double posted

Citrus! So beautiful! <3
You are so very talented

Awe thank you kitten. It is a wonderful hobby. And luckily one I rarely ever mixed with drinking. Plus it relaxes me. I was reading about a study not long ago that not only does knitting make the anxiety and adrenaline of th knitter go down but also others in the same room as the knitter! I thought that was pretty cool.

Headed to bed sober and super tired!
A little worried about hubby really starting his adventure tomorrow, but hopefully everything will go smoothly for him and I'm worrying for nothing.

Goodnight class! ❤❤

Day 2

minor slip Friday night, but a slip.

congrats LHW.

congrats, lamb!

hiked a major hike yesterday. Felt GREAT

Hoping to move daughter Wednesday to Friday to her new home in CO.

Night all, work tomorrow.

https://i.postimg.cc/zBNgLWKB/07-E38...BE82-BD565.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/1zwF5Mg2/1330-C...728254-C43.jpg


Views from lot we will build our house on this evening.

so blessed.

Sorry to hear you drank Free. Like I said to LHW, how wonderful would it be for you to look back at this year and celebrate not only a new beginning with your marriage but a new beginning as a not drinker too?

Whatever elements are drawing you back to drinking, now’s the time to deal with those elements, maybe even cut them loose?

Your pics remind me a little of the area I grew up in. I had many happy memories there - I hope you will too :)

D

I have a GP appt at 9;30am and I don't wanna go. I wanna lie in bed all day. But I suppose I'll go. I'm going to ask about acamprosate as well as in increase in lexapro. The current anti psychotic at max dose seems sufficient so I'm not going to ask to be referred to a private psychiatrist.

I think you should be honest and open about everything that's going on with you - give everyone the full picture, and get as much help as you can.

D

I mean, it's a fifteen minute appt and he's not a therapist. I just want to make my case for lexapro 10mg and acomprosate and get back into bed.

Debating whether I should shave, shower and put on nice clothes for my GP appt. Do I want to look respectable or in desperate need of help?

morning x
thanks kitten and citrus x good job on day 3 also citrus x
Things went ok with the tablet last night, just had my normal 3 cups of tea this morning and feeling little bit spacey for some reason but nvm better than being hungover.

FF just go to the docs and dress how u feel hun, its better to be open about how u are and feeling, i know i am not the best person in saying that as i am just as bad, but this past time i have been more open with psyciatrist and alcohol councilor and others. x Good luck with ur appointment x

free good to have u back and on day 2 xx

anyway better go do some of my mood diary and cards. will keep close and will be taking my 2nd day tablet at 4 like yesterday, im finding it better as i know i defo at that point drink, but then actually thats wrong in saying that as i cant drink anyway so give up thinking like that lol sry talking to myself there lol

Good morning all!

AC, glad that you checked in and are feeling better. I think, as you get a few days under your belt, your physical and mental capacities will improve and you'll be in better position to pursue those healthy, positive activities. It's a struggle to just focus on today, and incremental improvements, without getting frustrated. Glad you're here.

Free, those are great pics. Wow, you are so lucky to have such a beautiful place to hike! Colorado is such a beautiful state. I really need to get over there more, but driving across the entire length of Kansas to get there. That's what I call torture. Just curious about your minor Friday slip up. What led to it? Did you enjoy it at the time? Just helpful for my own sobriety to understand some of the pitfalls that we face. If you don't feel like going into it, I understand.

Erratic, it sounds like your Antabuse regimen has you in a good mindset, and your sobriety days are adding up. Great to hear.

Citrus, I hope that the bright side of all you have going on right now is that you might have some quiet 'me time' when your kids are in school. I know that can be a trigger for drinking, but it can also be a chance to get some much-needed rest, or simply to do something you enjoy doing. We've got to take care of ourselves if we are going to be able to take care of others.

kittencat, so, about the gardening........I kinda wish that I hadn't said that was one of my hobbies, because you guys are on an entirely different level of expertise than me! Master gardener?!?! What the heck? I clearly need you to come to my house and give me some tips, because no one that looks at what I've got going on would think of the word 'master'. I'm still trying to figure out the difference between an annual and a perennial, as well as what constitutes a weed. I had a clump of stuff that was growing in one area that I kind of just let go, hoping it would culminate in some sort of blossom. Never happened. I've got two tomato plants, one in the ground and one is a pot. The one in the ground is flourishing, and I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with all of these tomatoes. The one in the pot is pathetic, and I will be lucky to reap three (small) tomatoes from that one. But I do enjoy going out and messing around in the garden.

Day 23 guys. No turning back. I don't miss it. I don't ever want to drink again. I won't ever drink again.

love ur post clear x and fantastic on your days x im in the same boat about gardening but am trying lol. I have 3 massive black lace elders in my small part of the garden and i put out some seeds for the bees and butterflies, which those flowers have bloomed and are now near finished. anyway thats all i know about gardening lol

HI friends! Managed to read but now out of time to post. Just want to say hi and I hope everyone takes good care of themselves today! And like CP I am in awe of master gardeners! Bye!

I am also a Gardner fiend. Will send pics after this week.

Dee, CPath and others, it was a fallback to lots of pressure, that subconscious “I know how to fix that”, being so tired, and Dr Free offering me wine. He doesn’t normally.

The stress of moving my daughter is intense, and so was our visit. She’s very difficult, and has been since her accident 20 years ago. Lots going on with insurance, need to drive and fetch her in dangerous north Minneapolis, and get her here. Can’t find work coverage for Thursday, so facing disciplinary action for my anticipated call in sick for that day.

Friday night Dr Free also said his 89 year old mom is having a new knee replacement, and we called her to coordinate my being her private nurse for three weeks in a couple months, trying to put that in my work schedule. Not easy. Also trying to guess the virus, anticipate our quarantine strategy, so that she is in optimal health and so are we so we don’t give that to her.

So, long story short, tired, anxious, stressed, and no, no, no, not worth it. Two glasses of wine. Not wasted, but def thinking of alcohol explained. In The first chapters he states that if you are still struggling, to be objective, and to recognize how one feels while drinking. To get outside of the self and look and feel inward.

I felt guilty, a little dumb, and knew I was smarter than that. I liken it to potty training. First, we become aware that we pooped our pants. Then, we become aware AS we are pooping our pants. And finally, we become aware of the sensation that we have to poop, and direct our bodies to the toilet BEFORE an accident.

Stage. Aware of while pooping……😩, and aware before I poop.

Right now, mindset is the latter.

Ill get it right. I did with smoking. I’ll get it..

I will be free. FREE

Day 17 and feeling emotional

well done lamb!!! is there anyway of talking to us about how ur feeling hun? i used to be like u and just wrote how many days with out really opening up as i felt i couldnt but we are all here if you need a hang or a shoulder hun xx

Free your pics are gorgeous! My hubby stopped for 2 nights in CO on the way to his trip starting place. It has been almost 4 years since I've made it that way, maybe next year I'll get to go.
I hope things go as smoothly with your daughters move as possible.
The potty training analogy had me lol'ing. So true.

FF I hope your dr's appointment went well.

Clear well done on day 23! You are sounding strong. I am looking forward to getting back to 20+ days, following in your footsteps.

Lamb I think emotional is super normal in the first few months of sobriety. Be super gentle with yourself today. Post more if you need extra support.

Hi numblady, Erratic, Suze and Dee! (And anyone I am missing!)

2 of my 3 boys are off to cross country. The middle is having troubles with his braces, he got a new palate expander last week and it has to be expanded two times a day for 10 days. It's been rough to say the least. He didn't want to stay home because upperclassmen soccer guys have been picking on him when he shows up for that later in the day.... anyway it hasn't been pleasant for him physically or socially. Makes my Mama heart hurt. But, this too shall pass.
Hubby seems to be up and going well on his trip. I can track him via GPS. I'm not a crazy husband stalker I swear, haha! All of us wives and kids are tracking them. ;)
Rough nights sleep last night. I think just anticipating everyting that is going on this week. I honestly will be so glad when the next 2-3 weeks are over. I have wishing part of life away, but I think things will calm down in a few aspects by then.
I have been majorly procrastinating school supply shopping. Normally we do it early, but I have really drug my feet this year. We've done clothes, but actual supplies will have to be done this morning. We will have a 3 hour window between cross country and soccer and then school open house/drop off supplies/meet new teachers stuff. Wish me luck! Lol, I think I am going to go make some muffins and breakfast stuff so I don't have 3 boys distracted by hunger while trying to shop. I also think I will wear my "support wildlife, raise boys" t-shirt today. 😁

Good luck dear Citrus! :) :hug: s

Sending you love dear Lamb. xxx :hug:

And love and good morning and good afternoon to all of you. :) ❤️

I had 4 days clean, my son went to his grandpa's house and i used it as An excuse to drink for 4 days. Now I'm laying In be bed, over the top anxious, feeling sorry for myself. Starting over today. I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of coming back here a failure and telling you guys i failed. When i fail, i fail everyone, not just myself. I'm thinking maybe everyone would be better if i wasn't around. I'm lying to everyone, lying to myself. All i can do is get through the next few days of detox and anxiety and work with the tools i have and gather more tools to help through this addiction i have let consume my life. I feel so much guilt and remorse. Im sad. Day 1.

You are not lying to us honey. :hug: s
And we understand....I personally went through that cycle over and over again for way too long.

I think one of the toughest parts of this is that you drink and then you punish yourself. :hug:
So yes....you want to leave this behind....to be the woman you are....and in order to do that you need to love yourself.

Yes, right now. Give yourself a hug. You are strong and you can do this, but a bit of love wouldn't hurt. :)
Hugs from me too xx :hug: ❤️

Good Morning everyone. Starting Day 2 here feeling a whole lot better than I did yesterday!

Thanks for all of the congrats on the engagement announcement. With fiancee wanting to get married before year end, I will be kicking into high gear soon to come up with some plans.

With Henri still bringing heavy rainfall to the NY State area, we postponed the drive to visit my mother until tomorrow morning. Will be safer that way, and I don't like to drive in normal rain, let along massive downpours and flood watches. So have some time today to get a few things done around here that I would have put off until next week when we return.

Re knitting - I tried that as well as crocheting last year. Some of the items I tried to make are hysterical -- a crocheted hat that seemed simple when reading the instructions. I ended up using that as a cover for a flower pot. A knitted scarf - how hard can that be? Didn't really do anything with that except stuff it in a drawer. Not wearable. I even messed up a dishcloth. LOL! Maybe I will try again. Same thing with gardening. Brown thumb for sure.

FF - I agree with the others about being honest with your doctor. He/she is there to help and can't help if you don't be honest. I was that way about my drinking with my doctor and finally fessed up.

Backtogood - I'm back here on Day 2. I know you how feel about continually coming back and feeling like a failure. At least we come back and keep trying. Always keep coming back. As VC said, a lof of people here went through the same vicious cycle.

Well, I better get my butt in gear here and get some things done. Everyone have a great day!

LHW

backtogood i have also been in ur situation and its only say since weekend that im fighting my way out of the cycle which is with a tablet form. so hun HUGS to u and we wouldnt want u to go away xx keep on trying thats what ive been told x
I am away to take my second tablet, so day 2 and i wont be drinking today or any day for a long while x

Great to hear you sounding happy dear Erratic :) :hug: s xx

Hi I'm back. Here on Day 2, this month has been hellish, (okay the last 6 months have been hellish) but I certainly can attest that the wine doesn't help after all. Shocker, I know. I haven't read all the posts but I did see a few folks who look to be at the same point as me--trying again. So, let's look forward to better days ahead together.

Good morning friends! x

https://youtu.be/B4O-HG7-WRk

Morning Kitten and Welcome back dear Sam! :hug: s xx ❤️

Wow kittencat, the Fifth Dimension. Haven't thought about that group for a while. Sorry about your sleep.

Welcome back Sam :)

Erratic you do sound great glad to hear it hope day 2 of the tablets goes well :)

glad you are here and still trying BTG my friend :) As LHW and VC said we have all been on this seemingly endless merry go round. If I had a dollar for every time I swore off after a binge only to pick up again when I 'felt better' I would be rich. Actually not beating ourselves up and having self compassion after a lapse is a powerful way to get onto a stronger journey of recovery. Our minds want us to have the self pity, remorse, guilt and shame but we have no reason to feel that way and it only drives the cycle.

How did the doctors go FF?

Hi Backtogood, I remember you mentioning that your son was going to be away, and I mentioned that this was typically when I used similar occasions as an excuse to drink myself into oblivion. By the time that I either dropped them off, or they had been picked up, it was a foregone conclusion that I was going to the liquor store and I could drink at will, without having to hide it or pace myself. I presume that most everyone in this class has been there. You just have to use this as a learning experience, though I'm sure that if feels like you are learning, re-learning, and re-learning the same lesson again and again. That's the way it was for me. You came back, and we would NOT be better without you. We are stronger together.