Good morning all.

Glad you are right back as well Sam. We can do this.

RAL well done on 9 days! I really think keeping up with all of the tools for quite a while has to be key. The saying that you have to put as much time into your recovery as you did your addiction comes to mind. Goodness knows I have spent countless hours drinking beer... if I had to match that in working on recovery it would last a good long while!

FF, thinking about you and hoping you are ok. Check in when you can.

Leshar I will have to check out The Tourist.

Jo I am glad your little one is getting everything sorted to feel better. Aren't older siblings so silly? Lol. Watching my 4 interact always amazes me (I'm an only child).

Erratic well done on day 4. I love your tree avatar.

Hi Calmself, Sue and anyone else I may have missed.

Sticking super close to SR today.
I've thought about making a accountability thread. I really think a accountability is where I need to beef up my plan. No one in real life really cares if I drink. I have a hard time with the thought of getting a sponsor, I cannot stand someone telling me what to do. But I feel like I do need.... something more.

Welcome wildchild. :)
I am so sorry for all you have been through lately.
You are in the right place here. Stick close and post a lot!

Hi Wildchild,
what you've been through sounds absolutely awful. This is the best place to be. I think it's Hevyn here, or maybe Least who often says you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. it's a concept I've struggled with but I'm coming to a better understanding of. It's self care, we need it especially at times of major stress which it sounds like you're going through.

Thank you, Citrus and Leshar! I am just sort of baffled at this journey....and the "epiphany" I had this morning....I have done a couple of Reiki sessions and have been trying to really heal inside and out spiritually. In Reiki, they talk about things cycling through like a spiral...things you think you had dealt with or gotten over seem to cycle back through when there's more healing needed. I think the reason I've had these uncontrollable urges to drink and have felt so awful these past couple weeks is because I had gotten down to the layer where my addiction needed to be uncovered, exposed and healed. It's hard to explain, but it's like I've been digging through all these layers of pain and trauma in myself....and I just got to the addiction....it was buried way down there....I have been through a lot. I am feeling so much better just being able to explain to myself in some facet what is happening.
Someone posted this on social media.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys6TCO_olOc.......it really touched my heart and I think is part of what led to my epiphany.
Thank you all for your support. Now that I am back.....I will come on here and post when I get the urge to drink....and warm days are a major trigger for me!

Hi Wildchild great to have you with us. xxJust heading to bed after another sober day. See you all tomorrow. :e044:

Goodnight and sweet dreams Mish!

Hello dear wildchild, and welcome back :hug: s ❤️

I am so sorry for all that you have been through. :hug: s

Making the decision to really make sobriety a permanent way of life is choosing freedom, I think. :)
Onward together. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ❤️

Nite love :) :hug: ❤️

Good morning and afternoon everyone else :) :grouphug:

Sam honey....is there a time of day that is your nemesis? Or a trigger during the day that is setting you up? Just a thought....and yes love, come and post.
I was talked down a few times years back....something about just pausing and asking for help can make that need for a drink disappear. :hug: s xx

WildChild-
I love your "I like drinking but I like not drinking more" Although, I don't even think I like drinking at this point, it was like a compulsion took over and I drank. But no more of that!
Anyway, welcome, sorry to hear about your issues, any one of those alone would have been rough but all three--yikes.
But kudos to you for getting back to sobriety. Alcohol just makes everything worse.

Thank you 🙏
 

Thank you everyone for your support! Venuscat, I remember you!!!
Samwitch, I haven't enjoyed the drinking recently either because of exactly what you described. It's just been this painful impulse....it's obviously at the point where I want to get rid of it. I've done several long stretches of sobriety...and remember that this urge does go away the longer I go without drinking. I'm perplexed at the way it comes back...seemingly out of nowhere....but that YouTube I posted about addiction really explains how it's all about trying to deal with pain and trauma. It helps take the guilt and the shame out of the struggle. BTW, is there an app for this place? It's hard posting from my phone.

Hi everyone

Happy to help Sam-glad it's not just me who thinks like that.

Leshar-I'm with you on watching tv shows and not passing out or forgetting what happened :)

Welcome wildchild

had a meh day :( thoughts of drinking but I drove the long way home not passed the shop. Home now. shop shut just over an hour ago. Have eaten and feel better. Scary how easy it is to act on those thoughts though when they occur in that moment.

But you didn't. :)
You drove a different way home instead: that is an extra tool you now have dear RAL :) :hug: xx

thanks suze xx

RAL, I know exactly what you mean. We live way out....like 20-30 mins from any small town, but there is this little country store up the road with a walk-in beer cooler.....and they recently started selling little mini-bottles of fireball and southern comfort at the counter. It's been my go to when I have the urge....I'll just hop in the car and go....It is going to be what makes it hard on me. For years, if I was home and there wasn't alcohol here, I wouldn't have a big enough urge to make me go get it....but the thought would be planted and then the next time I was out, I'd pick something up. Recently, I've been horrified at how I will make a trip just for booze. That is a new thing for me these days. I started taking note of that behavior. Now, I am so ready to have several months under my belt. So ready. I just hope I can not convince myself that it's okay once it's been a long time, ya know? I always said I'm not the AA type, but I'm actually at a point where I think I might be ready to go to some kind of meeting. I've never gone.
I think the longest stretch I've ever gone without drinking in a row has been from being pregnant. I remember thinking I really didn't care to ever drink again at certain points. Where does this urge come from and why? I guess that's the root of the problem we all have to figure out for ourselves.
Nice job on not stopping by the shop!

There are a lot of ready answers to that question love, but as you said, we all have to figure it out for ourselves.
One thing I do know: the more ways of helping ourselves we amass, the better we are at staying sober and really living our lives. ❤️

RAL I am so glad that you got home without stopping. :hug: Great job working those sober muscles! Double digits tomorrow will feel so much better than drinking tonight.

Wildchild there are so many meetings online nowadays! AA, SMART, Dharma and many more. You don't have to use your camera or even talk if you don't want to. :)

Thanks, Venuscat, Citrus and everyone... I'm actually at a point where I'm feeling like I want to say it out loud to a group of people. I'll probably cry. I cry a lot these days for a lot of different reasons. My life since last summer has been very very hard. This isn't the first time I've wanted to quit drinking forever, but I keep saying...it just feels different this time. I plan on talking about it with my counselor this week, which is a big step for me because I've never really admitted it out loud to anyone in person. I think it's that feeling of when you own the struggle and call it out for what it is....it sort of releases the shame. There's nothing to be ashamed of anymore because it's right out in the open. lol I dunno.... there is something to just admitting things out loud. I've said in the past "I used to have a drinking problem"....because I really felt that way....I recently read something about addiction and it said something along the lines of people confusing not being addicted with being in control of the addiction. I think because I was so good at controlling my addiction the vast majority of the time that I felt like it wasn't a problem.
If I'm honest, though....it's like one or two drinks was never fun for me! It had to be 3....had to....rarely was less than that....I'd make myself stop at 3 most of the time but I always knew it should be more enjoyable to drink without getting drunk if I'm really not an alcoholic. These are the sort of things I have to keep reminding myself....drinking really just isn't any fun!!!!! ...And it comes with a heavy price in many ways!

Welcome to th3 thread and welcome back wildchild :)

good to see you right back Samwitch, and yeah the only viable number of alcoholic drinks for me is zero.

D

Thanks wildchild. Same here. I'm 30 mins from town. But there is a small shop 3 miles away which sells alcohol. It shuts at 5pm so I know I only have to get to 5pm and not buy. Any groceries I need I've started getting delivered or go to the shop before 10am as cant buy alcohol before 10.

I know the more I do this the more not buying alcohol will be one the default option