I remember more than once waking up in the morning and saying, "I'm never going to drink again" and throwing my half-empty wine bottles (or box if I was especially broke at the time) into the trash only to decide twelve hours later that it wasn't that bad and then going out to the trash to dig out those bottles. What a stupid, sad waste of my life.

Glad you were able to get that beer far out of your reach!

That was me too Casey, posting once a day then forgetting. I am planning on coming here more than once a day and especially when I'm craving. I have come to the obvious conclusion at long last that I can't do this by myself.

I have 2 z's right now. I'm on SR more than any other website every day and I'm actively posting and trying to be encouraging. I'm also reading lots of stuff on this site to learn and grow and to find acceptance and peace with who I am and what I've been.

The second z is I'm not trying to diet to lose weight. If I want to eat something, I eat it. Tonight I made another junk food run at 8pm, which is the time I would have been hitting up the liquor store. I got all the "food" that I wanted, plus a few things that I didn't plan to. I'm fully stocked now and will have plenty of diversions. Hopefully in a week or two more, I'll feel more interested in switching to healthy foods to nourish my body.

I hope we each have a relaxing evening/day ahead of us, that we feel amazing and strong, and stay the course no matter how tempted we are. ((Hugs)) See you again tomorrow. :)

My z ,
Eat more often, post more, reread AVRT often, rest more if I can, and remember to be thankful I'm still alive to change this

Man, the thoughts are in my head, like every day this time. Kids are home, cooking dinner, hubby will be home soon, chaos. Think I use the drink as an escape. Usually opening the bottle right now. Glad I won't be tonight.
I think I will reread AVRT JL, thanks for that reminder.

Morning all
Cissy and Jl - those are my a plans too...eat what I want for a period of time and be thankful for what I can still change

I also want to be around when my son has children of his own. I have heard and know too many people who have died due to alcohol. I don't want to be one of them :-/

Had a bad sleep but feeling more refreshed this morning . My face looks brighter and I feel less bloated already.

Nervous about the weekend as I am off to a two day music festival with my boyfriend. I would like to do this sober for the sake of my health. I would also like to surprise my boyfriend by not drinking as he says that I drink far too much.....

life is better when I am sober. I know I can't drink just one glass. I cannot stop once I start. I hate myself when I drink. I have to remind myself this when the AV calls me

What's the festival KNB?

I tend to go to quite a few over the summer and it's been my downfall over the previous couple of years - so try to be firm.. I know, from experience, how tempting things can be.. Get on here for support if there's ever a doubt.

Day three for me here - feeling positive about the future - flying out for my trip to Bratislava and Vienna tomorrow. Determined to have a cultural holiday rather than a drunk and falling over one..

Here's another thing a member wrote that resonated with me, a great way of looking at stress and thinking it's relieved by drinking:
Don't let your mind convince you that drinking is the solution to stress. It isn't It has zero control over the events causing you to stress out. The only stress being resolved by drinking is the stress your addiction is going through wanting its fix -- alcohol. (from doggonecarl)

Wishing all a lovely sober day today with minimal stress or at least dealing with it well.

Hi, guys. Checking in, day #14. Two weeks.

I'm at a crossroads here.

Mondays are my toughest day b/c of this irrational anxiety I have about work. Yesterday it appeared again, and my loving and supporting wife, who is 2+ years sober btw, suggested I use her appointment yesterday with her therapist, Jane, which happened to be scheduled at 1 pm.

So I went to the session with Jane. I had been to see her last year about my drinking and other issues. She had recommended last year that I join a support group, and I wish I had taken her advice right away and not waited to join SR.

Anyway, Jane believes I have issues with my inner child. My wife has mentioned this before. My childhood was mostly my father screaming at me. No wonder I'm here, right.

Jane says the good news is that inner child therapy is accepted and well established in most circles. The bad news is that it's just like the therapy for alcoholism, in that there is no one magic bullet that fixes everything, and I'll have to find one that works for me.

So I did some research online and I found a well respected inner child therapist who has written several self help books about it. I bought the first book and I'm considering whether or not to go through the therapy.

The idea is that the therapy takes you back in time to the incidents that impeded the growth of your inner child, and you experience them again, although this time you have yourself as a loving adult to guide you through the experience the correct way, so you can heal the wounded child that's still in you. Makes sense, right? It does to me.

Anyway, last night I get to the point in the book that the therapy is about to begin, and the author warns that the therapy should not be done by anyone with a current addiction issue, because the therapy is very emotional and it's likely to cause a relapse.

He suggests any patient should be at least a year sober before trying it. Of course, I'm just two weeks sober.

I think this therapy is exactly what I need to get my whole life on track, and I'm doing very well with my concepts of sobriety so far, so I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do.

I'll keep you posted. Any input you guys may have would be welcome.

Mich- Its called Happy Days Festival and its held in London. Bands such as happy Mondays, Soul to Soul and Lisa Stanfield are playing....very nervous about it. Have a safe trip with your travels. I remember once travelling to India and did that tyrip sober. mind you, it was easy because it was impossible to buy alcohol in most places

Kale- Great post. Will bear that in mind when I use the excuse of stress. So true because other people don't reach for the bottle when they are stressed out.

Ten- I always think therapy is a good idea because its good to voice it out. It works for some people to find that clarity they are seeking and for others it does nothing. I think its a very personal experience for each individual. Hard to say whether it works though

Day 12: Liver let die (live and let live?)

Sleep! 5+2 (3am let dog out). Invigorating run with the dog- 7 strong. No sign of the parasite, not even a wiggle. Had a big meeting last night requiring me to pass TWO liquor stores. Each way, I forgot they were there.

I suspect that the liver toxins are waning. Not the alcohol metabolites- they were gone over a week ago- but rather the by-products of damaged liver cells- all those enzymes, fat molecules and products of the liver "junkyard." My enzymes should be back at their baseline, but at this stage I am still working on reversing "fatty liver,": the accumulation of lipid globules inside the liver cells, accumulated over months when my enzymes were to busy breaking down alcohol to attend to fats. So now I'm cleaning out the closet, if you will. In six weeks' time, the fat will be eliminated. Taking alcohol's "killer Bs," folate, thiamine, other B vitamins, and my Omega-3 & 6 oils to assist with the clean-up.

A healthy human liver contains about 150 billion liver cells; each cell has a lifetime of about 450 days. Doing the math, every day sober, YOUR body is making over 300 MILLION- new little baby cells who never knew nor had to wrestle the alcohol molecule. In about 18 sober months you have an ENTIRELY new liver. This of course does not take into consideration other factors such as hepatitis, metabolic syndrome (non-alcoholic fatty liver from bad diet/obesity), environmental toxins, etc.

Perhaps in November 2016 we will hold up our juice glasses and welcome our clean, new livers.

Good luck to all.

4

Very very interesting post. Thanks for sharing

Last year I managed 43 sober days. So basically I cleaned out my liver by achieving 6 weeks and one day... and immediately spoilt my good work by drinking on day 44.

How annoying of me:cries3::react

Meant to post last night but fell asleep during a movie. My z? Interesting question, because we want sobriety to stick. I still haven't gotten rid of my homebrew equipment or cleaned out that part of my garage. My z is to give it away and get rid of the memorabilia (old coasters, bottles).

I bought pectin and jelly jars for my fruit in the freezer. Something to make besides wine (and pies). I have a long row of grapes and a hedge of elderberries. (planted blueberries this year and also have some young blackberries and currants)

I made somewhere around 110 days, last yr.
I now plan to make forever

Starting day 12 here. Once again, woke up feeling a bit hungover-ish. Not as extreme as yesterday but still somewhat dehydrated along with having a small headache. Hopefully this pattern won't continue for too long. At least I'm sleeping well. Though I did dream about work last night. Yuck.

Have that job interview this afternoon. Think I'm going to walk to the library this morning and maybe go to a noon AA meeting as well. Get my head on straight for this afternoon.

In my opinion, that would be a major step toward committing to sobriety and just an all-around good idea for you.

Two weeks without alcohol! That's awesome. I'm a couple of days behind you.

As far as therapy goes, maybe you should talk with Jane or set up an initial appointment and talk with this inner child therapist about where you are in your sobriety and whether they think it's a good idea for you to go into the inner child therapy right now. If they say no, then maybe continue regular therapy and set yourself a goal that you'll start the inner child therapy in a year?

By the way, kudos to your wife for giving up her appointment for you.

Counseling can be tricky. Depends on the type of therapy. Inner child work is very taxing and emotionally draining. I have done it myself and it is very hard. Maybe you could see a different type of therapist that works on your current issues/addictions. Like a cognitive behavioral therapist. They don't did into your past, but rather help to identify patterns of thinking that doesn't work. Then in a year of sobriety you might look into the inner-child work.

Day #16. Standing strong. Had a tough day at work today but managed to keep the cravings at bay.
Just keep visiting SR to keep me strong and hopefully motivating my fellow Mayvens to keep it up.

Does z mean trigger?

Because I am seeing triggers everywhere. On TV, on social media... Feeling somewhat better today, so I know the fighting the urge will began in earnest. I usually get the urge starting around 11 am to 4 pm. If I can make it to 5 I am usually good to go. I have always liked to day drink and break out my paints. I don't recall painting sober since being a child. Not sure if I even like to paint now! As someone mentioned above, I forget the correct term, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, sounds like fun. That is why I have never managed to stay sober. I have always wondered how people truly enjoy themselves. My mantra has always been to live like a rockstar, but I am starting to feel like Mick Jagger. haha
CaseyW, my day sounds somewhat similar, I have job interview today and am going to walk to the library and try to find some inspirational books. I would like to find a NON-AA meeting. I have attended a few in the past, and am not on par with the higher power, God theme. I read about the Secular Organization and emailed them a few days ago to find a meeting in my area and have yet to receive a response.