Moms and Mums Club 2013 Part 3
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Moms and Mums Club 2013 Part 3
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: way down yonder in the land of cotton
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Wow, am I the first one in the new folder, whoo hoo (said in my best Vicki Gunvalson voice, LOL). My husband just made me so mad tonight with ******* things he said and did that I had every intention of going out and getting wine tomorrow when my daughter's at camp all day. I could just picture buying the cold bottle, pouring it into the glass, getting nothing done at all as I sat and drank, then wanting more and knowing they were both coming home and even if I tried to sleep it off, I would want more and they would know.
Oh f**k. I'll tell ya'll one thing -- after about my first six months of sobriety this time, I rarely had these thoughts. Now after my last slip last Saturday, this is almost all I think about. The bottle of wine. The glass. The first sip. The cravings are unreal. The beast who had been sleeping for so long was awakened. That's what slips do to you. They awaken it, it is hungry, it hasn't eaten for so long. It's like Jason coming back on Friday the 13th.
I still can't convince myself about tomorrow but tomorrow is another day. I will pray and pray and pray tonight.
One drink awakens the beast. Damn, no matter how long it's been asleep or even in a coma.
Oh f**k. I'll tell ya'll one thing -- after about my first six months of sobriety this time, I rarely had these thoughts. Now after my last slip last Saturday, this is almost all I think about. The bottle of wine. The glass. The first sip. The cravings are unreal. The beast who had been sleeping for so long was awakened. That's what slips do to you. They awaken it, it is hungry, it hasn't eaten for so long. It's like Jason coming back on Friday the 13th.
I still can't convince myself about tomorrow but tomorrow is another day. I will pray and pray and pray tonight.
One drink awakens the beast. Damn, no matter how long it's been asleep or even in a coma.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 337
Taking my son shopping tomorrow morning - told him I didn't drink at the dinner on Wed night when we got home yesterday (he's 17) - and he was very pleased. Happy he is pleased to go out with me in public :-) (he went out with me before but was embarrassed).
It's Father's day here in the UK this weekend so lots of restaurant visits with me as the designated driver - thank goodness it's not mother's day!!
It's Father's day here in the UK this weekend so lots of restaurant visits with me as the designated driver - thank goodness it's not mother's day!!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
Afternoon all. That is great about your son lifebegins and the shopping
^^^
Totally over it this arvo. Did my best to get rid of all the pills in my house today.
Sobriety starts when I wake up in the morning. Not going to waste anymore time.
^^^Totally over it this arvo. Did my best to get rid of all the pills in my house today.
Sobriety starts when I wake up in the morning. Not going to waste anymore time.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Woooo hooooo (my vicky). Our third thread
Cat I hope you craving lessen tomorrow
Some one made a great post yesterday comparing slips to feeding stray cats. I will have to find it and post it here. But the gist was the more you feed the cat the more it comes and then they start to bring more cats.
Cat I hope you craving lessen tomorrow
Some one made a great post yesterday comparing slips to feeding stray cats. I will have to find it and post it here. But the gist was the more you feed the cat the more it comes and then they start to bring more cats.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 144
Cat, you just have to ignore the voices in your head!
Coconut oil is terrific (and about the only thing I am not allergic to) but it does smell funny, like rancid cookies. I use it on the baby's eczema too.
You can do this Midlife, I guess it is nearly bedtime there. You can wake up tomorrow and begin again.
I like the cat analogy (especially as my rather needy kitty stands next to me and howls for more food...even though his dish is full!)
Husband gets off early today so I have to get all my chores done during nap time (I usually race around after the baby goes to sleep and clean. I don't know why but I always feel like a naughty child when he catches me reading a book at 3:00 in the afternoon so I sometimes jump up real fast when I hear his truck and race around looking busy. My best friend is also a stay at home mom and says she does the same. Her son is 5 and came running in once while we were on the phone and said "daddy's home, let's vacuum!!!!")
Coconut oil is terrific (and about the only thing I am not allergic to) but it does smell funny, like rancid cookies. I use it on the baby's eczema too.
You can do this Midlife, I guess it is nearly bedtime there. You can wake up tomorrow and begin again.
I like the cat analogy (especially as my rather needy kitty stands next to me and howls for more food...even though his dish is full!)
Husband gets off early today so I have to get all my chores done during nap time (I usually race around after the baby goes to sleep and clean. I don't know why but I always feel like a naughty child when he catches me reading a book at 3:00 in the afternoon so I sometimes jump up real fast when I hear his truck and race around looking busy. My best friend is also a stay at home mom and says she does the same. Her son is 5 and came running in once while we were on the phone and said "daddy's home, let's vacuum!!!!")
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 76
I know what you mean about picturing a drink, the taste, etc. I think those are the thoughts I need to stomp out as soon as they pop into my head. I think I let myself dwell on what I was "missing".
I was up almost all night long. I know it will pass though. I appreciated everyone's support through my slip and telling me it's time to buck up and fight it.
I was up almost all night long. I know it will pass though. I appreciated everyone's support through my slip and telling me it's time to buck up and fight it.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Good morning, Moms,
What does everyone have planned for this weekend? So, my hubby and I were invited to go out tonight with some friends of my husbands (wives will be there too). It is to this little dive bar to watch a band. This place used to be our favorite watering hole (before we had our daughter) so it holds a lot of memories. Anyway, these aren't "great friends" of mine, but more so my husbands. I maybe see them and their wives twice a year? Anyway, it would be a night out of the house, but it's not like it is a dinner or anything, just more like meeting for drinks and listening to loud band (this place is very small and usually filled with drunk people). Just not sure I am in the mood? Is that bad? I know I wouldn't drink, but it would remind me of the days I could before I developed my problem and I think it would just depress me, not to mention I would be annoyed being around a bunch of drunk people? My husband said he only wants to go for a little and completely understands if I don't want to go. What would you guys do??? Really struggling with this one. I don't want to become a homebody, yet I just don't feel this is the type of outing I am quite ready for?
What does everyone have planned for this weekend? So, my hubby and I were invited to go out tonight with some friends of my husbands (wives will be there too). It is to this little dive bar to watch a band. This place used to be our favorite watering hole (before we had our daughter) so it holds a lot of memories. Anyway, these aren't "great friends" of mine, but more so my husbands. I maybe see them and their wives twice a year? Anyway, it would be a night out of the house, but it's not like it is a dinner or anything, just more like meeting for drinks and listening to loud band (this place is very small and usually filled with drunk people). Just not sure I am in the mood? Is that bad? I know I wouldn't drink, but it would remind me of the days I could before I developed my problem and I think it would just depress me, not to mention I would be annoyed being around a bunch of drunk people? My husband said he only wants to go for a little and completely understands if I don't want to go. What would you guys do??? Really struggling with this one. I don't want to become a homebody, yet I just don't feel this is the type of outing I am quite ready for?
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 144
personally I wouldn't go. I think it would be tough for me. Even if I didn't drink at the bar it would get me thinking about the times before, good and bad. If my husband really thought it was important maybe but it sounds like one of those things would be easier to skip.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Thanks, juststopit, think you are right. My husband was hesitant to bring it up because he didn't want me to feel "obligated" to go. He said we can have another "night out", when it is just the 2 of us and not so revolved around drinking.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Ahh....stopping in on thread # 3. Dee, I love how you have decorated:-)
Hehe...happy Friday all, hope everyone is doing well. I agree with the others Ladybug...pass on it, especially with your nice supportive hubby giving you an easy out. Besides a night out with just the two of you sounds nicer:-)
Got a busy weekend planned...hope to be checking in a lot though.
Hehe...happy Friday all, hope everyone is doing well. I agree with the others Ladybug...pass on it, especially with your nice supportive hubby giving you an easy out. Besides a night out with just the two of you sounds nicer:-)
Got a busy weekend planned...hope to be checking in a lot though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Originally Posted by kellyg 
Ladybug - I agree with Juststopit - I would pass on it too. I know if it was me being there with everyone drinking would put me in a foul mood. Good luck!
Hope it gets better. Thanks, ladies, for being here Stay strong, Beavis. You have to feel like crap before you can feel better. You can do this! If I can, anyone can
Glad you are feeling better, kellyg
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: way down yonder in the land of cotton
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by InperfectlyMe
Woooo hooooo (my vicky). Our third thread
Cat I hope you craving lessen tomorrow
Some one made a great post yesterday comparing slips to feeding stray cats. I will have to find it and post it here. But the gist was the more you feed the cat the more it comes and then they start to bring more cats.
Cat I hope you craving lessen tomorrow
Some one made a great post yesterday comparing slips to feeding stray cats. I will have to find it and post it here. But the gist was the more you feed the cat the more it comes and then they start to bring more cats.
That's where I am now. I could just kick myself for slipping after so many years. But yeah, I re-awakened the Beast. He is a clever Beast, but I am more clever. And the difference is, I have God on my side. He does not. He has only evil on his side.
Today I am "thinking the drink through." The wine would only feel good for about the first hour. Then the dread would set in as I got drunker and drunker yet knew I'd have to have time to sleep it off until my family got home later. Then, the beast would want more, the weekend would go on that way, Father's Day would be ruined, and back I'd be to Day 1 again. I truly don't think I *do* have another recovery in me.
Good note: we did have to go to my daughter's gymnastics banquet last night. Lots of parents were drinking "lots". Open bar. Not me. I helped myself to a glass of lemonade but the glass looked like wine. I saw the fear on my daughter's face. I quietly said "want some of my lemonade, honey" and I could see the relief on her face, and on the way home she said "was it hard feeling the pressure tonight with all the other parents?" And I said no, not telling her that my pressure isn't other people, it's my own cravings/Beast.
My biggest challenge this next week is that my daughter goes away to her first sleep away camp *ever* on Sunday. Four nights gymnastics, which she loves and hopefully will improve so much. With one of her best friends. All Good. Except, Mom is never alone all day for a few days on end. Never. Husband works one hour away downtown. I'm currently a stay at home mom so I have gone out of my way to schedule my three days next week without her, including meetings.
I can't tell ya'll that it just means so much to know that there aren't only women, but *moms* and grandmoms out there like me. The way I grew up, men drank alot. Women weren't supposed to drink at all. (Italian culture.) I learned my drinking from my heavy-drinking dad. Very shameful to my mom and everyone. The last few years my mom has been so proud of me. As I was of myself.
I have one older daughter in grad school, in a city 5 hours away. Our relationship, once so horrible, has been slowwwwly restored over the last several years only because of my sobriety. Unfortunately, she seems to have picked up my alcoholic gene (My husband has alcoholism on his side as well but he doesn't drink.)
Today I am counting my blessings:
1) Day 6 sobriety. The Beast is much quieter.
2) I have my health, and my husband, who had cancer last year and was very sick again last month and in the hospital 9 days, is better and working.
3) My daughters love me.
4) My animals love me and count on me.
5) I have a home, a car, food in the fridge, clothing and money so my daughter can have experiences like camp.
6) My parents are both still alive, although pretty fragile.
7) I have proper meds for my long term depression and I get them through insurance and take them.
8) I have a few sober friends here. Not many, but some.
9) I had lost an extra 15 lbs last summer, and I must say the dress I wore last night looked better on me than anything I've worn in ages. A few weeks of wine though and that would all be down the tubes.
10) I have my God. He loves me and I love Him.
1Have 1)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: way down yonder in the land of cotton
Posts: 34
Sorry my last post didn't end right. And sorry it was so long!! Ya'll may be reading way more of me than you want to in the next week. But that's ok, you can "read what you want and leave the rest" as they say in AA, lol.
This forum is literally the best thing that's happened to me since my slip! I know that "virtually" someone is always here for me. So I can be so thankful for the internet as well!! If this were 20 years ago, a mom like me couldn't reach out to other alcoholic moms all over the world for support.
Hope everyone has a great (or at least serene) day. Appreciate you all so much.
CG
This forum is literally the best thing that's happened to me since my slip! I know that "virtually" someone is always here for me. So I can be so thankful for the internet as well!! If this were 20 years ago, a mom like me couldn't reach out to other alcoholic moms all over the world for support.
Hope everyone has a great (or at least serene) day. Appreciate you all so much.
CG
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Thank you, cat! I really appreciate reading you! Reminders for me. There's something in every post here that I can use, even if its just a simple reminder to keep posting. So don't worry, feel free to post all you want!
Ladybug, I wouldn't go. Now, go find something on tv or internet that's funny. If you don't get easily offended, there's a comic I watch for stress relief. C.K. Lewis. Very crude, but very funny. I peed my pants once, which at my age isn't unusual anyway!
Kelly, Day 5 is awesome!
Beavis, You are kicking it! Yeah!
MLC, Well done, well done! And pm me if you need to vent, or want a shoulder to lean on. And take it easy on yourself. You do not have to be perfect. You are the only one who expects perfection from you. You are a fallible human being who sometimes makes mistakes. We all are!
juststopit, I laughed out loud when I read your post! "Daddy's home, lets vacuum!" I do that too!!!
Good morning everyone else! I have to go get a new drivers license and I really dread that. The DMV is evil. But I can't drive around here with an out of state license forever.
Hugs to all!
Ladybug, I wouldn't go. Now, go find something on tv or internet that's funny. If you don't get easily offended, there's a comic I watch for stress relief. C.K. Lewis. Very crude, but very funny. I peed my pants once, which at my age isn't unusual anyway!
Kelly, Day 5 is awesome!
Beavis, You are kicking it! Yeah!
MLC, Well done, well done! And pm me if you need to vent, or want a shoulder to lean on. And take it easy on yourself. You do not have to be perfect. You are the only one who expects perfection from you. You are a fallible human being who sometimes makes mistakes. We all are!
juststopit, I laughed out loud when I read your post! "Daddy's home, lets vacuum!" I do that too!!!
Good morning everyone else! I have to go get a new drivers license and I really dread that. The DMV is evil. But I can't drive around here with an out of state license forever.
Hugs to all!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Hello everyone!!!
I'm flying by today...can't believe it is already Friday! I've read all the posts and am inspired as usual. This is a great group.
Cat - *Loved* the gratitude!! Please keep posting. It really helps to come on and read new posts
MLC - You're doing great!!! Keep us posted! ((Hugs))
Ladybug - I think you're smart to stay home. Especially since your husband is agreeable. Hope your mood eases and brightens I was hit by a 'crabby' mood earlier in the week but I rode it out - it will lift soon!
Joy - Hope you don't have to wait too long at the DMV! Can you read SR on your phone to pass the time?
Lifebegins - Your son sounds like a really solid young man! You've raised a good one
Beavis - Hang in there! Keep posting! Hope you feel better - you know you will after a day or so. Hopefully you'll be able to sleep tonight.
Hello to everyone I've missed. My phone keeps ringing - a sure sign that I should get back to work! I'll be around all weekend checking in. Nothing much planned - just nice, normal, family/house stuff. Definitely a no-drama, good time - LOVE IT!!!
Hang tight everyone! It will be Monday before we know it and we'll have another sober weekend under our belts. Each one that we accomplish make us stronger
I'm flying by today...can't believe it is already Friday! I've read all the posts and am inspired as usual. This is a great group.
Cat - *Loved* the gratitude!! Please keep posting. It really helps to come on and read new posts
MLC - You're doing great!!! Keep us posted! ((Hugs))
Ladybug - I think you're smart to stay home. Especially since your husband is agreeable. Hope your mood eases and brightens
I was hit by a 'crabby' mood earlier in the week but I rode it out - it will lift soon!Joy - Hope you don't have to wait too long at the DMV! Can you read SR on your phone to pass the time?
Lifebegins - Your son sounds like a really solid young man! You've raised a good one
Beavis - Hang in there! Keep posting! Hope you feel better - you know you will after a day or so. Hopefully you'll be able to sleep tonight.
Hello to everyone I've missed. My phone keeps ringing - a sure sign that I should get back to work! I'll be around all weekend checking in. Nothing much planned - just nice, normal, family/house stuff. Definitely a no-drama, good time - LOVE IT!!!
Hang tight everyone! It will be Monday before we know it and we'll have another sober weekend under our belts. Each one that we accomplish make us stronger
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