That's a cool pic Richard...........took a sec to catch what it was.......I thought the lady had a rotting eyeball at first! LOL

OK something is really wrong when the Fub doesn't start the early morning post. Are you still bored Fub??

Hey JSM, you are starting the new job today! :) Let us know how it goes!!!! And how did you "fair" (lol) in the golf tourn??

We have crisp, sunny Fall weather here Sandy.........not too shabby.....

Good afternoon class. Woke up late and headed right out to the gym.
I bought a TV for the missus today and put it in my moved out sons old bedroom so I would not have to watch her decorating and house buying shows. They drive me crazy.

I will watch my old tube TV since picture quality does not matter to me since I don't see that well anyways.

I cant seem to get off this merry go round...

I know I can't drink, but i cant seem to NOT drink....
Can't make anything stick for any length of time...

So, I duunooo...the insanity of it all is slowly destroying me I know that much..not feeling very proud of anything these days....
:c020:

I guess I just have to do what they say, and turn the whole mess over to God.....Nothing else seems to work for me..nothing.

"One more drink fool, will drown you "
-Lynyrd Skynyrd

You have always inspired me when you were doing so good....creating all these weirdo juice drinks and being on the go. You we happy. You can be again, but it is up to you. We can be here to back you, but it's you my friend and I have seen you do it........you are about at the end of your rope, like when we found each other.....you know the next step, go after it!! :ghug3

It's like the whole yin and yang thing..

Good/Evil
Soft/Hard
Hot/Cold
Beauty/Ugliness
Drunk/Sober...

And so on.....

The opposing forces are in a constant struggle for supremacy and in my case it feels like they're using my body and my mind as a battleground. Again and again.

I actually prayed to God today for help to remove the compulsion....I've never really done that before, not like today.

I don't know why I do what I do.

I just know that when the compulsion hits absolutely nothing will stand in my way from that drink....

It seems ridiculous.

I know it is poison for me yet I seem to set myself up for a fall every time, with all the resulting chaos soon following.

The real drag is that I'm not only letting myself and my family down now.

I'm also letting the friends down that I've made here too.

Thanks for putting up with me all these months.

Eventually something has to give here one way or the other or I'm gonna end up dead and I don't want that for myself or for my family.

I keep casting my mind back to my longest sober period in my life,,,from Jan till July of this year....trying to remember just how I did that (besides the weirdo juice drinks lol).

You're right VC.... I was HAPPY.....So were you and I'm overjoyed you got back on that bus. I sure haven't been happy in a while.

I'm searching inside for the answers and trying to figure out just what I did right back then to go sober for so long....

Well, maybe my prayers will be answered if I do just turn it over to God....nothing else is working.

Alcoholism is a real drag isn't it?

Peace everybody.

Reach out for the weirdo juices.......remember how good they were?? You did it with us then, you can do it with us now........keep venting here!!

http://liniiki.com/wp-content/upload...ce-glass-2.jpg


I am off to bowling.......later kids.

You can never have too many tv's Fub and the screen can never be too big, I love my large screen tv and the high def... good for my waning vision.

Sorry to hear about you struggles Richard. Turning to The Higher Power is never a bad idea. My sobriety would not have been possible without Him.

My wife never got to the "ultimatum" point like Fub, but something close to it was looming. I did see an awesome (expensive, but you do get what you pay for) christian therapist for our marriage issues and of course the wife brought up my drinking... hated it at first, would've rather gone to a bad dentist. He knew I would drink to excess, but he had no idea it was everyday or the quantity and he really didn't focus on it. He treated it as a symptom. He helped me work through old crap (guilt, shame, regrets etc...) I tried to push back and not deal with... self medicate. Don't get me wrong, I liked the feeling drinking gave me and I enjoyed a good party. But, once I got some of my past issues dealt with the sobriety became more tolerable.

My quality of life has vastly improved since stopping. I still think about it and get some urges now and then, although less frequently. I know that if I were to allow myself one more buzz, it would keep rolling.

I'm not trying to tell you to see a therapist, Richard. Just letting you know what helped me... we're all in this together brother.

:tapping

First day of in-processing, going to various areas of the hospital to obtain access card, computer passwords etc... went well. Saw a lot of of old friends/coworkers from my previous employment there. They were all glad to see me back and very welcoming.

As for the golf tournament... didn't win :( played alright though. It rained during the second day, with some brisk downfalls making the game even harder, the people that tee'd off early didn't get the brunt of the storm... so, it's not my fault :)

Good morning class

I think trying AA, turning it over to God and working the 12 steps is a good idea for you Richard at this point. If something is not working try something different until you find what works for you but whatever you do do not stop trying because you are struggling.

You know the class is always here for each other and if you need me you know how to get a hold of me.

We can all beat our obsessions and lead happy enjoyable lives.
everyone keep working your plans and focusing on the positive and continue on your quest for a better life.

Good morning class
I am looking forward to being at the gym today. I want to get back to my target weight. Another three pounds to go then I can go back to 3 days a week cardio instead of 5. Cardio is boring.

My norm was drinking... I never drank before work, but everything else was open season.

If I had something that afternoon where I couldn't or shouldn't show up buzzed, I would drink earlier in the morning and then probably after that event. Even that 'system' was getting blurred. So, I pretty much was drinking all the time with the exception of work... but, there were times that I did work with the most incredible hangovers- those times sucked...

My entire life was revolving around drinking and/or scheduling my drinking... hard to believe now the preoccupation and 'affair' I had with alcohol, she was my mistress. I hid her or tried to hide her from family and friends. What a waste of my time, energy and relationships with family.

It's Veteran's Day in the U.S.
If you know a Vet, thank him/her for their service.

Isn't that the truth......that's the captivity I speak of.....someone would ask me to go somewhere and the first thing my mind thinks of is how to wrap alcohol in and around that event. Sigh....alot of energy expended on a bottle.

I am back at the gym, it feels really good. Endorphins don't ya know. :)
I went on a nice hike with one of the college professors yesterday. It was a little harder than I expected, but I did not let it show.......I had just come from the gym so I was whipped anyway. LOL....then I went home and ate candy........that's yin and yang too ha Richard? LOL

I am kind of bummed, I don't think I will be able to move forward in school right now. I was going to take a Chemistry course this layoff period.......but I don't have the $1300 for it.....taking courses one at a time is cost prohibitive......you also have to take so many credits to get any kind of help......not a good system for a single gal who is head of household...... :( I may have to rethink my writing stuff......that just requires a pen, paper and my smart-ass self. :)

Hi Sandy!!! Where's the pic of the sugar glider? He was cool.
Hi Richard, have you created any weirdo juice drinks yet? Hope you are feeling good.

Well have a good day peeps!!!!!!!