Class of January 2020 PART 4
 

last part here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-3-a-20.html

D

Sober45, maybe you'll decide that the cabin is cool without drinking. Maybe you could rent it for weekends on homeaway or something when you're not using it.

FK I had a lot of trouble learning to say no - not just in recovery - I drank a lot of times when I real;ly didn't want to to avoid hurting my drinking buddies....

I finally realised it's ok to say no to things that will put me in a dangerous position or a miserable one.

D

Sober 45 I associate just about everything except eating breakfast with drinking so I know how you feel about the cabin.
Double whammy being next to Mom who wants to drink with you.

I have a little workshop out back that I spend most of my days in when I'm home. Of course projects and alcohol go great together. Not really but that is what I believed.
There were days in the first week or so I went out there and felt like I was missing something.
I was.
I was missing getting drunk and waking up the next day to a mess or worse that I had to clean up before I could even start another mess.

Now I go out there and it is either put away or laid out and ready for the next day.

Hopefully you can find a way to re-associate, is that even a word?, cabin life to a sober state of mind.

Hi guys. Thanks for the new thread Dee.

Dontlookbacchus, yes we are sober triplets with Sobermafia :)

And yay for 30 days Daisybelle7 :)

And day 35 Wolfie :)

And 40 days Sober45! :)
I hear you about the blah :(
And the eating everything in sight to ward off the AV :(

And we’re going through very sad family times, as my uncle died and then so did our fur baby a couple of days ago. Everyone has been crying. Too sad to talk about much, I feel like just cry all the time. It sometimes seems like I have barely stopped crying since Mum died, and then Dad and on it goes. Life throws so much at us sometimes it makes me wonder why we’re even here :(
But even though I have been “dying” for a drink to numb some of the pain, I haven’t. I need to stay vigilant against the AV because it’s chinks in the armour like grief, that it uses to pry its way in....
I’m on day 44 and I will not drink today.
Sorry for the downer. I haven’t felt much like posting but I know if I don’t, and if I drift away from SR, the AV sneaks back in. It’s done it before when I stopped posting. I just don’t feel like I have anything much to contribute at the moment.

But I’m really thankful for you all being here ❤️❤️❤️

Willow darling ~ I am so very sorry. This is so much for you. :hug: s
We are with you every single moment and all of our love and strength and faith is with you. :hug: s

Too much loss baby, I understand. It is way too hard and feels insanely unfair.
It is unfair.

We are keeping you close girl....so much love, all of our arms wrapped around you. :hug: s xx ❤️

Thanks Suze :hug: xxxxxxxxxxx

I'm sorry Willow. Stay strong - you can get through this!

D

Hi Classmates

Willow, I know all of our thoughts are with you. Well done pushing though, staying on course, despite so much sadness. This sober journey is our path to happiness. You can do it. I hope your new clear head may allow you to console a loved one around you.

Fishkiller, that was a great post and gave a lot of food for thought. For everyone. Like you said, avoiding situations while we are so fragile is a smart move. I haven't gone into sobriety details with anyone. Right or wrong, I don't feel it is their business. Maybe it is just that I am ashamed it got so far. I have no clue.

Sober45, I agree 100%. This year maybe too soon to put yourself in that situation. In the future, who knows ?Maybe it will be a writers cabin or home base for a photography excursion. The future is ours to rewrite now. Maybe the cabin could end up an oasis that you love.

Yesterday ended up bizarrely stressful, on lots of fronts, and I didn't drink. Got through the day and night. My AV was going nuts. Pushed through. Nobody said this was always going to be easy, I guess.

DB7. Great to have you back and on the mend.

Venus, thanks for that reminder how one simple light beer can set us back. I know that to be true.

Have a strong, happy and sober day classmates

dlb

Thanks Dee and Bacchus. I managed to stay sober today, despite massive cravings, but I’m going to bed sober. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day ❤️

Good morning class!

Thanks DB!

Willow I hope good things start coming your way.

Sorry to hear about your uncle and fur baby willow.

Awww, Willow.... I’m so sorry. You’re really going through a lot right now. No need to apologize for anything. We’re all here for you - to read, send virtual hugs, and give you all the support we can. :grouphug: I’m sorry you have all this on your plate, and are navigating through these feelings. Please post, vent, whatever you need. :hug:

Wow this thread has been quiet. No posts in 14-plus hours?

What have y'all been up to, class?

I noticed this long posting gap just as it was turning past midnight here in eastern USA so I thought I'd break the ice and welcome myself to my Day 44 and everyone to Yesterday Plus 1.

Now I'm hoping for some zzz's before an early-rise day that will end with a 5-hour bus ride to Manhattan for a stay at our friends' place.

Hope everyones doing well :)

D

Good morning classmates.

I live in an apartment complex with shared recycle bins.
Last year it was a major cause of shame. How to hide so many bottles, without neighbours seeing. I went even so far as putting bottles into carrier bags and putting them in other peoples recycled bins. It was that way buying all those bottles from the same liquor store and markets.

One of the weights off now. Many of the really great benefits of this journey will come later with patience and hard work. Recycle day is a day I can savour now. And lighter grocery bags.

Yesterday was improved for me by handling some stressful situations better at work. My AV peaked a bit at the end of day but it faded. An extremely large can of coconut water, full of chunks, seemed to end that battle.

Thinking of everyone. Have a safe, sober and happy day all

dlb

Morning class!

Not much to report which is a good thing I guess.
Going to a boat show so I can see how the other half lives.

Hope everyone has a happy Friday

I have found the different stages to be interesting.

First few days there was still some residual hangover effect. I think that the biggest hurdle for me was to let go of the things that had been internalized for decades. Finding SR was a godsend. A heavy emotional component for a little while.

Eating everything in line of sight for about 3 to 4 weeks.

Weeks 2 through 3, the AV showing up everyday when my truck pointed towards home in the afternoon.

I feel like I can process thoughts and discuss things with my wife and kid like a normal person now.

There is no thought process towards which days during the week I am meeting with people, so nights in which I can drink heavily are planned out.

No thought process put towards which of my favorite beer stores will be on the way home each day.

No going around policing up beer cans and wine bottles.

I still fully expect there to be hurdles ahead and will have to work out various situations.

One of my shames is all of the bottles I didn't recycle....every day I would hide two empty bottles in my rubbish bag so no one could see them. I still feel bad about it....if I add up the bottles I threw in the wrong bin.....hundreds? thousands?

And when the garbage collectors came I could hear my bottles breaking in the truck, and I always cringed.

It is seriously wonderful not to do that anymore.....I hadn't thought about it in a long time....makes me even more grateful to be sober. :)

:VA018:

Good morning everyone! I did most of my drinking away from home, but there were the occasional parties with way too many booze bottles at the end of the night. Like you all mentioned, it’s so nice not to have that hanging over our heads anymore.

I have found that I’m eating like crazy. I think I’m depressed from my broken foot, daughter’s eating disorder, my surgery, etc. I’m definitely exchanging one addiction for another, which I know isn’t helpful. I need to work on that.

My mom (major anxiety producer) is coming over, uninvited, today. I hate seeing her. I’ve asked her very firmly two times not to offer my daughter food nor talk about her eating disorder. Both times she offered her food (behind my back). This morning she texted my husband asking if she could come over because she got us Valentine’s Day gifts. I hate Valentine’s Day and she knows this. I think it’s a stupid Hallmark holiday. Wanna bet she brings over candy to my anorexic and bulimic daughter? My anxiety is through the roof. Thank God I’m talking with my sponsor before my mom comes over. I’m talking with her about Step 4 so that will be very helpful.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful because I know there are those who have lost their moms. My mom is incredibly unhealthy for me. She’s narcissistic, critical, controlling, disrespectful and manipulative. I never had a mom. From a very young age, I took over the role of mom... she’d ask me for advice on men she was dating, job offers she got, medical decisions. She continues to do this and now I tell her, “I don’t know. That’s your decision to make.” Sorry to get on a tangent. She just really triggers me and I know I need to go no contact. Just a stressful morning.

Oh gosh love, that is not easy at all. I am so sorry your mum was never a mum to you.....and I wish you could just say no, I don't want you to come over with valentines chocolates and such. :( :hug: s xxxxx ❤️

Dang daisy thats rough. 😥
Sorry you have to deal with this.

Thank you, Suze and fk. Most people don’t understand it. They say, “be happy you have your mom.” She knew I’d tell her not to come over today. That’s why she texted my husband. Plus, it’s not like I can walk away from her because I’m on these dang crutches. I’m taking deep breaths now.

Hi DaisyBelle- my thoughts are with you. You have a full plate, and look at how strong you are. I'm glad you are posting here and talking to your sponsor today. I wish there was more that I could say or do, but I think you are pretty amazing for dealing with everything you are and making your sobriety/self-care a priority.

I'm entering Day 45, and the next couple of days are going to be hard. I'm just putting it out there. Today, my favorite great aunt is turning 100, so that's super exciting. We are having a big party for her tomorrow, but my mom who has health issues of her own is doing most of it, so I am helping her. So I spend half the party worrying about my mom, and the other half being stressed by the extended family.

I get annoyed that nobody else helps even though my mom has several ongoing health issues, and my dad will be crabby about the whole ordeal even though it's his aunt. (My dad is a narcissist). And today is always a tough day, as my two engagements were called off on Valentines Day several years ago. I never thought I would be single and in my 40s but here I am. And the extended family tomorrow.....I just love (sarcasm) the questions about why I am still single, etc.

So yes, I am posting here to put it out there. Life is sort of hard right now, and I want to be strong. So here I go, taking it minute by minute, hour by hour and one day at a time.

Thank you for sharing that daisybelle7. I think that each time one of us shares our innermost worries it help us all to cope without turning back to alcohol.

My MIL fits many of your descriptions, mostly just with me I think. For 27 years I've kept a bottle of crown in my travel bag while visiting to ease the tension. I dread Christmas and spend most of it smashed/hungover. Not sure how it's going to work out moving forward, but I'm through with the bottle of crown thing.

And fishkiller, say hello to Reggie Fountain for me if you see him at the boat show. Just kidding. But I did have a wealthy customer who knew him. I'm pretty sure his Fountain cost more than my house.

Sorry you're having a tough couple of days sobermafia. The elderly care thing is tough. I usually end up snapping at my dad and then feeling like a jerk.

You are a wonderful daughter, and niece. :)
No idea how some people don't feel the need to lend a helping hand. It's always the same family members huh, and they are usually the ones to hassle you or question as to so, tell me, why is a gorgeous girl like you still single? etc.....makes you want to explode right? :)

I knew I wasn't going to be married until 50....don't ask me how, I just always knew. And as I only intend on getting married once, God willing, I get to spend 30+ years with my man.....

I always used to say to my mum (while she was hassling me about missing out)....sorry mum, you and dad are amazing (they were), but the idea of being with someone for 50 years plus is well, a lot. :lmao:

Sending you so much love dear sobermafia. :hug: s

:VA018:

Hey DB, so sorry you're having such difficulties with your mother. I can somewhat relate because my mother is a functioning alcoholic and I have an 18 year old daughter with serious mental health issues (cutting, food issues etc). I know how you feel, our moms are supposed to understand and be there for us.

It was hard growing up because she never hugged or told me she loved me (not to this day). I always seemed to put a frown on her face. She was also the one who encouraged me to drink alcohol when I couldn't manage my daughter as an infant (just to take the edge off...yeah right!).

The absolute worse part is that my daughter has said to me recently she feels like she is only trouble and I don't love her! How can that be! But it is what it is and there's no doubt I have some of my mother's traits.

In my case, I'm trying to see things from mom's perspective. She grew up in an unloving environment and left home at 15... got married at 16 because she was pregnant.

It's easier to forgive than to harbor resentment I'm finding. Being a cycle-breaker is not an easy thing but when my daughter told me the other day she's never going to drink because she wants to support me, I knew the tides were changing. I could just cry thinking about it.

I'm going to admit that I asked my daughter some pretty inappropriate questions about MY life in the past couple of years...maybe like your mother does to you. For me, it was innocent enough, I was just trying to connect with her on a more "adult" level. But I can see now that's not what she needed at all.

Gosh, such hard stuff. :hug: s

The thing is Sober.....you do love her and she isn't too much trouble, and because of your experience with your mum you get to be compassionate and helpful here because you really get it.....and please remember that girls go through such deep emotional shifts. and a lot of her stuff is part of where she is in life. It's a tough time. And no matter what happened before, you get to be there for her now. That is precious. :hug: s xx

You all are the absolute best. I wish we could all live together in our own little commune!

Sobermafia, first... huge congratulations on 45 days! I’m so happy for you! Secondly, I’m sorry you’re dealing with family issues. You’re a sweet daughter for helping your mom out. It’s horrible that no one else helps. As for being single in your 40s... I admire you. I’m on my 3rd marriage now. I wish I had been strong enough to wait and do what was best for me, not listening to the pressure from my family. You be you because you are amazing! Sending you virtual :hug:s for this weekend.

Cityboy, I hear ya. Thanksgiving and Christmas were huge drinking times for me due to family issues. I hope you don’t have to see your MIL very often.

Sober45, you are very wise! My sponsor said she’d work with me on helping to see my mom in another light. She gave me some suggestions that I used when my mom was just over here. Not easy, but a bit better. You’re 100% right, forgiveness is better than resentment. It sounds like you’re giving your daughter the support and love and guidance she needs. Breaking the cycle isn’t easy, but you’re doing it. I haven’t always been super appropriate in conversations I’ve had with my daughter either, but I think the important thing is we’re working on giving our kids what we didn’t have.

Thank you all so much for your support. It means the world to me! :grouphug: