New member new challenge
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
New member new challenge
Hi all and thanks for having me.
After 32 years of marriage my wife has finally gave me the ultimatum to either quit drinking or get out. She is the most wonderful, patient, caring, tollerant, and kind person that I know but I have messed up so many times that enough is enough. She should have done this years ago because I need help and have wasted far too many years with my love for the bottle.
I am going to try this on my own as AA is not for me for several reasons. I have her support and hopefully the support of my grown children.
I found this site and any additional support I can get from others in my position will be much appreciated and as I am getting better I hope I can offer others support and hope and encouragement as we can all use someone even just a username to lean on.
This is day 2 for me and it took me this long to realize what a mess I am and what a mess I have caused.
Please wish my luck in my ordeal. After 40+years of almost constant drinking it will truly be the challenge of my lifetime and with my married life at stake it is something I must conquer.
After 32 years of marriage my wife has finally gave me the ultimatum to either quit drinking or get out. She is the most wonderful, patient, caring, tollerant, and kind person that I know but I have messed up so many times that enough is enough. She should have done this years ago because I need help and have wasted far too many years with my love for the bottle.
I am going to try this on my own as AA is not for me for several reasons. I have her support and hopefully the support of my grown children.
I found this site and any additional support I can get from others in my position will be much appreciated and as I am getting better I hope I can offer others support and hope and encouragement as we can all use someone even just a username to lean on.
This is day 2 for me and it took me this long to realize what a mess I am and what a mess I have caused.
Please wish my luck in my ordeal. After 40+years of almost constant drinking it will truly be the challenge of my lifetime and with my married life at stake it is something I must conquer.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome, Fubar - it's great you found us. SR has pulled me up out of hell. I've found friends here who understand what I'm going through, like no one else in my life can.
My drinking history is similar to yours - most of us vets have the same sad story. At first it was fun, relaxing, an enhancement to our lives. Then we became dependent on it - nothing was enjoyable without it - we became slaves to it. At the end of my drinking career I'd racked up 3 DUI's, health problems, destroyed family ties, financial ruin, baffled friends & co-workers - the list goes on. I quit because I decided I didn't want to die a painful, lonely death - I felt it was coming to that. I was also tired of only living half a life, not seeing or feeling anything.
If you're at Day 2 you're probably shaky and miserable, but those feelings won't last. You can rise above this and never go back into hell again. I'm doing it, and I never dreamed I could. Be kind and patient with yourself - your body will have quite an adjustment to make after all those years. When the smoke cleared for me, I felt like an alien. I almost literally had to learn to live again - but it is so worth it. I can feel joy and hope again, emotions I thought were lost forever. Congratulations on your decision to have a new life.
My drinking history is similar to yours - most of us vets have the same sad story. At first it was fun, relaxing, an enhancement to our lives. Then we became dependent on it - nothing was enjoyable without it - we became slaves to it. At the end of my drinking career I'd racked up 3 DUI's, health problems, destroyed family ties, financial ruin, baffled friends & co-workers - the list goes on. I quit because I decided I didn't want to die a painful, lonely death - I felt it was coming to that. I was also tired of only living half a life, not seeing or feeling anything.
If you're at Day 2 you're probably shaky and miserable, but those feelings won't last. You can rise above this and never go back into hell again. I'm doing it, and I never dreamed I could. Be kind and patient with yourself - your body will have quite an adjustment to make after all those years. When the smoke cleared for me, I felt like an alien. I almost literally had to learn to live again - but it is so worth it. I can feel joy and hope again, emotions I thought were lost forever. Congratulations on your decision to have a new life.
Resident
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Thanks Hevyn. I appreciate you responding to my post. I probably won't have many physical symptons. I was the type that didn't drink every day but when I did drink, maybe 3-4 times a week I would get totalled and stay out at the bars and be mean to my family. I also had a DUI and lost a good job over it but still didn't have the guts to quit but now I am hoping that I do. My marriage is in the balance and I am really afraid I may fail yet really hopeful that I can succeed.Any support that I get from the good members of this forum will be much appreciated. I know it will be tough and encouragement from others that have been there will really help. Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 162
Welcome Fubar... there is a alot of support here and has given me hope that I can stay sober. I too am trying to do this on my own (without AA), and found another site that I just started to investigate called "smart recovery" and has some good information. 
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
You sound like you want to give up drinking and you know its going to be tough. What is your plan of action? What are you going to do instead of drinking? What will you do when the cravings hit? Some things to maybe plan out now while you are strong. Welcome. 
Resident
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I plan on staying home and playing cards or games with my wife if she will play. I will also get back to the gym and start working out the days that I should. Bars are my problem so i will just avoid them. It is sad how we allow our bar buddies to become more important than our families. This is the biggest regret I have in my life and this time I want to overcome it so badly. Finding this place to come to is already like striking the mother lode for me. Thank you everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 113
wish you the best getting sober too.
I've struggled with the "have to" get sober for nearly a decade. Now i "want to".
I hope you have both. Best position to be in for a quit.
I hate hearing about drinkers losing anything of value from their lives.
Hope you and your wife will be together for many many more years.
I've struggled with the "have to" get sober for nearly a decade. Now i "want to".
I hope you have both. Best position to be in for a quit.
I hate hearing about drinkers losing anything of value from their lives.
Hope you and your wife will be together for many many more years.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
welcome Fu
happy to hear your going to clean up the act...
for me, it was put...
"alcoholism is 10% drink'n, and 90 % think'n"
hope you have the change of think'n also on your plan list...
good wishes Fu
rz
happy to hear your going to clean up the act...
for me, it was put...
"alcoholism is 10% drink'n, and 90 % think'n"
hope you have the change of think'n also on your plan list...
good wishes Fu
rz
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Thanks all.
Woke up at the start of day 3 really depressed and worried that my wife will leave anyways but I also have hope and am committed to quitting regardless. Had some bad dreams last night that she met someone else. I feel quit negative about myself so I am going to the gym to try to take my mind of these feelings and hope this afternoon I can feel a little better. You are all a great help
Woke up at the start of day 3 really depressed and worried that my wife will leave anyways but I also have hope and am committed to quitting regardless. Had some bad dreams last night that she met someone else. I feel quit negative about myself so I am going to the gym to try to take my mind of these feelings and hope this afternoon I can feel a little better. You are all a great help
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Worry about staying sober. She gave you the ultimatum... she didn't leave or kick you out, you are still living at home (?). Your not drinking.
It's been kind of tough going in my early sobriety with my wife of 24 years (together for 32...). Everything kind of gets turned upside down and sideways, or, as your name implies F.U.B.A.R.. It is getting better slowly, I seem to be the rate limiting step here, I am searching for my sober identity and trying to get back into a rhythm of life, she's not impatient, but anxious to see more progress. She's non-A.
Keep coming back and don't drink. Things will work. Serenity Prayer.
Mark
It's been kind of tough going in my early sobriety with my wife of 24 years (together for 32...). Everything kind of gets turned upside down and sideways, or, as your name implies F.U.B.A.R..
It is getting better slowly, I seem to be the rate limiting step here, I am searching for my sober identity and trying to get back into a rhythm of life, she's not impatient, but anxious to see more progress. She's non-A.Keep coming back and don't drink. Things will work. Serenity Prayer.
Mark
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Well I told my grown kids today and asked their forgiveness and help. It went good and they said I was a good dad when they were growing up. I have many blessings and I don't know why I was such a pathetic drunk. I hope to do better and make my loved ones proud of me. Thanks again to all of you for all your support.:ghug3
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Are you willing to go whatever lengths necessary to gain recovery?
Remember that sobriety alone is not recovery.
Have you considered checking into a rehab program?
your life, health, marriage are on the line.
Increase your odds for success.
Remember that sobriety alone is not recovery.
Have you considered checking into a rehab program?
your life, health, marriage are on the line.
Increase your odds for success.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Fubar,
40+ years of almost constant drinking.....
This may be really hard for you. I have been drinking for about 12 years, with the last 4 being the worst. I never drank in the morning and rarely drank before 5 p.m. I am now trying to quit and it is really, really hard because the cells in my brain scream for alcohol. I know in time that this will ease. Maybe you only had a couple of drinks a day, I don't know, but if it is causing problems between you and your wife, then it is a problem either way. You seem to have grasped this.
I would suggest that you research all you can about alcoholism and learn about it. Ask your wife to also read the information you find. She needs to understand as well as you why you need her to be even more patient than she has.
I know it seems extreme but maybe Spiritual Seeker has a point. You might want to consider being pinged with either in-patient or out-patient rehab.
Peace be with you.
40+ years of almost constant drinking.....
This may be really hard for you. I have been drinking for about 12 years, with the last 4 being the worst. I never drank in the morning and rarely drank before 5 p.m. I am now trying to quit and it is really, really hard because the cells in my brain scream for alcohol. I know in time that this will ease. Maybe you only had a couple of drinks a day, I don't know, but if it is causing problems between you and your wife, then it is a problem either way. You seem to have grasped this.
I would suggest that you research all you can about alcoholism and learn about it. Ask your wife to also read the information you find. She needs to understand as well as you why you need her to be even more patient than she has.
I know it seems extreme but maybe Spiritual Seeker has a point. You might want to consider being pinged with either in-patient or out-patient rehab.
Peace be with you.
Lost
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Gilbert, AZ
Posts: 14
Hi Fubarcdn,
Welcome! I commend you for recognizing you have a problem and reaching out for help. Although we have not been together as many years as the miss and you have, my husband and I are going through the same troubles. My husband has been an addicit for about 12 years. I love him dearly but we've reached a point where things have to change- I'm ready for change with or without him. I did not give my husband an ultimatium but explained to him that if he brings drugs into our home, he is jepordizing our relationship and the relationship with our children. Two months I found drugs in our house again so I had to leave. I can not take the risk of having something happen to my children or having them taken away from me. I still love my husband dearly and support him. I am glad that he recently started attending rehab. I believe there is always hope as long as you recognize you have a problem and are willing to reach out for help.
Welcome! I commend you for recognizing you have a problem and reaching out for help. Although we have not been together as many years as the miss and you have, my husband and I are going through the same troubles. My husband has been an addicit for about 12 years. I love him dearly but we've reached a point where things have to change- I'm ready for change with or without him. I did not give my husband an ultimatium but explained to him that if he brings drugs into our home, he is jepordizing our relationship and the relationship with our children. Two months I found drugs in our house again so I had to leave. I can not take the risk of having something happen to my children or having them taken away from me. I still love my husband dearly and support him. I am glad that he recently started attending rehab. I believe there is always hope as long as you recognize you have a problem and are willing to reach out for help.
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