Thanks for insights, love and support Vegi, Lenina, Anna, Louis, Angelic :)

Why should anyone care about who loves whom, as long as they love? Apparently, certain sectors of society are not enlightened enough to grasp this basic tennet. "Love thy neighbour" gets paid lipstick service and, in reality, we get discrimination, bashing, hate crimes and murder instead. Here are some statistics:

- Gay and lesbian youth are three to four (!) times more likely to commit suicide than other youths and 30% of all completed youth suicides are related to the issue of sexual identity.

- The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force "National Anti-Gay/Lesbian Victimization Report" concludes from its survey: 45% of gay males and 20% of lesbians surveyed reported having experienced verbal harrassment and or physical violence during high school as a result of their sexual orientation.

- In a survey of lesbians and gay men in Pennsylvania, 33% of gay men and 34% of lesbians reported suffering physical violence at the hands of a family member as a result of their sexual orientation.

-A psychological study of 484 students at six community colleges conducted by Dr Karen Franklin, 18% of the men interviewed admitted that they had committed physical violence or threats against men and or women they perceived to be gay or lesbian.

- 80% of lesbians, gay and bisexual youth report servere isolation problems. They experience social isolation, emotional isolation and cognitive isolation.

- 26% of gays and lesbian youth are forced to leave home because of conflicts with their families over their sexual identities.

- 53% of students report hearing homophobic comments made by school staff.

- 80% of prospective teachers report negative attitudes toward gay and lesbian people

- In a study of depression and gay youth, researchers found depression strikes homosexual youth four to five times more severely than other non-gay peers.

- In a recent Australian study of 1500 gay and lesbian adolesents, 80% had not told their parents of their same sex attraction. Gay statistic studies over the past 7 years have indicated that 25% to 40% of young lesbians and gays have attempted suicide.

- 97 % of students in public high schools report regularly hearing homophobic remarks from their peers

- 83% of adolescent lesbians use alcohol, 56% use other drugs, and 11% use crack and/or cocaine.

- 68% of adolescent gay males use alcohol, 44% use other drugs

- 30% of gay and bisexual adolescent males attempt suicide at least once.


Sources:

* Gibson,P (1989)
* Hetrick. E.S., Martin.A.D. Journal of Homosexuality 14 (1/2). 25-43. 1987).
*Making Schools Safe for Gay and Lesbian Youth: Report of Mass. Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth 1993
*Hammelman. T.L. 1990
*US Department of Justice 1997
*Remafedi, Gary, et al. “Risk Factors for Attempted Suicide in Gay and Bisexual Youth,” in Pediatrics, 1991.
* Hunter, Joyce, et al. Unpublished research by the Columbia University HIV center for Clinical and Behavior Studies, 1992.

So, yes, I try to handle it, and most of the time it's no problem. But it affects us all. Forgive me if I sometimes feel gutted because my armour isn't stealthy enough.

I am really happy to hear this Matty.
I think alot of times..I know with myself. That I am so ready to hear what I think others are going to say or think. Or I have my own preconceived ideas of situations. Or even sometimes I am so sensitive that I am not really hearing whats being said.

My brother has told me a few times that he knows my dad doesnt accept him being gay.
I have to disagree. My dad talks my brother up. My father wouldnt openly tell people he has a son thats gay if he was ashamed. He wouldnt tell people how good my brother is doing and how he works 2 jobs and has a brand new car and invests his money in stocks. Thats not something my father would do if he didnt accept him. I dont know why my brother thinks that. But he does. I knwo differenty. I know first hand how my dad acts when he is ashamed or upset about something.
And I know he accepts my brother however he is.
I think maybe my brother is getting other issues with my dad mixed up with his being gay. Because they have their problems on other levels. And so maybe he just makes about him being like he is. I dont know.
I know communication is very important in any situation.
Clear communication and understanding of each others thoughts and feelings. And POV.
Never assume. Even if it looks clear cut. If your not sure..Find out for sure.
I am very very happy for you matty.
And as far as others go. WHo gives a rats ass what anyone else thinks.
Unless someone is disrespecting or posing a danger. Screw em all.
Big Hugs my matty..

Matty, that survey you posted is so true. My gay nephew was tortured in school. He is now 15 and so tall and good looking. His father is a macho italian guy, who will not accept the fact that his son has alot of feminine ways. He knows deep in his heart that his son is gay, but wont accept it. Too bad for him, because his son needs his acceptance. He is such a great kid, and I love him so much. He is my Godson. I am so proud of him. He is a fabulous dancer and dances on a team at his school. He does professional dancing now too. I was shocked when he reached out to me about not being sure of his sexuality. He was trying to come out at 15 and picked his long distance aunt to confide in. He has also learned to fight off his attackers at school. He came home beat up one day, and my son and his older brother, my oldest nephew went up to his school and kicked some bullying butt Brooklyn NYC style. Long story short, nobody bullies him anymore.

Matt,
You're my favorite Gay Lunkhead!
XOXO
Jaxxxy

Hey Matt, :You_Rock_

Glad that you got things ironed out with your family. It's sad that many gay folks never do. You're lucky. I have three grown daughters and no sons. So I guess the family name is going to the grave with me. Who cares? I know it bothered the hell out of my father, but that was his problem, not mine. There's a great lesson here, though. Other peoples problems are their problems, not mine. I have enough of my own without taking on someone else's too. It hard when family is involved, but you were right to stand up to them and things worked out OK. I wish you the best of luck.

Now as to that little issue of drinking. That foolishness has got to stop. Nothing great ever happened to anyone because they were drunk. So yourself to an AA meeting and get sober while you can. And stop using booze as a crutch every time something bad happens. The booze doesn't solve problems, it creates them.

You tell him Joe, alcohol is the worst thing to run to. Matty is on his way to doing great things with the one precious life that GOD gave him.

Matt

Geezuz, I just saw this. As you know, I've been dealing with my own heartbreak. Isolating, a bit of drinking, too.

I also have 3 children who are at there fertile peak. None has any children and I wouldn't think of mentioning it. What right do I have in intruding in the most important decision in their life? As you know, the clinics of this world are populated, to a great degree, with people who attempted to live up to others' expectations. Without having a clue about their own.

Thoug my "relations" with my ex love (I wish) are very cordial, it is characterized by "silence" on her part. All I wish to do is talk.

Her silence has made me feel so unworthy. Has nothing to do with her. She wishes me only the best. We are simply healing in our own way.

But I have violated a truth that I have held dear for decades: Eleanor Roosevelt. "No one can make you feel inferior without our permission." Feel free to substitute any toxic emotion for inferior.

I let myself, perhaps insisted, that I was inferior. Unworthy. If only I'd... Otherwise, how could I have lost something so dear?

Yeah there is plenty of reason and justification for guilt and shame when we violate our and humanity's laws. As in hurt no others. Those who say that there is no justification for guilt and shame are wrong. Somehow it is richly deserved.

But not when we are simply being the extraordinary creatures that god made us. If god makes sh*t, what does that make god?

We are so bound by reason. Seeking "cause and effect." As if we are always the cause of our effect. When others love and accept us, it is usually a wonderful thing. And you know we don't always "deserve it," just like others often don't deserve the love we feel and freely give. Any parent knows that.

Perhaps that is the challenge god gave us. When we diminish ourselves we diminish god. Only a diminished person is capable of hurting others, I think.

I hope all works out with your family, but if it doesn't it won't be because you caused it. I will soon allow myself to release my "self" inflicted hurt. Did the best with what I had at the time.

warren

Matt, I am happy to know that your family has come around and that you are feeling a bit better.

I often think of Matthew Shepard and the hate that was involved in that crime. It is beyond my comprehension when thinking of the amount of hate crimes that take place daily.
Wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and know I love you just the way you are (as I break out in a Biily Joel song). lol