings. better a little candy (or a lot!) than a shot!

gg

thanks for easing my mind a bit, Intention.. I've really been beating myself up about this relapse with a lot of very negative internal dialogue....to the point of self-loathing at times.. I have no love or desire for the feeling that alcohol provides anymore, because I know it will just end with me sick.. To tell you the truth I never much liked booze past those first few 'social lubricant' experiences. I mostly have just used it as a way to feel nothing. If I was happy and really wanted to celebrate something, booze would be the last thing I would want because it would take me "out of the moment". It all stems from anxiety/depression problems that neither I nor any doctor has properly addressed.. Maybe it's just because I have had bad experiences, or havent found the right doctor, but I've never had much confidence in the American Medical Association.. especially when it comes to mental health.

and thanks for the suggestions and support ghost girl! :-)

Hi Steven, I don't know what the answer is to your mental health issues but I do know that working the 12 steps of AA can make your life so much better and keep you sober.

Will you go to an AA meeting?

You stayed sober for 11 months and relapsed. You have to learn from this and do something different this time. AA is a good place to go for a solution, for meeting people who understand what you are going through and for meeting new friends.

Will you go?

Hi Steven

Congrats on your sober achievement :)

I agree with Anna on the Dr thing - the sooner you go, the sooner you can deal with anything, if there's anything to deal with.

The overwhelming likelihood is there's nothing to deal with - I think I said yesterday I drank for 20 years and got a basically clean bill of health.

Go to the Dr and you can put that all behind you and put your focus back squarely on getting better.

Don't wait. I was scared too - and I waited a month or two....I wish I hadn't now because I'm still suffering some legacies from my last detox - they're not serious, but I'll always have them - but had I sought help at the time, that might not be the case now.

As for the liver - god bless vitamin companies but I believe the liver repairs at its own rate, no matter what we take to aid it in doing so.

You may find your liver is fine anyway - stranger things have happened.

Do check with your doctor about anything you are taking though - even over the counter stuff.

D

Dasha - this is madness

Catch a cab, mate - you might save your own life, or someone else's.
D

That's actually pretty common, so common in fact, they have a name for it..."white coat syndrome." However, it can also be a marker for an anxiety disorder - but if you're on prescribed Xanax I'm sure you're all too aware of that.

Congrats on your time so far!

I obviously need to do something different because I don't want to live a life devoid of any positive emotions.. Because thats how I feel now. As if I've never had a happy emotion without ingesting some kind of chemical. The dry periods of my life, although some were long like the 11 month one I mentioned, were devoid of alcohol and drug abuse, but they were also devoid of any happiness or anything at all.. The only feelings I ever had were negative. It' no wonder the relationships I've had over the years always failed.
I often think about A. A. but the usual things make me nervous:
1)I don't want anyone in my town to see or recognize me going because I feel like a slug even though I know I have nothing to be embarassed about
2)Seeing people a good deal older than me who messed up their lives with alcohol and now A.A. is the most important thing in their life will depress me greatly (I'm sorry if this sounds crass, stupid, boorish, or ignorant.. I'm just being honest)
3)I get social phobia around groups of people
4)I worry they'll think I'm different because I never enjoyed the feeling of alcohol, I just wanted to not feel anything. I have never been a happy drunk with a lampshade on his head.
I sometimes think one on one help with a therapist would be good for me but the problem is finding a qualified one. I went to a CSW before and it was useless. Not to be arrogant, but I had more life experience, knowledge, and suggestions than SHE did! I need a real therapist or psychotherapist..maybe one that specializes in addiction? I'm on Medicaid and SSI right now though, so choice of doctors isn't so hot. And with Medicaid, in New York? You'll be lucky to find a doc that speaks english. (kidding sorta)(

I must do SOMETHING though... I don't want to feel this way anymore.. not just WD's from my recent relapse.. but all of it.. the depression,sadness,hopelessness, and irrational fear.. I just turned 35 this past Christmas Eve, so it's not like I'm a moody youngster anymore. I feel like if I dont find a way to fix myself, I'll be like this forever..

Steven

It's good to know you are doing well thus far. My suggestion to you is, WRITE SOMETHING. The music will save you. I've been sober for 3 days now and I'm starting to see what you said about my creativity flowing a lot better with a clear mind. I wrote something today that is very significant, I think. I'm not as sick today, actually got a good bit of sleep.
I tried to send you a private message, but it said I have to have 5 posts before I can.... kinda tarded in my opinion. But whatever. haha!

I'm also thinking about going to a therapist when I get my tax return (lack of money and insurance), so I was thinking it might be a good thing for you to try too.

Congrats on 17 hours!!! You will be 1 day down in a a few hours. I agree that you should go to the Dr. as it is best to know how your health is. I am 36 and had elevated liver enzymes on and off for the past few years. Had every test done short of a liver biopsy but of course I was a daily drinker and that was part of the reason my numbers were elevated. My doctor said that if I had alcohol in my system say 3 days or so that it would easily raise my levels. Since I am not 8 days sober....I am making that appointment and retested. They rose when I was trashed and lowered when I slowed down the booze. Make an appointment and definitely get checked out. This also helped me see what I was doing to my body.

As far as natural supplements, I do the multi-vitamin, thiamine (B1) and vitamin D. The thiamine is brutal on the skin though since my face has more acne then I have since I was 13....haha. It is the essential vitamin for recovery since the use and past use of alcohol essentially robs the body of this vitamin necessary for the central nervous system. I eat plenty of veggies and healthy food since I remember to eat now that my stomach is full of booze anymore.

God Bless

Thanks for the congrats and the suggestions.. I have passsed the 24 hr mark (about 28 I think) I'm pretty anxious and night time can be especially bad with me with feelings of isolation and dread. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with a kind of fear that has no real source that I can determine.
The doctor is something I know I should do, but right now I just want to feel like I can go outside without having a nervous breakdown. I've also had lots of bad experiences with doctors here in the U.S. and I can't say I love them all that much. I see a psychiatrist once a month but he doensnt take my insurance, and basically just charges me 50 dollars cash for a xanax script. We had been discussing a new medication for bipolar shortly befre I had my 9 day relapse sp I havent tried it.. It's called Lamictal.
I ate well today, and I rode a stationary bike for 20 minutes but other than that I feel like balsa wood and gauze or the tin man or something...

Yes Dee, Appreciate your Words!! I Think we can all all live and get away with so much
without seriously becoming unstuck!!, No cabs were i stay, very rural! good news its 6.30am. this morn an im sober about to drive to work! and i was,nt blazin drunk yest morn,still in control, im mean gotta hold down a job,
anyway New day! that was my yesterday,
good day all.