Good morning everyone.

Well, I just wrote two posts and have no idea where they went. Now I've got to get to work. I will hop on during a break. I'm feeling more technologically challenged. Still haven't figured our how you folks do the quote thing. But then agian, I still haven't figured out how to work three remote controls in my living room for all the different stuff we have hooked up.

Wishing you a good morning. I'll get on later for support.

Scotty - I've found my posts to disappear if I tried to switch pages while typing if that makes sense - like if I look back a page to see what people had written. I've taken to copying my reply first before switching pages. That way if I lose it I can just "paste". And there should be a "Quote" button in someone's response, bottom right I think.

And I hear ya on the multiple remotes! When anyone babysits our kids they can't figure anything out lol. Took me awhile.

Happy sober Wednesday everyone. I am excited to join the weekend thread tomorrow too. :)

Checking in day 3

EJM yay for day 3! I will be checking in on the weekend thread starting tomorrow - it helped me get through last weekend. You should check it out tomorrow in the Newcomers Forum.

Good afternoon Juners,

Lunch break, and thanks AppleKat, switching pages did it.

Yesterday I missed the board thanks to the Polar Vortex which gave us great weather. My son and I took my grandson (2 years old) to the zoo. I felt great in the morning; proud and confident for being sober but once I got home, the AV voice hit really hard. Drinking has been so ingrained over the years that little things (maybe subconciously) trigger the AV voice. Yesterday it was the nice weather and I was in a good mood. I can't count the days that I've sat on my deck after work or in the evening with a drink just quietly enjoying the peacefullness (but I would literally have 5-6 drinks that night). So, it was a tough trigger and I had to step back and refocus.

Anewpage- I can't tell how many times I have done the same thing. You're not alone here. I have gone for long stretches and even committed to quitting, then I'll be hit with a craving during a weak moment and my mind is made up that I'm going to go out and get a bottle. I will then start the daily drinking for weeks or months only to end in depression, regret and feeling aweful about myself. You got 19 days, you can do this.

EJM- welcome and congrats on 3 days. Keep focused and take it one day at a time.

Applekat, Cristina and Rachelle, good to see you on the boards and hanging in there with us. I think Summer is the best time to quit and get mentally prepared for the holiday season and winter months.

Oh, one last thing, Applekat- my son (now 26) did the same thing. He would get out of bed early in the morning and stand by our bed. I would get this feeling that someone was watching me. When I opened my eye's, it would scare me to death. I never knew how long he was standing there. He would do the same to my wife. It's funny. Try to get some rest and stay sober for the kiddo's.

Everyone have a great evening, stay focused and sober.

Scottydog

I just had that moment of it being nice weather and the AV kicking in! I took a drive by the beach after a meeting instead of going back home to eat. My thoughts kept going to how nice a cold beer would be, and I don't even really care for beer. I quickly came home and have now made myself something to eat in hopes the voice will go away. There's a great acronym, HALT, which I try to remind myself of when the AV makes an unwelcome appearance. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. In this case I was hungry, and probably a little angry with a personal situation that doesn't seem to be on the road to resolution. I find if I can acknowledge that I feel one of these ways, then I try to to tend that feeling, and it usually makes me feel better. Hungry? I ate. Anger? Well, I need to make time for some exercise today so I can release some natural "feel good" endorphins!

I've been a lot more of a lurker than poster, so I'll try to be for active. My license is suspended as the result of a DUI, so the daily reminder of not being able to drive has quieted the AV for the most part. Hopefully it's not just that, but time shall tell. I've had a busy week of work, but things are clicking so much easier than they did when I was drinking, so it feels good to feel my brain processing information under the gun.

My AV in the past has used the uncertainty of this new sober journey as a fear mechanism to drive me back to drinking. That's not been the case this week and hopefully it continues. Trying to embrace the unknown as fresh canvas and or clean slate; I use to find the unknown quite exciting as a younger man, so I'm hopeful I can channel those feelings again.

This past weekend I began re-watching The Wire. Two things came from this: the last time I watched this show I was partying and drinking quite a bit and it's amazing how much I missed/didn't recall. Two, there is quite a powerful scene from a recovering heroin addict that I will share below. Stay strong kids!

I got one more high left in me... - YouTube

Applekat: I also get pangs of jealousy towards people who can just SLEEP, reflect, and recover. :) Having kids is very rewarding but so exhausting. I too have been awakened by my youngest staring inches from my face. :) Or at 6am with excited "mama, remember you said you'll do so-and-so with me tomorrow? Well, it's today, let's do this!" :D

Noolan: I hear you about channeling the feelings of excitement. I found my old notebooks yesterday where I was self-teaching myself different things and remembered the person I used to be, curious and eager to learn. We can be those people again!

Hi everyone! Just got home from a great night our with my husband celebrating our 9 year anniversary. This is the first sober one! I talked to him about it before hand because I was having trouble with the thought of celebrating without alcohol. His response was " it doesn't bother me at all, we don't need alcohol to have fun together. I just want to be with you." For me this was a perfect response! We had an amazing dinner on the rooftop if the four seasons overlooking St. Louis then went to a dualing piano bar. It was great! One more first without drinking down!

Anew, I feel so bad for you because I know your disappointed with yourself and frustrated. Everyone has their own journey and yours may not be the way you want it to be right now but I do believe in a higher power guiding us and I think you will get to a place when it will be your last relapse.

Christine I'm glad your feeling better. I had several days that way myself and it sort of jay went away. Hoping yours does too!

Applekat, I totally get sleep envy. I used to count the sleep others got and just get pissed off. I was consumed with it because I was soooo tired. My second, now four had colic and cried constantly for the first five months! I just wanted some sleep and rest. Now I look back at those newborn days and miss some of that cuddling, baby smell, tiny little hands....it's so hard to appreciate when you are so tired. Now that they are 4 and 7 I can put pbs on at 7 and go back to sleep for a while till yet bey start fighting:). Any chance you can cut some corners, put a movie on in the afternoon for them to watch and get a few minutes of peace?

Good morning everyone.

Rachelle- thanks for the HALT, I've heard it mentioned here but didn't know what it stands for. I will remember it, those are the times I'm tempted to drink.

H&N- Congrats on 9 years and a sober anniversary! It's these special occasions that are hard because in the past my wife and I would both celbrate with drinks.

Noolan- I know what you mean. My brain is working much better without the foggy morning hangover and my work productivity is much better. Hang in there.

Just curious- with all the discussion about sleep deprevation, has anyone else increased their coffee consumption since being sober. I was about a cup a day coffee drinker and since being sober it's 2 or 3. This is for two reasons, 1) I'm tired during the day because I'm still having a hard time getting to sleep. Usually the alcohol would take care of this as I generally passed out and 2) I can enjoy a cup of coffee more often because I'm not dehydrated in the morning and don't have to get up and down 2 or 3 glasses of water to start the day.

Everyone have a great sober day and weekend. I will be off the board until Tuesday, my sister is visiting and I haven't seen her in a couple years. We're taking a small road trip through the midwest. Good thing she's not a big drinker because the time off work and mini-vacation is always tempting. In the past I would usually hit the hotel with a 1/2 case of beer for the evening. This time I will be sober and I'm going to tell her I don't drink anymore. Tonight, my wife and I will be taking her out for Mexican and I know they will have a margarita, something I always enjoyed. For me, it's going to be ice water with lemon.

Scottydog

Scoty your always do good at having a plan! I wonder if a virgin margarita would be triggering!

H&N,

I'm not going to take a chance on triggering the AV. The truth be told, as much as I like the taste, it's the alcohol and buzz that I would be looking for. (side note: one clue you may have a drinking problem is when you cross a Mexican restaurant off the list because they make weak Mararita's, which I have done). Without the alcohol, it's an expensive lime Slurrpy. :wink3:

Hi June-ers. With respect to sleep envy - I forced a family nap today because it was needed badly, after late night last night after soccer practice etc etc.

So what do I dream about during this hour long afternoon nap?? I am in Italy and my father in law is taking the kids and hubby out for evening to give me some solo mommy time and leaves me with a bottle of Italian red and white wines for tasting. Ahhhhh.

Maybe you should force those naps more often, aside from the dream! Although the dream sounds pretty nice yet dangerous! That is sadly my thought often . If we go back to Italy I must drink some wine. I am hoping after several years of sobriety I won't want that wine!

I attempt nap almost everyday. Today they were just falling apart unable to function tired whereas most days it's only me that actually dozes off. Not good.

Yeah I can't even let myself fathom a big trip right now. I've got my anniversary coming up, then beach house vacation. That's the nearest future I can allow myself to worry about.

(But our tentative 10 yr anniversary trip next summer still looms sometimes...)

Quiet thread today.

How are the rest of you doing? Anewpage, Cristina, Rachelle, melki, Noolan, EJM, michaels?

Hereandnow/Scotty...I'm about to get some ice cream to hopefully dissipate the leftover taste of dream wine. After kid #2 drifts off. What are you guys up to tonight?

:grouphug:

Hi there all.

I've been quiet because I've been sleeping on and off most of the day! Sorry to all of those sleep deprived! I don't know what's up with my wanting to sleep all the time. I'm on day 46, I think, and I don't know if this is normal as my body is still probably trying to repair itself? Is it a hormonal thing? Or, and this is my big fear, that I'm just plain old depressed. I'm on an anti-depressant, which may or may not be working for me; hard to tell because I had been mostly drinking while on it. Whatever it is, I'm trying not to get too worked up about it and just monitor how long it lasts.

I too had a drinking alcohol dream last night! I'm confused by it. I was walking around my childhood home trying to find leftover glasses of wine to drink, and trying to hide it by pouring them into a regular drinking glass. There was no party or occasion going on, just me and some some strange woman I had never met before trying to plan a trip together. Then my parents came home (I'm 37 and haven't lived with my parents for a very long time now) and I was trying to tell my father that I'm an out of control and unmanageable drinker, all as I'm gulping down the wine! It's a strange one to me, indeed. In my waking life, my father knows I'm an alcoholic and is very supportive of this sober journey I am on, so I don't really understand why I was trying so desperately to convince him.

Since I haven't left my house today (yikes! That's hard to admit!), I'm now going to make myself take a shower and walk over to a meeting. I missed my daily one today because I went back to sleep this morning.

Just an update: I'm feeling so much better now. Just leaving the house and walking a few blocks helped. Funny how I can forget, daily, how such a little thing can make so much difference. I tend to isolate, so that's something I have to work really hard on in my sobriety now. And reminding myself that sometimes a little down time doesn't mean that a huge catastrophe is on it's way and doesn't mean that next thing I know I will find myself drunk and crying. I have options and I have resources I can use to help me on my sober journey. Thank you friends of SR for being here! Such a wonderful tool and community.

Morning everyone. I'm still hanging in there. I leave for Alaska tomorrow for a week with my husbands family so I may be out of pocket for a while.
I hope everyone is doing well and remember there is a cool weekenders thread here if y'all start to struggle.
I'll check in later. Have a great day everyone. :)

Hi everyone! Feeling awesome about my sobriety but I haven't been to a meeting in a week! It's hard to fit it in and when I can go it's at 8:00 and I'm so tired from running around with my kids that I just want to veg out! I get on here a lot, call my sponsor everyday and touch base with some of the women I've met through aa. Hoping when I start work again in a couple of weeks I will tell my husband a few dates and times each week that I will be attending. Anyway., hoping everyone is ok. It's kinda scaring me how easy it's been lately, like my thoughts arnt completely consumed by alcohol right now.