Thanks to all of you for the kind words of support, I do tend to isolate and my contacts aren't in recovery. I'll go to a meeting, be in a room with people who are interested in sobriety. I may not know them personally, but maybe I can get a few contacts. I started reading a book that has been on my shelf forever, Passages Through Recovery, by Terence T. Gorski. I need the action plan for preventing relapse. I can stop drinking, its just the staying stopped, that bites me.
Bloss

I was trying to edit my above post to say that my husband is sober, has been for years and is very supportive. The contacts I speak of are my sister, husbands family and acquaintances.
Bloss

Hey just checking in. Haven't had much to say. Just plugging through the holidays. Think I'm taking a break from the self-improvement run that I think I've been on since quitting drinking. I've been getting too disappointed. And frankly exhausted. Still here reading. Just don't feel like talking, but also realize I shouldn't disappear.

Good Thursday evening, my wonderful May mates! The weekend is a comin’ soon. Been practicing for my Christmas Eve concert. Not sure I’m ready, but I’ll be there. Supposed to be super cold that night, so this Pach is wearing those Emily/KittyCat pants and a winter coat.

Boss Bloss: Nice work on the rhyme, sober sis! Looking forward to hearing more. Thank you for spicing up the May thread by picking up the challenge. Terrific that your husband is sober and supportive. Makes all the difference in the world to have your loved ones in your corner. You’re doing a super job on “staying stopped,” my friend. Hoping you can catch up on rest. Hugs to you on your painful medical tests. Hope all turned out well for you. Whatcha baking?

KittyCat: Congratulations again on your 2+ sober milestone! Awesome work on the sober strength, classmate. Glad you popped in for a post. Hoping to hear more about what’s new with you when you get a chance. Love to you.

You-Rock: Great job on the verses, good buddy! I appreciate the time it takes to put that together. Shooting arrows at the Mammoth, are ya? Feeling your shakes of fear clear up and down the entire East coast, I am. Hadn’t planned on a full-on war in DPP style, seeing as the caliber of barbs in your archer’s quiver have yet to be discovered. But, I’m thinking the Rockin’ Rabble Rouser, a.k.a. the Orca of Orchids, had best have a safety word ready to screech out in case Pach’s poetic prods dig too deeply. Love the sea monster pic representing that first glass. Hugs to you. :)

Teacher Jeni: Big hugs to you for identifying that itch. Changes can most definitely be stressors causing us to think back on old, bad habits. I’m reminded of Dee’s useful link, Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide containing these wise words, “Having one is harder than having none, because once alcohol is in your system the obsession comes alive.” Wishing you the absolute best in your new promotion. I’m sure you’ll do a fantastic job.

Tanja: I’m hoping you get some good, regular sleep in your life. Big hugs to you that your back pain goes away soon. Excellent advice to Jeni on “does this mean I’m an alcoholic” and for recognizing her “itch” and sharing it with us. And yes on the PAWS peaking at 3-6 months, for sure. Going back on some of my earlier posts… whew! Emotional roller coaster, yikes! And how lovely that you’re getting together with a friend for coffee. Have a great time. Love to you, fellow pet parent.

Emily: Congrats again on your impressive 5 months milestone! Glad you had a day of rest today. Sounds like your body needed it. Filling in the black-out blanks… you’re right to not dwell on it. Forward in sobriety is our best mindset and let the past stay put. Wishing you and your fiancé the best in weathering uncertainty. It’s good to plan, as long as worry doesn’t become the plan. Hoping social services gets your mom’s needs straightened out, too. Everything is easier to handle when sober, for sure. Always enjoy your style of prose, girlfriend. Hugs to you.

Saskia: Thanks for taking my fondly-meant nickname for you, “iPad Gym-Rat,” in gracious stride. Phew that you’re okay after falling on the ice! Wonder what a tumble like that is worth fitness-wise on the FitBit meter? Loving your practical post about “…the longer term challenges.” While getting and staying sober is a unique quest for each of us, as a group we still have so much in common while fighting the same fight. I am so proud of you for staying with us and plugging away consistently. You’re going to achieve your 30x13, iPad G-ma. It’s already happening. :)

2Mags: Terrific that you’re doing well in sobriety! Big hugs to you, sober sister. Sorry to hear about the job op drying up, but yes, at least you still have employment at your current workplace. Your summary of writing experience is impressive. It’s the next job that is really meant to be the perfect one for you. Keep up the great work on both pursuits.

Bionic Lee: Racking up those phenomenal sober days, my friend! You’re making the hard work look easy and you’re sounding super strong. Glad to hear that you’re doing what’s best for your sobriety in avoiding the temptation of Christmas parties. New Year’s parties will be the next hurdle… for me, as well. We’re going to get through in sober style, though. Count on it!

OneLess: So happy to hear from you. It’s okay to lurk and hang back for awhile. I’ve done the same many times. Sorry to hear you’re exhausted, though. Holidays, the cold, the dark, etc., etc., can all work their woes. Hope you have some time to yourself to enjoy some pampering. Get a good rest tonight, girlfriend. And some chocolate! Love to you.

Dee: “…but only if I could keep the brain I have now…” Agreed. I’d like to regenerate all of those brain cells I’d lost to alcohol, too. :)

Getting a big kick out of the Mayan apocalypse hype. Read an article on the doomsday preparations and just underneath it was a link about how scientists discovered a “new” Mayan calendar in some random ancient Guatemalan house that refutes the world ending on 12-21-12. Go figure! Almost as much fun as the Y2K debacle. My big plan is to keep the alarm clock set so I can get to work on time while waiting for the mayhem to commence.

Stay strong, sober mates. Holidays are coming fast and they’ll be a memory in a blink. Catch up with you post-Armageddon. Love and hugs to all. :)

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Oh make no mistake my brain is damaged FP lol...but I like the brain I have now - I think more clearly with it than at any other time of my life :)

the body meh...I'd trade it in on a younger model in a heartbeat :lmao

D

Doing my usual 2.30 a.m nightly waking with palpitations routine...

Is it OLL's 7 months today? Pretty sure her quit date was 21st. Woke up thinking of her.

Going to have my middle of the night cigarette. The last time I will be doing this FP!!!!

OneLess, Good to hear from you. I certainly understand and respect your need to step back. Know i am thinking about you and wishing you well. Take your time but please make sure you pop in and let us know your ok.

FP, My safety words are "I give up and You win" until then its ON!

Does anyone know what time and time zone the world ends on 12-21-12... It would kinda suck to work 9 hours and still be at work when the apocalypse hits. Oh well, I guess it could be worse, it could be the 3rd 12 hour shift... Tomorrow is only day 1 of 3.

Jeni, I think you are right. 7 months for OLL in a few hours. i hope you have a calming walk and can get back to sleep.

Dee, I like the brain you have now too. I don't know what this group would have done without it! And yeah, I think most of us would trade for a new body model as long as we didn't have to repeat the same mistakes.:)

that's what the old brain is for LOL :c007:

D

Am wondering whether its worth going back to sleep as I've got to get up in 2 hours.....
Insecurity dominating my thoughts.
Trying to be positive now.

OLL-happy 7 months my friend. You are one of my guiding lights. I care very much for you. Love you loads xxx

Dee-old brain, young body? Hell yeah, I wouldn't mind that either! What we could do if we had our time again knowing then what we know now eh? Good thought.

I am ready with a gorgeous ice age mammoth for our beloved boater, OneLess, on her big milestone tomorrow!

You-Rock, you might be underestimating your rhyme prowess, my friend. Thinking I'll be using safety words. ;)

Teacher Jeni, I'm sorry that you're having trouble sleeping. Tomorrow is Friday, though, (today for you, English buddy?) and the start of a well-deserved vacation waiting for you in the afternoon.

Dee, big brain hugs to you, our cherished leader!

:)

Yeah it's 3.20 a.m here FP....the day we quit!!!!
So glad we got each other for this, it's going to be a toughie!!

Together, we can do anything, Jeni! What a great year for positive changes. The Mayan End-of-Days must refer to the end of our smoking habits. Good deal, my friend.

Can you brew up some tea to relax you tonight/this morning? Hoping you can get a little rest. :)

Ah, FP, I was tugging on your Pach leg with my "iPad gym-rat?" note :-). I thought the moniker was hilarious but was attempting to get the nuance right to show fake horror - which is not easy for me in posts where you can't see my facial expression!

C'mon folks, let's rev up the rhyming! I just finished my last day of work for about a month so I'm looking forward to a good break with steady 3 times a week gym workouts.

I'm rather tired so will post more tomorrow!

:c031:

Ps forgot to mention, when I got up this morning, I found that my little furry fluff ball had left me a present of a nearly dead mouse. It was her first one ever and she is over 13 years old. She was very proud of herself and I let her know how much I appreciated it and what a wonderful kitty she is - if, horrors, I have any more little critters in my home, I want my kitty to dispatch them, too!

FP, kitty cat pants!?!?! Giggle.

Thanks to everyone for all the love. I love you all so much, prr prr.

Jeni, I too have felt that itch that I can't scratch. Funny thing is you really can't scratch it. Even if you did drink that wretched vodka, which I know you WOULD NEVER do, but let's say it's the apocalypse tomorrow and you did, it would still feel itchy later. In fact, worse itchy. Like scaly flaky skin itchy. Like a healing burn wound itchy but now the the flesh is raw and red and wrinkly itchy. Don't be fooled by the little itch!!!!

Em and Rock, your posts about the blackouts touched me too. You know occasionally I get these flashbacks of my drunken behavior out of nowhere....they can catch me when I least expect it. I think it is my chance to start to forgive myself for my past mistakes. I think about them for a short moment, take a deep breath and thank my lucky stars that is my old life, and then I move on. I know it can be hard not knowing the answer to something but I've decided personally I am OK not knowing everything. I don't think there is an answer for everything, sometimes I have to accept that it just "is what it is".

Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike that saying "it is what it is"!?!?

OLL early congrats on 7 WHOLE MONTHS, way to go girl!! You are a rock-star!! Have you ever drank Yerba Mate tea? It's got a little bit of caffeine, but oh so little, and it's detoxing and has healthy benefits they say..maybe this would help stave off the crankiness from the caffeine withdrawals.

I have one more day of work and then holiday time! *****!! I just saw a stage production tonight of the movie "elf". It was so dang cute!! This song wasn't in the performance, but I love it and I'll be singing it to myself to sleep tonight so here it is for you all:

I really can't stay
I got to go 'way
This evening has been, so very nice...and baby it's cold outside!

Aww Sas that is so cute!!! Hope kitty gets an extra special dinner for her efforts sometime soon :) What a lovey....

Kitty you sound so strong and positive and utterly brilliant!!

You're so right about the itch. Actually since I did a little soul searching and have pinpointed the cause of my emotional 'imbalance', I feel a bit better.

You guys are the greatest, did I tell you how much I love you all?!

LOVE YOU!!!

OLL-big hugs to you.

It's my last day, and it's Friday, double yay!!!xxx

Good Morning All,

OLL - Congratulations on 7 months of sobriety:c011::day6:scoregood That is a huge accomplishment. I have felt much the same way you do. That I don't have much to say and not feel like talking. It is so wonderful that you are still logging in and reading the posts. We all love you and understand:)

FP - It sounds like you are keeping busy with practicing for your Christmas Eve performance. You will do splendidly! Isn't it great to have things to look forward to? I have a 1 1/2 hour massage scheduled for my birthday on the 23rd.

Jeni - I am so sorry to her about the insomnia and heart palpitations. Hang in there! TGIF and vacation! I still have heart palpitations. I wonder if smoking and worry cause them. At any rate, they are far less than they were when drinking. Congratulations on your promotion. Change can be scary. Fear of the unknown. It is a huge trigger. But, inevitably change is a part of life. Kudos to you for being such a strong and inspirational force!

Sas - Great news that you get a break from work and can get workouts three times a week. Hope you have a wonderful vacation! Surprising that your little kitty caught his first mouse at 13! I was sweeping up a few months ago and actually swept up a dead mouse. Discovered another one behind the couch in the basement. My one cat "libby" is a real mouser.

My plans for the day are to met up with my sponsor and go over steps one through three I did set up a tentative coffee date with the woman I met through AA. She is so very nice and I hope to add her to my support network. I have been disappointed in the past with calling people that do not return my phone calls.

Wishing everyone a happy TGIF.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 7+ MONTHS MILESTONE, ONELESS!!!

Mammoth is proud to join you in our sober, wintry journey! Way to go, my friend! A wonderfully inspirational accomplishment by an incredibly wonderful woman. Much love to you. :)

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