Class of April 2018 Part 2
 

last part

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-one-20.html

D

Day 1 . Trying to pull it together for my daughters birthday. I'm going to write a play tonight.
Feeling ok just very tired.

I'm not sure exactly how this works, but I'm feeling pretty good at day 40, though I set my alarm clock too early.

Looking to get back in the medical field and re-studying some basics.

My days are busy and productive. Somehow my spending is going elsewhere though...

Hope everyone is well :)

Hang in there, Strawberry! We’re with you! Reach out when you need to. Big hug.

Checking in...Day 3. Still very tired as my body recovers from my 3 days of binge drinking last weekend. I'm trying not to beat myself up....just take it easy until the fog lifts. At some point here soon I want to start working on eating better, exercising but I don't think any of that is going to happen this week. I just need to get through without drinking and then I'll put some attention to that.
For today....Today I will not drink. No matter what.
Hope everyone has a wonderful sober day!

Good Morning, April peeps.
Day 3 for me. I’m doing okay - just still exhausted from the aftermath of my recent relapse... physically not sleeping well from body trying to deal with toxins and mind trying to deal with my bad behavior and having lashed out on social media and embarrassing myself, severing relationships. I see red when I drink now and have almost no inhibitory filter. It’s so not worth it. Picking up the pieces is so hard. But staying in that hell is harder. Heading to a meeting today.

I figured I'd post here in order to make myself accountable. It's nice getting up in the morning and not wanting that pick me up drink. I went on a birthday binge earlier this month-ugh. But this time it feels different. I REALLY want to quit. Not just the motions but a deep hearted want. The first week was torture-the AV was constantly in my ear! Now when I hear it & I get busy & ignore it.
Have a great day everyone!

Welcome BreezyFe and sobersolstice :)

D

good morning all!

my son's 11th birthday was yesterday. birthdays are bittersweet. my ex- and i always take him to a pizza place and we have a family dinner. (unlike some other divorced couples, we have been doing our best to be together for the kids events, milestones, etc.)

but it was hard because i usually drink beer with my pizza and it cuts the discomfort some. AND i found out he is getting remarried and having a big wedding. i am happy for him, but it was still stressful.

and....for those women out there....that time of the month is coming and it throws my hormones ALL over the place.

alcohol is really good at making all of these unwanted feelings and thoughts go away. it likes to put me in a good mood, and tell me everything is fine!

but. i am not drinking ever again.
and i am making it through these uncomfortable moments and feelings and hormones....and although i feel a little overwhelmed with all the feels...

i am staying calm and i am going to make it a good day.
because i am strong.
and i deserve the best life i can give myself.

that life has no room for alcohol

have a great day folx.
i am wishing you strength and joy on this beautiful tuesday.
DAY 16!

Hi again

Just got a quick ten mins to post while the g.children are eating lunch.
______
Thanks for the new thread Dee.

Thank you for your kind words Juno, though I myself don't think I'm particularly good at posts, sometimes I really struggle to think what to say. I think I try and put myself in other peoples shoes, probably because I've been working on staying sober for soooo long and failing sooo many times, that I know how hard it is and how disappointed we are in ourselves when we have a relapse. This place and you people are literally the only support network I have so I really need to stick close and keep posting. I have to beat this and I will beat this, just saying. I really love your idea of writing a list of self love quotes and ' I am enough. I do enough. I have enough ' just sums it all up. You should add that to your signature at the bottom of your posts.
I hope work is kind to you today and I hope you manage to take some time for you out, even it it's only a few minutes. I hope your hormone fluctuation settles and not drinking should help. Has your doctor given any medication to help with the hormone problem? Take good care of yourself and I hope you have a better nights sleep tonight.

Be kind to yourself Strawberry, you can do this. When is your daughter's birthday? Writing a play! Now that sounds interesting, what kind of play are you writing, what will it be called? That should keep your mind occupied at least.

Welcome to our group SoberStolice and congrats on day 40, can't wait to reach that number. It's good that you're working on going back into the medical field, it will keep your mind busy. Keeping busy keeps me on the straight and narrow.

Good to see you still posting Kgirl, the tiredness will pass. Make sure you drink plenty of water to re-hydrate, it does help with the brain fog too. Take good care of yourself. x

Cac1013, well done on day 3, I think you need to draw a line under your recent relapse now and concentrate on just getting through each day. Can't change what we've done in the past, but we can learn from it and use to go forward. I hope your meeting is a good one, come back and tell us about it.

Welcome to our lovely group Breezyfe, you'll get lots of support from the wonderful people here. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. x

I ment writing a plan lol :)
My daughter was 5 today ! Just had the village kids over ! It's my sons birthday on Sunday so we will have a big joint birthday then !
So glad to be goi g to bed sobor... I alway know when I get one full day sobor the binge Is over !

AGAIN. Day 1. Nightmare

I’m going to my therapist today.

Post later of tomorrow

Viper

Glad you're still here viper!! You can do this..we can do this together.

Welcome to those just joining us

I love your enthusiasm daisy belle...thank you for always reaching out to us individually...I have never been good at that it mean a lot xo

3trees...that's a nice thing you do for your kids by staying together as a family to celebrate..be proud of yourself for not having beer and being a sober mom!!!

Have a great night everyone xo.

It's midnight.

I'm going to bed.

I've been awake 22 hours straight.

Body still shakes. Not sure if it is alcohol related or just exhausted.

I did not drink

See you on Day 4.

JT

Hi again April shower

Just popping in for a last post before I go to bed. Husband has just got off the lap top and has gone up, so I've grabbed it quickly. He's still being very silent with me, big sigh, I must be patient, this is going to take time.

I've had quite a good day, fun with the g.children and then I dropped my mum off at her choir, which she joined about 18 months ago. They were singing at an old peoples home for the residents there. I went to pick her up afterwards and she was telling me how they enjoyed it but how glad she is not to be in a place like that. she felt sorry for the oldies in there, I know it shouldn't but it did make me smile seeing as she's almost 85.

3trees we must have posted at the same time ish earlier as I missed your post. I've been looking out for you because guess what? I ordered a silver daisy bracelet today, can't wait for it to come and thank you for putting the idea in my head.
I hope your son had a lovely birthday and I think it's marvellous that you and your husband make an effort to be together for his birthday, that is so mature and civilised, just how it should be. It must have felt a little strange when he told you that he is getting married again though.
I hope your hormones settle down and to be honest in a few months time you might find that not drinking alcohol helps with that a lot.

Happy 5th birthday to your daughter Strawberry, I hope she had a lovely day. It was also my wayward son's birthday today, but lets not go there. The less said the better! I couldn't stop laughing re your writing a 'play.' I thought you were doing well to be able to write a play in an afternoon lol. I hope you have a restful night. x

Viperidae, I'm glad you came back and posted. What triggered you this time? Something needs to change, you need a plan of action. How did you get on with your therapist today?

Thank you Lovehoops, it's really kind of you to say that. This is the only place I get support from so I need to keep close.

Wow JT, that's a long time to be awake but in saying that I did the same a couple of times last week. In fact at one point I was so tired, I felt ill. I'm sort of getting myself back into a routine now. Your body shakes are probably a reaction to both the exhaustion and the detoxing. Well done on not drinking, that's fab news. I hope you get a restful sleep tonight.

See you all tomorrow. Stay safe and stay sober. xx

Welcome back Viper :)

I recall you had a great run of success when you posted for help before you drank ?

Maybe it's worth trying that again?

D

Glad you're back Viper - keep at it. I thought that a post yesterday by wibble really shows what you can do with some perseverance. He first joined SR in 2008.

Congrats JT on hitting 4 days. I hope that you can give your body a little rest and TLC and that you start to feel better soon.

I made it through Day 1 yesterday and Day 2 is almost over. I've learned a few things about what triggers me. I don't have all the answers but I'm trying to come up with a plan. For now it's one day at a time.

Thanks everyone for all the posts... they really give me hope.

Sorry for the random check ins. So far this bout has gone well. I feel physically well and am sleeping great. What isn't going well is the weather here has been a literal disaster . We've been without power due to ice storms for almost 80 hours. We've been through this before but never with me sober and never with my wife going through menopause. The first two days were fine but try as I might (and I really am, I promise) my wife is really grating on me. Maybe that's my issue but I've been dealing with this so long i feel like I have a solid grasp on what is and what isn't irrational.

The house is warm, animals taken care of, we have food but every step is a struggle, I feel like nothing I do is good enough, to the point where I'm the brunt of her annoyance that the power won't come on, like I have any control over it. When I speak to her about it she almost immediately backs down (which isn't what I am after, I'm just after some rational thinking) , but before long she's blaming me for something again. As a drunk in early sobriety it's easy for me to just accept that whatever I'm doing is wrong, but objectively I feel like I'm really going a good job. Every solution I come up with is met with major pushback. Very frustrating. Sober problems are as tough as drunk ones... Maybe that's the point. Sorry, just venting.

Welcome Clarkkent, lessgravity, sobersolstice, and BreezyFe! We've got a good group here and it's awesome to have you here!

It's good to see everyone posting. It's been absolutely insane here. Mondays are always super crazy for me. Today was an interesting day. A combination of complete frustration along with absolute happiness. Nothing wanted to go right today, other than the one class I taught tonight.

I am starting to think this class may be finally successful. It's growing people and they're having fun. It was packed and my mouth just about dropped when I walked in! Sometimes there are special gifts the universe gives us when we need them. Hopefully, it'll be packed next week too, but I'm not trying to get my hopes up. It's been something I've put my heart and soul into for almost a year.

Daisybelle-still keeping my fingers crossed your husband will start to melt and start to forgive you. Like you mentioned, it will probably take time. Keep on hanging in there. I also agree you do such a lovely job with addressing everyone!!

Strawberry-that is neat that you're going to write a play! What is it going to be about?

Viperidae and NT216-welcome back! It's good to have both of you here!

rmeat-that sounds awful with having no power. Ice storms are miserable. Maybe you can stay out of the path of your wife. It does get easier. Keep on hanging in there.

3trees-loved the story of your name! Mine is from a trailer park boys episode. If you look up two turnips in heat on youtube, you'll find it. Posting it here wouldn't go over well due to some of the content (swearing and alcohol). It is funny though. Happy belated b-day to your son!

Justtony-keep up the great work!

Keep up the great work class!

day 4 check-in
 

hello friends,
today is day 4 and im feeling much better. this is the phase when the other me starts to look forward to the weekend. And historically, Friday im on my knees infront of alcohol again.

On reflection i think it may be an unwillingness to deal with my family at home, the stress, arguments, chores, kids homework etc. Maybe this is why i choose to be numbed over the weekend.

From Monday-Friday i can be sober quite easily because im at work. although if i was on holiday, i would be getting drunk daily.

This week, the plan is to stay busy. On Friday planning a movie and long walk. Saturday im not so sure yet.

I think i find family interaction stressful. even though i have a good wife and great 7 year old son. when disagreements happen or i need to discipline my son and he's trowing a tantrum... i find im unable to cope wit this.. or maybe that running to the refuge of beer oblivion has always been my go to.

i grew up in a stressful house growing up. and when my parents were getting loud i would lock myself in my room and bury myself in novels.
today its beer.

this needs to change.. but i see that it will be about facing the pain, and breathing.

thanks,

:tyou

Hi Clark :)

I found the fear of facing such things was way greater than the reality.

When I forced myself to deal with hard things sober, not only did I get through the hard times, but I actually got more and more capable the more I did that :)

D

Day 4

4 hours sleep. Not great. Not as bad as yesterday. Eyes red raw and running through exhaustion.

Physical vulnerability is still there in heaps. Feeling tired, trembling and a bit anxious.

But I'm sober and that's the main thing.

Been here before. The road is so long ahead of me but I have been here before with far more success than this but far less success then what I require. One step at a time. One foot dragged in front of the other until I'm walking upright again.

The feeling of self loathing is still in every fibre of my being as I just see something utterly weak (physically, emotionally and spiritually) when I look at myself.

I think this thing might have me beat. Not because I want a drink today. But because I'm not sure where I'm stumbling to next and if I want to get there sober, drinking or otherwise.

I feel miserable.

I'm sorry this isn't as upbeat as people would like it to be. It's more a daily blog of how I feel.

JT

Chin up tony .. Everyday you will
Feel abit better ! And just think in a week or so you can hit that gym and get back to where u were before .... Fight for it !
Day 2 . Feeling ok ! Busy day ahead !

^^ make sure you eat well, Tony - and everybody :)

Morning all, nice nutritious breakkie under my belt and now off to work. Have a great day all :You_Rock_

Changed my plan alittle this time .
Get fit
Lose weight
Tone up
Keto diet .
20000 steps a day
But this time I'm not counting days I find it stresses me out lol
So my start of journey was my daughters birthday 17-4-18 a date I will never forget !

07.52 a.m

Day 12.

Good morning April Shower

I hope you're all well and sober. I slept well last night, in fact maybe a bit heavily as I still feel a bit groggy, or is that brain fog? It's another grey and dismal looking morning out there but apparently the heat wave is due to start today, lol, so maybe later :ham4, or maybe not.
I've been quite productive this morning, fed and watered my 2 little budgies, noisy little pests they are and I've got a chicken casserole on the go in my slow cooker. Just having half an hour to myself now with a coffee now while I post.
I'm thinking about going for a bit of a power walk once I've got dressed, before the grandchildren come. Only thinking mind you, I've not got past that stage yet lol. I have the g. children 3 days per week during the holidays whilst their parents work. They keep me busy and that's good. The plan of action for today is for them to do a bit of crafting this morning, this painting pebbles malarkey is the big thing at the moment and then we're taking my mum out for lunch later. After that is anyone's guess.
Oh and I've started posting on the gratitude threads, morning gratitude and bedtime gratitude, as well as the 24 hr thread where I pledge to stay sober for another 24. I'm finding it quite helpful, sometimes I forget just how lucky I am and these are a good reminder.



Good morning Dee, or good evening should I be saying? I hope all is good with you.

Hi NT216, welcome to day 3 and thank you for sharing that inspiring post from Wibble. I've read posts here from people who have been sober for several years and I think I read that Dee himself has been sober for 11 yrs. How wonderful is that? I'm going to do that! Having a plan is a good idea, especially to get through weekends if that's your danger time.

Hi Rmeat, I'm glad you're feeling well, can't beat that feeling. Wow, I'm moaning about the U.K weather and you have ice storms! I can't imagine.
I'm sorry to read that your wife is grating on you, I'm not sure what to say about that one other than it's hard when you are together 24/7 and you both have your own issues to deal with as well. She's probably worrying about you relapsing too, it's a hard one to live with. I know I'm grating on my husband at the minute, partly because he's mad with me and partly because he's worried sick about me. I need to be patient and show him that I'm serious about staying sober. Stay safe in those storms.

Hi Turnip, good to read your post. I'm glad that your enjoying your class, you do sound super busy. Ha ha ha you miss understood Strawberries post, same as I did. She meant to say she was writing a plan, lol. I was very impressed at her writing a play! My husband isn't showing much sign of melting just yet but I'll continue to work on it, I know he's very disappointed in me. If only he knew that I beat myself up well enough for the both of us.

Hi Clark, well done on day 4 and I'm glad that you're feeling better. You're right to be thinking and planning for the weekend, do something, go somewhere different to the usual, anywhere where booze isn't involved. You will find eventually that you cope with family issues all the better for being sober.

G.morning JT, I'm sorry to read that you're still feeling lousy. Have you been to see your doctor at all? If not, it might be worth a visit, I don't know if it's a good idea, but maybe you could get some temporary/herbal medication to help you to sleep. The lack of sleep must be affecting your work and everyday life and you're sounding very down in the dumps. Do you have any other support other than S.R? How many days sober do you have now? Stay strong, you know you can do this but also know that there's no shame in asking for help when you need it. You need to be kind to yourself and look after yourself a bit better, listen to what your body is telling you. Eat good food, drink loads of water and rest when you need to. Take 10 minutes out of your busy work schedule just for yourself, even if you only sit and reflect or take a very quick walk round the block. 10 minutes won't break the bank.

Have a good day Strawberry, don't work too hard and well done on day 2. Love your plan of action by the way.

Hi Caramel, how's it going? I hope you are well.

G.morning Dean and have a great day yourself.

That's me done for now, I'd better go and get myself dressed before I get descended on by the little ones.

Oh and my pledge for today is......

Just for today I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that will depress me. If my mind fills with clouds I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

Love to you all and I wish you the best Wednesday possible. x

Morn everyone x

Having a better day today, moods seem more stable, also tried some toast.
I am just sitting here watching a black and white movie which i love, just been out with the dogs and also put on washing my daughter asked me to do lol all the baby towels and blankets i bought for her. she says it saves her doing it all as she has enough to wash as it is. yup she is nesting lol she also asked how long and when we was coming down. I thought she understood that soon as she tells me she is in early labour we will head straight down and at the most will only be able to stay for maybe 5 days, as my mother will have my dogs and i cant leave my little critters for to long either. she was hoping that we could stay longer, but her dad has only 2 weeks off and its all a waiting game for when the baby arrives, could be tomo after her sweep by midwife or maybe next week when she will be 40wks, felt really bad and had to remind her that she moved far away and it will be hard to get down all the time. I did say however that if she wants me to stay longer i will but her dad will have to get back here. I wish i just lived around the corner from her.

Well day 9 sober and 89 smoke free.

It was also lovely reading everyone posts again, keep all your chins up high xx

Hi strawberry - that's a great start but if you don't mind a little advice?

have something in your plan about dealing with cravings, being around drinkers, etc. no matter how busy you make your life, those situations will come up .

Definitely evening Daisy - bedtime in fact - congrats on day 12 :)
congrats on day 9 Erratic!

D

Good morning. Day 4 here. I was able to get some yoga in this morning which always makes for a good start to the day.
Part of my recovery plan includes podcasts. I like to listen to Sober Cast and Recovery Elevator. Yesterday on Recovery Elevator I listened to RE 129: No One Really Believed I Was An Alcoholic, Even When I Started Going To AA
OMgoodness did I relate to this guys story. I kept saying....Me Too!! It was amazing to feel such a connection to someone else's journey!! I am going to listen to it again today. I can learn so much from his story and ability to get sober.
It's going to be another busy day at work for me which is good. I like to stay busy. I don't even want to talk about the weather here. Winter is really hanging on and it just totally depresses me. I want to open windows and walk my dogs. I need it so bad right now. But mother nature just won't cooperate with me! lol

I hope everyone has a wonderful and sober day :grouphug: