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Originally Posted by Cubile75
(Post 2212355)
Take a step back and remember the group of people you are talking to... alcoholics and addicts, people, like myself, who have suffered defeat from alcohol and drugs. Some who have lost all, some who could lose all, many who are still dealing with early sobriety and ambivalence over the first step, some who are still mourning the loss of something that, at one time, they liked. Mark |
Originally Posted by getr345
(Post 2212519)
Well, I'm not selling anything. People with drinking problems have drinking problems and you obviously and demonstrably had one, and continue to have one. You made the point that I'm a stranger and that's true but all that I know about you I learned because YOU told me here on this forum. Let me ask you SHawk, have you had your first "occasional" drink yet since making this decsion, or are you still running your sober time? I'm curious if this is something just being discussed or something that has already happened. |
Originally Posted by SHawk25
(Post 2212637)
Nope, haven't had anything to drink yet.. Probably will next Sat at my uncle's retirement party May 16th.. If not then, not sure when.. |
Originally Posted by SHawk25
(Post 2212476)
1. A couple of beers not expensive.. No, but a couple a day is, and then as it grows back to where it was before, and perhaps grows even beyond that, the price can no longer be measured in just dollars... 2. Small amount of alcohol isn't unhealthy, science proves otherwise.. Again, small amounts lead to larger amounts, the occasional binge and before you know it, right back to full intoxication, science proves it. In any case, I'd rather not be statistic though. 3. Adults are allowed to drink.. Yet some shouldn't. The tricky part is knowing when that some is YOU. 4. A couple of beers aren't going to "unsound" your mind. Beer is an intoxicant and even a couple can impair your ability to make good judgments. Or operate machinery, such as a car. 5. Not going to drink to much.. Easier said than done, particularly if you have taken things too far in the past... 6. Can't get a DUI after a beer or two.. Well, let's use two as the standard here, as people always tell the police, I just had a couple. A "couple" is usually code for more than a couple. If the cop thinks a couple is too many and he smells the beer on your breath, maybe you're getting arrested. And then your lawyer can make your point for you in court. Drink none, and that worry goes away completely. 7. Don't get hangovers after a beer or two.. Maybe not but one or two, leads to three or four, then sometimes the floor... 8. I don't believe you "become" an alcoholic.. You either are one or not.. Then you need to read more and continue to educate yourself. And I think the point has already been made quite conclusively that one need not be a confirmed textbook AA certified alcoholic in order for it to be a very good decision to quit drinking all together. One things for sure, you as someone who continues to having drinking in your life as an option (even a couple) are more at risk for a future of alcoholism than someone like myself who quits and never touches another drop. That's what I believe. |
My strong suggestion is this: Anyone who is bothered by the fact that Shawk doesn't believe he is an alcoholic, should ignore this thread. It is not for me or anyone else to decide what he needs to do with his life. The thread will be closed if the arguing continues. |
Aw |
You posted earlier in this thread that you love your new lifestyle. Maybe that's because your have not been drinking. I read your threads and posts when you first got here and I do remember the remorse you felt and blamed a lot of it on drinking. So either you are clear on what the real problem was in your life.. now, or you were clear on what the real problem was.. then. Sometimes TIME helps us to forget, or at least lessen memory. I wish you well SHwak and maybe you do not have a problem with alcohol, but....if I were your girlfriend I would be heartbroken over your decision. Canceling her wedding and giving you a second chance and not 2 months later.....That would be a deal breaker for me. |
What I see from SHawk here and in this thread is a cry for help. At a crossroads in early sobriety, he is being pulled towards drinking again by the demons within him and this is his way of expressing it & dealing with it. Fortunately, what what I understand, he has not crossed that bridge (yet) and he remains sober. I suspect he will continue to remain sober as the realization of what that first drink might do to him and his life becomes more clear to him. |
I've followed your story Shank since you first got here. Good luck! I wish I wasn't an alcoholic and could enjoy 'a couple here and there' myself. After decades of trying and thinking I could, I now accept total abstinence as the only solution, and I sure wish I had clued into that when I was your age. I wish you all the best. However, I do question why, when you first lost your lover due to your drinking...at that time you had a severe enough 'problem' that you searched out a sober recovery solution. Now that you have (luckily?) salvaged a semblance of order, you feel you had no 'problem' after all? Hmmmmm................... Keep us posted dude, all the best. |
Originally Posted by SHawk25
(Post 2212443)
Real quick. Answer this.. Why would a non alcoholic abstain for the rest of his life? What's the point to that? I don't know maybe you aren't an alcoholic. If you are, you'll figure it out soon enough while you try controlled drinking. I sincerely hope you are not because if you are, you are risking losing everything that in the last few months you have worked to get back. This is the thing that I do not understand. Independent of if you are an alcoholic or not, your life has substantially improved in the last few months without alcohol. Why tempt fate? Even if your rational mind is convinced that you are not an alcoholic (and again that might completely be true) why mess with a good thing? It just gets better. Why not just give it at least a few more months? You are just at the beginning. |
IMO, in addition to this thread being what I perceive as a cry for help (i.e. guidance and support) from SHawk, I think on some level he is also testing us (as his sole recovery support system) to see how we'll respond to his declaration that he is not an alcoholic, that his mind is all made up, and of course with regards to his "decision" to drink again in the future. Will we enable him or will will challenge him? Will we agree with him and his decision, or will we stand up and be true to ourselves and how we feel about it? Can he truly count on us to give it to him straight? Can he trust us to take the risk offending him or losing him as a friend in order to help him? |
I have to agree with SF after reading all these posts. I really, honestly cannot see where alcohol is beneficial to one's life. I am not against people that must have a drink to feel they are being sociable. I just went to a jewelry part at 1 pm on a Sunday and was offered a Mimosa or Iced Tea. I took the Iced Tea. I honest to God can tell you I felt no remorse for drinking the iced tea versus having the mimosa. I drove and my friend and mom came with me. They had the mimosa and wished they had the iced tea. They each had 1 mimosa but were feeling tired afterwards. Side note: My husband is diabetic and does not drink BUT long, long before he became diabetic he gave up drinking because he felt it was not any use to him. I do believe there are some "normies" that give up drinking because they feel so much better and have a better, quality life without it. This is my opinion and any ways - good luck with your future and I am not being sarcastic in the least. I do hope you will feel you can come back whenever if ever, you need or want to. |
This thread has been on my mind for days. I'm sorry if the original poster thought that we were personally attacking him. I don't think that was the intention here at all. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I could rationalize it away to myself or try to explain it with life issues - that it was a peripheral problem - when I was initial or middle stage. It crept up on me slowly and insidiously. I only woke up when I was in late stage - you don't have to wait until then to do something about it. I now wish I could have had the insight to do something earlier when the first warning signs were there. We perhaps always have a natural tendency to think 'No, it won't happen to me...' Here is what someone said to me, early in my contacts with AA: 'I was told it did not matter why I came to AA..it only mattered what I did once I came to AA...job or no job(I had just lost mine), spouse (partner) or no spouse, Park Bench or Park Avenue, Yale or Jail..or a nudge from the judge!!..the only concern expressed to me was that they suggested that I might be too smart or had not lost enough...yet! It is not how much I drank, how often I drank, how much I drank compared to others...it is what happened to me when I drank.....' You may be successful in your first few outings SHawk. And then I fear that it may validate in your mind a reason to minimalize a problem. That's often how it starts. Just the way that you are going now. I'm not here to predict whether you will succeed or not. Neither am I here to debate the merits or otherwise of moderate drinking. That's a lifestyle choice for people, but no longer an option for me. I hope that you really have tried to listen to some of what is being said here, and haven't just closed your mind off, in case you may need help and support again. Good luck to you. |
p.s. Some folks a few weeks into sobriety can start to get a kind of 'euphoria' effect from sobriety when it is still a novelty i.e. the Pink Cloud. (I know that I did, and I didn't like others telling me to be careful at the time. I just felt that they were trying to bring me down or spoil things for me.) Then you can hit a phase of the blahs when things seem more mundane and you are in a funk. The uplifted feelings can come back, just in a more balanced way than previously. But early in sobriety, it can be deceiving. |
Michelle, beautifully put. What you said about the 'first few outings' was certainly true for me. After 3 years of abstinence I went out with someone who had no clue that I was an alcoholic. He ordered wine. I had 2 glasses that night, but moderating was short lived. Before long I was back to daily drinking. Seven years later I came crawling in here, completely ravaged by my return visit to hell. We know this may not ever happen to SHawk, but his early posts indicate that it's a good possibility. I just hope some of our words will stay with him and he'll seek our help if he needs it. |
It says somewhere in the Big Book...to go and try some controlled drinking...maybe you're not an alcoholic..... Do what you need to do Shawk....best of luck to you. But an AA friend of mine says, "Go ahead and drink...we'll refund all your misery." I hope it goes well for you. |
Early chapter 3 of the BB. Reading that chapter helped me to confirm to myself that I'm an alcoholic. I'd tried many of the various ways listed that people try to moderate, and they were successful for me only short term. Each time I'd try another trick so that next time I wouldn't fail... same result. So what does that tell me? I kept going until I was broke and throwing up blood. My family were totally fed up with me. Hats off if it works for you.:) If not then come back to us. |
Originally Posted by Mary52
(Post 2216515)
It says somewhere in the Big Book...to go and try some controlled drinking...maybe you're not an alcoholic..... |
My post has nothing to do with what SHawk shoud or shouldn't do. It's his decision. It's hard to help somebody who doesn't want help. Or maybe he just doesn't need it. But you guys rock! 4 pages discussing SHawk's situation and the best way to help him! I'm new to sobriety but if I ever contemplate drinking again, I think I'll just PM getr345 so he can chew my head off and I'll continue living sober! :c014: SHawk, good luck with everything. I hope you won't regret your decision. OB |
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