What is happening to SR?
 

What is going on here lately?

Why? Why are people so sensitive lately? Why are we fighting amongst ourselves so much? Why are so MANY experimenting with this disease?

I came to SR in May of this year and it was such an open and welcoming place to be. People came on here and were so overwhelmed with support. They seemed to really reach out for help and took advice from those that had walked in their shoes and they really made an effort to better their situations. There weren't these personal walls that have been built up lately.

I hope this is just a freak thing because I would hate to see people give up on this site. I personally would be lost without it.

In the last couple of hours I have seen 3 people stomp off angry. In the last 24 hours I have seen too many to count leave. I have somebody on SR that I am extremely worried about and she has yet to return.

If people are acting a little harsh on the ones that are still going out its because they have been watching people drop for the last 24 to 48 hours and it puts fear into oneself. You feel a bond with people and when you know why they're here and you watched and read their struggle, its hard to just accept this another part of the disease. I agree with those that are angry with the disease because it isn't fair when it takes our friends and whispers in their ears all the lies they need to hear to give it up.

I had to vent and I hope others will not take it the wrong way. I am not pointing fingers. I am frustrated and I am sad, but I am not blaming the people only the damn disease.

Egos, emotions, frustrations and people that are still drinking.

That's what's going on.

If the people drinking would stop, the frustrated ones that still care could let their emotions go back to neutral and the drinkers/users emotions could start to mature. I'm afraid I don't have a solution for egoists.

I don't know HL. I've never seen SR quite like this and I've been here a while.

A friend and I had an idea it might be the uncertain times of the world having an impact, but I think it goes beyond that.

In the end whatever I conjecture is just that - conjecture.

For myself - maybe I've been too closely investing myself here lately - I still don't think that's a bad thing, but maybe I need to go away and look at my boundaries?

This is a deadly disease and I'll do anything I can to help others, but I think I've forgotten the three Cs from time to time lately- I didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.

I hate it - but sometimes we have to let ppl go and do whatever they have to.

I'm sick today anyway so I'm no good to anyone, but I need to find a balance between caring and not getting buried in others denial and misery.

:dunno:

looking forward to other comments on this
D

Hey friends,

I was just wondering if it was the full moon? ??????

Dee, I like your three C's. Can I borrow that?
Didn't cause it,
Can't control it,
Can't cure it.

Simple truth, I like it.

I find myself going through my day and wondering if people I last posted with are gonna be okay when I get home and log onto SR again. I'm still on the emotional rollercoaster, so I don't know if my feelings are stable. Sometimes I think I should exercise caution and not be overly concerned (attachment). Yet I also don't want to loose compassion (mercy) for my fellow addicts. No answers here, just observations.

BTW, I really respect everything you do here for others!

lol me too - it's an alanon thing - probably got it wrong...:D
D

Maybe I been posting in the wrong place/forum as it all seems the same to me but I only been here since July this year.

The other day I was wondering what it would be like to sit in meetings with some of you.... No offence to those who don't go to meetings either. It was more like a 'would I behave differently if I was in meetings as opposed to how I behave in the cyber world' question to myself.

And I haven't reached a firm answer on that one, as there have been things I have said on here that I wouldn't say in meetings but there are also things I have said in meetings that I would never say on here, just because I think they may offend people. It's quite hard to say 'something with kindness' via typing. The internet makes things rather emotionless. IMO.

I'm loking forward to reading others replies too.

thanks for the reminder of the 3 c's Dee:)

I, too, have a tendency to get really involved in what's going on with some people here. But I've had to learn that it's not personal. I have friends here who I've seen through many, many relapses.

I do the best I can do, and then I have to let it go.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

HL, i think its a good time to repost this...

this is from the "About Us" on my recovery website

"Hello old friend"

Iv'e come to visit once again.

I live to see you suffer: physically, spiritual, and socially.
I want to make you restless so you can never relax.
I want you to be jumpy, nervious and anxious.
I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything; and everybody makes you uncomfortable.

I want you to be confused and depressed so you cant think clearly or positively.

I want you to hate everything, and everybody, including your self.
I want you to feel guily and remorsefull for the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go.

I want to make you angry and hatefull toward the world for the way it is, and the way you are.

I want you to be decitfull and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as manny people for no reason at all.

I want you to wake up durring all hours of the night and scream for me.
You know you cant sleep without me. I'm even in your dreams...

I want to be the first thing you think of when you wakeup in the morning, and the last thing you touch before you go to sleep if you can.

I would rather kill you. But i'll be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, anmother insitution or jail. But you know, I'll stil be waiting for you when you get out.

I love to watch you go slowly insane.
I love to see all the physical damage that i'm causing you.
I cant help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake... when you freeze and sweat at the same time. When you wake with the sheets soaking wet.

It's amuseing to watch.
Its amazing how much destruction i can do on your internal organs while at the same time i work on your brain, destroying it bit, by bit!

I deeply appreciate how much you have sacrificed for me; the countless jobs; all the fine friends that you deeply cared for and you gave up for me; and whats more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of you inexcusable actions.

For these, I am even more grateful. But especially for your loved ones, your family, the most important people in the world to you, you even threw them away for me.

I cannot express in words the gratitude i have for the loyalty and respect you have for me.

But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend!

For after you have lost all these things, you still depend on me to take even more.

You can depend on me to keep you in a living hell; to keep your mind, body, and soul; for i will not be sastisfied until your dead!

So hello old friend, i'm the Rat... my name is "Addiction"

this is what we do battle with everyday...................!


peace, understanding, love, support, fellowship, experience and hope...

rz

Thanks fro the reminder (((Rusty)))

:ghug3 Rusty - thanks! I have never read that before and boy, does it put it into perspective.

My perspective could be that of someone who kept going back out. Several people here have told me that they didn't know if I would live thru my constant relapses. I didn't know if I would make it. I was hopeless. I FELT hopeless, therefore I WAS hopeless.

But now I'm over three months sober and can't believe it sometimes. I want to be a non drinker cause I'm a better non drinker than I was a drinker. So for those who try it again, you can still stay sober if you want to, and if you don't see yourselves as hopeless you become hopeful.

Something I'm always reminded of is that I can only change myself. And that should be enough to keep me busy without trying to change anyone else.


:ghug :ghug :ghug

(that's a hug from me and one from each of my dogs!)

I don't want to change the world. I do, however, want SR to return to the place it was and I am fairly certain it will.

Thanks Rusty for posting that!

What is happening to SR, is that we are all doing our best to help each other and to help ourselves. That's why we come here.

one more thing HL...

SR has never left, this is recovery... the good, the bad, the struggles, and the ugly...

happy to have you here HL

xxooxxoo 'n blessings

I didn't mean literally changing the world, just that I could only work 'my' program, no one else's. I can only hope that they don't hurt themselves, and love them no matter what:ghug3

Horselover, thank you for a heartfelt post. I'm mostly quite mellow, but lately I've been very emotional and super sensitive too. I think for me it's a combination of the financial mess, the upcoming election & what it will mean - and the changing seasons. The holidays looming always panic me - will I or won't I make it through the minefield? Aside from those issues, we have some of our key people faltering and in pain. I've had tears in my eyes the past couple of hours, reading all that's gone on since I was last here. Every time someone stands at the brink, I feel that part of me is standing there with them. Maybe emotions run so high here because we do care so deeply for each other, and at times we are very afraid.

Fear for me is the basic feeling at the very core or my addiction. Last night I heard an OCM (Older Cleaner Member) talk about being 5 years clean and one very quiet still day within and without out he expereienced a low buzing sensation. After a while he realised that this was fear, always waiting. For me I need to get up and face my fear everyday and not get frozen by it or externalise it. The more I front up and face it the more of me I see and teh more of the opoosite I experience, joy.

Kevin

Thanks Hevyn - You put that so eloquently and I am glad you speak up when you do because you always add so much here. I mean that too! :ghug3

and now for something completey different
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...65-boxing.html

The 'rat of addiction' is brilliant Rusty.Thanks for the reminder.

I don't have much to add really Horsie, I think Hevyn said it best for me anyway.This will pass.I guess as a group we go through phases just as we do individually.

Love,

Julesxox

Thanks all for this thread and your posts. I've been lurking more than posting lately. And Rusty, that was so on target.

Blessings to all.

BHJ

FEAR!

Well there are several definitions to that one.

For myself I come here when I can anymore. Has SR changed....?

Just like everything else in life, nothing stays the same. We and SR will all change, just as much as everything else. One thing that I know about me is that ....

I feel as if I let SR and the members down during my time here. I used to be very open here for a very long time. Well I relapsed and relapsed and relapsed. Sure I have had a lot more time sober/clean than any other time in my life, but the point is that I don't feel I have much to give anymore, except what not to do...and we all know what not to do...so I don't need to post that.

Here lately I have decided to make some major Changes because of my health. Not a easy thing to do either, and most people don't understand it anyways. They think all should be the same...when nothing remains the same. The only think that I know of that has never Changed is God and I even wonder about that? I am sure that He has had to change also but who knows.

SR's primary Purpose IMO is to help those who need help, and what makes up SR is the members, no different than a AA Group/NA Group, SMART, etc. So if what you say is true than it isn't SR it's us members.

Thanks for letting me ramble I am good at that :lmao

Good to see ya ((((Vic)))))

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

First of all...the conflicts, relapses and all kinds of scary things are nothing new here or on any other forum that I've used or heard of. We also share so much joy, love, trust,
vulnerability, friendship etc etc. I can't say enough about the benefits of this place.

From what I've seen, the amount of negative things that go on here is actually quite
minimal considering all of us here are but a sampling from across the web. I've visited quite a few other forums and not one has met my needs (and standards) to the degree I find here on SR.

I am actually just as emotionally impacted by SR as I am in my AA groups. I have felt (and i could be wrong) a lot more anger going on than usual...although I have seen it become pretty bad a few other times. I just see a lot of fear. People often express views and comments (not just SR) that are directly a statement about who I am, and then tell me it not personal, but clearly wether or not they intend it to be personal or not..it is. And of course I have seen myself do the same thing.

I have had friends tell me hate the sin not the sinner...and i'm not sure the hate the disease not the person is all that different.....and when you are on the recieving end of that I know for me it feels pretty much the same wether you call it being angry at the disease or angry at me.

Many many many many people I have met on SR have drank again ... some come back and some dont.....some I have outside ways to contact, and I try to stay in contact with them drunk or sober.

SR for me is about one alchoholic reaching out to another alchoholic to share this journey of sobriety. Not all of us will make it.

I am greatly influenced i think by having been alone close to death in the hospital with not one person there for me. It was lonely and scary and as a human being I am entitled to more dignity than that...So I will try very much to be there for a fellow alchoholic who is still suffering from this disease so that they can still have the dignity of being a fellow human being.

I believe that I stay sober by sharing with other alchoholics and that this truley is not a moral issue that they are no different than me, and that I too may die drunk. I don't want to, I believe i may not....but i know that it could be me...it makes me feel so helpless..but it also increases my feelings of compasion toward the still suffering alchoholic.

I liked what Anna said

What is happening on SR?
I see recovery...healing...hope.
:yup:

Members come
Members go
Bless them all on thier journey.

I guess I was wrong to post this thread and maybe it was a bad idea. Everything is fine and I am sorry for thinking its not.

Hey Horsie,

I don't agree.I think it's great you spoke up and expressed your worry about what you saw happening here.It gave lots of us a chance to comment and to express our various worries/concerns or lack of them!

In a group this big we'll always have different opinions/views-but that's what makes this place rich too.

You didn't do anything wrong. :hug: and I'm glad you posted.It's been a bit bewlidering round here these past few days-but we're all still here doing our best-and I know you are too.

Love,

Julesxox

no right or wrong HL, its good to express things

I don't think SR is a bad place and I'd be sorry if that was the impression anyone took away from this thread - but I like the idea we can look at ourselves honestly HL - that's part of recovery for me.

thanks for starting this :)
D