Class of January 2019 Part 2
 

we continue from part one :)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-one-20.html

D

Day 10 winding down. Today I had my first serious cravings. I actually drove the perimeter of the walmart, the vodka was calling my name. I then thought of the last days of December and how miserable I was, mentally ticking off the days til I would be alcohol-free commencing January 1st. I left the lot and immediately came home and made myself eat which helped tremendously. I had more cravings around 5 when texting with a tipsy friend, but remained sober. I'm so glad I didn't drink! I'm so glad to be here at SR with you wonderful people where my sanity has been restored reading posts from the class.I

JustTony - thanks so much for your honest, relatable, encouraging and uplifting posts, they've helped me so much. And Dee, you're a godsend. I thank each and every one of you Januarians.

- Ides

Ah. A nice fresh thread.

G’night all. It’s been a long day and I’m glad tomorrow is Friday. Here’s to staying strong this weekend.

Day 10 down! Very difficult tonight. I’m going to bed. Hoping tomorrow is a lot easier!

Zighoul checking in.
*Jan 10, 2019*

Sending healing from here travelbug . Good luck with the snow ..!
Red no one is tired of hearing your thoughts .. That's why we are all here to help each rather through struggle so we don drink.

Justtony your late this morning !!! I beat you ! So I hope that means your fast asleep !

No school here again in Greece as the class rooms are too cold . Grrrrrr they went yesterday but it was too bad :(
So kids home all day !!!!! Then this afternoon the boys have there private English lessons and football practice ! So at least I will be out the house !

Have a good day all x

Welcome Zighoul :)

Hang in there JJ9! you too strawberry :)

D

Day 11

Good Morning from the UK. The time as I start writing this post is 4:18am.

Yesterday was interesting as I had my first visit since quitting again from the dreaded AV (or Evil Tony as I now call him). Thursday started off well enough. I forced myself to the gym by 6:45am and completed a 45 minute treadmill run - nice hot shower - jumped into my suit - protein bar - and off to three back to back work meetings (all in different locations).

Between meeting two and three there was a 10 minute walk between the car park and my destination through a typical town centre in the UK. Whilst walking through I passed a fairly grimy bar and there was a guy sitting outside (the weather wasn’t particularly nice to be honest - pretty chilly with the faintest drizzle of rain carried in the breeze) and he had on the table before him half a pint of beer and a hand made, rolled up smoke sitting in his ashtray. He was sitting there just people watching and I swear it wasn’t my imagination but he seemed to be smirking a little?

At this point I’m going to make some gargantuan assumptions based on stereotypes because - of course - I have no idea who the guy is or what his story might be? The time was about 1:30pm and he looked like he was probably unemployed and on benefits. He wasn’t exactly dressed in the best finery and his hair looked like he had been dragged backwards out of a bush from which he had slumbered all night. But he looked content... almost smug.....

Of course Evil Tony was deciphering all of this and decided to have a chat with me. “You wish you could put this laptop case down and just go into a bar don’t you? It’s your business. Cancel the meetings for today. Go to your local pub in the country and sit down with a pint, the paper, a crossword and relax? You’ve lost 5 pounds already. You’ve done well. Treat yourself! So what about the guys on SR? They’ll never know! Anyway you could just disappear again? It’s not like you know any of them really. Or go back on the wagon again tomorrow and they will forgive you when you admit to slipping? YOU KNOW YOU ARE JUST DELAYING THE INEVITABLE.”

At that point I managed to shut Evil Tony down. I am desperate to quit forever but know that (for me) I have to take this journey one day at a time. Yes - you would all forgive me as I would forgive you. However it isn’t about that. I’ve ran out of SELF-forgiveness stocks now. If I drink again I fear that will be it. That I will lose myself completely to this addiction. I have no control. I will self destruct if I drink again. I’m fully aware that there is a small part of me (since my son died) that has a death wish. And besides - even if I did drink then try to be sober again I don’t think I could bear the tremors, anxiety, stomach cramps and mental anguish again.

If yesterday taught me anything it reminded me that my sober muscles are puny and that I can still fantasise about drinking alcohol in an unrealistic and romantic way that simply bears no semblance to the reality that is addiction.

I will not drink today.

Love and Support

JT

Thanks for sharing that Tony.

D

Part 2 already? Checking in, day 11.

Thanks for that post Tony. It really resonated with me. Your honesty is refreshing and extremely relatable. I’m so glad you were able to talk your AV down and win the battle. Gives me hope for myself.

Checking-in: made it through day 10. The symptoms were better but I still have a slight rash from time to time on my liver. I'm facing the wreckage of twenty years of daily drinking now. My nails started to disfigure many years ago and today I looked up something called Terry's Nails. Although my lab tests come back fine, my nails tell me that there has certainly been damage to my liver.

Anyway, I have to look for a new job and face the possibility of relocating. Relocating is a major trigger for me. But I didn't drink. The thought crossed my mind for about a minute but I shut it down by listening to AA and sobriety meditation videos on youtube.

I still have not gone back to meetings and have mostly been holed up in my house. I'm self-conscious about being seen at meetings by people at my workplace. But I know that I need more support for long-term sobriety.

Of course, my AV voice is still there. But today it did not win and tomorrow I'm committed to not let it win.

OK January Club: we can do this together.

Day 11. So tired but can't sleep

Thanks for the share Tony. I of course have also had moments of romanticising the booze but find that playing the tape through is a great help to put paid to any craving that might appear. Even if I wasn't drinking alone at the start, no matter how great the company I would end up drinking alone at the end, beyond everyone else, and be drinking till black out/doing something (usually multiple somethings) stupid. I also don't want to face starting over, 'cause just like Wastinglife, my nights now are mostly spent being tired but not sleeping (especially the early hours when I would have been up drinking before) and I don't want to face having to start this process up again from the beginning. I hope I can get through this patch (and hope that it is just a patch to get through) and move on for good.

Anyway it's Day 17 for me, hope everyone's well.

Hope you get some rest tonight WL :)

Day 9. Checking in.

A couple of weeks ago, I could have never managed to get this far - especially cold turkey. I always thought of and tried cutting back and it never worked. But here I am on day nine. My new goal is the two week mark.

Sleep was pretty good- although I take a sleep aid. Vivid strange dreams but not nightmares. I hardly ever dreamed when I was drinking.

Good luck to all of you today.

Tetrax - Thanks for that post. I really like your advice of "playing the tape all the way through" !!! I was the same way - would come home from the party and then keep going it alone.

Day 1, again. Was not immune to Friday.

The AV convinced me that drinking tonight wasn't a bad idea. It's incredible that I was sober and in my right mind when I listened to it.

We’ve all been there so many times it’s bordering on ridiculous. You’re with people that understand. It’s still January. Jump back on that horse and let’s go again.

Quick check in, have a happy sober weekend all :)