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Dee74 04-25-2014 04:30 AM

Class of November 2008 Part 14
Continues from here:


Ananda 04-25-2014 05:46 AM

HA HA HA!!!!!!

I'm First!!!!!!!!!


(random smiley attack)

Ananda 04-25-2014 06:10 AM

I really do feel like I'm going under for the 3rd time....

I have not been in such a state at work as I am now (waiting for the house of cards to fall) since way back when I bought this house and work was falling apart. My boss gets it...knows it's not my fault...but things are falling through the cracks cause I just can't get it all done!

I almost cried I was so humiliated yesterday. I forgot to turn in a payroll paper to get someone some money! I think he'll still get it in time, but it might be 2 weeks late. I have 5 stacks of "do now" files sitting on the floor and 2 desks of "waiting for response" items spread out on them...

Wednesday I had to do lunch with my boss and my staff member (which I hate doing) and they had a bar....I actually wasn't tempted, but I'm really glad it wasn't today, cause today I'm just not sure how I would react. Even last night I had to remind myself that as much as the small ah moment, followed by being black out drunk and not thinking about work....the worst thing I could do right now is drink. There was a time when I believe I was better at my job drunk than sober, but those days are long gone. The last few times I've drank it has been so obvious to me how poor my work performance becomes.

It's not really any concelation that this overwhelming work situation isn't due to me drinking or me at all. I guess it should be. But I do know that if I were to drink I would end up messing things up worse and probably end up having to miss at least 3 days to shake rattle and roll my way into a new sobriety (provided I could even do that). Additionally, I think it would be likely I would end up in the hospital because I don't drink lightly...I go straight to a liter a day and my body chemistry and my pancreas just can't take that anymore.

OK...I need to remember... I AM sober right here and now...No one has yelled at me yet....The house of cards has not yet fallen....

I got my new vacuum yesterday, so I will have that to help me try to get the house in order the next 3 weekends for my son's graduation. I was arranging for someone to come help me clean, but of course that didn't pan out. I actually have really noticed this week that I was right long ago when I realized that I really can't count on anyone else. Sometimes help is there, sometimes the end I have to rely on doing it all myself. But I don't have to be bitter or angry about's just life. Everyone tries, but everyone (including me) fails at times and people have their own lives to live...I'm not the center of the universe (LOL)

OK ... I'll be more up next time!

Ananda 04-25-2014 06:14 AM


Every detox/early sobriety is different. But it seems to me that the really bad part of the angry and frustrated part doesn't ususally last longer than a few weeks...and sometimes only one week. That said, in general, if I am sober I tend to hit "prickly patches" where everything seems to rub me the wrong way. I have listened to a Buddhist teacher who talks a lot about not taking it personal even when it effects you personally. People will do and act the way they do regarless of who you are. If Chris had someone else for a mom...well he would still do the same irritating has nothing to do with me I just happen to be there :lmao

OK ... gotta go to work


PaperDolls 04-25-2014 09:54 AM

Yo, I'm a women a few words.

Sending love and hugs.

Dee74 04-25-2014 05:11 PM

Hope next week is better for you Nands :)



Pixy1 04-25-2014 05:14 PM

Nands I remember well the last time you felt overwhelmed with work. The key here is to keep things simple. Focus on one task at a time. It's all you can do then move on to the next. Yes you are sober now! Now is all you have so you need not do any more than what you are doing ;)

I was a little snappy and resentful earlier but it past and I'm so damn happy to be sat in bed typing this sober! My priority has to be keeping occupied from 4pm-9pm every day. It's the only way I'm going to do this.

Hi PD :grouphug:

Need to sleep now as I can hardly keep my eyes open...Ahhhh the joy of not passing out......bliss!! Night all

Ananda 04-25-2014 06:42 PM

I just got really sarcastic with my brother/his wife...

I told them I didn't have time to do a mother's day lunch with mom (2 hours there 2 hours for lunch and 2 hours home). The response I got was

"I know you said you weren't going make it but we are still hoping that you might be able to at least come over for lunch."

I wrote back:

"I know you said you couldn't make it, but I'm still hoping that you might be able to at least come over for graduation."

It is going to **** everyone off, but I can't stand the friggin guilt trip sht. It's a long story, but I'm tired of this bull. I DONT HAVE TIME OR ENERGY to go to Lawrence next week end! The "at least" comment just blew it. Now I have to pay the consequence for responding...but hey ... that's life :(

Sorry...I just don't need this crp right now...sorry to whine.

I shouldn't have sent it, but I get a bit tired of "being nice" and avoiding conflict.

OK .. on the bright side :) I got through the day and didn't buy a bottle...but like pix I am having a lot of trouble reigning in the anger when stuff comes up.

I'm so gonna regret this over the next few days, but I don't know...I think it was the right response despite how angry it was. At some point I think I have to cut through the BS even though it causes more problems...I don't know...Just thinking out loud

Sht ... phone is ringing ... probably them :(

Pixy1 04-26-2014 02:47 AM

Nands I don't think that was a bad response. Aside from the anger you feel, your response simply allows them to think and feel from your perspective. Aside from the anger, your response would probably have been the same but with a different energy attached to it. You don't have the time and energy and thats absolutely ok. Don't fight to be kind to yourself, let it go with love as my mum used to say. You will feel much better and stronger as a result of being kind to yourself.

Having said that everyone is annoying me this morn :headbange:gaah ;)

Ananda 04-27-2014 03:54 AM


It wasn't a "bad response", but here is the deal. In the end all I did was cause pain to my brother and sis'inlaw. I was actually right. And my response made them feel like I felt. So now we have a bunch of hurt people instead of one hurt person. That is what Karma is all about. passing things on to others (not it coming back to you).

I won't do that again. I keep thinking of the oath Drs take ... "first do no harm". As most of you know, I've ruined many a relationship by being "right" and hurting someone. I need to pay attention to my Buddhism and stop that crp as much as I can.

Pix! I'm glad you are here and posting. Wish we could talk (despite the heavy accent LOL), but I can't afford the charges on my phone :( .

OK ... next post is positive :) :a213:

Ananda 04-27-2014 04:06 AM

I got a dyson I got a dyson I got a dyson :wild

It is amazing! I had a gift card from a professor at work so it only cost me 250 which is what I paid for my last vacuum (a bissal that never really did the job).

The down side is after sweeping about a 3 ft square patch....I had to dump the bagless canister twice lol . The good part is that it really is picking the stuff up!

I don't know if I said but I have help coming next weekend to help me clean up the house. I'm paying a lot, but this time it isn't someone with a drinking problem so hopefully it will go well. Gabe is a grad student in our department and he totally understood that this was private and I don't want anyone to know in the department how bad my house is. He and his wife will come next Saturday and spend a day helping me get things more clean. Gabe has been the one grad student that has always stepped up to the plate to help. I had someone ask him if he and his wife would be interested in a job (not telling who it was) because I didn't want him to feel like he "had to" cause I'm someone who might have some sort of power over him (I do payroll, travel, etc.). He talked to his wife and they are happy to help and I will pay them well.

I sure hope alley is ok....I tried to email her for her birthday, but the email I have is no longer valid. If anyone has contact with her, let her know I'm thinking of her and would love to communicate.


Pixy1 04-27-2014 04:29 AM

The good old Dyson! I love mine, sad I.know but it does the job.and guaranteed for years :scoregood

I'm struggling with my moods Nands :( I ruined everybody's day yesterday. Even managed to convince them it was their fault. I feel bad about that. I'm still physically withdrawing too, especially at night. Withdrawals have never lasted this long before. In Way it's good as its making me not want to drink despite the part of me that does.

How about Skype nands? Not sure how it works though but I've heard people talk about it :lmao

I've not heard from ally for years? I did have her number somewhere I'll have a look for it. When was the last time you heard from her? Or LB?

colagirl 04-27-2014 08:50 PM

Hi all! Just wanted to do a quick check-in. I'm at San Francisco airport about to go back to Portland. I did the balloon release for Soos yesterday in Berkeley and it all went really well. I will post more details later - I also have pictures if someone can tell me how to post them. :lmao

I was just thinking about Ally and LB too. I hope they are okay.

Dee74 04-27-2014 09:22 PM

Thanks for the update CG :)

Depends if you're hosting the Pics somewhere or just on your PC - lemme know :)


Pixy1 04-28-2014 12:36 AM

Looking forward to seeing the pictures CG :)

Ananda 04-28-2014 06:07 AM

I haven't heard from alley or LB in a long long time. It's amazing how quickly it turns to years....

I've lost so many phone numbers.... I really hope they are ok, as well as timmy. I think it was about a year ago that I heard from tim... I've had some contact with donkey.

I guess people move on. It's ok ...

So I didn't get a lot of cleaning done... mended the fences with my brother...he is going to England in about 3 weeks, and I am jealous lol

I've already sent out some emails for work... and it was 6 am here when I did that. I'm just eating the elephant one bite at a time. I really really want to call in sick, but I'm not sick. I'm just still overwhelmed. The best option is to go in and do what I can. Then I need to come home and do what I can. I need to clean up some stuff that is "gross" before the cleaning crew comes on Saturday. that would be the gross laundry from my bout of diarrhea, and anything moldy in the fridge. geez ... how embarrassing. I'm not gonna work on vacuuming the floors cause that is really the least gross thing.

Pix ... you'll be fine. You have a strategy to stay sober and you are getting past the worst part. detox is hard on those around us, but in the end it's worth it. you can make amends later...for now just stay sober and try to realize that being the nice guy by drinking isn't gonna get you may be prickly and cause some problems now, but in the end you will be better off and so will they (hug)

Oh...and yep I was did come through (cleaners). I just lost belief right before the help came through :)

Everyone have a great day....Paperdoll I'm a bit worried about you, but then I'm a worry wart (hug) CG ... I'm glad you were able to honor Sooz and look forward to pictures (get with Dee on that lol).


PaperDolls 04-28-2014 08:34 AM

Nah, don't worry about me. I'm doing good. Just normal life stress stuff.
I'm sober as can be and mostly sane.

I just don't have much to say these days I guess but I'm here, reading, checking up on you all!

colagirl 04-28-2014 10:18 PM

Just on my PC, Dee... or, they will be once I figure out how to get them there from my phone. I could put them somewhere hosted if that's easier though.

Feeling really emotional about the whole thing today. I had a great therapy appointment today where I got to talk about the whole experience. I'll try to get the pictures here tomorrow and tell you guys the story.

Dee74 04-28-2014 11:04 PM

You can just have the pics as attachments to your post CG :)

you need to be in full reply mode, not quick reply...if you scroll down you'll see an 'attach files' box...then a 'manage attachments' button...

Hit that and you can upload from your PC there, assuming it's within the prescribed limits of size (you'll see them there when you upload).

There may be a way to attach more than one file per post but I've never done it lol

do just start a new post for each pic if there's not too many


Pixy1 04-29-2014 02:56 PM

Evening all :)

Just coming to the end of day 8 :dance6: I'm not quite sure how I've done it but I have. Apart from the evening cravings between 4-8pm I haven't missed it. Just feel so tired a lot of the time but I suppose thats normal.

CG looking forward to seeing the pics and hearing all about your experience.

Nands hows your day going?

Dee & PD :grouphug:

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