Your self will come back, Aly, better and stronger than ever. Just give it time.

I am pleased to report that the ladies' time is going much better than I anticipated! There are four of us (two others are sitting off by themselves in another room--they're sisters and tend to stay unto themselves), and we're all a disparate group. We've had a lot of laughs and covered a lot of ground. A very interesting discussion! I am drinking more coffee so I can stay awake well into the night!

Thanks so much for your support, you guys! :grouphug:

Ohhhh. You guys are so sweet. It made me all teary eyed. I needed that SO much. Merci, thank you.
xo

Gillmer you're not complaining, just expressing yourself.

Carlos, congrats on 11 months. OMG, you'll have a year soon. You should celebrate in St Martin. ;)

Toots have a nice trip back. Take care.
xo

I just got back from the Monday night AA meeting with my 3 month chip - and the commitment to make coffee on the next four consecutive Monday evenings.

My decision to go to tonight's meeting was last minute. I was feeling down and lonely and needed a boost. Tonight's story from the Big Book was an emotional one for me -- a wise-cracking mom, who feels socially insecure, who grew up around AA, who preferred to drink with the guys, who cared more about drinking than her children. I was thinking, why did I rush over to this meeting? I felt so vulnerable, being on the verge of tears in a roomful of men whose names I struggle to remember.

After the story there were lots of great shares related to the story that resonated with me. I even forced myself to share briefly. Then the one other woman in the room raised her hand to speak. She had received her 24 hour chip earlier, and didn't have anything to say about the story, but shared that she really, really wanted to drink. The fellow sitting next to me suggested I, the only other woman in the room, reach out to her and coached me on how to approach her.

My share and my offer of service gave a couple members a reason to talk to me after the meeting, and when all was said and done, I felt less lonely. :)

I'm more comfortable smoking on the porch, but the coffee pot will have to do. Haha. Sorry Carlos!

Gilmer - I'm glad your evening exceeded your expectations. I love that you checked in from on the scene to let us know.

Carlos - When they were giving out chips tonight, there was a guy getting his 11 months, and I sent a great big high five vibration to you at your chip meeting from mine.

Toots - speaking of chips, did you get the ones Gilmer recommended? I am looking forward to hearing all about your trip.

BoozeFree - enjoy your down time.

Aly - It gets better. Hang in there.

Have a good night Undies.

Well, the guests all left about 9. I think a good time was had by all! I just finished smoking a cigar with my son, which was another really good time. He is doing well, and is speaking with more maturity now than last week! The job prospect sounded more positive than I thought, too: apparently the last words the interviewer said were, "I look forward to working with you!"

GF, sounds like you had a really rewarding evening, too!

During tonight's ladies' discussion I mentioned prima donna parents of special ed kids who berate the hard-working special ed teachers in the public schools. My sister-in-law said something that might interest you, GF: she sees a lot of prima donna parents in youth sports! Can you relate?

Thanks so much for being there when I needed you tonight!

Gilmer, I could write a dissertation on prima donna parents. :)

I was feeling good--triumphant, even. I got past the bad feelings and had a good time at the barbecue--"Wow! That's over and done with now!"

WRONG! Apparently we host another one in a week for our church community group! I had forgotten all about that. We planned it months ago and never spoke about it again, so it dropped out of my mind.

I hereby declare that I am going to do nothing but loaf and slouch all week to prepare for the emotional and physical demands of the occasion!

At least we won't be serving beer at this next one.

Congrats Carlos! :c011: The "Overs" are waiting for you!

:nyc :nyc

Gilmer - I like your party preparation plan. Haha.

Thanks for the 11 month congrats, gang. However, you already offered them on the 3rd. I just made mention since I was getting the Gilmer/Carlos chip. Don't get me wrong, I will take the double-down...but, feel free to save for next Tuesday.

Yes, soon it will be a year. I guess I will do a bit more reflecting than usual. Geeze, is that even possible? Yea, I'm disappointed that my housebound time has stunted my emotional and spiritual growth, but I didnt drink over it. Plus, I am working at turning that frown upside down. Anyway, I will update that recovery project with you next week.

Gilmer, got that chip for us.

Glee, thanks for the high five vibes last night. Hum, I wonder if it was me that...no, never mind. Congrats on collecting the chip, helping the newcomer and the coffee service position. You rock!

If you thinks it, it just might come true...just sayin :)

DP, ahh shucks, you made me blush!! Glad you were moved.

((Ali)), best wishes in finding peace in your new sober skin. WooHoo on the near 90 days, too.

BF, hope that you are feeling nice and rested as womp womp approaches.

Oh well, off to climbing my four walls. Haha, actually doing that as I must wash the pollen from the windows. So thick it made the windows translucent.

Have a great day, Undies. Hey, keep it strait and narrow RE: the bad stuff, okay?

Carlos xx

Thanks, Carlos! Glad the meeting was good.

By the way, my favorite way of dealing with distress is getting 8 hours of sleep! :)

Gilmer - I like your party preparation plan. Haha. In all seriousness, can you say no to some of these engagements? Seething resentment is not particularly conducive to recovery.

It's not like me to agree to take on extra responsibilities, as that often leads to a sense of resentment and dread for over committing myself. But I'm feeling very thankful this morning for the AA meeting I attended last night. I raised my hand to make the coffee before anyone else could get the chance - the Type A in me has a lot of practice doing that - and I think the responsibility to open the building will be therapeutic for me at this point in my recovery.

It also forces me to take a good hard look at myself. My mind started racing: I'll donate the good cups and the better coffee and the name brand cookies. I had to ask myself why. If I want to donate the supplies, why do they have to be "better" than what our group buys? Why must I stand out? No one goes to AA to have the best coffee. Instead I'm going to practice some humility.

Have a good day Undies.

Well, Carlos, the only way you'll know for sure is if the coffee at your meeting next week puts extra hair on everyone's chest! ;)

I feel free at any time to retreat upstairs for a breather. In this group, everybody knows I typically go to bed around 8-9, so nobody thinks I'm rude.

My worst time for resentment is Thanksgiving with all my husband's relatives and their hordes of kids. Thanksgiving is such a big deal, and I feel a lot of pressure from my mother-in-law. Everybody pitches in, but I have always resented the event because my preference would be for our own private Thanksgiving, and let those other family members start building their own "treasured holiday memories." I am overruled by my husband and kids--plus, all the in-laws think it's their entitlement. That really steams me.

26 people is a little much no matter what the attitude.

Last year in November is when I relapsed to "console myself" and lash out--I came back to SR as a blithering, needy, anxious mess and got heaps of welcome and support. The in-laws know what a stress it is for me, and they now absolve me from all obligation. I don't have to cook any part of the Thanksgiving meal or clean the dinner dishes--and nobody minds if I hide upstairs the whole time. It still really bugged me, though.

My psychiatrist had a great idea: my dad and I would drive up separately on Wednesday (later than the rest of the family) and leave immediately after the Thanksgiving dinner (not spending the whole 4-day weekend there, but quietly at home).

I was much happier with that arrangement. This way nobody has to suffer because I'm pouting (I just can't help myself at Thanksgiving).

Back-to-back stuff is a little overwhelming, because we're not very decorative and creative, and it is a massive, militarized undertaking to clean the house for these things. But I am usually pretty OK with regular gatherings, and people love to come to our house. My husband is very generous with time, food, and fellowship (and cigars!).

And I can just slip away.

It was the beer last night that got to me.

Glee, that's really good about the humility.

Good morning undies! I didn't bother going back to the old thread to catch up, I've been trying to follow as best as I could on my iPhone app, so I'll just say hello to old and new friends here!

No matter seeding or harvest season, we always seem to get just about done, then get rained out! Looks like we'll be shut down for another day or two till the fields dry enough to get going again, the boss thinks it might go this afternoon, I don't think it will.

The neighbors I help have 7000 acres of their own and rented land and custom seed another 1300 acres for other area farmers. As of yesterday morning when it started to rain, we only had 1000 acres left, about 4 days of seeding. So now it's just a waiting game....

I was pretty proud of myself though, on Saturday we were custom seeding a field and the farmer came out with the bags of canola we needed. He also brought along a cooler with cold Budweiser's, my favorite! It was hot, windy, and dry and the bottles were covered in that familiar condensation that comes with ice cold beer. The boss, farmer, and other hired hand each had a couple while we were filling the air cart with seed and fertilizer, I politely declined and opened up a refreshing plastic bottle of Powerade! The farmer, who is also a good friend, said he heard that I quit drinking, but said he wouldn't have believed it unless he saw it with his own two eyes lol. No more mention of it was made, they enjoyed their beer, and I enjoyed my Powerade as we chatted while filling the cart. I know that if I can do it, anyone can!!

So my friends, let's all have a productive day, and in the words of Abraham Lincoln, the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time!

Just checking in -- Gilmer, I'm glad you made it through yesterday evening ok. Lots of great support on show here!

I'm just on my way to a commencement ceremony. I hate ceremonies of all kinds and crowds, & have never attended a commencement of my own. The first time I was forced to go to one for my students, just a few years ago, and had to wear a robe & sit on the stage, I was sneaking drinks the whole morning in preparation, even walking out of the line waiting for the processional to go back for more. This year I don't have to wear a robe & sit on stage, but at the last minute I decided to sit in the audience & meet the parents & families of some of my students. I'll be late and inappropriately attired, but it's better than nothing. :)

Have a good day, everyone!

That's a really nice gesture, Courage.

Cowboy, I don't know if I could have been as strong as you. Great job!

Gilmer, that party must have been hard for you. Glad you made it through and I love your plan to gear up for the next one. I use that strategy a lot. At least there won't be any beer.

Carlos, just a little pre congrats for your almost one year. I'll save the big one for next week.

Glee, I love reading your posts.

Courage, hope the commencement ceremony goes well for you.

BF and Aly, hope the energy comes back soon. I've been feeling exhausted myself, so I'm back to my vitamins and lots of water, hoping it will help. Keeping the dog off of my bed at night would help a lot but hubby keeps letting him in. I guess he wants to be the good dad and I'm the mean mom!

Hi Dee! Hope things are good with you. Just a quick thank you for all you do here.

Hi to all the other undies reading.

Worked yesterday, then played a quick 9 holes of golf with hubby. Saw some friends on the course who were feeling no pain.
I did better than I thought after not playing since October. Didn't keep score, so no pressure.

Today is my Friday. I have yet another trainee tonight at work. I was told that this one is good and "gets it". I hope so because I've had some doozies so far. I've been told by the boat crew that I have a ton of patience and that I should have gone into the healthcare field after watching me deal with some of our new rookies. I guess that's a nice compliment. If they only knew what I was really thinking!

p.s., Not much news on the stepdaughter front. Mom wants her clothes sent out so I think she might know more than she's telling us. We spotted her on Instagram doing drugs in pics with boys which is nothing new. Hubby doesn't like to talk about it so I'm trying not to make it worse by asking him too many questions.