Hi Fubarcdn,

Welcome! I commend you for recognizing you have a problem and reaching out for help. Although we have not been together as many years as the miss and you have, my husband and I are going through the same troubles. My husband has been an addicit for about 12 years. I love him dearly but we've reached a point where things have to change- I'm ready for change with or without him. I did not give my husband an ultimatium but explained to him that if he brings drugs into our home, he is jepordizing our relationship and the relationship with our children. Two months I found drugs in our house again so I had to leave. I can not take the risk of having something happen to my children or having them taken away from me. I still love my husband dearly and support him. I am glad that he recently started attending rehab. I believe there is always hope as long as you recognize you have a problem and are willing to reach out for help.

Good morning Neighbour! (I'm in Toronto as well).

If you're interested in treatment options other than AA in the Toronto area, check out this link:

It's the Drug and Alcohol Registry of Treatment for Ontario:

The Drug and Alcohol Registry of Treatment

you can search by location (Toronto):

Drug and Alcohol Registry of Treatment - Online Treatment Directory
or call the toll-free number 1-800-565-8603.

Maybe there's something that will work for you.

Try to stay warm, it's going to get cold over the next few days!

Thanks all for your recent comments and thanks for that link 223 I will check it out. I am non religious so something like AA would probably not work well for me. I would like to find something similar to AA with a step program that is non religious as described in the non secular section. Although exchanging thoughts here is healing being with similar people in person would probably help also. It has been an emotional 4 days and I wasn't one to feel emotions.

Fubar-

AA isn't religious... it's spiritual. Your higher power doesn't have to be a religious icon, just someone/something more powerful than yourself.

Regardless of the path you chose, I recommend, emphatically, that you give at least 2 or 3 different meetings a try before rejecting AA as an option. It works for so many and there are meetings all over the world. If you go and you can't get your head around it, you have only invested a few hours of your time...

Good Luck, We are pullin' for you

Mark

Fubar,

Don't take this necessarily as a recommendation but a friend of mine (also an alcoholic) went through the program at North York General, Branson Division and found it to be quite good and he's still sober.

DART - Online Treatment Directory - North York General Hospital - Assessment Program

It's not a step program though as I understand it. But it's non-spiritual. It's open to people with all addictions not just alcoholics.

It's headed up by an MD who specializes in addiction and conducts many of the sessions so participants get reliable medical advice/commentary. Other sessions are conducted by an RN and a Psychologist. I think it's 12 weeks long and there are four sessions per week. The group consists of about 10-14 people or so. After the program, there are ongoing sessions that "graduates" are welcome to attend. The hospital also offers a number of other programs not necessarily on addiction but "psychiatric" related as well.

Just thought I'd pass that one along.

Thanks classical. That is what I am trying to do. Even though I am new at this I am trying to encourage others. Almost every post brings a tear to my eye. I have been more emotional in the last 4 days than I have been in the last 20 years. Most of the emotions are bad but some are good. Either way it is much better than going back to feeling nothing at all.

To 223. Thanks for the link to the program at North York General. I am in North York so that would be quite handy. I am just going to hang here for a couple of weeks and figure out how to proceed from there.

fubarcdn

welcome to sr.

I'm encouraged to read about the changes and trials in your life. You are doing what you need to do and you can keep on doing it.

You are a wonderful person and any bad choices you've made or behavior you've acted are all in the past. You are a new person today, and right now.

I like the posting in this thread about doing some research. and it is possible that you could find a connection with AA and it could be worth your time to try 3 meetings. there are also many many other things out there available to you (ie...Yoga !! seriously it is really cool and doesn't have to be that physically challenging, the cool part is that you receive positive affirmation from everyone there)

You can choose to begin a new life. a life of being more of a giver than a taker. giving unconditional ATTENTION and love to your wife...even if you are a little irked by some little behavior she does once in a while that bugs you. i have been practicing that one myhself. I pick little ones...like her driving habits, or house cleaning habits, or toothpast maintenance behavior, and I let them go as being perfectly acceptable and loveable qualities in my girlfriend.

forl now you are on a quest to get sober....well now a quest to STAY sober. that is the hard part. staying sober. i've gotten sober hundreds of times.

I found an alternative version of the 12 steps that may get you mind thinking in a recovery direction. In order to keep changing, and stay sober, you may find that you will have to do some work in the beginning (right now) in order to follow through. this could involve some writing which you've already started doing on SR.

below is a different, NON religious version, of the 12 steps (keep up the good work):

These steps were written by the renowned psychologist B. F. Skinner as an alternative to the traditional 12-Steps for nonreligious newcomers. First published in "The Humanist" they state:

1. We accept the fact that all our efforts to stop drinking have failed.

2. We believe that we must turn elsewhere for help.

3. We turn to our fellow men and women, particularly those who have struggled with the same problem.

4. We have made a list of the situations in which we are most likely to drink.

5. We ask our friends to help us avoid those situations.

6. We are ready to accept the help they give us.

7. We honestly hope they will help.

8. We have made a list of the persons we have harmed and to whom we hope to make amends.

9. We shall do all we can to make amends, in any way that will not cause further harm.

10. We will continue to make such lists and revise them as needed.

11. We appreciate what our friends have done and are doing to help us.

12. We, in turn, are ready to help others who may come to us in the same way

I am reading a book called "7 tools to beat addiction", by Staton Peele that is for stubborn people like me who want to do it on their own without a program. I just started it, I'll let you know if it's any good=)

Sometimes, we quit drinking and if, we're blessed, God finds us.

You can do AA with or with out God that's up to you.

I'd like to add, my drinking played a part in my being divorced.

You read enough stories on here, you'll find people still get divorced even after not drinking. You have to stop drinking cause, you won't to stop, not because, of a threat by a spouse, boss or anyone else.

Your drinking habits are similiar to my old drinking behavior.

Wish you success in your quest

What started out as an ultimatum has become a mission for me. I always knew I had a HUGE drinking problem and this kick is what I needed to try to solve it. I will try my best to beat this for my own sake.

Ksplash I like this list and I have seen others similar. I am still at the reading and absorbing stage and not the planning stage so it all helps. Thanks for sharing this. I am sure it will come in handy.