Sugar makes me ANGRY! It's EVerywhere! But I've been good most days and lost about eight pounds in the past couple of months. I don't crave like I did, appetite somewhat shrunk, walking a lot, doing my thing. Veggies are your friends. Just say no to donuts. Eat to live! Get down to the funky beat...

I've noticed that if I can restrict junk food for several weeks and eat mostly salad and lean meat I eventually hit this turn where something shifts and I start enjoying feeling a little hungry. Hard to explain. Maybe I've just convinced myself that overeating feels worse than not eating enough. Fat to burn, anyway. Drink more water. Walk the dog. Avoid dairy. Stop and smell the roses. I'm my own garden gnome...

I get your point. Eating healthy is restricting on some level. It can also simply mean choosing this and not that. I think "wanting" a neutral relationship with food is in itself a kind of craving, and one that can create additional suffering. "I wish I could... If only I could..." Restricting so we can eat cake is, indeed, self defeating. Restricting so I still have my limbs in ten or twenty years not so much. Applying mindfulness to eating is dialectical in that we observe nonjudgementally with discernment. I don't mind giving myself a pat on the back for "being good," AND it is not helpful to feel shame if I choose poorly. I think what I was describing, actually, is that I'm mindfully off the "binge-restrict-binge-restrict" cycle. I've "slipped," so to speak, at times, but it has been quite a while since I've binged. The comment about sugar making me ANGRY was more about humor than actual anger. For me, it doesn't fuel addiction to view substances like sugar, alcohol, or opioids as my enemy, because they are. Recovery seems to me about the development of fearlessness; the growth of the warrior spirit. It's about looking the enemy in the eye, maybe even giving it a sniff, and putting it down. And I'm there. I was in a bar last night and was able to take a sniff of a friend's glass of wine, and another's IPA, enjoying the aroma without feeling any need or desire to drink. And there are brownies upstairs right now. Sometimes I'll sniff them and then close the container. A sniff was enough, and I haven't eaten any for weeks, and last time I did I ate like one square inch. Of course, it helps to just keep the enemy out of the house in the first place. But here's the rub. The less I eat processed food the more they affect me negatively when I do. Sugar no longer feels good. I ate two bites of a cinnamon roll at work last week, and it tasted good, but felt very strange in my mouth, and it gave me that tight skin feeling on my scalp and a slight headache. Yuck. Insidious crap, it is. I'm in that sweet spot where the sugar satan can whisper in my ear about how yummy ice cream is, but the memory of how if affects me outweighs the temptation. Motivation. Yes, restricting. That's a fact. But if we can get to no craving - or even feeling repulsed - how much easier to remain healthy...

Sugar makes me angry too because we don't need excess sugar. Just the amount to make our bodies work. After that it is an issue in every way.

So I keep it to a minimum. Always.

Just my thoughts. :hug: s

Hey friends!

Well I haven't had any caffeine this week. I'm at the end of day 5. So far the report is a mixed bag. On the one hand I feel a lot less anxious than I thought I would. That is a very pleasant surprise.

On the flip side, I get the huge tired spells and my motivation has plummeted to new lows. LOL! I'm hoping that the positive part will increase while the negative will decrease.

My sleep seems to be improving overall as well. Now it's just a matter of seeing if the palpitations I've been having go away. It might be too early to say but I feel like that has been improving too.

Meanwhile my dopamine and other neurochemical receptors are flailing around in confusion and chaos. I confess, the past week I've had at least a few pints of Ben & Jerrys.

Between being over15 weeks sober and nearly a week without coffee I guess something had to give. Anyways here I am. I wanted to set the record straight. Needless to say, I'll be reducing the ice cream soon but I'm trying to cut myself just a little slack :)

Dropping in to say hello as was posting elsewhere on this wonderful site.

Hope everyone well.

Had to update my Plan of Eating yet again. My alcoholic foods keep changing and evolving. I think my only consistently alcoholic food is sugar! I think that is a given and will remain a no no for me for life.

Others things come and go! I just have to keep on my toes and use my awareness.

I have missed you dear PW!!! :hug:

This place has been very quiet! Is that good or bad? lol

This is week two of no caffeine. I have to say I feel better than I expected. This is the longest I've gone without coffee since I started which was back when I was like 13!!! (scary I know)
I feel like the fatigue is slowly balancing out, meanwhile I feel so much calmer and more grounded than I ever thought I would. I never realized how much low level anxiety I had going on until now. I obsess a lot less over any little thing. I really love this!

As for the sugar, well it's better than my last report but still hit and miss. I think it's been at least a few days since my last hit of ice cream. Today I am trying to motivate myself and I have too much time on my hands.

I'm trying to go easy on myself. I've come a long way between the alcohol and now the coffee- and I've even done relatively well with the sugar. Perhaps it's not so bad to slack off now and again...like a "you've earned a break" kinda deal? IDK...life is precious and sometimes I feel like I should take advantage of every second...but life also doesn't work that way; just ask my cat! She sleeps 15 hours!

Well, that is awesome. :) :hug:

I have cut my coffee in half and I feel a lot better too. Hmm. It's a drug my body just doesn't want I don't think. Well, it will save me lots of money if I stop drinking it.

Good morning friends- I have been thinking about you and meaning to stop in and let you know that life has changed quite a bit these last 25 days!

I left OA- I couldn't resonate with the rigidity and all the rules and the black and white mentality. I started a meditation program that works on rewiring the brain and rewriting our behaviors, feelings and emotions. In the meditations I see myself as "free" from my eating disorder and what has changed for me in these 25 days is nothing short of a miracle.

I am still eating keto but since dropping the idea that I am a sugar addict, something great has shifted. I came to this conclusion after the woman who runs the sugar addiction group stated that sugar addicts need not ask the "why" they eat but should focus on recovery/abstinence instead. She said abstinence is key and after a year or 2 of that you can start to examine the "why." This made zero sense to me and it made me realize I am not a sugar addict. I actually don't think that most binge eaters are. This woman was stealing sugar at the age of 5- her body couldn't process it that early on. I never had this problem. I realize that my eating disorder stems from restriction and dieting. From all or nothing thinking. From the black and white mentality I have had since around 1997. Sweets, breads, junk food was "bad." Clean eating was "good" and I was to always choose one or the other. I'm not willing to live in this reality anymore.

I can tell you that on Easter I looked at the dessert table and didn't flinch. I can tell you that there are days I have had a Hershey Kiss or a bite from my son's bread and nothing, I mean NOTHING has happened. I have gone about my day. I have had stevia sweetened beverages and protein shakes and tofu with 1 gram of sugar. Nothing has happened. No cravings, not mental obsession. I have gone about my day as usual. I am free from the fear for once and for all. The world isn't falling apart around me because of food.

On Easter I had a small Reese's Peanut Butter egg and that was that. No guilt or shame, no cravings, no analysis of what I had done. I wanted it, I ate it and I didn't give any more thought to it.

I am free. I am absolutely free and I did it all through daily (haven't missed a day) meditations created by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I purchased and listened to his course called Making the Mind Matter. I am now happily addicted to meditating in the sense that even on my lunch break at work, I go out to my car and meditate for 25 minutes. It's amazing, I am in love, and this is only the beginning.

I have basically been eating intuitively but within the confines of keto. No more rigid meal plan or texting my sponsor if I want green beans instead of broccoli for dinner (this felt insane to me.) I think I would like to learn how to eat intuitively outside of keto but I am not there yet. When it is time, my body will tell me. For now I am living every single day in awe and admiration of the Divine which has shown me the true way for my life and my body. I am no longer a prisoner to food rules, to labels, to a limited way of being. I absolutely free FREE from this. I am still working on it every day- his meditations are progressive and I am only at the beginning.

Just wanted to share my news with you. Have a wonderful, wonderful week ahead.

Oh, if anyone is interested, his first book and starting point is called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. There are TONS of YouTube videos as well :)

Just fantastic news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) xx

Good morning,
How is everyone doing??

Two weeks without caffeine is truly an accomplishment. I am so proud of you and happy for you!

Going easy on yourself seems like a great idea to me :)
What I am focusing on is changing my relationship with food, even sugar so that a bite here or there isn't considered "wrong" or "falling off the wagon." It is simply a choice. I had a small bite of dark chocolate yesterday with absolutely no guilt. And the night before we celebrated my dad's bday and I didn't even salivate when they brought out the ice cream cake because my body just didn't want it!

I hope we can all get to this place of food neutrality. And believe me, I'm not perfect. I still binge here and there. But it isn't a catastrophe and it isn't turning into a week long cycle. I am 100% aware of what I am doing and where it comes from. For me, it's anger. Feeling like I have no control over the world around me. But I don't want to go there anymore. In my meditations I picture myself free and it's working. I've had a few really amazing days, filled with a feeling that this disorder has actually left my body. I will keep checking in and letting you know how it goes.

Have a great hump day everyone!
xoxo

Dropping by to say hello, I was here posting in Friends & Family which is my main go to at present on here. Working on letting go of and updating my codie issues.

I am good. Working and loving my OA program via closed FB group. Abstinent and feeling well. As time going on I notice the Promises of the program coming true for me. Life getting better and better.

It seems a lot of my codie behaviours are linked to my food. If I eat right, my codie behaviours drop right down, if I binge eat, they ramp right up.

I think is to do with me trying to feel better about myself. Obviously is very distorted thinking but there you are. Codie people pleasing and dumping my boundaries to falsely try and feel better about myself. Doesn't work, of course!

Nice to check in. Take care everyone.

Hey there everyone. Just an update.
This is almost month 5 of no alcohol and week six of no caffeine and now nearly a month without sugar...at least not the big fat sugar bombs like pints of ice cream every night....I'm still having my big spoonfull of sugar per cup of decaff coffee LOL!

I have to say I've been feeling overall pretty amazing. Things have been really good. It's helpful to write that here because I'm at that point in (my now second round of) sobriety that I'm getting a little bored and restless. I've been trying to fill the time with new things but I feel like it's a race against the clock. What will win? Life or the addiction?!

Only time will tell!
Hope everyone is well. Glad to be here for an update.


PS: I just weighed myself and it would seem I haven't dropped a damn pound. LOL good thing I'm not doing this for weight :\

Well, we miss you in the 24-hour thread....and for me it helps me knowing what will win....I will. Recovery IS life dear WaterOx. :)

And the weight....it's the spoonfuls of sugar I fear. You need to let that go maybe. :) :hug:

To echo Sunflower, there are books and articles on mindful eating, and meditation is helpful in developing that mindfulness. I've also become less rigid and more flexible, reducing black and white thinking, etc. Instead of "slipping" and eating a brownie, I prefer to make conscious decisions. Total abstinence would be healthier, but my sugar intake is relatively minimal these days, and I'm certainly not on the road to diabetes, so why overthink it? Meditation helps me practice redirecting my attention so that thoughts and urges are just thoughts and urges and it's easier to just acknowledge them and move on...(not necessarily act on them). It's helpful in all areas of life - not just food...

I cannot believe I have not posted in so long! I'm feeling pretty "at peace" with food: I'm not judging or applying good/bad labels. Three meals a day but also some snacks. I have sugar sometimes, but it has not set up a binge. I've been taking Latuda (in addition to Wellbutrin & Buspar), and in some respects, I've felt better. I'm still depressed but I've not been in such a fog. However, I have had several hypomanic episodes. My doctor is going to reevaluate in a couple of weeks. My weight is stuck. Frustrating but I am trying not to give it too much significance.

Just checking in. Feeling really good food wise but I have not been feeling well physically. I have days where I am extremely "off", almost like adrenal fatigue might be but then I bounce right back so I'm guessing that's not it. I got plenty of sleep yesterday and I am dropping dairy this week because I am also feeling really bloated and inflamed. Haven't binged in quite some time and you think I would feel good as a result but I almost feel worse. I wonder if my gut flora is just adjusting to everything? Who knows. I'm hanging in there and happy with this new found food freedom. Hoping, of course, that it lasts. I'll report back when I've got 30 days under my belt- that will be an exciting, wonderful day :)