Morning BBG! How's the startin' fluid?

Time for a little recovery sharing.

In 5 days I will hit the 1 year milestone. Important to note it is a milestone, not a goal.

I want to reflect on how bad I was at the end. You've all heard it- so bear with me while I repeat myself.

I think I first knew I needed to watch my drinking around 41 or so. I was drinking more and more often in the evenings because my husband was always out of town. So, I would make deals with myself. Only wine. Only beer. I'm dieting, only vodka. Only drink with my husband. Only drink socially. Only drink at bars. Never go to bars. Seriously, I went through all of these.

I started taking the drink that I had from the night before and finishing it in the morning. Then, I'd have another. Until it was evening and I could openly have a beer or glass of wine.

I never drank when my husband was home unless we were drinking together. I don't think he became aware of my problem until I was a few years into it. He went through the same rationalizing I did. I should only drink with him. That would take care of my problem. But as soon as he was on the road, I was at it again.

I got to the point that I couldn't walk out the door without a drink. I wouldn't go anywhere that I couldn't have a drink. I always had airplane bottles on me just in case.

At the end, I would throw up, or have the shakes until I had a drink of something. I couldn't stand any of it, but I didn't know how to exist without it.

Man, just writing this, I can't believe it was so hard to quit. It was so unbelievably awful at the end.

Thanks for letting me share. I really need to always remember what it was like for me.

"Today, I will not worry about other people's reactions or events outside of my control. Instead, I will focus on my reactions. I will handle my life well today and trust that, tomorrow, I can do the same.

Sometimes what we know deep in our hearts gets clouded over by doubts and questions and other people's opinions and judgments. We need to clear away such clouds and listen to our hearts, for our hearts carry the wisdom of God."

That was a pretty transparent and brave share Bobbie. Thank you. You have made such amazing progress and have changed so much (you've changed me too) - I am really proud to call you my friend. ❤️❤️

Thanks for the share, Bobbie. Glad you're with us and that you never have to live that way again. You're a good egg and us chickens are lucky to have you here.

Well I have my tea...it's a new one - Frozen Raspberry....yumm!! Heading home now for lunch and maybe a walk with Charlie. The sun is shining but there's rain in the forecast so hopefully it holds off a little while longer

Yeah, what kind of egg? I mean scrambled mostly.

Sunny side up!

Deviled egg

Hard boiled! Tough on the outside, but with yummy layers.

Or something like that.

lol - AK - that was kind of weird.

So it happened. And not like I imagined. DH came home early and I sat down with him and told him that I have a problem with alcohol. Just like that. Weird I always imagined it would be more dramatic. Like after a really bad night or weekend or something. There were some tears but his response was amazing. He just said "well I guess we don't drink anymore". I feel a little raw right now but more than anything I feel free.

Cleaning the house now and making some turkey shepherds pie with riced cauliflower. Yum.

Huh? Lol

You rock, Samantha!! I'm very happy for you. Your burden just got a lot lighter. :grouphug:

That's how I felt when I told my husband Sam!!!

I just ate lunch and am now laying on the couch waiting for my motivate oil to kick in, I have so much to do.

What's up Marchers! Having one of those "It's all in my head" moments.....There's a new class at the gym tonight that I'm planning to check out.....IDK why my anxiety is all over the place.....but like that quote says: "Your mind will quit 1,000 times before your body will. Feel the fear and do it anyway!"

Side note: I saw the set list from the Gn'R show that was in Spain last night....they performed a cover of Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" ~ A friend of mine saw it & it made her :( ~ I said I can't bring myself to watch it. She told me to pull up my big girl pants!

Wish me luck.....me and my big girl pants, we're gonna attempt this dance class! I'm goin' in!!! :vd

Sam <3

Guess I'm the only one who gets the hard boiled egg personality type haha! I think you're a strong person, B, but vulnerable and soft too. Grateful for you.

Anyway......mac n cheese then softball game. See ya all later.

Huge step forward, Sam! Good job!

And many days I definitely feel like a chicken!

You got this. Go kick some a**! I would have gotten teary also.