How about just trying it for awhile ashlee, turn your cares and worries over to God and see what He does with them? What I have trouble with sometimes is accepting the outcome, that's when I have to remember "Thy will, not mine, be done".

I think that prayer is a perfect one to start with. Nice and simple. Can't hurt to try that too for awhile, right?

My first baby steps to turning my will over to God were just to look at what was causing me stress each day and to decide whether I legitimately had any control over it. If I didn't have any control, I turned it over to my Higher Power.

me11109- that's a pretty good way of looking at it that I haven't thought about.

Astro-I think it is a good way to start it. I just had so many eye openings at this meeting today with my counselor. Things started coming together and I got this book today that is wonderful, funny, point blank called Finding God When you Don't Believe in God, Searching for a Higher Power Greater than Yourself. It's kinda like God put it right in my hands. Then my AA meeting was about this stuff some like God wanted me to really hear this. So, it is coming about and I need not rush it. Instant Gradification is what got me in this mess, so I need to have patience and wait for it to come. I know it will.

Ashlee, I grew up not too far from you :), and I know what it's like to think of brimstone when you think of God. Personally--and I don't hold this pro/con anyone--I had my aha moment and nowadays I believe. Not through being told, 'cause I was, and I was not a very compliant learner, until 'it' happened... And 'it' happened when I was still drinking hard, which made for a young lady now absolutely terrified of lightning...

Do what's right & the rest will follow... I wouldn't have believed my own words ten years ago, but it does get better. And I believe you're on the right path towards sobriety (not that I know anything, of course). God will come to you in His own way of getting through to you... in a way that will matter to you. I don't/ can't know what that is. In my case it came down to a street on a hill... pretty insignificant but oh so vital at that moment in time.

Take care,
-TB, impressed by your 30 days

Hi Ash...I am new to the site, and you are actually my first post, so I have nothing really to offer, except that I understand what you are saying. I have been irritated about my lack of "epiphany" for many many years. That earth moving moment when I KNOW for sure who God is, and feel comforted and held by Him.

I pick up the Bible, and am immediately confused and have no idea what I am reading. It's like another language.

I pray and feel nothing.

I listen and hear nothing.

What the heck is a "personal relationship" anyway? I barely have good ones with people I can see.

Anyway, just letting you know you are not alone in this struggle. I feel ya.

Liz

I have the same problem as Ashleek but I got there by a different path.

I was raised Catholic with the idea of a loving god. The nuns at school said that everyone is going to heaven---hell was meant for devils not people and Jesus saved EVERYONE (including "bad" people and those who do not believe in him).

But even with such a loving and inclusive god, I still have problems believing that a good god could have made this world.

Maybe it is not the people who raised us who turned us on or off to religion. Maybe it is something inside us.

Ashlee, I have said that (not so)little prayer every day for over 15 years!!! It has an amazing power to help me through the day, and it is a great comfort to fall asleep at night to.

Cathy

You all are just wonderful! It is coming slowly but surely. I said my prayer this morning and felt....I dunno....something. So, I'm feeling good today! 30 days....a milestone I have worked for, now I look forward to my next chip.

I suppose it could be life changing. Personally (I read it two weeks ago) it really pissed me off. Perhaps I couldn't get beyond the comparison in my mind between the tragedy and my own child...perhaps I just wasn't ready to hear the lesson. But after I finished it I threw it accross the room.