Keep going Steve!!! I am right here with you. I am getting ready to go to get a physical assessment to start working out.

Yayy for passing the 24 hour sober mark. You can do it. Keep sharing with us.

God Bless :)

Thanks Kimber.. it's about 2:17am here now and I don't know how much sleep I'll get tonight.. I have Stephen Kings latest novel and it's huge.. also..the ever-present internet.. I wish I was a little calmer. I still have some Xanax but I'd really rather not take any. Right now I'm watching Cartoon Network..

dasha: Hope you are having a good sober day

Steve...just wanted to say welcome! I havent been here in a year myself. My life has been a complete mess this last year. So Ive been lurking around here and reading but this is my first post. My last drink was about 15 hours ago.

We cant alwyas beat ourselves up for having to start over.....some dont get that chance. I have started over so many times that I have a sober date birthday in every month of the year!! LOLOL. ANyway..my point is that I think sober TIME is more important! You have 354 days sober out of 365!!!

Thats wonderful!!! Sometimes we get soo wrapped up in the fact that we have to start from day "one"..well then I may as well REALLY blow it then.

Im not sure I am saying all this right..I dont mean to disregard the significance of a sober date....but I think we put too much importance on it. No One is perfect...we are human...we make mistakes...

Hi Steven, I hope you get the courage to go to an AA meeing. We tell people to look for similarities in others' stories, not for differences. No-one, absolutely no-one, will judge you for being a drunk who never enjoyed alcohol.

Another thing you could do at meetings is talk to others and ask if anyone knows any good therapists who deal with addiction. Sometimes word of mouth can be benefical in finding the right person to help.

I really hope you go and get some phone numbers. Just reaching out and talking to people who understand what you are going through in these tough, anxious hours will really help.

you have options
 

Remember to be grateful that you are in north america--new york! You at least have the option of finding doctors, aa, na..etc... Having lived in Asia for over a decade, in small and large cities, the option is not always there. If it is, it is VERY limited. Use the resources you have available, not the excuses!

Steven your fears are very common, I felt the same way.

Have you or any one you know that is not in AA hang around outside of AA meetings checking to see who is going?

If you saw some one in a meeting you know would you go running around telling people "I saw John at an AA meeting last night"? Of course not, because if you did the first thing people would ask you is "Why were you there?". This is the very reason John will not go around telling people he saw you! I found an immediate bond with every person in my first meeting, we were all alcoholics working on recovery.

LOL you have the same misconception I had about AA before I went, a bunch of old men drinking coffee and crying because they could not drink any more! Your conception of people in AA is so far from the truth if I had not felt the same way I would say you were being a bit daff.

In AA you will find the rich, the poor, & the middle class, you will find people who laugh easily, people with a twinkle in thier eyes. You will find people as young as 15 and as old as 95 and every thing inbetween.

You will find doctors, teachers, lawyers, judges, preachers, business people and business owners. You will find construction workers as well as skilled artisans.

In a nut shell if you walk through a crowded mall you could not tell an AA member from any one else. The vast majority of alcoholics are not the homeless unemployed. Alcoholism has no boundaries, if one is a human being they could be alcoholic.

I just noticed you are 35, there are some meetings in my area where you would be in the upper age range.

This will lessen and may totally dissappear if you start off going to small meetings and sitting in the back. I spent 5 years drinking every day alone in my garage, so going to meetings was not all that easy at first.

"I just wanted to not feel anything" is how I and many others wanted and got out of drinking. Yes there were some good times in the early years of my drinking, but in the end I like many others drank not to party or feel good, but to simply slip away from life.

Hi, glad to see this morning that you are still hanging in there. I personally do not go to AA for other reasons of my own. Shame on me; however I have been and I think you deserve to give yourself at least a chance of making up your mind which way of recovery is right for you. How will you know if you don't try?

1. I understand you worry about being recognized, although it really is anonymous for all. Still, if that is a big concern, try and find a meeting in another town.

2. These so called old timers may have been sober for years and years and have a lot of experience to offer. I really doubt they would depress you even more. And even if some have continued to drink for most of their life, wouldn't that be a good deterrent for you not to waste all those years.

3. If you can, take someone with you that is supportive or just sit in the background and listen. Nobody will force you to talk. If it gets too bad you can always leave.

4. It is the addiction that makes us believe we enjoy alcohol, once we realize we are addicted and have to drink, it no longer seems a pleasure. Maybe you just plunged straight into addiction without wearing the lampshade (can you even remember if you ever did :) )

I wish you well, now make that doctor appointment :)
You are doing well, keep coming back.

Hi all,
I'm up to 42 hours now. Feeling a little better. Some of the anxiety is getting easier but the depression, anger, sadness etc.. is still all over the place. I took a half of a benadryl last night and actually slept!
Tazman53, I hope I wasn't insulting in the things I brought up about AA. After re-reading my post I saw how it may have been a bit insulting. I didn't mean to imply that AA is a "room full of old drunks". I think it's a great organization that has helped tons of people. I just don't know if it's for me yet for lots of different reasons.. And yes, I am recently turned 35, and it was a VERY depressing birthday. I feel like 15 years slipped by without me knowing.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 9th and I want to re-evaluate my medication. Being depressed ALL THE TIME is not an option. In the 11 and 1/2 months of sobriety I had, yes I felt much more relaxed and healthier, but I was still depressed all the time. I believe it is this depression that has always been the root cause of my substance abuse.. Standard SSRI antidepressants didn't work for me so I need to explore tis much further.
I also want to make an appointment with a GP just for a standard physical but now I have to find a new one, because the old one no longer takes my insurance.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Bless you. I'm 31 and my doctor has been reading me the riot act about my high liver functioning for the last x4 years. I haven't had a drink in 14 hours and my liver is so sore and it's so scary. I can't sleep on the right hand side of the bed & one doctor thought I had Hep C from my test results.

I will say a prayer for you that you are staying strong and Thank You for sharing. Wish me luck tonight, I wish I could sleep