Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part Two |
Woke up from a dream where I was going to the shop for wine. Of course that shop won't sell me mine IRL. Still sell me mouthwash though... Oh AV, don't even go there. |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 7686098)
Sorry for the delay in reply. Honestly man for me at this point with nearly 15 years recovery behind me, drinking that vodka would be the hard choice. I know my life drinking and I know my life sober and sober wins by miles. I wasn't here because I went out and played music with friends tonight. That's incredible to me because I actually destroyed my musical career through drinking. To have it back is a miracle and I still never take it for granted. I'm not saying that to boast - I'm saying it because I believe you could one day be living the life you want to, too When I started I had no idea how good things would get, so I ran on faith for a while - I'm not talking religion, just faith that this was a good path to follow. I'd given 20 years to drinking I wanted to see where not drinking took me - not just days of sobriety, but months. I'm glad I did cos I can draw a straight line from that decision right to where I am today. If you're in a place where you can avail yourself of people who can help - use them man. Why not? Give yourself a fighting chance at changing your life. D And goodnight dearest Dee ~ really pleased to hear that you can play music at the moment. :) :) I am good dear Someday ~ finally a decent weather day, and someone bought more plants (this keeps happening, must be my ghost ;)) so a gardening I shall go :) :hug: s xx |
Way to go Lamb! How are you feeling? Freedomfries, 10 days is so great. That's 10 days of accomplishing the #1 item on your goals list. Glad that you are staying the course. 90 days. Wow, someday, that is some solid sober time! Thanks for being here and sharing your experiences. Erratic, each day consisting of 'no booze' is a win. Hoping that your Day 2 turned into Day 3. And I hope that your mood diary helps. Backtogood, I hope that your night without your son was peaceful and uneventful, from a drinking standpoint. I definitely remember the days when a night alone was an excuse to drink myself into oblivion. I never want to go back to that. I don't want that oblivion any more. I want to feel my feelings and respond to them. I'm not running from them anymore. So, Viking, about the college trip. You know what? It was so great. That campus was so bustling and full of positive energy, it was infectious. Oh to be 19 again, knowing what I know now. And the two hour drive home with the ex? It was actually enjoyable. Caught up on things, talked about old friends, reminisced on old times with our three kids. Sang to old 80's tunes that were on the radio. She's a good person. We were a bad pairing from the start, and I won't bore you with all of the reasons for that, but we cobbled together a decent life for 20+ years. It didn't end well, and my years of being emotionally distant contributed greatly to that. But she has moved on and found someone that is a great match for her. And she's a good mom and grandmother. I'm happy for her. Day 20 here. A few minor loose ends to tie up with the college today. Not much else on the agenda. I hope everyone has a great Friday. |
Originally Posted by ClearPath64
(Post 7686129)
Way to go Lamb! How are you feeling? Freedomfries, 10 days is so great. That's 10 days of accomplishing the #1 item on your goals list. Glad that you are staying the course. 90 days. Wow, someday, that is some solid sober time! Thanks for being here and sharing your experiences. Erratic, each day consisting of 'no booze' is a win. Hoping that your Day 2 turned into Day 3. And I hope that your mood diary helps. Backtogood, I hope that your night without your son was peaceful and uneventful, from a drinking standpoint. I definitely remember the days when a night alone was an excuse to drink myself into oblivion. I never want to go back to that. I don't want that oblivion any more. I want to feel my feelings and respond to them. I'm not running from them anymore. So, Viking, about the college trip. You know what? It was so great. That campus was so bustling and full of positive energy, it was infectious. Oh to be 19 again, knowing what I know now. And the two hour drive home with the ex? It was actually enjoyable. Caught up on things, talked about old friends, reminisced on old times with our three kids. Sang to old 80's tunes that were on the radio. She's a good person. We were a bad pairing from the start, and I won't bore you with all of the reasons for that, but we cobbled together a decent life for 20+ years. It didn't end well, and my years of being emotionally distant contributed greatly to that. But she has moved on and found someone that is a great match for her. And she's a good mom and grandmother. I'm happy for her. Day 20 here. A few minor loose ends to tie up with the college today. Not much else on the agenda. I hope everyone has a great Friday. |
Back to day 0. Drank 200ml of 37.5% vodka. Needed closure on my drinking career. A last gentle relapse. I don't have money to buy more. Tomorrow will be 30 days from college. 30 days to turn my life around. So I had a little vodka and smoke cigarettes today. Just saying farewell to my old life. |
afternoon x sry that u drank FF, hope and im sure u will get urself sorted for upcoming college x lamb well done on ur time also hun xx someday great job on 90 days !!! xx well work was bz as had delivery and was tired when i finished so had lay down. I also picked up my tablets, which doesnt say much and when to take them, but it prob be morning but if i get tired on them i will take in evening if have to. The chemist also gave me the whole bottle instead of a weekly script, so some info has gone missing along the way. nvm just sitting here thinking maybe go have a cup of tea and catch up on everyones posts x have good evening everyone xxx good job again, i may come back later will see, x |
I feel good. I had the pleasant no consequence goodbye to alcohol. I did t want to end my drinking career with mouthwash and hand sanitizer like my last bender. |
Originally Posted by freedomfries
(Post 7686152)
Back to day 0. Drank 200ml of 37.5% vodka. Needed closure on my drinking career. A last gentle relapse. I don't have money to buy more. Tomorrow will be 30 days from college. 30 days to turn my life around. So I had a little vodka and smoke cigarettes today. Just saying farewell to my old life. |
Congrats on day 20 ClearPath Congrats on 2 weeks Lamb Glad you got your tablets sorted Erratic I hope they work well for you. |
Well I had a shower and brushed my teeth. Ate my dinner. The vodka will be completely cleared by bedtime. I'll get a good night's sleep and start my new life tomorrow. |
I'm excited about tomorrow. 30 days to turn my life around. The timing is perfect. I'm really going to use these 30 days to prepare for college. And now I've got my gentle relapse put of my system, there's no stopping me. No desire to drink again. Or smoke when I finish this pack. |
I am more upset than excited to be honest. I have no understanding here. There is no such thing as a gentle relapse if you are an alcoholic. I hope you can leave all of this behind you now and stay sober and achieve your goals. :hug: |
Whats your plan for when the urge comes upon you to drink again FF? D |
Polaroid—hope you were able to go get some support instead of the vodka. FF, hope the 30 day plan works out. I had more to say but just had a big fight with my husband. I’m trying to stick up for myself and let myself feel anger instead of trying to keep his feelings calm. But it’s very unsteadying. On the plus side it actually makes me glad I’m sober. At least I have the peace of mind that it’s not alcohol fueling my emotions. Ugh. Just feel sad. |
Sending you love dear Numbady. :hug: s ❤️ |
Sorry you had a fight but I'm glad your resolve to stay sober is strong NL :) D |
So sorry for what you are going through Numblady. I agree with your thought about really feeling the anger and not letting drunken emotions derail things. You can stay strong and get through this. Always feel free to vent here. We may not always know exactly what to say, but we're here to support you. |
So I'm sitting here at 8:30pm on a Friday night, with the John Mellencamp song 'It's a Lonely 'Ol Night' playing on repeat in my head. Fixed myself dinner from leftovers that I had in the fridge, splurged on a little bit of ice cream while watching the first half of a preseason game for my beloved Kansas City Chiefs, poured myself a cup of tea, and settled in front of my computer to check on my SR friends. Peaceful, quiet, but I guess a little lonely. Maybe I should start posting a little more on Facebook. Maybe I should explore online dating. I don't know. I always told myself that I wasn't going down that road again until I fixed myself. But I'm not sure how to gauge that exactly. Maybe, as I learn to like myself more, stand up taller and look people in the eye, attraction will just happen. I do know that I like myself way more today than I did three weeks ago. That's good enough for now. I hope everyone is doing okay. |
Thank you so much CP. and others. CP you are doing amazing work. Seems like whether It’s romantic attraction or attracting healthy social outlets, you are on the right, well, path as it were. |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 7686327)
Whats your plan for when the urge comes upon you to drink again FF? D |
Why do you think it didn't work the other day FF? D |
Originally Posted by Numblady
(Post 7686369)
Polaroid—hope you were able to go get some support instead of the vodka. FF, hope the 30 day plan works out. I had more to say but just had a big fight with my husband. I’m trying to stick up for myself and let myself feel anger instead of trying to keep his feelings calm. But it’s very unsteadying. On the plus side it actually makes me glad I’m sober. At least I have the peace of mind that it’s not alcohol fueling my emotions. Ugh. Just feel sad. |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 7686461)
Why do you think it didn't work the other day FF? D |
morning x sry to hear about ur fight numblady x u should be proud that u didnt drink xx hugs to u hun xx I thought last night that i will actually give another 24hrs for alcohol to be out of my system and make sure its 3 days before i take the tablet, so i will take the tablet tomo morning instead. so day 3 for me. This is usually my bad day, but looks like i could be bz due to husband has something wrong with his foot and its been like this for a week, it gets swollen and he is in agony with it, so im hoping after a week he will seek some help and that prob mean a trip to hospital. so that could be my plan today lol. FF can i ask u when did u take ur antiabuse and did u feel sleepy with it? good to see so many posts this morning, great job to everyone time of sobriety xxx |
I had no side effects from Antabuse other than psychosis, but I'm on other meds that cause drowsiness so I wouldn't have noticed really if the Antabuse added to it. I took it in the morning first thing. |
Thanks FF x will go ahead with morning and see how things go x i am also on other meds but they dont really make me sleepy. so fingers crossed no side efffects. |
Today is supposed to be day 1 of my 30 Day Fix My Life Before College challenge but I'm just not feeling it. I'm going to set myself some small goals for today, nothing too ambitious.
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Originally Posted by freedomfries
(Post 7686470)
I guess because there was no ambivalence. I just wanted to drink. I was 100% firm in my decision. But I don't want to drink moving forward. If you're not using a book,maybe asking for guidance in our Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery forum is a good idea. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ased-recovery/ D |
I have the Rational Recovery book. Having some AV now, and thinking of borrowing money for "cigarettes" to buy vodka. This is supposed to be day 1 of my new life, it's very disappointing to have these thoughts. Just trying to dismiss this as AV and ignore it. It probably doesn't help that yesterday's drinking went so well. I drank the naggin (200ml) on the way home and nobody smelled the alcohol on me. |
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