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Study marathon is on....I won't be around much for the next few days but you lovely people are on my mind. Stay strong. :) |
What are you studying, Renarde? |
Originally Posted by Renarde
(Post 4466369)
Study marathon is on....I won't be around much for the next few days but you lovely people are on my mind. Stay strong. :) |
Best of luck, Renarde ! I hope you've recovered too ! |
Originally Posted by 1stepup
(Post 4465576)
Well experiment over, I cannot do it anymore, with nearly four months under my belt I thought I could control it, Its surprised me how quick it got a hold on me again but perhaps its a blessing in disguise. Hopefully going to a meeting today, ive spent up and failed to make a loan repayment on Monday so il have to see where I am with that, when im gripped with alcohol all reasoning goes out of the window. I cant blame anyone but myself, my friends who have slipped are ill too and I hope and pray that they stop playing with fire. I am a slave to the stuff and it definitely is a progressive illness. Thank you all for your kind words, day one for me but I have learnt from it, going to tell my two friends if they call that im stopping drinking with immediate effect, im an alcoholic and im lucky this last binge didn't kill me. Can I suggest that you dont blame yourself as well. You have an addiction and you succumbed to it this time. That is all. Unless you went on a murderous rampage or the like, there is no benefit from the blame game. Learn from the past, note your triggers and resolve to do better next time. Do you have a recovery program to work with ? I know you go to AA meetings but have you been working the Steps (assuming that it helps). Do you have other aspects to your program, e.g., counselling, exercise, prayer, meditation, etc ? Stay close and restart the engine ! :ring |
Just a quick check in. another great and productive day on my road to recovery this place is helping me a lot. Gotta go eat dinner and watch a show. I might go play Jenga with the guys on the drug rehab size. |
Good luck Renarde. Hope you are on the mend. |
Good afternoon all from balmy Melbourne, its been a warm and moist day weather wise kinda like a muffin. Last night I went to another dharma session. Given that I just attended Mass on the weekend, it seemed a good opportunity to compare the two. The dharma sessions have prayers and prostrations at the beginning and brief meditation and prayers at the end. The vast bulk of the session is devoted to the teachings of the lama. His teachings principally revolved around how to to be of compassion towards oneself and others. The Mass seems heavily ritualised by comparison with the bulk of the time devoted to demonstrating faith and being grateful for God's presence in the world through prayer and hymns. The sermon was brief and talked about esoteric matter. I believe both have their place and cater to one's desire for a type of spirituality. Personally, now that I can observe both practices, I am more drawn towards buddhism particularly on the philosophical perspective. However, I do see the importance of gratitude and I wished the Mass had placed greater emphasis on that. That's my theology lesson for today ! :) In terms of my recovery program, in my mind of late I see it as made up of 6 building blocks: meditation, prayer, exercise, counselling, AA and dharma. With chocolate as the roof ;) All are of equal importance and I aim to not be dependent on any of them (except chocolate). So far, so good ! Melina: oooh, stop lurking already ! C'mon young lass, do say hello and let us try and help you ! Have a lovely evening/ day everyone ! Love and thanks to all ! :ring |
xoxo, Kaneda. I'm here. Trying to sleep, having too many thoughts. SR and tea should do it, I hope! You sound great, I'm loving your journey! |
Kaneda, I also go to Mass(Catholic, are you?), and find it too ritualistic vs personal and connected to real matters of applying spirtuality to everyday experience. But it is what hubby and I were raised with and we feel it important to impart some sort of faith onto the children until they are of age to choose. I am not solid in my Catholicism, though I am a spiritual and faithful person in many ways. It simply id not tied to the Catholic doctrine. we have a rather liberal parish, which I like. I enjoyed reading your theology lesson today. ;) Snow day here!! Had to get up at 6am to find out. :( But we are awake and making the most of a day off. Made a nice, hot breakfast fo crepes and bacon, and watched a show we recorded with my daughter. Kids are playing together now. Only 8:33 am! |
Wow when you finally sit down and listen to other people's stories you actually realize bad as you think things are for you they're really not. Your just a little bitty pebble in a big flowing stream. Next person you see you today smile at them and say I hope you are having a great day I know I am. :) |
Fish, your posts are so uplifting. Knowing you are doing well and benefiting from rehab is such a boost for me. Thanks for checking in and keep it up! |
Yes, what Grace said, Fish. And, I know haw hard this is for you, to be sober. Like for all of us, of course. But your posts and experience are helping me(and all of us, I am sure) to find more strength and courage on the journey as well. Thank you for checking in and letting us know how you are doing. |
My sober date is 22nd Sept 2013. I'm part of the class! |
Originally Posted by ExWinoMom
(Post 4468326)
My sober date is 22nd Sept 2013. I'm part of the class! |
1 Attachment(s) |
Hi all im in totally confusing state of mind, after my latest relapse im starting to question whether my drinking has been made worse by attending AA meetings and constanty being told im ill and have a disease, there was a point in this binge that I remember having the choice to leave early and after failing that of not buying it the next day but in my brain something told me 'whats the point of trying to control this im ill and once I start I cant stop so il have to take it to the limit again, im worried by this thought as im trying to go back to meetings but have this doubt in the back of my mind that its just setting me up for an even bigger fall next time.... I don't want to effect anyone else's recovery but I feel I need to get whats in my brain out here, another factor to this thinking is why if I cant stop how have I stopped now and not stealing it or money to buy it if the desire was so great, have I created this nightmare in which I find myself by simply not trying harder before it was too late and using the disease concept as a get out clause for my own lack of self will over the years? Have I over obsessed and or over educated myself in the subject and slowly but surely its got a hold on my every decision in life? Got a meeting later and don't want to share half of this in case it gets a bad reception and I was questioning whether to post it here but its whats in my head, im sick of being on the merry-go-round of relapsing and im also tired of failing to keep this promise of never drinking again. HELP!!!!! |
1step - you know how they say we don't have drinking problems we have thinking problems! Sounds like you are in that vicous cycle with your AV trying to decide if you have a problem or not. Ive totally been there many many times. Its no fun. Look at it this way. If you truly did not have a problem you wouldnt be giving it this much attention in the first place. For me, I cannot focus on that or think about tomorrow and definately not forever. Today. Today I choose not to drink. I dont want to be drunk. I dont want a hangover and all the guilt and ick that comes with it. So I dont drink today. Hope that makes sense. Try to ride this storm out. I remember a lot of good posts from you when you were sober. I remember hiw much you liked being there for your kids. Think about those things to get you through until your AV has weakens some. And it will. Its just being fierce now cause you fed him recently. Dont feed the bad wolf :) |
Welcome exwinomom!! |
One step, Don't be afraid to share your thoughts here. I htink we are a trustworhty group and are able to hear it and refelct and not judge. I feel so badly that you are struggling, because you were so solid. I think you can get that back. Your AV just has gained some strength from being fed on the recent binge. Starve it and it will back down. I am glad you are going to your meeting today. |
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