Feeling worthless and sad again
 

I really don't like myself very much, I feel worthless as a mother, daughter, sister, friend and wife.

I just can't seem to get to feeling well enough to get anything accomplished.
Yesterday I went for the hideascan to have my gall bladder cheked out, it may have to be removed.

Why am I feeling worthless:

Last night my daughters basketball team had it's first parent meeting - I didn't feel well enouh to go.

Yesterday a friend called who had lost her job about 2 weeks ago. I finally answered the phone yesterday and she told me she had been trying to reach me for support. Yeah, really nice friend I am

My husband does so much, he works a taxing job and comes home to a sick me every single night. I know he's sad as I used to be active, funny, energetic.

Although I know there is nothing I can do to make Cam feel better - I feel like it's my fault he has JRA - Because I passed the autoimmune illness on to him.

A few wonderfull people from SR have given me there phone #s and I never call - even when I'm struggling. It just makes me more anxious thinking about making the call.

I'm just not well right now emotionally or physically.

Thanks for listening.

I think we all feel like disconnecting from the world sometimes.
I know I am feeling the same way lately.
I am letting the phone ring. I am not making any effort to see anyone or be around anyone.
I sometimes think I need this time to just think about things. Get well in my mind.
Then I think this cant be good. Isolating.
I have no answers either TM.
I do hope you feel better soon. And your not alone.
http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/g...gsforyou-1.gif

So you're ill, you won't be ill forever.

Gall bladder stuff sucks! My dad had to get his out before he died, he said it was worse than any other pain he'd had, and he'd been through a looooot... he got struck by lightning once. Worse than that? Yikes.

Maybe it's just me, but when I stress about not feeling well I end up feeling worse. Being ill means that you need care, resenting the necessity for care is silly... everybody needs to be taken care of sometimes. I'm SURE you've taken care of plenty of folks when you're 100%, and you'll be takin care of 'em again once you're over this hump.

Just let yourself get well. Relax, breathe, love love love love comin your way darlin.

(((Suzette)))

I have done the same thing, in the past. In fact, right now, the only people I'm "talking" to is on SR and my family.

You are NOT worthless. You have a lot to deal with and sometimes we just have to go through some grief of not having the life we want or used to have.

I'm about to call YOU, so you won't have to call me. If you don't answer, I'll understand, but I do care about ya!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Hi Suzette,

It sounds like you're feeling kind of overwhelmed at the moment, and feeling like you are accomplishing nothing.

Why don't you pick one thing for today and make that your goal. For example, go to your daughter's basketball game. Let other things slide, but do that one thing and allow yourself to feel good about it.

Hugs!!!Toomutch Sometimes I feel like that too, but hang in there, before you know it you will be feeling better, This too shall pass. We are allowed to sometimes not feel like we have to be there for everyone. For me I am so used to pleasing everyone, that when I don't it just doesn't feel right. But I am slowly learning That not to fall into that old way of thinking, but it can be very hard. When I don't do what I think others want I feel selfish, I have to do things with the right motive, not to just get rid of feeling guilty.... I don't know if any of this makes sense, Hope your feeling better soon....

Suzette you are the furthest thing away from worthless. You are feeling down and out today and yet I see in another thread how you take the time to lift someone up. You are caring, loving and warm and that is not worthless. In my opinion, that is the type of person that is very needed in this world. You may not be feeling able to hold the world up right now and so listen to that voice and take some time for yourself. Once you have healed and rested as much as your able, you will bound back and be everything that you were made to be. Be as caring and loving to yourself as you are to others hon. Very, very important person to SR and to everyone around you. We all know we need time to take care of ourselves, but its hard having the patience. Thinking of you.

When I am feeling low down, this is what has been suggested to me.

I sit down and write all the thing in my life I am grateful for. Usually their is a 50 count minimum.

And then I write a list of the things that are good qualities in me (50 count as well, sometimes this one can be hard).

I share these list with someone that I am close to. And then I let them tell me what I have missed. Good time for coffee or tea with a friend as well.

This is a great reminder of the things that I tend to forget when I am at a bottom.

Good luck.

Deb

I'm not feeling that great myself today. Just wanted to let you know I relate, and give you a hug. Your not alone.

:ghug3

Trish - lets help eachother through these hard times.

Emimily - Worse than being struck by lightening!?!? I dont thin my pain is that bad - sometimes similar to childbirth though. Thanks for your kind words.

Amy - Thank you for calling me, it really did help to know that you care so much. You're a sweetheart.

Serenity, you're right - we cant always be there for everyone - but this has been going on sooo long.

Horsie - Thanks for all your kind words - you really do have a great big heart.

Debs, lists do make alot of sense - I probably do need to get started on one.

Anna - I don't know which "one thing" to choose, there are so many to chose from- I get overwhelmed.

Scaredy - hugs right back at ya.:ghug3

You're so far from worthless. I hope it helped to post about it though. No advice as I am feeling similar to you and Trish although I don't have the things going on in my life that are as near as important as you two. Just wanted to give you support....

With Love,
Kathleen

dear suzette,

have you had a lot of these kinds of feelings throughout times in your life? has it ever been as bad as it is now? HOW long have you been feeling this way this time?

Awww Suzette, I wish I could send a crate of smiles, hugs, prayers, good wishes, and love your way.

Worthless people don't think about these things, but you do because you care. IMO that makes you about as far from worthless as possible. When I read your posts I see a caring and loving wife, mother, and friend.

We can't always be there for everyone and everything. It's impossible, for me it's one of the reasons I also work on codependency in addition to my alcoholism. I'd like to be a caretaker and save the world, but first I have to take care of myself. When I'm well, then I'm able to give to others.

I believe God just wants me to do what I'm capable of, to do His will, to do the next right thing. When I'm doing that I find the time to reach out and touch the lives of the people I love.

Hmmm, think I need to post a short meditation for you.......

Very recently I too found myself with your same thoughts.

I found strength and support from people places and things that I did not expect it from. It just showed up.

When we do the next right thing.. good things follow.

Hang In There !!
Keep Battling On !!

I'm thinking good thougths about you! I can totally relate. We live close, PM me if you ever want to go get coffee or anything :)

Hey Suzette- Here's a hug. :Val004:

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I remember a time of feeling similiar to the way you feel now. I was on bedrest with my second pregnancy and all I could focus on was what I was missing with my almost 2 year old, and yet I knew I had to do what the doctors ordered to keep baby number 2 healthy. It was terrible. And since I was simply a dry drunk during my pregnancies, I didn't have clue one about finding serenity in the midst of a storm.

I think you do have quite a clue about finding serenity in the midst of a storm. You wouldn't be sober today if you didn't. I don't know what to tell you other than where you are right now is not pleasant, but I think, if you can hang on, God will show you what to do next. I know it's hard. But you are not worthless, by any stretch. I don't want to offer a bunch of platitudes, so just know I care. And I understand, at least a little.

Love
Jomey

Sorry to hear about your current struggles.

Thinking about you and hoping you find the strength to take all measures necessary to get back on your feet. Call those numbers... find that inner strength to laugh in a difficult time... get up and do something you thought you wouldn't have the energy to do. Set those little goals for yourself and make them happen. Best wishes and hope you have a safe procedure and feel better soon!

Bruce

I just meditated so I'm going to be very serene about this... I'm not going through anything similar to what you're going through and I wouldn't dare postulate as to know how you feel. Personally, I'm having mental and some physical health issues, but I feel that every day through caring for myself emotionally and physically that I am getting better.

Give yourself a break. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not self-centered to be kind and loving to yourself when you're not feeling well; how can you care for and support others if you cannot care for yourself? Make your mind soft and malleable like a sponge, not stiff and hard like a rock.

I'm going to put good health on my gratitude list. Just for today, I have a job, a car to get to the job with and a house to come home to.

But, and there always seems to be a but... I feel it's just a matter of time before I lose everything. I can identify with not liking yourself. I've been pretty hard on myself lately for making so many mistakes in life.

I haven't been sleeping well and have lost 15 lbs. I don't recommend the "Fear and Self-loathing" diet though!

With Global Warming, the Government printing money like it's free, handing it out to the banks that caused the mess in the first place... it seems like we're at the beginning of the end of the world.

But, I get up every day and do the best I can... with a lot of praying throughout the day.

Sorry for being so down but I'm tired of hearing myself say "fine" to my co-workers and hear them say "fine" in return when we ask each other how things are going.

Dont be hard on yourself Suzette, you are a good person, and a great Mom. I've seen the pic of your kids and they look happy, and the stories you have told about them make them out to be great kids. Be proud. xoxo

flutter - I would love to go for coffee, I will send you a PM

V - thank you for the suggestions, and for caring.

Thanks2HP - I think we may be on a similar diet... I am sorry to here of your struggles - PM me if ever you want to talk.

Thanks Felly, you put a smile on my face.

Kathleen - try not to minimize your struggles, whatever kind of struggles you have are important. I appreciate you reaching out when you are un-happy too.

Ksplash - yes I have had these same type of feelings throughout my life. I am on anti depressants. This bout with depression has been going on since my son was diagnosed with JRA in August.

Astro - thank you for your reply - I am invisioning all of the hugs, prayers, well wishes and love inside a great big crate. That lifted my mood up a bit.

Aw - I think I found that support right here on SR.

Jomey - thank you for caring, you have always been there for me.

Bruce - You have a good attitude - I will try my hardest to stay out of the negative.

Sorry you're sick Suzette

I've been dealing with much the same thing recently - I've felt stupid and useless and a burden and unworthy too.

If I've learnt anything from my break, it's that I can only do my best at any given time. That means readjusting my expectations some days - which I still don't like doing - I want to save the world and be Superman - but, some days? my body is just not up to the task.

I dunno how you might look at it, but I'm trying to find the lesson in it all - for me, I try to look at it as a lesson in humility - some folks might argue I need it LOL

hugs
D

I understand a lot of what you're going thru. It's hard to like ourselves when we're coming out of a Bad Place. But like ourselves we must, or we're not fully recovering.

I like the idea of focusing on one thing you can do each day. And if you can't pick just one, write the things on slips of paper, put them in a bowl, and close your eyes and grab one!

Hugs and prayers for your peace and health.

:ghug3

Hope your feeling better.

I can relate.

I feel like I can't gather enough energy to clean my living room.
I don't have sex with my husband anymore (who works very hard AND makes dinner)
I feel like a failure as a mother, today my son was an hour late for school because I overslept...I DID have a migraine, but still.
I wish I was still the energetic, happy, working mom that I used to be but without the drugs. I know, I know, was I REALLY happy? Well, I wasn't SAD...at least I don't think I was.

HI- Wow, do you sound depressed.

Well, first I want to say that I will say an extra prayer for you tonight.

Do you see a counselor or psychiatrist? Do you go to AA? Do you need to change or increase anti-depressants?

Just a few questions. What ever you do, don't drink. That will just make everything worse!!!

As far as your son is concerned, having JRA may not be the worst thing that could happen to him. Out of bad, often comes a lot of good. It is NOT your fault that he has JRA, it is God's will and I know about JRA and he will be ok.

I have MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and it has turned out to be a blessing believe it or not. My little brother was diagnosed with JD (Juvenile Diabetes) when he was 2 and now he is 15 and he is doing great.

Do you believe in God or have a higher power? Do you meditate?

I really hope you feel better! :ghug2

Suzette,

awsome how you responded to everyone, individually....

Now that i understand you a little more....i want to say first off how wonderful you are. and thank you for the inspiration that you give to me and to others.

You are part of the world of people, recovery people, who are trying and learning and practicing to become a better person. You are suceeding in this.

it doesn't always feel good. and those times are not desireable for me either. and it's been your time (I guess) for the not feeling good.

You can do this, and grow, and walk/crawl through this dark moment, and find yourself back in the light. YOU will do this.

thanks for being you

You and all your family in my prayers Suzette,
take care.

Gallbladder resuts are still processing. I went to the Rheumatoigist this morning and he said he still believes fibromyalia is the only autoimmune illness I suffer from but believes I am spiraling downward withe the fibro. and depression.
I took my original post on this thread for hime to read, he was quite concerned and asked me if I had any thought of hurting myself and I answered honestly with a yes. He set me up an appt. with a psychiatrist for 2:30 this afternoon.
I have a quetion? I know I cant ask for medical advise but has anyone here ever experienced worthless thoughts and then been hopitalized, or just a change of meds and sent home?
I have been having random thought like everyone would be better without me, driving my car off the road etc..
I was hospitalized in 1998 and kept on suicide precautions for 13 days.
I am afraid to mention these things because I don't want to be hospitalized.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

At a month sober I walked into an emergency room and told them I was having suicidal ideations (putting a plan together). From there I was taken to a behavioral center for evaluations, I spent two days there, was given anti-depressants and taken to recovery meetings. When they released me I was advised to attend AA meetings and take the 12 Steps. That experience turned out to be one of the smartest things I ever did. It reaffirmed that I was an alcoholic and needed the help of a recovery program.

I went to meetings every day but blew off working the Steps, 4 months later I was ready to end my life again. Someone was watching over me, I found myself at another AA meeting, and I met the people who got me started on my path to recovery. That's how I came to believe in a Higher Power greater than myself.

Suzette, if you're having these thoughts please please call the Samaritans, one of your SR friends, or a suicide hotline. Read this too http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html