What do you think? Do I need AA
 

I have come to a point where I feel like I don't need AA any more. I have lost I mean completely lost the want or urge to drink. even at social or party situations.

I haven't gone to a meeting in over a week and I don't want to call my sponsor anymore.
I guess my question is. Do I really need to continue those activities that I think are unnecessary. Don't get me wrong I know I needed them in the beginning and without them I would not have 58 days today.
But I feel I am over it. Now when I think about it (drinking)I get sick to my stomach. Am I just lucky or is this one of the phases you go through?

In AA it is a feeling that you must go for ever, is it possible that there are just a few out there that can get what they need from it and leave, and still be successful in sobriety?
P.S nothing against AA As a matter of fact I think its a miracle.

Good job on 58 days! I can't say whether or not you should continue AA.

I can say that I was at 63 days and went to a bar as DD. I had done it several times, had no desire to drink. I didn't even want the beer, but somehow or other I ended up with one in my hand, and by the end of the night I had drank about 12 and snorted a monster line of meth, as well.

Would it hurt to stick with AA a little longer? It seems like 58 days may not be enough to fix the problem. But, that's me. JMO.

I know it's not what you want to hear HF - but 58 days is soooooo early.

You may have completely lost the want or urge to drink now, the thought may make you ill now sure - but I'll be very very surprised if it stays that way.

I'm not saying that to put you down or to frighten you or anybody else...it's just my experience - and I can't remember any other poster who quit and never had an urge again either.

I might wrong but I doubt it. Just look at the some of the stories here.

If you're like me, you drank for years. I don't think we can fix all that in two months. It doesn't work like that IMO.

AA might not be for you sure - but don't act rashly. Think about it some more and make a reasoned decision.

best of luck
D

I don't do AA but I personally don't really think you or I am "fixed" in 58 days (congrats by the way). While I completely understand not wanting to do AA forever and ever, I think it still is pretty early to walk away. Unless of course you feel that AA is not for you and you want to work on your recovery in a different way, but two things come to mind:

1. Cravings aren't predictable or workable. I used to think that cravings were a product of "working a good program." And that if I really got the message through my system then they would be a thing of the past. The funny thing is they can sneak up on you even when you are doing everything right, at least they have on me. At month three and four it was easy, no cravings, but then wham around month five they hit me pretty hard for almost two weeks. That humbled me a lot and made me realize that cravings will be something that will come, that I cannot banish no matter how much work I put in and are about as predictable as the stock market is right now.

2. AA and/or recovery isn't only about drinking so even if the cravings are gone that doesn't mean that there isn't work left. I am six months in and I feel like I am still at the bottom, climbing up a mountain. I basically feel like I grew up on alcohol, it was my best friend and parent and now I have to relearn life. It is not a quick process. While I am sure the process is different for everyone, what I am certain of is that deep change does not happen quickly no matter how much I have wanted it to. (I also have another theory about addicts' concept of time and results— we like everything and are used to everything happening quickly and in recovery we have to get used to everything happening much more slowly)

But all these are things that you have to decide for yourself and for your own needs. You can always quit going to AA a year down the road. But my advice to you, from another newcomer, is hang around and listen to some more stories.

I am not an AAer/NAer.
But I think when we feel like we are in the clear is when we need to rethink things.
Great job on your time. But you are still in very early recovery.
I am not saying you need it or not. And not saying your goin to make a mistake.
But just be careful. I know when I get comforatable with everything is when I start to fall back.
Its all what you think.
Maybe think about why you really want to stop going. Is it because you are burdened by it? Or because you really think youll be ok. And know that for sure.
Whatever you do. Just stay aware of yourself and keep some sort of open line to a sober network of some kind. Just in case.
Good Luck.

Well done on your sober progress....:yup:

I can't tell you if you need AA or not.
:)....I remember you did not want to go.
You were determined to rise above your
alcoholism all by yourself.

And now I see you are talking about miracles.
Where did you get that idea from?
How did that happen for you?

I can tell you this...I go to 3 meetings a week.
I have finished my formal steps...years ago.
I've been involved in all sorts of service work.
There is no way in hell....
I'll ever live without God and AA again...:no:

Sooo...you do whatever you think you need to do
The doors of AA will be open for anyone interested.


Best of luck to you and your family

My friend......its great your doing so well.

BUT..this is my experience..or rather what i have seen.

Ive seen alot of good people drop out AA over the time ive been sober.

Some had a month or two....some had a year or two....some multiple years.

Some cos they got bored??..some cos they got a resentment and didnt deal with it....some cos the steps were too much for them....etc etc.

Out of all them them...i dont know how many....i guess 100s.

Most of them returned to drinking......and maybe they left AA for that reason without even knowing it.

Some got back.........some died drinking.....a few took their own life while drinking...

I dont know of any that got on with their life and never drank....i guess there was some.... i just dont see them anymore..

That is my experience....

My advice.....look long and hard with complete honesty why you want to pull away from AA....talk honestly with your sponsor about it.

Whats your relationship with your sponsor like?

What stage are you at with the program of recovery...ie the steps

Have you tried different groups?

Dont forget and imo....the alcoholic brain chats total b.s and will tell you anything to get you back on the sauce..

think long and hard my friend....

I pray you find the answers and feel free to pm if you need too.

god be with you.............trucker

For me, I tried this and relapsed a couple of times. Now, the idea of trying this makes as much sense as "trying" Russian roulette.

Congrats on your days up HF. :c011:

As much as AA is a miracle in my life I still get rebellious at times about going to meetings. Never for very long tho. Ten days to a fortnight and my mood begins to slip, my perspective changes and my outlook becomes a shade or two darker. If I continue this way it's not long before thought's of using something begin popping into my mind..just thoughts, but if I don't have meetings to refocus me on recovery, those thought's could well become actions.

But that's just me.

HF...I can't tell you if you should or should not leave aa...what I can share however is the fact that people, like myself, do leave and remain successful. I stayed 10 months and then moved on. I have almost 2 years sober now and don't feel that aa is necessary for me and my recovery. Recovery isn't a group sport...it's an individual marathon...run it at your pace...just keep going! Do what is best for you each and every day. Best of luck.

Many of us with multiple years in sobriety have lost the urge to drink.

We stay around to offer ESH to the next person coming through the door for the first time!

meeting makers make it.. that is my own personal experience!

HF as Bugs pointed out, not every one needs to keep going to AA, I stay sober using AA and can tell you that I felt very much as you do right now when I had about 2 months, then I had a really bad day and darn near relapsed, if I had not called someone in the program I probably would have. Is that to say the same will happen to you? Nope, not at all, we are all different.

I will say this, right after I almost relapsed I got into taking the steps with my sponsor, today I am solid in my sobriety, but that is not to say that tomorrow will be the same for me.

I go to 3 meetings a week now, for 2 reasons, one is to continue to work on my own recovery and the other is to pass on what was freely given to me to others.

I am eternally grateful to those who have stayed in the rooms to pass on to me and others what was so freely given to them by others.

To me a huge part of my recovery and the most rewarding part of my recovery is working with other alcoholics.

You say you have experienced a miracle, so have I, why not stick around to pass that miracle on to others.

Will you relapse if you quit going to meetings? I have no idea, but I would bet that your odds of relapsing are far less if you do continue to go.

Whether you decide to keep going to meetings or not is up to you, I would strongly suggest you continue to work on your recovery no matter what you do.

For me recovery is being a part of the world, when I was drinking I was not a part of anything.

I talked to a guy that asked me why I still go to AA since I have no desire to drink. I told him that I go to AA for the same reason he goes to Church. He's repented, he's been forgiven, and he's accepted Jesus as his personal savior. Why the need for Church anymore?
What about the physically fit guy still going to the health club?
Church keeps you from straying. Health Clubs keep your flab from returning.
AA keeps you from picking up your first drink.

"If it's not broken, don't fix it."

I prefer to carry the message of hope to those who may need it. AA has given so much to me, and that's the least that I can do in return.

I've also been blessed over the years to hear in AA what happens to some who leave, eventually drink, and are fortunate enough to make it back-that the disease of alcoholism is still out there, and it only gets worse, never better.

Hi HW,

As others have said, I don't know whether you should continue to go to AA or not.

What I do know for absolute certainty, is that, 8 1/2 years later, I am still working on my recovery, every single day, and I always will. I am not an AA person, but I believe the stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey, not the end. I believe that drinking is not the problem, it's a symptom of the problem.

I have read here and heard elsewhere... Go to meetings until you want to go to meetings. I am only 6.5 months... but I am grateful because...I WANT to go to meetings... I love them. I am not at a point where I think I have much to offer the person coming for the first time, but if I can be an inspiration to the person picking up their desire or 24 hour chip because I am just there... great!

You might not need AA anymore. Only you can decide.

AA will be there for you when/if you need it.

(Please consider continuing AA, not for yourself but for others. That may be the sign of true recovery.)

:)

Anna are you sure you are not AA? LOL

meeting makers make it.. .... yes they do; they make............meetings...lol

It's assumed, around AA meetings, that those folks who stop going to meetings, never to return, have gone back to drinking. This is based on the folks who left meetings and returned, tails between their legs, heads bowed, ready to try sobriety again (as their trips back out in the world ended in drinking, and more drinking). Since folks in AA meetings only see others 'in' AA meetings, they have no picture of folks 'outside' meetings, and believe me, there are a whole bunch of them. Unfortunately the folks 'in' the meetings don't see these folks, simply because they're 'in' meetings, and not 'out' where these other (sober) folks are.

Can a person quit AA meetings and remain sober? Sure, it happens all the time. It all depends on how solid a sober foundation a person has. After all, meetings neither get folks sober, nor do they keep folks sober.....I love the line....: it's NOT the meetings we make; it IS the steps we take.

So, HWF, can you quit meetings and stay sober....? I don't know; mebbe yes; mebbe no. In your OP, you said....:

"...I have come to a point where I feel like I don't need AA any more. I have lost I mean completely lost the want or urge to drink. even at social or party situations.
I haven't gone to a meeting in over a week and I don't want to call my sponsor anymore.
I guess my question is. Do I really need to continue those activities that I think are unnecessary. Don't get me wrong I know I needed them in the beginning and without them I would not have 58 days today.
But I feel I am over it..."

If I were you, I might want to look at my motives.....is the only reason that you went to AA in the first place because you wanted to lose the urge to drink....? (for myself, this was one reason, but I wanted more than just abstinence (stopping drinking); I wanted to continue to live alcohol free, and I found lots of suggestions for this in meetings). Why is it that you don’t WANT to call your to call your sponsor anymore? Do you really feel these activities are unnecessary? Well, if that is the case, then by all means.....stop. I’m a firm believer in NOT wasting time on unnecessary things; I did enough of that when I was still active. I guess my question for you might be. Is this all you want? Are you content with what you have. I’m not putting down 58 days, but then again, it is only 58 days of abstinence, and for me, I wanted way more than just abstinence, but then that’s just me.

Well, there you have it.....stay.....go.....it’s all up to you. .....oh, and btw...”...In AA it is a feeling that you must go for ever,...” Yes, there are some in AA who believe that, but I know more folks who got sober in AA, but are not going to meetings any more, than I know folks who are still going to meetings (mainly those are folks who do their ‘giving back’ in meetings, although this is not the only way to carry the message). In fact, there is NOTHING in the AA Program (as outlined on pages 59+60 of the BB) that says a person must go to meetings at all.

I guess that’s all I have to say on the subject. As it says on many of the AA medallions, “To thine own self be true..... (o:


NoelleR

I left AA after six months of sobriety, and I haven't looked back. I felt that AA was doing me more harm than good (still feel it was). But. If I'd felt that I didn't need a sober network, that I was recovered enough to do things on my own, you can bet I'd have taken that as a red flag and I'd still be going to meetings. I'll never be "fixed," and if I ever start to think I am, that's a sure sign of trouble.

Just my two cents. Have you tried asking your sponsor about it? I consulted with my sponsor before leaving AA and she agreed that it wasn't the right thing for me. (Condescendingly and with the implication that I'd be cursed to drink again if I left the program, but in her own way she did confirm that I was doing the right thing.)

I've been sober for about the same time (Feb 2 2009 was my last drink), and I have a similar situation regarding the urge to drink. It's just no longer there. Last week, the waiter misheard my order for a ginger ale and handed me a gin & tonic instead. Not even a moment of hesitation nor temptation which I might have had during my 'quit for a month' periods. And, today I even made a traditional coq au vin with a bottle of Burgundy. Not even a fleeting urge to even take a sip.

However, I am still going to AA and about to do a 4th step with my sponsor. I have a number of reasons for continuing... I remember my initial fear of recidivism via drunk dreams and the like during my first two weeks of sobriety - I don't want to get too cocky. Also, I'd like to go through and complete all 12 steps - especially if it will allow me to help others as they have helped me. Finally, I confess I enjoy the fellowship and that is part in why I keep coming back.

Is there any particular reason you're not interested in passing on this gift to a newcomer? What if you had gone to your first AA meeting only to find out that everyone had their desire to drink removed and had gone home. The room would be empty.
Contrary to the BS youy may hear in meetings, AA is not a "Selfish Program"!
AA is about Alcoholics helping Alcoholics. Not Alcoholics helping Me.
Stay in AA and pass it on!

Wow, a lot of great support here as always on SR.

I love being able to get all these different opinions.

The underlying reason for me not wanting to go anymore is.
I am to independent and these meetings and calling my sponsor is contradictory to my person. I was fine when I knew I could not do it by myself
but I feel like I can now and have to get back to being independent, I can't keep feeling like I am Dependant on AA, and thats the way it feels when I'm at a meeting.

I will not cut it out completely I will continue the big book study I am in
and I am going to talk to my sponsor and see If we can just talk every so often.

Again Thanx to all of SR for all the help!!!!

As others have said only you can decide if you can make it w/o AA. I only went to AA during the first 2 months of sobriety, just once or twice a week; I never got a sponser because I'm extremely independent and rather a loner (and the temporary sponsor annoyed me). I continue to read the AA literature and the bible and promised myself that if I ever have an urge to drink I will go to an AA meeting. I've been sober for 19 months so it's working for me.

J

HWF just keep in mind if you do decide to stop going that the doors of AA are never closed and you will always be welcome back with open arms.

...not interested in passing on the gift? ...a totally empty AA meeting room? ...not gonna happen. There will always be those for whom this is their way of 'giving back' their way of 'carrying the message.' ...and yes, AA is about alcoholics (recovered/recovering) helping other alcoholics, but AA meetings is not the only way....

I went to AA meetings for about the first 4 years of my recovery, but early on I didn't have a life....nor did I have a job or a place to live. After a while, when I started getting a bit of my life back, I realized that my meeting attendance was slacking off.....to a point when I just wasn't going any more. I had a life, and I was living it. Does this mean that I wasn't giving back, that I wasn't carrying the message....? Absolutely not! I came to the realization that there were many ways to 'carry the message' and sitting in the rooms of AA waiting for folks to come to me just wasn't my way....I preferred to 'carry' it out in the real world....I was a living, breathing, a walking, talking Big Book.

For me it's all about the motive; what was my motive for not going to meetings....? ....was there some kind of fear involved....or what? I came to the conclusion that, although I found them invaluable in early recovery, I really never 'needed' them (I never could figure out what was to 'need' about a meeting). I didn't 'need' meetings to get sober, and I definitely didn't 'need' them to stay sober, and I found lots of way to 'give back' and 'carry the message' outside of the rooms of AA.

...and quite frankly, I really didn't want to spend an hour (at minimum) up to 3+ hours (maximum) of travel time for a one hour meeting, and perhaps some fellowship afterwards. So, for me, I guess one could say that I do work a relatively 'selfish' program, but only when it comes to official meetings; I still socialize with folks at the Lambda center where I first got sober; I still do the dances, and the fashion shows, etc. But when it comes time for the meeting, I'm off to Katz's Deli for a nosh of chopped liver and bagels, herring in sour cream, or a bit of gefilte fish.....and I'm a happy camper...... (o:


NoelleR

LeavingAA Yes
 

Hi There,
1) You don’t have to stay in AA to stay sober.
2) You don’t have to be completely sober to have a life.
3) Despite it all, sometimes the loneliness can be crushing. I feel you there.

what I've found in my journey is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.... AA, that is.

I was never able to successfully moderate alcohol - but I've found that moderating AA is actually a really helpful thing for me.

AA became repetitive and consumed time that was also scarce. I am a single father and have a challenging career and an active lifestyle. Too much AA was at some point becoming a burden that was challenging my balance. It had to compete with time that also needed to be rationed for other self-nurturing activities.

Now, I still use AA when I feel called. I use the big book. I have a sponsor. I have intent to complete the steps - though I've been stalled for some time (yet a lot of thought and a little pen to paper happens, bit by bit. Just that is enough to keep my awareness attuned and growwing in my step work).

While for many, AA needs to be a constant, even daily, consistent rock of foundation - for some it is one tool among many. I'd encourage you to think about the overall balance of your recovery and think about intuitively finding for yourself what that right balance is, and where AA may fit into it.

:welcome to SR Leaving AA.
This is an old thread from 2009 and the OP has not logged in to SR since May 2013.
This is really a very good piece of advice FreeOwl.
Finding balance and contentment while remaining sober.