Welcome Jazzfish :)

Hope everyone's weekend is going ok :)

D

Wow, the outpouring of support from this group! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I'm at the wedding sober as can be. Zero desire to drink hope to be outta here in an hour or two. Will check in sober! I promise.

Well, yesterday I snapped a 4 day streak. I've been up since before dawn trying to figure out how to improve. As I was screwing around on the forums, I realised that, drum roll please, I hadn't checked in to SR in 3 days. So that is going into my permanent schedule until it becomes a habit.

I really am glad for you guys, you mean so much to me. I've been looking for love in all the wrong places :)

Glad you're back with us, keeppushing. Accountability to myself and others is an important part of my own recovery plan.

Keep on keeping on, bblackbirdflyy! Glad it's going well.

Keep it up BBF!

Good to see you KP!

KeepP- cannot get that damned song out of my head now.

Good AA meeting. Good day all the way around. Going to kill a few more dragons and try to go to sleep. Thanks to all of you for keeping me sober one more day.

Sleep peacefully CW

Day 25 for me is coming to a close. Finally! Today has been the worst for me yet. Wanted to drink all day and still want to. Fighting the urge. Not going to. Day 26 is a new day and I look forward to it.

I'm home safe sound and sober. <3 night SR

Feeling extremely down and alone today. List for words, imagine that!

Thanks to all for responses to my posts.

Welcome to new comers and returnees.

Well done to all who stayed sober.

Not dwelling in the past just realising what it has created
Definately doing this for myself just concerned that how I lived the first eight years of my sons life has been an example that will stick. Dee very adamately assured me that that would not be the case and I'm choosing to believe him.

Living a very isolated life. It's hard.

Mir- I kind of know about isolation. I first don't pick up- that's effed. Then I stay safe and to maintain sanity- anything positive and productive goes. Look at all the threads here. There are literally hundreds (millions perhaps0 of thousands of posts here- thems wisdom in them thar words. I am posting this to you now. It is 2047- what time is it in your bit of our world?

Hey Phoenix it's 21:24. Not going to pick up. Just thought I better check in but had nothing really positive to say.
How you doin?

'K. See not that isolated! Lots of stuff here to do if you get sick of your reflection.

Yeah but can't live a whole life on the puter. Ah well maybe just for now. I'm off to sleep like a nanny. I'm so tired all the time!

I'm back again.
So, so tired of waking up with feelings of guilt, an exhausted body and heart.

Each time I drink is a wasted hour, wasted day- nothing positive comes out of it- I end up eating too much, not taking care of myself, doing nothing but numbing the pain I feel inside.

I drank all day yesterday to cure my hangover from the night before. 2 bottles of wine which started at 10:30 in the morning. Something about that just isn't right.

I'm up now hoping to grab some peace before the kids are up (2 and 5). I have no concrete plans for today: maybe some pilates which is probably the only exercise my body can handle as it recovers, a few errands to run and I've gotta get all the fall/winter clothes organized as summer has just recently left us here in Florida. On my list is also to continue reading Rational Recovery- I want to fully try it as a way to recover without AA. If it doesn't help I will definitely look elsewhere for added support as it's obvious I can't do this alone.

I am numb. For a while I convinced myself that I don't have a drinking problem- forget the "A" word, I'm not even going there.
But the truth is, I'm a much better person when I'm sober. I'm more spiritual, more energized, more motivated, a better Mom and wife, a better me.

Doesn't that sound like enough to make a person quit?

2 events coming up this week that I need to plan for: Date night with hubby is on Friday. His idea of date night is dinner and lots of drinks. I need to find something for us to do where we can connect without booze (this is rare for us which has been part of the problem these 5 years we've been married.)

Having people over for dinner Saturday- this will be easy because they are not big drinkers. The only trigger will be if DH decides to drink. I wish he wouldn't. I wish he would support me, knowing how long I've struggled and how often I've tried to stop. I know it's not his fault and sometime soon I am going to have to accept the fact that he cannot support me in this and that is OK. I know I'll get there.

Anyway- I look foward to getting to know you all. I will check in if I'm feeling tempted. Today is the only day I worry about because I usually drink to get over the way I feel from drinking the day before (because that makes a lot of sense.) But I do have a lot to do and I need to be on the road at 7 am tomorrow for work so it would be best to keep myself sober and focused on the positive.

I have so many things I want to change about my life, so many dreams about the person I want and need to be. Alcohol doesn't allow me to be any of it really. Now I just need to find the strength to stop...

Start of day 7 for me. I slept really good last night and the night before. It felt good. I am planning on staying in today. It should be a relaxing alcohol free day. I see several people are struggling. Don't give up. We can do this! It's a tricky thing we're dealing with and trying to overcome. Be kind to yourself.

Welcome back SFL - why not commit to checking in anyway, even when you're not tempted? make it a hi bit...I think support is vital and maintaining a support network is an absolute pre-req for success? :)

Congrats on your week Rah - congrats on your 25 too LowSpark :)

D

Sunflower- you write rational words. How booze causes you to feel. the dreams you have, plans, family. Also that something is not right. You allude to drinking behaviour is not logical. Of course it is not. So looking at it logically to 'cure' don't work for me. I just have to accept I cannot drink. Period. I change- become nasty and fall over. Lots of other stuff as well. Point is booze does not play by rules and it plays dirty. Support is essential- SMART, AA, whatever works. You have the awareness- the trick is what to do about it.

Sober sleep is much better, but a pinched nerve in my back wouldn't let me have it. Getting older seems to be like playing a game of Whack-a-mole with physical ailments. I just wish I could be 100% healthy for a while. Oh well, the bright side is that it is Sunday so I can take a few naps later on.

Looking forward to meeting the therapist this week. I wish there was an easy method for determining if a therapist was going to be a good match or not.