Congrats, Lucy, on 6 months!! Wishing you lots of luck with hubby and the whole court situation. Keep us posted!

Lucy Congratulations on 6 months!!!

Quick question ladies,

For the past couple of weeks I've been having headaches almost daily in the afternoons. They are usually on one side or the other and they are eye watering, throbbing headaches. They almost feel like a sinus headache and my sinuses are a little stuffy (what's new), but they also coincide with my period. Plus, like I said, they are on one side or the other of my head and usually behind my eye.

Has anyone else experiences headaches related to hormones? If so, were they similar to this? I'm just trying to figure out what's causing them. Ever since I've had this IUD put in I've been experiencing some pretty significant PMS symptoms. More so than before I had the IUD/ baby.

I suffered from terrible headaches with or because of hormones. I am sensitive anyway, however, when my hormones are high I always get daily (all day) headaches. In fact, they induced me 10 days early when I was pregnant with my second daughter because the headaches were so intense. After she was born I went with the non-hormone IUD. I think it's called Paraguard?

Sorry you are suffering. They stink!!

Hi moms,

I'm feeling a lot better today. I didn't have any headaches, thank goodness. I really think that it's a hormone related thing. I'm having to pay a little more attention to that now because I didn't have very bad PMS symptoms before I had a baby/ IUD. So now I sometimes catch myself not really feeling myself and I have to stop and think it might be hormone related before I react too quickly. That includes craving alcohol.

Things have been going well here lately. I've really been working on being more tolerant and understanding of my husband and it's paying off. I try to put myself in his shoes and see things from his side. I praise him and shower him in genuine appreciation. In turn, he has done a lot to help me out lately.

Sometimes it's really hard though. The hardest thing I've had to try to deal with is what I'll tolerate and what I won't and how I'll handle certain situations. For example, my husband had another road rage incident today and it was unacceptable to me. He puts me and my baby at risk when he lets his road rage take over him. I knew that lashing out at him in anger (which is what I wanted to do) probably wouldn't help the situation. So, I somewhat calmly said "please don't do that". But he doesn't hear me, or what's worse, it sometimes fuels the fire. I know I won't be able to change him. Only he can control that road rage. He knows I don't like it. He knows it isn't safe. We've talked about it before. But he really lets it get to him. He's angry at the people around him. He's even angry at the engineer that designed the roads. What's worse is he sometimes feels the need to "teach people a lesson". So what do I do? Not drive anywhere with him? I offer to drive sometimes but he won't let me.

Other than that I'm finding a new appreciation for him. I think he has a really good heart. He isn't perfect, but I wouldn't want him that way. I'm certainly not perfect either.

On another more somber note. My favorite NASCAR driver accidentally killed another driver last night. Well, I think he accidentally killed him (**% sure), but only he knows that. What a bummer. I've met this guy in person and he seemed like a nice guy. He signed my hat and my jacket. But it goes to show you how quickly things can happen.

Busy week ahead. On Tuesday I'm going over to the house of the lady who may be babysitting my son to inspect it. I still need to call her references. I agreed to babysit my friend's 7 month old daughter on Wednesday. Then maybe a playdate on Thursday or Friday. Thursday might be the first day I take my son to the new babysitter (yikes!).

I'll be checking on here occasionally and I hope everyone is well. Take care ladies!

Hi all,
So just checking in quickly after a crazy couple of weeks, topped off by a week of holiday which was great, camping in the middle of nowhere with lots of swimming and campfires every night.
I feel like I've missed so much on here and it feels impossible to find the time to comment and reply to everyone's recent posts. I've been procrastinating posting because I feel bad not responding to everyone individually. But I do draw strength from hearing people's stories on here, and really appreciate you all sharing stories from your lives. I am slowly finding my way in social situations, and hubby and I have our first couples therapy session tomorrow, so I'm curious about what that might bring. I know many people on here have shared stories about how their relationships have changed after giving up the booze and mine is certainly in flux at the moment.
Anyway, just a short check in to say I'm still here, and still reading, even if I don't have much time to respond in these last weeks....

Hi moms...

Chickster, glad to hear from you. I hope your couples therapy goes well. I am thinking my husband and I might need that. I feel like all I do is complain with him. I tell myself to stop it, to "pick my battles", but I can't seem to stop myself for long. Ugh, when will my bitchiness stop? For gods sake it's been over a year!

Lulu...glad you are doing well. My hubby is a Stewart fan too. That's his driver...has his cars etc. I don't watch NASCAR, but he loves it. He is bummed out...and not sure what to think about the whole situation.

I have the start of a cold...probably the damn bucket if ice water I poured on my head. You girls get the ALS challenge yet? Even my daughter did one:-)

Definitely need my tea tonight!

Chickstir- What has helped me immensely is Alanon meetings. It keeps me in check of my reactions and my moods. It's changed my life!
My dad was an alcoholic so I learned to be bitchy, controlling and difficult. I'm now relearning it. It deals with how to live better and gives you tools on how to do that .

I meant Dolly:-)

Hi Dolly, our session was actually really good, if emotional (especially for me). I felt very seen and validated in 'my side of the story' so to speak. And I think she will create a fair and balanced space for us to share our experiences and needs. I really have seen how when I've stopped 'self medicating' my feelings away, I have had a huge surge of anger and criticism and resentment towards him. My husband is great in many ways and I love him dearly, but I also see there are very real issues that need to be addressed. It's my usual pattern to take it all on to me and say 'It's my fault, I should be better/stronger/less bitchy/more giving etc, and it's actually a big deal for me to stand up and say - 'actually, my feelings are valid and have a basis in reality and you play a part in this too'.
I'm a big fan of getting some outside eyes on the issues, and particularly in creating a safe space to pick apart some of the trickier topics without either of us feeling judged or blamed. I say don't wait til things are falling apart in a bad way. I think many people see couples therapy as a failure somehow - I see it as preventing failure. Getting stuck in when there's still a desire to fix things and before you've given up. Get support earlier rather than later :)

Good for you chickster. I'm glad that your session went so well. I think couples therapy is a great thing. I think you're absolutely right about it not being a failure. I used to work with a nurse who was happily married to a surgeon (go figure, I'd be happy too lol). She told me that they had both been married before and they decided to go to marriage counseling BEFORE they got married. She said it was one of the best things they ever did. :)

Well, my husband went to the beach with my girls until Friday. I knew this was going to be difficult because 3 days alone would have been a wine fest for me in the past. I am struggling a bit today...and they have only be gone a few hours. I have to admit drinking and not telling has crossed my mind about a thousand times. I know it's not an option, but man, it's challenging.

That got me thinking...what do you do when you are in the middle of a major craving?

21 Reeves- you ask yourself "What for?" What's it really going to get you? Is it worth it?

Hi all,

I've been reading but not contributing! Sorry!

Reeves - You will have amazing pride and confidence in yourself if you can keep the beast at bay the next 3 days. I know you can do it. Make some plans to get weird work done... organizing photos (or anything), read a book. Dedicate this alone time to you in a meaningful way! And come to SR chat if you struggle. When my hubby went away in June, I found great comfort in the chat rooms here.

I've been pretty much just humming along. My husband and I have decided to stop preventing pregnancy, but I got my period yesterday and was pretty bummed... I guess I thought I'd just POP! be pregnant. Um. Yeah. Like it's ever easy. I'm feeling a little unmoored. Like I have no direction or passion in life, besides my kids (which is important, of course, but I need more for some reason...). Lots of harvesting and canning/preserving from my garden - peaches, hot peppers, tomatoes. Gearing up for my daughter starting K - been having very vivid dreams about it. I've stopped going to the gym in favor of spending more time with my girls, and we're having very nice days together... playdates, low stress. I'm really going to miss my girl when she's gone all day. Drinking has been far from my mind. I feel really comfortable in my sobriety, and very happy with life generally, even with the feeling that I should be directing myself into something... some profession or field. I'm toying with the idea of taking a class or two to see if nursing is something I want to pursue, but I'm really not sure I have it in me to change professions. I currently hate my job... my good coworker just gave her resignation, and it feels like a sort of last straw for me. Nothing about work gives me satisfaction and I really dislike my new boss. I have trouble with just sticking it out right now, even though it's a good gig with the pay and flexibility in hours. It just doesn't feel meaningful.

Hi Bebetter,
I can really relate to the job dissatisfaction. My job ticks a lot of boxes - flexible, pays well, kid friendly, I can do it in my native language etc. But it's just not interesting or fulfilling. Of course I love my kids, but I also feel I need something that's just for ME, not either for the family or for work which I don't like. Something meaningful. I've been thinking maybe I don't need to change jobs, but can find something outside of work hours that gets me excited somehow. The search for meaning is incredibly important.

Hi ladies,

Haven't checked in in awhile, but not a whole lot going on here. Just getting bigger and more overwhelmed ;) Things just never seem to get done and the weeks just keep flying by. Kind of sad summer is almost over, but excited for the fall. It is always been my favorite season.

BeBetter & chickster - I can relate to the whole jib dissatisfaction. It is one of the reasons I quit working when my daughter was 9 months. I have no idea what I want to do when I go back. I, like you BeBetter, have thought of going back to school for nursing. However, my brother did this a few years ago and has given me some pros and cons (more cons) about it. Just not sure I want to put us into debt. Nursing jobs around here are a dime a dozen and you aren't even guaranteed a decent position. My brother graduated top of his nursing class and had a hard time getting in somewhere. Who knows ....lots to think about. I do think it would be a very rewarding career.

Hope you are all doing well today. 21reeves - hope you got through your craving. I also struggle when my husband goes away. Coming here helps as well as eating/drinking something (NA, of course ;)) during the craving.

Hi moms,

21reeves, being alone is a big trigger for me too. Here are some things that have helped me:

Make a list of all the bad things that have happened as a result of drinking. Hangovers, accidents, fights, embarrassing moments, etc. Keep that list somewhere safe and review it when you get a craving.

Make a journal/log about your cravings. Note what time you start having a craving and when it ends. See how long they really last. Also, note what you were doing/ thinking at the time. Is there a pattern? If so, you can give yourself a "heads up" before they come on. This really helped me because I realized that the cravings don't really last as long as I thought they did.

Write in a journal.

Keep yourself occupied to keep your mind off it.

Read through some other posts on this website. They can be a huge wakeup call and offer some good advice. I would also read the "friend and family" forums to remind me how my drinking can affect others.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head.

Well, baby is having his first day at the babysitter today. Me and my husband were a little nervous last night, but I think everything will be fine. I'm enjoying some true free time right now and I needed it. He threw a HUGE tantrum last night. I put him to bed at 6:30pm as usual and he woke up at about 7:30pm and would NOT go back to bed. We finally ended up driving him around because we couldn't get him to calm down and he finally went to sleep around 10. Is this normal for a 1 year old? I mean, he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was out of control. I don't know what caused him to get so upset. This isn't the first time he has done it either. He's usually such a little sweetheart but this tantrum is like a terror.

Anyway, going to read a book now. Take care ladies.

I wonder, since a few of us feel the same about our jobs, if meaning is just hard to come by professionally. What I do actually is pretty meaningful - providing free information to the public through librarianship. I mean, it's a do-gooder kind of job. I just feel in such a rut with it. I manage the webpage, and it feels very distant and small.

Took a walk this morning, made yogurt and am canning garlic and hot peppers right now. I do find satisfaction in all the housework and cooking/canning/gardening I do, but it also feels kind of small in the grand scheme of things.

I think one of my problems is that I grew up as a middle child, and while my parents were very devoted and present in my life, I always sought out attention from them because both my sister and brother seemed to get more. They both had problems in school, my brother had problems with friends/drugs, and I was the "good girl," sort of flying under the radar with good grades and behavior. I think that desire to have someone always patting me on the back has followed me through adulthood. College was glorious for me because professors always fawned over my work, and I was a near 4.0 student. When I entered the job world, it wasn't so much like that anymore, and I craved it. Obviously, having kids is a largely thankless job in the sense of overt praise, and I think I still need outside assurance that I'm succeeding. I'm not sure how to build that assurance from within, you know?

Lulu- Thanks for the strategies. I love the idea of tracking my cravings. I appreciate the thoughts.

BeBetter- I truly believe being able to look at yourself and honestly evaluate who you are and what you need is huge. I wish I had an answer for you, but I do think you are closer than you think.

I had my first drunk dream the other night. Those stink! What a confusing/scary way to wake up. My husband and kids come home today. I'm super excited about that.

Good Morning Everyone -

It's been an up and down week here. My best friend from childhood was here, I posted a picture on facebook and a girl from high school posted a terrible comment about him being gay. I took it down and confronted her. She's the one I posted to you all about a few months ago about getting in a wreck, while drunk with her kids in the car. She proceeded to message me on facebook more belligerent messages calling me names, being generally bigoted and racist. So, I wasn't the better person and told her to get help. That I hoped she would seek out support when she's sober but that I wouldn't communicate with someone who was clearly belligerent and told her to get off Facebook, considering her state of mind. This sent her into a tirade. I shouldn't have said anythign about her alcoholism. It was below the belt. Pot calling the kettle black much? I did say that if she ever wanted to talk seriously about her problem, I'd be more inclined if she was sober. Her nasty comments have stuck with me, somehow finding a way to make me doubt myself and feel bad about myself. She basically said stuff about my family and how messed up my sister and brother are. Anyway, its been hard to shake. I feel like there's been a lot of aggression/negativity around me this week, I'm trying to rise above it. Going to burn some sage in the house this weekend.

No plans this weekend. Other than family time and working out. Which makes me happy.

I was going to ask you all the same thing about cravings... I still have some drunk dreams and still find some moments in time where I just want to be sitting on the patio buzzed, smoking cigarettes, with no one home. Things that have worked for me:
-Reading stories about other moms in recovery
-Going on a run (I visualize sweating out the nasty thoughts and old booze and nicotine)
-Distracting myself with housework or errands or projects (my new project: getting the house ready for a 'Friendraiser' brunch I'm hosting for a charity board I'm on. It's not for a month but I've had more cravings lately... looks like I'm going to be doing some gardening and getting a new headboard for our bedroom.)
-Eat something especially delicious- Go to TCBY and get a Froyo with chocolate syrup and nuts, get chicken fingers or pizza, things I love but refrain form.

I went to my Obgyn on Tuesday and got my checkup and plan to try for baby #2. Going to take my IUD out in December. My Dr. knows all about my drinking and I told her I was a bit scared to get pregnant again, what if I 'F' up my sobriety? She doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, she said 'its all emotions'. It's not but I have to be aware....

Anyway, I hope everyone is ready for a good weekend! I'm focused on turning it around, mentally.

Have a pretty empty day today, I'll be checking in.

XO

Babs, I'm so sorry about your "friends" behavior. I have great difficulty shaking that kind of thing. I tend to sit with it and hyper-focus on the bad feeling. I hope you can let it go...burning sage is a great idea to rid yourself of the negative energy.

I just started reading the book Drinking to Distraction which seems to tell my story so far. In the beginning, the author describes the feeling of the first glass of wine...the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes in the beginning of an evening of drinking. I know the point is to tell her story and (I think) help others who may relate to the issue. However, her description of drinking made me want to jump on board with a bottle of wine too :) I'm sure that will change the further I get into the book.

I finished the book Wine: A Love Story- which was good but I was disappointed in the end. She seems to go from slobbering drunk to sober in a flash. It seemed super easy for her (which maybe it was) and then the book was done.

I'm also reading Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore. That one hasn't captured my interest as much so far. Hopefully, it will get better.

It's funny, I love books and I'm often asked by family and friends what books have I read lately. Recently, I've chosen to say nothing much. It's hard not to talk about books when you love them. Any recommendations from you all?

Oh, we are planning a family vacation for next summer. Something bigger than normal...a cruise or tropical location. As I started to plan yesterday, it was hard not to focus on a vacation like this with no alcohol. Hopefully, a year from now it won't feel so painful. Any suggestions on places to vacation?

Have a great Saturday.

Hi ladies,

Babs- That person on Facebook sounds like she has a lot of issues going on. Who knows why she felt the need to say something bad about your friend. Maybe she was jealous? Whatever the case may be I wouldn't take anything she said personally. By letting her get to you you're only giving her power. I know, it's easier said than done, but harboring resentments will only harm you. I hope the sage thing worked. I might have to try it out sometime.

21reeves- Those sound like great books to read. I really need to check out that "A love story" book. I keep hearing about it. A vacation sounds wonderful too. Let us know what you decide!

As for me, I had a pretty good weekend here. I've been trying really hard to work on not taking personally and being more patient. I try to remember that no one can judge me and I can't judge anyone else because only we know our stories. So, I really can't take ANYTHING personally. The patience thing is very challenging. I mean, I didn't lose my temper very often before but I would definitely say some negative things when I was upset. Lately I've tried to just not say anything until I've thought about it first... and sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes I'm so mad I feel like I'm going to implode if I don't release that anger somehow. I never had any idea how mad I get lol. For example, we gave our pack n play to the babysitter so I didn't have anywhere safe to put the baby when I needed to do something. I told my husband that I wanted to buy either 1) a new pack n play or 2) a baby gate to keep the baby wrangled in one spot. Well, my husband, being the engineer/ money saver that he is decided that he was going to BUILD a baby gate. End of story. Soooo... after spending the same amount of money on supplies that we would have spent on a baby gate, several hours of labor (and cussing) on his part, and a huge mess in the front room, I'm left with a baby gate made out of PVC pipe with some fabric adhered with duct tape. Plus, dinner was late because it was his night to make it and he didn't help at all with the baby. A good part of the day I was pretty pissed off because I knew this exact thing would happen. BUT I'm glad I didn't say anything because after thinking about it I see that he was trying to make something for me and my convenience. Plus, he loves to have projects, AND he let me pick out the fabric. I had to stop and change my thinking a little and I was able to prevent an argument. At the end of the day I still got what I wanted out of the deal which is a place to put the baby if need be and he got to do a project. I'm still a little mad that he wouldn't let me have any say in the whole deal but maybe I didn't communicate my needs enough? Either way, what's done is done and when he was finished he did say he regretted not just buying a baby gate lol. Maybe he'll learn a lesson...

So that's where I'm at today. I think it'll take practice, but I think in the long run it'll be a good thing for me and my family. My husband has already mentioned that he has noticed some good changes in me lately, and I feel better too.

I got some new loose tea at the Indian grocery a few days ago for my morning chai. I've been unsure how much to put in, and today, I had a nightmare experience. I made the chai, and just couldn't seem to get the color right by adding milk, but I didn't think anything of it, and drank it all - 4 cups or so (my usual). About 2 hours later, I started having waves of panic. The worst panic attacks of my life. TMI, but... I was hovered over the toilet trying to make myself throw up because my stomach felt so queasy, and I had diarrhea. I was dizzy and my heart was racing. I was utterly thirsty, and kept taking sips of water, while still feeling like I wanted to puke. My eyes couldn't focus on a book or computer screen, My thoughts were racing out of control. I have never felt more out of control or crazy. I begged my husband to take me to the ER. Multiple times. He put the TV on for the girls and stayed with me. I got super hot and stripped to my undies. I lay on the bathroom floor. He counted my heartrate, and it was relatively normal - just a little high at 75 bpm (I'm usually around 60-65). I couldn't take any position for long. I was pacing, hovering over the toilet, in the fetal position in bed. This all lasted for about 2 hours, but when it started to let up, I looked at the clock, because it felt like it lasted for like 6 hours. I am now feeling almost normal. I was so, so, so scared. I can't remember feeling this scared before. I literally thought I was going to die. And I don't say that lightly. I mean literally. I feel a little weird now, but not at ALL like I did. Just really fragile and a little scared right now. Ugh... I hope I never ever have something like that happen again, and I'm swearing off caffeine now. I don't even need it anyway. A glass of water usually does the trick.

Bebetter, Yikes! Yeah, I'd say stay away from that chai! I'm glad you're feeling better. That must have been a really scary experience.

I hope everyone is doing well. It seems like it has been so quiet on here lately.

Everything is going fine here. I haven't been going on my morning walks lately because it's so hot, plus my foot has been hurting a lot. It makes me sad because that was my "zen" moment. Baby was quiet and I was able to reflect on a lot of things. I can't wait until it starts cooling down a little. Hubby and I had a bit of a disagreement today, and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to respond to it. Baby woke up from his afternoon nap and was fussy. He has been doing that off and on for the past couple of weeks. I just chalked it up to a little baby tantrum as a result of who knows what. The way I was dealing with it was to first try to meet his needs and if he was still upset after eating/ diaper change/ cup of milk/ etc. I'd just speak to him quietly and try to get his mind off of it. Well, today hubby got him out of his crib and he also tried to meet his needs but when he was still fussy his solution was to put him back in his crib. He said that baby needs to learn that if he's still going to cry he's going to have to go back to his crib. I didn't say anything, I just took baby and told him I'd try to see if I could get him to eat something and then I'd take him for a drive. Hubby didn't like that idea. He mentioned something about how baby will never learn. We've had a similar disagreement like this in the past and the result was very very very ugly. HUGE fight. On retrospect I think I was a little disrespectful toward him because I more or less told him I was right and he was wrong. I'm starting to realize that 1) my hubby may indeed be a sheep in wolf's clothing and 2) I'm afraid of him and as a result I often try desperately to avoid conflict so I don't always communicate well with him and 3) sometimes I'm ignorantly insensitive to his feelings and inadvertently put him down. So... I'm just not sure how to deal with this conflict. In my opinion, putting baby back in his crib as a punishment would backfire because then he'd hate his crib even more than he already does, plus I don't think he's old enough to understand that he's being punished for crying by being put back in his crib AND I don't think that his crying should even BE punished. He can't even make his needs known yet. He hasn't learned how to talk. I don't think he's throwing a fit just to **** mom and dad off. I think there's something he needs and/ or he doesn't know how to control his emotions yet. What do you all think? Any suggestions? I see this issue coming up in the future and I don't want it to end in another fight. I think he's an excellent father, but I don't think this particular idea is going to work out very well.

Evening mommies-

I'm home relaxing in the couch with a signs asleep baby. Yea! I saw this and thought immediately of sharing with all of you: 20/20's Elizabeth Vargas Checks into Rehab for Alcohol Problem

It goes to show this struggle is everywhere and it's encouraging to see people, women no less talking about it and getting help.

Big hugs to all of you.

Hi moms...

Bebetter...that tea experience sounds frightening!!!! Glad it calmed down, and yeah....toss out those exotic tea blends. Yikes!

Lulu...how old is your little guy? If he isn't talking yet, I assume still a baby under 1? Generally babies at that age don't cry unless there is a reason. Maybe teeth coming in? I agree...punishing for crying at this age isn't going to help, and would likely backfire in you as you suggested.

Well I have been so very busy. Work has picked up, and end of summer activities have me running:-).

Tomorrow I have a business lunch with colleagues I haven't dined out with yet, and hoping they do not drink. In work lunches past, I would always strategize so that I could order last in the hopes that someone else would be brave enough to order a drink so I could jump on that bandwagon and not look like a "alky" being the only one drinking. Will be nice not dealing with that stress:-)

Lulu - you are right on this one. Babies aren't trying to manipulate for their own gain. They just miss you, want you, want to eat, want a diaper change, want... something. And that's normal! My daughter is now 29 months, and it's only been since she turned 2 that I have any handle on disciplining her. They can't be disciplined much earlier - they just don't get it or make the connections. I do very short time outs (and time out means that she is just sitting somewhere close by - not banned to a bedroom or something), and she gets that. If she hits her sister, she gets time out until she feels she can say "I'm sorry." (which she actually can't say, but she will approach her sister with an "I'm sorry" face and give some kind of random vocals.) At your baby's age, it's all about cuddling. It's all about security, and I believe (and research backs this up) that babies who feel more secure, become more secure as they grow older. They don't become less secure or more manipulative if you cuddle and attend to their needs - they become more secure, because they can handle the new things coming at them in the world better.

Lulu, I agree with the other ladies. That's one of the things I love about kids under 2....there's is no disciplining...it's all about redirection, love, and meeting needs. That doesn't mean they get to do whatever they want, however, finding the route of the issue or "changing" the subject to get the behavior you want works way better than punishment, IMO. Perhaps your husband feels like he can't fix the issue or that there should be a direct solution. I can imagine that he could be frustrated and just putting your baby back in the crib as his only solution right now. I think that parenting is super hard, but it's really super hard when mom and dad have different ways of handling a situation. Could you have this conversation in general terms at a time when it's not happening. You both would be more receptive to coming up with an action plan. I thought about the book The 5 Love Languages when I was reading your post. I haven't read the book yet, however, I listened to the author on a radio show. The concept sounds brilliant to me, and could help any marriage.

BeBetter, That sounds horrible. Do you think there was something in the tea or was it all the caffeine? I once took Miralax (DR recommended) and I had an awful reaction. I had waves of horrible chest pains, like a gall bladder attack if you've ever had that. I was stretched out on the bed (naked) and groaning/wiggling in pain for hours. I truly thought I would die. Your post reminded me of that. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, toss those leaves in the trash.

Dolly, I know exactly what you mean by hoping other would order wine so I could. It does feel nice to be free of that.

I'm doing well...63 days. I don't think about drinking so much these days. However, I still struggle with social events. We are making plans to go to dinner with some friends and my first thought is always how the wine thing will feel. I also can't imagine cruising
without alcohol. That vacation isn't until summer of 2016 so I have plenty of time to get "normal". I read about people who are sober a long while and they get true enjoyment from life...I hope that is true.

Bebetter- So sorry about the chai!! So scary! I once had green tea and I thought I was going to pass out. My hubby was out of town so I literally called a neighbor. I sat on the couch for hours. Luckily the kids were at school. I love the chai at the super market that looks like milk. I guess we all need to be careful all drinks!!

Can you believe we still have not heard from the court??? It's been since July 9th. I'm beginning to think nothings going to happen? Still it's in the back of my mind.

Hubby has been home from rehab the last 2 weeks. It's like I'm in a dream. Our love has come back in every way. He's so level headed, loving and is going to meetings daily and has a sponsor. When he walked in the door for the first time my jaw dropped. He was so beautiful. His eyes so blue and clear. He was the person I fell in love with.

For today I'm so happy alcohol is out of our lives!

Happy Wednesday:-)

Hi ladies,

21Reeves congratulations on 63 days! Isn't it awesome when you start to see big numbers like that? "I read about people who are sober a long while and they get true enjoyment from life...I hope that is true.". I don't know if I qualify as being sober for a long while, but I can say that I really feel like I get true enjoyment out of life now. When it comes to recreational things like camping or going to the beach I do still get some cravings but then I realize that I can just ENJOY myself and not have to worry about drinking too much or not getting enough to drink. I used to get so frustrated because unless everyone around me was getting absolutely blitzed, I had a very hard time getting a good buzz or maintaining a buzz. I felt like I was in chains with alcohol. My fun depended on whether or not there was alcohol there. Now I TRULY get excited for things. I look forward to hearing the waves crash on the beach or smelling the trees while camping. I'm actually present for things now. I remember one thing that used to make me feel bad during my alcoholism was that I didn't get excited for things anymore. While I was busy numbing myself to other emotions I numbed my ability to experience joy as well.

Speaking of joy. I had a really great day yesterday. Nothing extraordinary happened, but it was good. I took my baby to the babysitter and I cleaned the house. I was able to relax for a little while. I took some time to put on my make up (yes I'm wearing make up again) and pick out a cute new outfit I bought for myself. Then me and baby went to the grocery store, came home and played for a while. I just felt good all day. I felt happy. When my husband got home he said "Wow honey! You look really pretty! What did you do?". I didn't think I had done much different other than I just dressed myself up the way I thought I looked pretty. In other words, I did it for ME. Later he mentioned something about how I got dressed up for him and I had to tell him that I got dressed up for me, not him lol.
Then today I continued to feel good and I started thinking about how far I've come since I quit drinking, and how I felt back to "myself" again. The way I felt BEFORE I started drinking heavily. (See, I was pretty happy before my alcoholism and during my alcoholism I missed that a lot). Then I thought "No, you were still you during your alcoholism. That was YOU". I realized that it's not like I'm 2 different people. It's not like there's the alcoholic Lulu and the sober Lulu. We're one in the same. Deep seated parts of me and my beliefs lead me to drink alcoholicly. The "old" Lulu, in all her happiness, picked up the bottles of alcohol and decided to drink them. I have the capability of going back into alcoholism. I have the capability of wallowing in myself and my grief. I have the capability of victimizing myself, blaming others, and judging myself. I have the capability to let go of myself and abuse myself. And for once in a very very very long time I can accept that because I have also shown that I have the capability to love, to respect others, to respect myself, to FORGIVE, to listen, to empathize, and to experience joy. And it's all MY choice. Hardly anything changed externally for me before, during, and after my alcoholism. Good things happened and bad things happened throughout the whole experience. Today I'm choosing to experience life with tolerance, patience, forgiveness, confidence, love, and joy instead of with alcohol.
So, I feel pretty good today. I realize that I'm not going to feel fabulous every day, which is fine, but I still have a choice in how I'll deal with those days. Just because I feel crappy on the inside doesn't mean I have to put a bottle of wine to my lips or to wallow in it either.