That's true enough. I listened to a podcast whilst walking. Happy days.

Sometimes pre empting the stressful day can help too. Visualising having a stressful day, ( even exaggerating the worst that could happen) then visualising yourself going home and doing whatever it is you do now to chill ( walking listening to a podcast!). Visualisation is to my mind, an underused tool, psychologists have proven what can be achieved if we visualise it happening, top sportsmen do it all the time.
When we are feeling low we allow negative scenarios to play through our minds, sometimes without even realising, we just accept them.

As DTP mentioned it's important when we get urges to think of HALTS Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Stressed? Any one of these can lead us to weakening to temptation so it is important we recognise the triggers for what they are. It's not always possible to avoid them, but it is possible to recognise them and be prepared to deL with the trigger. In my early days, the simple expedient of carrying a bottle of water with me everywhere was a help.
And remember, you are not alone.

Thanks, Toots.
It feels good to get to the end of that stressful without drinking at either end.
Just watched Trainspotting (the original) and it really transported me out of myself for a spell. It was completely absorbing. I didn't think about work or anything else that might wake up the AV for one second.
Goodnight , all.

Hello all, I have been lurking here for awhile, reading post's, getting a feel of the thread. Toots I love reading your posts, I spent a lot of time saying ' Yeah! thats me!! I'm feeling that!. Anyway for some silly reason I did't want to join till I hit the one month mark, but jumping in anyway at 25.

History- I originally came to SR under the name of Tazzle in the Dec 12 group, I remained sober for 6-7 mths, than back to my ways of wine binging, hiding bottles, trying to act sober when I wasn't. Regrouped and joined the Nov.16 class and repeated the same mistake. I am now in the Sept & Oct 17 group.
You know the phrase insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. So I want to learn and stop prior mistakes. One of the things different for me this time is that I was part of a 6 mth health/lifestyle program that taught better eating, exercise prioritise and discipline. It really took for me, I have lost 30 pnds , would have been more if I hadnt been drinking,,,,,.

Complacency killed me last time, I allowed the AV and wine back into my life. Looking forward to changing things, getting advise, learning, and meeting everyone.

Badge

Hi folks.

I was making a nice dinner after a long day on the picket line yesterday. As I was cooking a steak my AV popped up to whisper "you know what would go really good with that? A nice glass of wine". Usually I tell my AV no, it wouldn't go good with it, that it would just lead to another and another. This time I acknowledged that yes a glass of wine would go good with the steak; but you know what else would go good with it? A nice cold glass of milk! lol

Darn AV always trying to sneak up on me but I'm not having it ;)

Hope you are all having a great Friday, folks.

Good to see you here Badger, I think I remember seeing Tazzle in my early days. I'm glad some of my posts resonate. I don't usually know what I am going to write until I begin and sometimes go off on a tangent trying to explain how I feel, or how I see the way alcohol affects myself and others around here. Stick around, it does sound like you are trying to do things differently and have a new motivation. If complacency was an issue in the past, all I can say is prioritise your recovery, put it to the fore, make it the most important aspect of your life.
Some here say they worry that focussing on their recovery, (I spent hours a day here in the early months, ) makes them feel selfish. I think active addiction is the most selfish thing we ever allowed ourselves to do. My focus was always on my next drink. I would be in the kitchen under the pretext of needing to watch simmering pots, so I could sneak drinks. While my grandson spent precious visiting time with his grandad in the family room. I hate how self absorbed my addiction made me, so focussing the first 12 months of my recovery on myself was a worthwhile investment to become someone who is now present in the lives of the ones I love.

Helen, I was eating a steak the other day ( oh, I know how to live!) and I remember thinking to myself that wine never made it taste any better than it did that night. I would just use the opportunity to drink. Not that I don't miss the wine, I was something of a connoisseur back in the day, but would I have bothered so much with the different tastes, if they didn't all give the same end result?

Have a safe and sober weekend Undies, and be proud of your progress, you are immense!

Toots this is so true! I spent a lifetime being selfish, telling myself I deserved to drink as a reward for dealing with the challenges in my life. I've earned this! I can now see how selfish that was, and realize what I allowed to slip past while living that way. It was actually the birth of my granddaughter that made me start challenging my priorities and make the decision to quit drinking once and for all. As they say I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had tried to quit so many times before and after a few days been right back at it. Like you I also spent hours on this site every day and for the first time I believed I could do this. I don't always post but I still pop in several times a day to see how everyone is doing and to keep my focus on recovery.

Thank you so much for your posts, Toots. You inspire me. :tyou

Drinking was definitely the most selfish thing I did in my family. The irony though is that in all the other stuff I don’t give myself a break. Can anyone relate to that? Sorry to bring the mood down😌

I’m 62 days in. Been sober before for a few years but went back out😖

Totally, Strong. Perhaps you feel you don't deserve a break? We can be alcoholics and still be hard on ourselves for all our perceived weaknesses ( other than the addiction of course, we choose to blind ourselves to that for far too long!)
It is important, especially in early recovery, to allow yourself rewards. We need to find alternate ways to reward ourselves, be it time alone on a long walk, or a soak in the bath or a new book.
We also need to begin to accept our human frailty, learn to allow it and learn to forgive it.

Thanks for the reply. My therapist talks about self-care, and how I don’t do enough of it. Learning acceptance is just pretty hard🤔 I think I’ll post here more frequently. Thanks again, toots.

Like Helen, (And many others I'm sure) I'm here every day, I try to visit once in the morning before my day starts and again in the evening when my day is done. My priority is my sobriety and SR is a big part of keeping it that way.

Day 62 here. Looking forward to enjoying some time with the family.

Helen, I occasionally get that feeling too. Wouldn't this burger be great with a beer, or the steak with a glass of wine?For me, it was just an excuse to have a "legitimate" drink. It was acceptable to have some alcohol with food. Like you Toots, I constantly watched water boil so I could be in the kitchen drinking. I don't miss all the planning involved in sneaking drinking in amongst normies.

hi

moving to this thread from the July 2017

:-)

welcome redcardid :)

D

Hello all. I hope your sober weekends are going well. I am loving my weekend get ups these days.

I totally identify with using food to legitimize drinking. I did it all the time.

I have just posted this (below) on my class of August 2017 thread and I wanted to share it in here. I have been in the 24 hour recovery thread, but I find it hard to keep up. I think I will focus on this thread and the class of August thread from now on.

I want to relate an experience that I have been having this week. It has come out of nowhere really, but it has had a hugely positive impact on my mindset and my recovery.
It was as simple as watching Transpotting 2 on Thursday evening. For those of you who have seen the two Trainspotting films, it centres around the character of Spud. I remember watching the second film and thinking that he was a desperately tragic character who was in his late forties and was still a heroin addict who had been unable to turn his life around and get straight. I felt such pity for him, but was inspired to see him being strong and fighting his addiction even at that late stage. It wasn't until a day or two later that I realised that I was in exactly the same position - albeit with a different substance.
I feel embarrassed that at 46 years of age I still drink like a youth, and that I have spent almost 30 years as an addict without ever addressing it. I don't want to be the object of other people's pity.
It suddenly feels like the pieces fit together a bit more readily and that OF COURSE this is the right thing to do.
I am only 11 weeks in, but I feel like I have grown up beyond recognition in that time. I suddenly don't feel like counting days or discussing it all the time - which is making me feel less inclined to post on SR. I just feel like I don't drink any more.

I understand from reading many, many posts on here that I am probably at my most vulnerable right now - but I just wanted to express to you all where I am.

Have a brilliant Sunday, all.

Recently posting has tired me out a little. And that also includes all the posts I write and never send for one reason or another. However, I do want to welcome people to the site because SR has helped me and I want others to get similar benefits. I guess my relationship with the site is changing.

Welcome Redcard, this thread is great for support.

DTP it's good that you have acknowledged the limitations your addiction has placed on your personal growth, it's amazing what we can see if we allow ourselves to open our eyes and honestly see ourselves from a position of clarity.
Not everyone who comes to SR feel the need to stick around. Some of those who leave continue their lives in sobriety. Some struggle and return. SR is always here. What I will tell you is that there are a lot of situations within the first year of recovery that we need to have strength to deal with. Support from SR can add to that strength.

Then, there are the chemical changes that occur within our brains, I'm sure Dee can post the link to the PAWS post, something that totally blindsided me at around 3-4 months. Thankfully understanding it helped me to explain it to my husband and prevented murder or divorce!

There is also the simple fact that when we are active in our drinking, we use alcohol as a coping mechanism. In reality what we are doing is avoiding dealing with the emotional impact of the specific situation. Be it an argument, a bereavement, a break up, whatever. We are not dealing, we are suppressing. For me, in early sobriety, was something I likened to a projectile vomit of past emotions all screaming to be dealt with. Not all can be, sometimes they just need to be brought into the light, examined, sorrowed over and put back. But again that is draining, exhausting, frightening. And sometimes we want to hide away again. Being here, being able to talk about how I felt at a given time, allowed those emotions to come out.

Over time in recovery, I have grown emotionally, in ways I stunted myself in active addiction. I need less from SR and limit the threads I visit. I spend about half hour a day here. It is enough for me. It gives me the support I need to remain sober. It prevents me succumbing to the dreaded complacency. It gives me the opportunity to pay forward a little of the support and advice I was given in the early days.

Stronger, I feel that what is tiring you is maybe the emotional outpourings of the posts you erase? Perhaps if you feel you cannot share those thoughts and feelings here, a journal may help. It allows us to write down the things we feel we can never share, and it gives us something to look back over and see how far we have come.

Sunday sermon over kids, have a wonderful rest of your day!

Same for me...
I had a look at SR 10 years ago in 2007 https://www.surlatoile.com/smileys/r...rche-loupe.gif
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...part-12-a.html

Just a few members are still here today...
Things are always changing, that's an universal truth I guess! :turn:

Have a good Sunday!

Some names from my SR youth lol - Thanks CK :)

D

I agree. A diary is certainly helpful, toots. I did buy new one a few weeks ago but I haven’t started it yet. You might be right about the emotional investment in the posts. Quite often I’ll write something and delete it because I worry it might not help the OP. It usual helps me though.

This is a tough stage. I have some sobriety experience (a little now and a fair bit in the past) but I do feel I’m back at the start again. I’m sure things will improve but, right now, I see two and a half years ahead of me before I break even again. An irrational way to think, no?

Excellent points, DTP and Toots. I've said before that I feel I was in a state of arrested development while an active drinker, and that I was the world's oldest juvenile delinquent. I took pride in my ability to "drink with the boys" and hold my own, and then one day I realized that at a certain age it's really not a good look. It probably never was. I really feel I have matured and grown in the last year, and it is a wonderful thing. My family thinks so too :)

Stronger, posting here on SR, is not always about helping others, sometimes it's about helping ourselves. I know i really benefit from just putting my feelings and thoughts out there at times when I am uncertain.
Next time you go to erase a post, ask yourself why specifically that post.
I get where you are coming from with the 2.5 years thing, and I doubt you can ignore that thought completely. But the way to look at it is that you have 2.5 years of sober experiences to utilise. What has caused your slips? Is it a similar thing each time? If so, what is different about your approach this time and how you will react in the trigger situations?

Helen, keeping up with the boys. What a pathetic thing to be proud of eh? And like you, I decided a drunk granny was not a good look!

Thanks for taking the time to reply, Toots. Your comments were helpful. I’m actually in a more positive frame of mind now. I only have today but it’s enough.

The AV has been trying to tell me I could now moderate after 11 weeks of abstinence. He doesn't know what I discuss with you lot on here, does he?! What a fool...

Downthepath,

One of the keys for me was finally accepting the fact that I will never be able to moderate my drinking. To bad it took me over forty years!

Very true RetiredGuy. One of the benefits of hanging out here was I read so many posts from folks who had thought that after a period of abstinence they would now be able to drink responsibly. Invariably they couldn't, and then they found it even harder to quit the next time. I had a tough enough time quitting this time - I don't need to set myself up for an even harder time in the future. In Elizabeth Vargas' book she tells about a friend telling her that it's a lot easier to stay quit than it is to do day one all over again. I think there's a lot of truth in that.

That feels very true to me, Helen.
This is my first time quitting and my instinct tells me that it is absolutely my best chance to make it stick. The fact that I have handed in my golden ticket makes me more determined to stick with it when I sail a bit close to the wind.

DTP, this is also my first attempt. I would certainly be under the illusion I could moderate if it wasn't for this site. I'm up to 9 weeks now, and there are moments, I won't lie, when I'd like nothing more than just one nice crisp glass of white wine, but it isn't just one, is it? It was never just one then, why would it be now?

Also, if you have tried moderating in the past, the frustration of keeping to just one or two, of going days in between to 'prove' you don't have a problem? So much harder than getting settled into the idea of not drinking at all. Even when we drink less, we are still obsessed by thoughts of it.

Moderation the times I tried it in the past never, ever worked. Eventually the volume and frequency crept back up to what I was drinking before.

Life is so much smoother when alcohol is not an option needing to be considered.

It's so good to have you here DTP, Stronger and Kerchal, to know you are benefiting from SR and strengthening your resistance to temptation.