Class of January 2019 Part 2
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Class of January 2019 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 42
Day 10 winding down. Today I had my first serious cravings. I actually drove the perimeter of the walmart, the vodka was calling my name. I then thought of the last days of December and how miserable I was, mentally ticking off the days til I would be alcohol-free commencing January 1st. I left the lot and immediately came home and made myself eat which helped tremendously. I had more cravings around 5 when texting with a tipsy friend, but remained sober. I'm so glad I didn't drink! I'm so glad to be here at SR with you wonderful people where my sanity has been restored reading posts from the class.I
JustTony - thanks so much for your honest, relatable, encouraging and uplifting posts, they've helped me so much. And Dee, you're a godsend. I thank each and every one of you Januarians.
- Ides
JustTony - thanks so much for your honest, relatable, encouraging and uplifting posts, they've helped me so much. And Dee, you're a godsend. I thank each and every one of you Januarians.
- Ides
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Greece
Posts: 943
Sending healing from here travelbug . Good luck with the snow ..!
Red no one is tired of hearing your thoughts .. That's why we are all here to help each rather through struggle so we don drink.
Justtony your late this morning !!! I beat you ! So I hope that means your fast asleep !
No school here again in Greece as the class rooms are too cold . Grrrrrr they went yesterday but it was too bad
So kids home all day !!!!! Then this afternoon the boys have there private English lessons and football practice ! So at least I will be out the house !
Have a good day all x
Red no one is tired of hearing your thoughts .. That's why we are all here to help each rather through struggle so we don drink.
Justtony your late this morning !!! I beat you ! So I hope that means your fast asleep !
No school here again in Greece as the class rooms are too cold . Grrrrrr they went yesterday but it was too bad
So kids home all day !!!!! Then this afternoon the boys have there private English lessons and football practice ! So at least I will be out the house !
Have a good day all x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Day 11
Good Morning from the UK. The time as I start writing this post is 4:18am.
Yesterday was interesting as I had my first visit since quitting again from the dreaded AV (or Evil Tony as I now call him). Thursday started off well enough. I forced myself to the gym by 6:45am and completed a 45 minute treadmill run - nice hot shower - jumped into my suit - protein bar - and off to three back to back work meetings (all in different locations).
Between meeting two and three there was a 10 minute walk between the car park and my destination through a typical town centre in the UK. Whilst walking through I passed a fairly grimy bar and there was a guy sitting outside (the weather wasn’t particularly nice to be honest - pretty chilly with the faintest drizzle of rain carried in the breeze) and he had on the table before him half a pint of beer and a hand made, rolled up smoke sitting in his ashtray. He was sitting there just people watching and I swear it wasn’t my imagination but he seemed to be smirking a little?
At this point I’m going to make some gargantuan assumptions based on stereotypes because - of course - I have no idea who the guy is or what his story might be? The time was about 1:30pm and he looked like he was probably unemployed and on benefits. He wasn’t exactly dressed in the best finery and his hair looked like he had been dragged backwards out of a bush from which he had slumbered all night. But he looked content... almost smug.....
Of course Evil Tony was deciphering all of this and decided to have a chat with me. “You wish you could put this laptop case down and just go into a bar don’t you? It’s your business. Cancel the meetings for today. Go to your local pub in the country and sit down with a pint, the paper, a crossword and relax? You’ve lost 5 pounds already. You’ve done well. Treat yourself! So what about the guys on SR? They’ll never know! Anyway you could just disappear again? It’s not like you know any of them really. Or go back on the wagon again tomorrow and they will forgive you when you admit to slipping? YOU KNOW YOU ARE JUST DELAYING THE INEVITABLE.”
At that point I managed to shut Evil Tony down. I am desperate to quit forever but know that (for me) I have to take this journey one day at a time. Yes - you would all forgive me as I would forgive you. However it isn’t about that. I’ve ran out of SELF-forgiveness stocks now. If I drink again I fear that will be it. That I will lose myself completely to this addiction. I have no control. I will self destruct if I drink again. I’m fully aware that there is a small part of me (since my son died) that has a death wish. And besides - even if I did drink then try to be sober again I don’t think I could bear the tremors, anxiety, stomach cramps and mental anguish again.
If yesterday taught me anything it reminded me that my sober muscles are puny and that I can still fantasise about drinking alcohol in an unrealistic and romantic way that simply bears no semblance to the reality that is addiction.
I will not drink today.
Love and Support
JT
Good Morning from the UK. The time as I start writing this post is 4:18am.
Yesterday was interesting as I had my first visit since quitting again from the dreaded AV (or Evil Tony as I now call him). Thursday started off well enough. I forced myself to the gym by 6:45am and completed a 45 minute treadmill run - nice hot shower - jumped into my suit - protein bar - and off to three back to back work meetings (all in different locations).
Between meeting two and three there was a 10 minute walk between the car park and my destination through a typical town centre in the UK. Whilst walking through I passed a fairly grimy bar and there was a guy sitting outside (the weather wasn’t particularly nice to be honest - pretty chilly with the faintest drizzle of rain carried in the breeze) and he had on the table before him half a pint of beer and a hand made, rolled up smoke sitting in his ashtray. He was sitting there just people watching and I swear it wasn’t my imagination but he seemed to be smirking a little?
At this point I’m going to make some gargantuan assumptions based on stereotypes because - of course - I have no idea who the guy is or what his story might be? The time was about 1:30pm and he looked like he was probably unemployed and on benefits. He wasn’t exactly dressed in the best finery and his hair looked like he had been dragged backwards out of a bush from which he had slumbered all night. But he looked content... almost smug.....
Of course Evil Tony was deciphering all of this and decided to have a chat with me. “You wish you could put this laptop case down and just go into a bar don’t you? It’s your business. Cancel the meetings for today. Go to your local pub in the country and sit down with a pint, the paper, a crossword and relax? You’ve lost 5 pounds already. You’ve done well. Treat yourself! So what about the guys on SR? They’ll never know! Anyway you could just disappear again? It’s not like you know any of them really. Or go back on the wagon again tomorrow and they will forgive you when you admit to slipping? YOU KNOW YOU ARE JUST DELAYING THE INEVITABLE.”
At that point I managed to shut Evil Tony down. I am desperate to quit forever but know that (for me) I have to take this journey one day at a time. Yes - you would all forgive me as I would forgive you. However it isn’t about that. I’ve ran out of SELF-forgiveness stocks now. If I drink again I fear that will be it. That I will lose myself completely to this addiction. I have no control. I will self destruct if I drink again. I’m fully aware that there is a small part of me (since my son died) that has a death wish. And besides - even if I did drink then try to be sober again I don’t think I could bear the tremors, anxiety, stomach cramps and mental anguish again.
If yesterday taught me anything it reminded me that my sober muscles are puny and that I can still fantasise about drinking alcohol in an unrealistic and romantic way that simply bears no semblance to the reality that is addiction.
I will not drink today.
Love and Support
JT
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 957
Checking-in: made it through day 10. The symptoms were better but I still have a slight rash from time to time on my liver. I'm facing the wreckage of twenty years of daily drinking now. My nails started to disfigure many years ago and today I looked up something called Terry's Nails. Although my lab tests come back fine, my nails tell me that there has certainly been damage to my liver.
Anyway, I have to look for a new job and face the possibility of relocating. Relocating is a major trigger for me. But I didn't drink. The thought crossed my mind for about a minute but I shut it down by listening to AA and sobriety meditation videos on youtube.
I still have not gone back to meetings and have mostly been holed up in my house. I'm self-conscious about being seen at meetings by people at my workplace. But I know that I need more support for long-term sobriety.
Of course, my AV voice is still there. But today it did not win and tomorrow I'm committed to not let it win.
OK January Club: we can do this together.
Anyway, I have to look for a new job and face the possibility of relocating. Relocating is a major trigger for me. But I didn't drink. The thought crossed my mind for about a minute but I shut it down by listening to AA and sobriety meditation videos on youtube.
I still have not gone back to meetings and have mostly been holed up in my house. I'm self-conscious about being seen at meetings by people at my workplace. But I know that I need more support for long-term sobriety.
Of course, my AV voice is still there. But today it did not win and tomorrow I'm committed to not let it win.
OK January Club: we can do this together.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Thanks for the share Tony. I of course have also had moments of romanticising the booze but find that playing the tape through is a great help to put paid to any craving that might appear. Even if I wasn't drinking alone at the start, no matter how great the company I would end up drinking alone at the end, beyond everyone else, and be drinking till black out/doing something (usually multiple somethings) stupid. I also don't want to face starting over, 'cause just like Wastinglife, my nights now are mostly spent being tired but not sleeping (especially the early hours when I would have been up drinking before) and I don't want to face having to start this process up again from the beginning. I hope I can get through this patch (and hope that it is just a patch to get through) and move on for good.
Anyway it's Day 17 for me, hope everyone's well.
Anyway it's Day 17 for me, hope everyone's well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 510
Day 9. Checking in.
A couple of weeks ago, I could have never managed to get this far - especially cold turkey. I always thought of and tried cutting back and it never worked. But here I am on day nine. My new goal is the two week mark.
Sleep was pretty good- although I take a sleep aid. Vivid strange dreams but not nightmares. I hardly ever dreamed when I was drinking.
Good luck to all of you today.
A couple of weeks ago, I could have never managed to get this far - especially cold turkey. I always thought of and tried cutting back and it never worked. But here I am on day nine. My new goal is the two week mark.
Sleep was pretty good- although I take a sleep aid. Vivid strange dreams but not nightmares. I hardly ever dreamed when I was drinking.
Good luck to all of you today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Tetrax 
Thanks for the share Tony. I of course have also had moments of romanticising the booze but find that playing the tape through is a great help to put paid to any craving that might appear. Even if I wasn't drinking alone at the start, no matter how great the company I would end up drinking alone at the end, beyond everyone else, and be drinking till black out/doing something (usually multiple somethings) stupid.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by Torii
Day 1, again. Was not immune to Friday.
The AV convinced me that drinking tonight wasn't a bad idea. It's incredible that I was sober and in my right mind when I listened to it.
The AV convinced me that drinking tonight wasn't a bad idea. It's incredible that I was sober and in my right mind when I listened to it.
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