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Good thread! I am not really sure what I am, probably asexual. Although I have had relationships with both sexes in the past. I have been on my own for quite a while now and it dosn't bother me in the slightest. A few people say to me about finding someone, but I am really not that interested to be honest, but they don't seem to understand that, and allways think I must want to. It can get kind of annoying when they come out with "you'll meet someone one day" and "you just haven't found the right person yet" etc. They just don't see how someone just dosn't have any interest in finding a partner. Sax |
ditto Sax.....I don't know why that is so hard for people to understand...and another thing...if you are single and whine even one single time about not having a spouse to do something (for me it's taking down the chrismas tree), every one jumps on it that you really should and want to be with someone. If your married and have a moment of wishing you weren't...no one says ah ha there is the proof ... you really shouldn't be married! Sorry had to rant...asexual is Sooooooo unaccepted.... :wall: |
The only thing I use my closet for is my clothes. :) Thanks for this thread Matt. :Val004: I love all this open mindedness and acceptance. It doesn't always work out that way. |
I love who i am, and it's not really definable, but i am "married" right now...love is love |
I think that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body...lol...just kidding... I do love you though Matt!!! How have you been? We addicts and alkies have to hang together (no matter what our orientation) or they will hang us seperately! Ben Franklin said that (about the revolutionaries, not addicts). kj |
Too many labels - too many "slots" - too much intolerance in this world. Thankfully, our SR world doesn't have to be that way. Thanks Matt. Heavy's right - no boundaries needed here. |
I second that KJ3880...I have often thought that I am a gay man stuck in a woman's body (half jokingly). I have always loved men, but back in my younger days I developed a few girl crushes. I never thought it meant I was gay, it just meant I was capable of having complex feelings for women as well as men. Plus the early 20's seems to be a popular time to try different things, so to speak. That being said, I tend to gravitate towards gay men and I don't really know why that is. Back home I liked hanging out at gay bars because I liked the enviroment better than those geared towards straight people. Some of my closest family members are gay. But to me a person's sexuality is not as big a deal as some people make it out to be. I am often mystified at some people's obsession with other people's love lives. Most of the people I know who hate homosexuals have an unnatural preoccupation with the topic. To me that is sicker than anything two people choose to do with each other behind closed doors. |
Yeah, I know, right? What's the big deal about excluding people because of that. I don't know what it is about the gay men in my life that make them so fun to be around. Maybe they've just had such a tough time not being accepted that they have to develop a sense of humour and learn not to take it all so seriously. Whatever it is about them, I certainly relate to it. KJ |
Interesting thread. I like it. Especially as it relates to how getting sober really does require that I come out of hiding in many aspects of my life. I had to let all that shame and self-loathing be exposed to light and watch it sizzle as it disappeared. I'm by no means done doing that. Got a lot of work to do. But I know it's part of sobriety - and a very important part for me. If I don't open myself and my story to the light, I will always go visit those dark places and want to drink. So throw the doors wide. All of them. I'm happily, faithfully married to a wonderful man. But I'm definately bisexual. So let's throw that door open too. Whatever it takes. |
I was fortunate to grow up in a very liberal home, family and friends included people from all walks of life. Color, religion, sexuality etc. were not a factor in your being welcome in our home. Now that I have my own home, I live the same way...what a waste it is, for people to not want to get to know others because of things that are superficial. My motto, taken from an Elvis Costello song... "What's so funny 'bout Peace, Love and Understanding" |
Matty, I'm proud of you for sharing these thoughts and feelings with us. I haven't been in the Chat Room for quite awhile but when I was stopping you, you were a permanent fixture there. You seemed able to open up in the Chat Room but most of it was for fun and laughs . . . at least the nights I stopped in. I remember one night something was said and you mentioned that you were gay. I had went to the bathroom or into the kitchen for another can of pop when this was mentioned and I remember you asking if your sexual preference upset me since I didn't reply immediately. Matty, I don't care if you like men, women, dogs, cats or one eyed monkeys, or if you are black, white, purple, green or plaid! What does matter to me is that your life has been affected, one way or another, by drugs and alcohol. We are on a Drug and Alcohol help forum, the rest doesn't matter to me. After all, we're here to help each other, not judge . . . right? |
Wow, thanks for all the great posts so far! Makes me really happy, though I never expected anything less from SR folk - sometimes we have to make an extra effort to understand what's going on with other people because it's harder to relate if you haven't been there yourself. For example, the strongest painkiller I've ever taken is probably aspirin, and at first I found it pretty difficult to understand what painkiller addicts go through in recovery. One of my closest friends here is struggling to recover from that, and by talking about her personal hell, I was finally able to understand. SQ, you have gently reminded me of my insecurities - I do remember the kitchen incident. Yeah, like a lot of people, I sometimes struggle with acceptance. Maybe one of the keys to that is to work on self-acceptance, esteem and loving yourself for who you are. It's an ongoing process, but so worth it. Like KJ said, humour is sometimes a good outlet; it's impossible to be liked by everyone but, as long as you feel comfortable being yourself, you can be okay with that. Fel, Ananda, Saxony... It's strange, I'd never thought about asexuality.. I also lost all interest in finding a partner for a long time, and never thought about that possibility. What you said makes perfect sense to me. If you're partner-free and happy, all the more power to you!! Knowing what you crave for Fel, I'm sure that you'll find that person once you put your mind to it - so much honey draws flies, but can also lure a surprise. Chinny Chi :hug: You struck a nerve, personally. My only BF happened to be bi and I struggled with that. I made the mistake of brushing him off as being confused. Ha! Like I have it so worked out that I'm allowed to pass judgment in that arena. In time I realized that love and sexual attraction knows no gender, so that put the "controversy" to rest for me. I also agree with you, like Jeepy said, SR is full of support in all senses, let's tear down walls and be real. Jig.gy, you cheeky devil!! LOL :salook: So yeah, I hope this thread continues... The illusion of living in a binary world is unrealistic and sad... The main theme of the thread seems to be love people, no matter what. So, on that note, I'll try to destroy my own prejudices... If the right person for me comes along and it happens to be a girl, so be it! I'll probably need some sort of manual though ;) Thanks for the insights peeps, I hope this thread rolls on for a while... |
I am often happy :) |
Serenity Quuen - I have one thing I must disagree with with, for personal and marol reasons. I WOULD have a problem if someone here had an attraction for one eyed monkeys (mainly because they would have very limited dating options, and I would feel saddened for them) and if someone here was plaid.... well obviously that could only mean they had over indulged in Scoth whiskey - and that again would be bad.... Aside from that though I agree with all others here! Who the heck gives a flying hoot about anothers sexual orientation? I mean Matty here - gay as can be, the only that bothers me about that is that it means he'd never be interested in me! Im a straight arrow, never had any interest in even mild flirtation with other women and certainly never any level of sexual attraction. I have been accused of being "homophobic" in my time - becuase my sister is gay and I have therefore named my cousin and his wife as guardians of my children instead of her should anything ever happen to me and hubby. The sole reason for that is she would raise them in a COMPLETELY different environment to what I would and Im not comfortable with that. And its not her sexual preference that has caused things to be so different, its things like she is a "carreer woman" whilst Im a stay home mother, she is VERY anti-Christian, wheras I have a strong Christian faith... Other things too - some indirectly related to her sexuality (for example the main reason she is so anti-religion is because she was exposed to some awful judgementalism and bigotry when she came out) but her gayness it itself not an issue for me... I think Im rambling and I might have hijacked and thrown this topic sideways (sorry Matty) but I guess my point is that its judgementalism, bigotry and people without the ability to think outside thier own square that holds others back. Whats the difference? A person is a person no matter what. To be honest Matty - i think its your "camp" factor that makes me love ya. I know that you can tell me ya love me, or tell me to "wash the tears from my pretty face" as you've had to a few times and mean in from your heart, but there is no threat at all to my secure marriage, or underlying flirtation! Know what I mean? Its great! We can all be different when we have the common bond of addictions. I mean I have bright pink hair - any of you blonds wanna :a043: On a more serious note - I am concerned about my husband. he keeps telling me he is a lesbian cause he is attracted to women..... :e088: (P.S Matty - I come with a manual!!!! Whoop whoop, Im in with a chance after all! The gertie manual can be downloaded from http/:www.welcometowomen/gayconverter/gert.com |
Great Thread Matty. I never even think about what a person is sexually on line. I was raised in a very liberal home, and gayness was always accepted. I'm like you...I love men. I tried to be with a woman who was in love with me when I was 17, but it just did not work for me. But we are still good friends to this day. I treasure her friendship. I have raised my children the same way...and now they laugh at me and tell me my Gaydar is way off. (Frankly..I just don't really care anymore about people's sexuality. I just like feeling thier vibes...ya know.) Anyway...I pretty much follow the Buddhist rules of relationships. This works for me. 3 rules. Never with children Never if it hurts a 3rd party And never by way of force or control I beleive in marrage between any two people who love each other. Simple. :Val004: |
Hey Mattilda... :} I'm gay- and I've never been in the closet. Too many skeletons in there to have room for the likes of me anyway. I don't tend to come across as gay to most people, until I make mention of it. I do think it's a little funny that the glbt thread has a whole string of "I'm straight" and "I'm asexual" posts, but- whatever raises your drawbridge. Or... doesn't, as the case may be. Uhm, I'm very sexual, and actually recently quit a job a "private men's gym" for the sake of my overall recovery, and trying to tone down that "very sexual" part. Or- at least learn to deal with it in a more healthy way. A few things that I've noticed much more since getting clean... It seems like drugs are so accepted, especially for younger gay men. It's f*cking stupid, but there you go. I read once that roughly 10x the number of gay men have used certain drugs vs. the rest of the population. 50% rather than 5%. I know sexuality doesn't make a difference once you've been in recovery for a while but... d@mn. I've also been on the receiving end (no pun intended, I'm a top anyway) of violence because of my sexuality, from both family and complete strangers, pretty much from the outset. I think it's a sad thing that while people in recovery are fairly tolerant- as a kid when I said "Yeah, I'm gay... so?" I pretty much expected to get the crap beat out of me, and was not often disappointed. So... yeah, good thread Mattilda. Sexuality doesn't keep anyone from recovery, but yeah- it can sure as hell effect how you look at the world- which does. |
Nice thread matty :) I'm bisexual, but most of my life that I was thinking of stuff like that, I thought I was just gay. I had one girlfriend who started as my best friend, and I fell in love. Ever since I've been split pretty much down the middle between attraction to girls/guys. Growing up I was always different, I never knew why until one day it clicked that I really acted like a stereotypical gay guy, surprisingly around the same time I realized I liked boys. I got picked on a lot (and still do, still in highschool). In florida I was beaten up a lot, had ribs broken several times (and one time my jaw). I really felt like a black hole, if that makes sense. Just a void. I think it had a lot to do with my drug use. It still leads to a lot of isolation for me, gay guys tend to stigmatize me for being "half gay" and girls who I can be up front with my sexuality to and still actually have a relationship with are few and far between. I wind up having to hide who I am, and it eats at me. I can't wait to move on to college, and maybe surround myself with lots of supportive people. Sometimes I hate being bi >:0 But then, I LOVEE fag hags lol and really, these days its not so bad. Long island is much more accepting in general than florida |
Ya know - Ive been giving a bit more thought to this thread on a more serious note... And I think it IS a great idea Matty. I mean if we look at it seriously a couple of things things we addicts all seem to have in common (IMO - mainly what I have heard and observed here in these forums) are fears, insecurities, and low self worth issues. I find fear of not being accepted, or a fear of rejection to be a biggie in the addict community - and also something Ive seen alot in the gay community. And I think as the so called "normal" society have become intolerant and unaccepting of homosexual people it actually feeds addictive behaviour further. I mean its kinda like "addiction PLUS" really isn't it? I know as an alcoholic I struggle with self acceptance, I struggle to see myself as anything much other then a big nosed, funny looking clown who hides a veritable minefield of emotional hurt behind a mask of jokes and light hearted humor. Sometimes I long to let that mask down and be real - and be accepted for the broken person I know myself to be. And thats me as a straight person, therefore by societies standards "normal". How does a gay person with the same insecurities and struggles with self acceptance, fears and insecurities that they mask by self medicating with thier drug of choice deal with the same issues, especially with the society pressure of being outside of the "norm". Is there such a thing as normal anyway? As I say - this thread has lead me down and interesting anyalitical and curious thought path, I would be very interested in responses from any homosexuals who perhaps feel that thier sexuality adds increased pressure in recovery. Not nessecarily from any experience of intolerence or bigotry you hopefully will not have found here on SR - but I mean when you're out there living in the real world, dealing with life, sexuality and recovery all at the same time. If additional support is required Im sure there are many here on SR willing to offer it! Just my randomness thoughts for the night anyway..... |
Im not sure if I am veering off of what this thread is about here, but I have some other thoughts that I think would help me to put down. I think that having a healthy relationship with someone is more important than what sex the person is. In the past I’ve been attracted to men and some other women but have only dated men, probably cause it seemed easier at the time. I probably would have had more luck if I had dated women back then because of my gender-related prejudices that I used to have. My issue has always been how I treat my partner and I used to wonder why my relationships never lasted more than a few months and why my partners always considered me to be a bad person at that I was constantly “sabotaging” them and the relationship. Over the years, self anaylsis with the help of therapy has shown me that I have indeed been very unhealthy in my treatment of others. As I strive towards sobriety and take a break from relationships, my hope is that I will be able to give myself a complete overhaul and start life off fresh and new as a more emotionally healthy person, including more healthy in the way I treat others. I know now that I cannot make excuses for my bad behavior, such as how Ive been treated in the past, because it doesn’t matter, I am in charge of myself and my actions. I have the gift of free will and of freedom to make my own choices and I plan on never abusing that gift again. |
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