I am

So so so so sad right now.

I feel I can't say anything without being jumped on and under suspicion.

I'm not in denial, of course I am an addict. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt:(. I'm not entirely emotionally there for my kids at the moment but I have been clean most of their lives and I am really trying to get clean again:(

I can't stop crying, I am so sad and frustrated and feeling like I must be the worst person in the world.

Addition doesn't discriminate and does not skip over us just because we are mums:(. I feel like everyone hates me and think my kids are doomed.

Sorry to whinge again. I feel I have nowhere to turn.

Aww, MLC, no one hates you. I read the thread and everyone is just concerned and very worried about you and your family. I don't know much about pill addiction, just alcohol, but it sounds very dangerous. Show everyone AND yourself that you can do this! Us moms have all been there and can relate to what you are going through. BUT, we have to do the work if we want to be better. You know this - you have been here before. It sucks and it's hard. My husband is out as we speak drinking with friends and it is taking every bit of strength not to go buy a bottle of wine and sit here and get drunk myself. It is what I did all the time when he traveled or went out for the evening. My 3 year old is keeping me from doing that tonight :) I want to be a better mom for her, just like you do for your 5 babies. You know what you have to do so just do it girl! :) We are all here for you. Hugs, prayers and strength going out to you.

I'm out guys. Thanks for this wonderful thread. I wish everyone all the best with their sobriety. Look after those beautiful kids, they are a gift from God.

Why are you leaving us, MLC?

Ahhhhhh I have so much to say have to put kids to bed its nearly 10 I will be back soon i hope

MLC??????? What happened?

MLC - I hope you are ok. I just want to say that you are such an inspiration with your honesty and desire to recover.

I was intimate with my husband last night and burst into tears afterwards - huge from the soul racking sobs. The poor bloke was beside himself and I was trying to tell him they were 'happy' tears - sort of, you know relief, love, a connection but couldn't get the words out through crying. The poor man was running round the bedroom getting tissues and a glass of wate and trying to comfort me and I was trying to cry, laugh and talk at the same time (cue hiccups) and I felt so happy that I had come this far - that I hadn't lost myself, him and my son - it just gave me a moment of clarity and serenity and peace! Obviously that dam needed to break but I gave him a fright.

It was the first 'real' breakthrough that I WANT to do this - not that I HAVE to do this.

Tried to write this in a way that is not too graphic - hope I have.

MLC - are you ok??? Xxxxxxxxx

MLC, I hope you will keep coming back here...at least to the mom/mums forum. I know everyone here cares and is so supportive of you. Really, I don't think any of us here (at mom/mums) is judgmental or critical of you. We have all been there and know you are doing your best and trying as hard as you can. If you feel you can, please at least keep reading here, we are all on your side!! (go team clean!)

Life, oh! that is so nice (and not too graphic). I have trouble being intimate with my husband now that I am sober. It doesn't help that I had a truly awful forceps delivery. The good news I got at doctors earlier in the week is that they can repair most of the damage done. But the pain is only part of the problem. I always used alcohol to relax before sex and now I just feel exposed and vulnerable. Therapy here I come!

Ugh....not feeling the best. Have that shaky lightheaded feeling again. I just realized its that time of the month, and the last time I felt like this, it was that time. Wonder what the issue is with that time since I quit....blood sugar drops? Just ate some breakfast....hoping it helps!

dolly, maybe you just notice it more now? I hope breakfast helped.

Joy, thank you for offering to share some recipes with me but as a yankee from CT I do not think I can serve grits to my family - hahaha!!! I've actually never tried them and I'm sure they're yummy.

I am a vegetarian so I eat mostly salads for dinner (exciting, I know). But my hubby and boys are absolute carnivores. I have made chicken parm on occasion and it's been a hit. I really do want to start cooking more though and open to any easy recipes you have.

My husband just suggested that we take cooking lessons together after tasting the eggs I made for the boys - is that a hint?? Anyway, I've been wondering what to get him for our anniversary next week and now I know - I'll sign us up for cooking lessons! Could be like a mini date to get out of the house together too.

Duff, I think cooking classes would be fun! Perfect anniversary gift!
I'll confess I am not from the south, I was born in Illinois, as were my parents, but grew up from age 4 in the south- Jackson, MS! So I was not raised on grits. But my husband's family was and I've learned to enjoy all kinds of southern food. Rice is a good sub for grits. Black beans and rice is one of our family favs. With a side of flesh! ha!

Hey all, so I went to the hairdressers today to get my highlights done and to make me feel like 'me' again (i died my hair brown when i found out i was pregnant last july)and they soooo fecked it up. I came home a cried as its a murkybrown colour and cost me a fortune :(. Seriously I just give up - I was there for 4 hours - It was supposed to be an enjoyable experience with the bonus of stepping out of the salon and feeling like a new person - am totally stressed as there's no time to fix it and I feel like I look like the walking car-crash that I feel :( hubby bless him says it looks good - I don't deserve him - he's so nice

Have got him motorbike lessons for our 1st yr anniversary on Tuesday - am trying my best - on day 4 and still feel like a wreck :(

Sounds like people are doing well on here do keep up the good work - also relieved that its not just me that uses alcahol to have sexy time - I havnt braved it without just yet as still feel too emotional

Xxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone
My first post on this mums thread.I'm in the UK with a 3 year old. Love SR and the people on here. Also worried about pressies for Fathers day but Mr RAL away this weekend so going to have Fathers day when he's back:)

Hope everyone has a good weekend.I'm going to read all the posts now :)

Hey everyone -- MLC -- hope you are ok as everyone else said.

LifeBegins -- no, your story was not graphic but touching. My dh and I don't have much in that area since I hit menopause years ago. But it's not just that -- our marriage isn't close anymore and honestly it's not just that I don't want him, I don't want anyone, ya know? Sad and hard to understand but I have HOPE, which is all I have to go on now besides love, faith and sobriety.

It really is common to need alcohol for 'sexy times" though, I know years ago I used it for that and it was hard to feel relaxed without it. But believe me once you do (and this did happen for me in the past) you will appreciate it more.

Hope everyone has a good day.

CG

Hi Readyatlast and Welcome!! Love reading all of you from the UK. Interesting since I'm down here in the southern US (but originally from up north).

Today we have to do "necessity" shopping for my tween (the moody, petulent one who never wants to get up in the morning or out the door @@) and then rush her to a music thing then rush home to go out with my husband's friends for dinner. Ughhh. But I ask myself why complain? If I were a drunk right now I'd have nothing but my bottle of wine and my tv set today (and the computer, but I'd be too drunk to read or post anything worthwhile.)

I was mentioning in another thread that I tried to drive 10 miles (highway driving) up to a new meeting last night and when I got there: no meeting. The internet listing must have been wrong. Pooh. But I bought two little cake pops from Starbucks (yum, if you haven't one you haven't eaten 170 calories of sheer bliss yet). And went to bed and woke up sober.

Appreciate ya'll so much!

:thanks

Thanks for the warm welcome catgonewild.I live in deepest darkest Scotland :) Been off SR for a few weeks as our phone lines have been down.Living in the middle of nowhere is great but has its drawbacks :(

Hi All! Glad to hear everyone is doing well mostly. I hope MLC comes back...I think we all have had our fair share of feelings of shame, guilt, etc. We just need to keep on trying.

My hubby and I have been married 6 yrs, together 8. Communication in our marriage is pretty non-existent other than the cursory how was your day and conversations about our son. We just don't connect all that much anymore.

Re sex, funny who brought that up but yes I don't want it much either unless I'm drinking. Plus the emotional side of our marriage sucks so I really don't want to be intimate. A while back my husband told me I wasn't as much fun to be with sexually since I stopped drinking...really? Which would you prefer honey - the drunk or sober Kelly?

Welcome to the new moms/mums...this is a great thread of supportive ladies. I wish you all the best this weekend :)

Hi everyone,

Beautiful summer day here in Northeast. Just finished planting some flowers out back to make our patio look nice. They will probably all die, like they did last summer, as I don't seem to have much of a green thumb. Plus we getvhit with the blazing sun all morning, afternnoon and evening so that is tricky. Even the flowers that say "full sun" don't seem to make it, so maybe it is the gardener ;) Oh well, at least I tried.

So regarding the whole intimacy/sober topic.... I may have mentioned this before, but since I stopped drinking I just have not been in the mood. It's not my husband or relationship, just me. I am sooo tired at night I just want to sleep. I definitely was much more fun when was I drinking, but, sadly, I didn't remember much of it. I am hoping time will improve this "downside" of being sober?

Hope everyone is having a nice Saturday!